by Dani Dundee
“You can take the bed,” I say. “I’ll take the sleeping bag.” Well, if I can find it in the pigsty I call home.
“No, no, no,” she says, stomping her foot. “I’m not taking your bed. I’ll be perfectly fine with the sleeping bag. Besides, I’m way, way, way smaller than you.”
I take a deep breath in, letting go of her hand. The last thing I need is to start picturing how her way, way, way smaller-than-mine body would feel in my arms.
“Take the bed,” I say, as I open the closet to take out a fresh pair of sheets. My only other pair of sheets.
“No,” she says through a yawn. “If I sleep in your bed, I’ll smell you on your sheets.”
Okay, that’s it. I’m trying to be noble here but she’s testing me at every turn. Blood rushes to my head, which always leads to me making impulse decisions.
I put the sheets back and dive to the bottom of the closet, dragging out the sleeping bag.
“Here,” I say. “You win.”
She looks at me uncertain for a moment until I unzip the sleeping bag, unfolding it on the floor.
“Fine,” she says, taking her jacket off. When she starts pulling her shirt off, I turn around fumbling with the buttons of my own shirt.
I hear the noises she makes as she slides her skinny jeans down her legs and then folds them. Even drunk she won’t heap her clothes on the floor.
When I hear her slip inside the sleeping bag like a little rabbit, I walk to the light switch quickly to turn it off.
“Good night,” Em, I whisper in the dark, trying to find my way to the bed.
“Good night, Jesse,” she says. And then, after a short pause, “I love you.”
A momentary asphyxiation tightens my chest. She has told me she loves me before, but all those other times I felt an implied brotherliness. It’s all different now. Whatever we were, we are no longer. She wants me to make love to her, to liberate her from her virginity. She wants me to teach her how to feel the passion and the desire of a sexually fierce woman.
I’m embellishing her request now. Bad sign. I’m slipping into a fantasy of tasting her soft lips. The air we both breathe teases my skin. A long, lost shyness wells in my throat.
Holy fuck, jackass. Snap out of it.
***
CHAPTER THREE
EMMA
When I met Jesse, I was twelve and he was fifteen. I fell in love with him the minute I saw him but he never saw me as anything other than a girl who needed guidance. Maybe it was the fact my mother was his art tutor that prevents him from seeing the woman I have become or maybe I’m just not his cup of tea.
He’s sleeping quietly, his face turned toward the wall so all I can see of him are his broad shoulders and supple light brown hair. I don’t want to be awake alone. I want to touch him. Electricity floods my nerves as I reach over to explore his powerful shoulder blades with my fingers. Something altogether new brews inside of me.
I get more daring and slide my hand over the top of his shoulder and let it touch right above his pecs. The movement triggers his instinct and he quickly flips over to face me.
He does not wake. His eyes do not open. The unexpected proximity of his beautiful face to mine pulses hungrily in my heart, tightening my stomach.
I rise onto my knees and place a furtive kiss on his nose. He swipes the kiss away before he opens his eyes. It takes him a second to get his bearings, stretching his arms above his head to release the pressure.
“Em?” Jesse says with a sleepy voice. “What are you doing in my bed?”
“You said I could stay,” I tell him with my purest smile.
“Not in my bed,” he says, sitting up. “I distinctly remember you fighting me for the privilege of the sleeping bag.”
“Yeah, that was a bad idea,” I say, crawling under the blanket to actually get in his bed. I lay my right arm on his naked chest. It’s hard as rock. I turn my body a tad more to get closer to his warmth and, voila, his chest isn’t the only thing that’s rock hard.
“Wow,” I whisper quietly, not intending to speak at all.
I’m pretty sure he feels how my thigh presses against his erection but he doesn’t move away. I didn’t realize he was stark naked when I crawled into bed. I can’t help it, I take a deep breath in and peek under the sheets. His manhood is standing at attention, proud and smooth and tan looking.
He stays still, eyes on me like a hawk.
I sweep the covers off him to take a closer look. I’ve ogled a couple penises before although I didn’t have the time to observe them for that long. They belonged to guys who asked for a hand-job after I told them I wasn’t ready to have sex, and knowing I needed to know that stuff, I obliged. That’s about the extent of my sexual experience, but I have to say, those guys didn’t come close to looking this spectacular—powerful, thick, fully erect, smooth and unblemished. In the morning light that sneaks through the blinds, Jesse looks like a god.
As discreetly as I can, I let my hand travel down his stomach until it rests on his hip bone, a single finger teasing his shaft.
Jesse rolls over me, pinning me down with both hands on my wrists. “If you don’t stop it, I’m going to fuck your ass,” he says so sternly I lose my ability to speak for a moment. But it is only a moment.
“Shut up!” I say, eyes wide with curiosity. “You’d do that?”
He rolls his eyes at me as he exhales, like I’m hopeless. “No, Em,” he says. “I would impale you. You need to grow up.”
How can I grow up if he doesn’t let me love him? “Looks like you’re growing enough for both of us,” I say, trying to free my wrists. “I want to touch it.”
“Please, Em, stop making this difficult,” he says.
“Jesse, you have to understand,” I say with my eyes begging. “I’d take anything from you. Anything you’d give me, I’d be grateful. I just need experience.”
He raises his eyebrows, confusion flashing in his beautiful hazel eyes. “You don’t need experience. That’s not how it works. You need someone who likes you, not your sexual knowledge.”
“That’s a double standard,” I tell him. “You have nothing but sex without relationships.”
He closes his eyes tight and shakes his head in frustration. “I don’t want to have sex with you, Em. You’re like my little sister. Why can’t you understand that?”
His words fall on me like sharp rocks, puncturing my soul. I don’t mind. I love having his body on mine, naked and commanding. My only regret is I still have my panties and bra on.
“But my little pussy needs you,” I say softly with what I think is a flirtatious tone.
“Please, don’t talk like that,” he says through elevated breathing. I’m happily realizing that his words and body are not in total agreement.
“My body is yours. It has always been. Do with it what you will.”
“Stop it, Em,” he says, a sudden darkness coloring his handsome face. He releases my wrists to lie on his back. “There’s something I have to tell you.”
My mojo flies out the window like a scared butterfly. “There’s someone else, isn’t there?” I say, suddenly feeling completely foolish.
“No,” he says, “that’s not it. Listen, Emma, I finally got the response I was waiting for. The Sorbonne has accepted my application for a doctorate. I am to start this September. I leave in August.”
“The University of Paris?” I say, feeling numb. He nods. The whole world collapses around me to strangle my beating heart. He filed that application over a year ago. I assumed they had turned him down. It’s been such a long time. I thought he’d moved on.
But here he is, beautifully built and with his acceptance letter and less than three months away from moving to Paris. Those French women will make a meal out of him.
Everything in me wants to scream at him that he doesn’t have to go, that there are great schools here and they’d all welcome him because he’s beyond talented and dedicated. I want to say all those things but I don’t.
What I say is, “Oh, wow, that’s great, Jesse. They’re lucky to have you.”
“You mean that?” he says, eyes brimming with hope.
“Of course I do. You’ve always wanted this. I’m happy for you.”
My heart sinks in my chest as a garage door opens downstairs, making the whole building tremble. So appropriate. I feel like an old building myself, a condemned property of sorts.
No matter what the petty part of me whispers, I can’t do this to him. I can’t spill guilt into his happiness to keep him where he doesn’t want to be anymore. He would never do that to me. Jesse yearns for a new life. One that doesn’t include me. So be it.
I sit up in the bed, heaving the covers aside. “I’d better get going,” I say. “This brutal exam week is killing me. I have a lot of studying to catch up on.”
Standing up, I scan the room for my clothes and purse.
He sits up, reaching his hand out to grab mine. “Em, are you sure you’re okay with this?”
“Sure I’m okay, but you know what? It doesn’t matter either way. What matters is that your dreams will come true. You’re destined for greatness, Jesse Keller.”
I turn my face from him, afraid that selfish tears will start pouring down my cheeks any moment now. I don’t want him to even suspect that.
“Where’s that freaking shirt?” I say, voice trembling slightly. “Ah, there it is.”
He stays silent the whole time but I know his eyes are on my back, scanning my every movement and gesture, burning me with their intensity, bearing my soul open.
I grab my shirt from the desk where I placed it apparently last night. I pull my head through the neckline when I realize I put it on backwards. “Shit,” I mumble, twisting the shirt around, getting the sleeve wrapped around my throat in the process.
His hands surprise me as they grip me from behind, putting me in an embrace. “Stop,” he says. “Just stop.”
“What did I do?” I say in a whimper.
He spins me around to face him. He’s almost a foot taller than me which has created a certain preference for high heels on my part. But now that I’m barefoot, I feel like a child in his arms.
Our eyes lock for a few excruciating seconds and then his lips crush on mine. I’m shaken to my core, unable to respond to his kiss, my arms dangling at my sides.
His tongue presses my lips open, searching for my tongue. Oh.My.God. Nothing tastes better than him. He’s sweet and sour, lemon popsicles and chocolate fudge. He’s birthday cake and cinnamon lollipop. He’s a feast for all senses.
I wake up from my stupor, throwing my arms around his neck as I stand on tiptoes. Is this a goodbye kiss? If so, it’s pretty spectacular. Not only is he devouring my mouth like it’s made of sugarplums, he’s also sporting a huge hard-on and makes no attempt to hide it.
Before I have a chance to fully absorb what is going on, he lifts me up, hands under my butt cheeks. My breath catches in my throat and I’m left with a spinning feeling even after he sets me down on the bed.
“Is this happening?” I ask him, my breathing getting faster.
“You silly girl,” he says, again and again. “Silly, silly girl.” He grips my hair in one hand, bringing it to his mouth. He licks my hair while his other hand caresses the front of my neck, patiently, lovingly.
I pant heavily as my palms push against his chest and then get wrapped around him, pulling him closer. I push him away and then pull him close a few more times before I hear him grunt.
“You’re so fucking annoying,” he says. “It’s sexy as hell.”
I open my mouth to give him a snappy response but just moan instead because his fingers are on my bra straps, pulling them down my arms until my breasts are bare, nipples erect and standing at attention like good, little soldiers.
Following his eyes as they dive to my breasts, my body starts to celebrate. Oh, God, he’s staring at my girls. Nothing can be the same between us ever again.
“Jesse,” I say, breathless.
He puts a finger on my mouth. “Shush,” he says as he cups both breasts, squeezing them gently.
Everything around me becomes still and silent, the whole world stops spinning on its axis and I’m lifted into flight, my body ever rising, losing gravity until all that’s left is my shuddering, fluttering, aching flesh.
He kisses one breast—slow, wet kisses around my hardened nipple before he takes it in his mouth. I arch my back, moaning, messing his hair with my trembling fingers. Never in my life have I felt so weightless and lusting.
“It feels so good,” I say, eyes shut. “The stories are true. You’re magic, aren’t you?”
He chuckles around my nipple, sending electric vibes down my belly and between my thighs. “I’ve barely started,” he says, as his mouth returns to my neck, nuzzling it, hand on my other breast rubbing my nipple.
“What are you going to do to me?” I say.
“Well, I’m not going to do anything if you keep asking questions,” he whispers in my ear.
I pass two fingers across my lips closing an imaginary zipper across them.
“Good girl,” he says. “If you stay good maybe we can unzip your other lips.” Just like that his hands are on both sides of my panties, pulling them down slowly.
That’s it, I’m as naked as the day I was born. I’ve never been THAT naked with a man before—this is a first and it’s Jesse. Oh.My.God.
He takes me in his arms, pushing me down until I’m lying on my back. He gets on top of me, looking into my eyes. “You’re the most beautiful girl in the world,” he says. “I’ve fantasized about your body, wondered about your reaction to my touch, but this is beyond fantasy.”
I’m too stunned for words. I would have never dared dream he desired me that much. All I know now is that I want him so bad it hurts. Give me Jesse or give me death! I want him inside. Every buzzing cell in me wants to be touched by him. I want to feel his perfection at my fingertips.
“Stay still,” he says, kissing my throat and down my breasts, one-by-one, then all the way down to my bellybutton.
Oh, no, oh no, he’s too close, too close. One inch closer and I will explode.
He lifts his mouth back up to my lips. I’m disappointed but I don’t want him to know that. I kiss his lips when he takes me by surprise. He moves fast as lightning, pressing his thumb between my legs, finding my sensitive spot.
“And this, baby, is your clit,” he says. “Lesson number one.”
I roll my eyes at him. “Of that I’m aware,” I say. “I’m not totally naïve.”
“How do you know?” he says, licking his lips.
“I thought we weren’t supposed to ask questions,” I say, totally out of breath. His finger manipulates my clit, pressuring back and forth, making me throb and clench my inner muscles.
“Tell me,” he demands.
“I’ve done some practicing on my own,” I say, moaning. “Taken it for a spin.”
“You’ve played with your sweet little button?”
I nod, letting my legs fall open.
“Did it feel as good as when I do it?”
“No,” I say, shaking my head violently. “Nothing has ever felt this good.”
“You deserve more,” he says, his finger moving lower, pushing through my core.
I feel a jolt when he eases a finger inside me, stroking my inner walls.
“Have you tried this, too?”
I nod.
“How many fingers?”
“One.” I don’t even know how I’m able to respond. Everything I am is focused on the sensations he’s creating.
“Let’s be a little more adventurous,” he says as he slides a second finger inside of me.
I gasp at the feeling of being stretched by his fingers. My body adjusts to his probing surprisingly fast. He swirls his fingers inside me, separating them slowly, stretching me more and more, loosening me up.
A hungry moan escapes me. I want more. I want it now. I want that erection to reshape
me, moving in and out of me roughly. Oh, how I’ve longed for this moment.
“Just relax, baby,” he says. “Time for some real fun.”
New sensations hit me hard one after the other, always making me feel a little lost. But when his head gets between my thighs, his hands spreading my legs wide until I’m fully exposed for the first time in my life, everything I have felt before melts into nothingness.
His hot tongue finds my clit and I almost go blind. I don’t know what he’s doing down there and I don’t want to look. His tongue moves so fast I can’t keep track of the wild pattern of his attack. Oh, fuck. This is nothing that could be imagined.
I just shut my eyes to feel—feel how elegantly and effortlessly he makes me come undone.
***
CHAPTER FOUR
JESSE
Em’s face, the shadows that cross her gorgeous features. I lost the game the moment I looked into her dark eyes and found an infinite world of sadness there. There was this single moment when she decided to put my happiness first that broke the dam of resistance inside me and brought me to my knees. There’s no more fighting left in me.
She’s so beautiful I could just look at her for hours. The warmth of her skin, the softness of her curves are enough to send me over the edge within seconds.
Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this to her now but she tastes so fucking good I can’t stop myself.
My tongue opens her up, savoring her, training her for all that I have in store for her.
Her little bud shivers, inviting my mouth to linger and taste her some more. I kiss her clit before I attack it with steady, persistent twirls of my tongue. Licking her excited flower makes my body ache for her.
She trembles underneath the pressure of my tongue, letting little helpless sounds escape her throat.
It’s not fair to do all this to a girl who has not been touched before. It’s not fair how easy it is to make her lose control with a few laps of my tongue. But love is never fair.
