by Tasha Jones
Before she could protest anymore, he pressed his lips against hers, holding her in a deep embrace. She sighed and as she melted into him, all of her complaints about the weather were forgotten. “Okay fine,” she replied when he had finally let her go. “But we better grab a cab before we get to 65th street, because I cannot guarantee that I will stay unfrozen for long enough to get anywhere past there.”
Allan laughed. “Everything we need is above 65th.”
Jackie glowered at him as they crossed the street, taking the nearest path in Central Park. “What are you talking about, honey?” she asked, realizing that he had something planned.
“Nothing, just that Central Park has such perfect scenery. It's the greatest backdrop for films, movies, photo shoots,” he explained, as his every step led them deeper and deeper into the park.
“What are you getting at?” Jackie asked, the suspense driving her nearly insane. There was something about the way that he talked and walked that put her on edge. She could tell about the nervous hop in his stride that something was about to happen, yet she couldn't, for the life of her, figure out what.
It wasn't long before they reached the bridge and Allan stopped her there. She leaned on the picturesque concrete railing, her gaze taking her across the entire park. “I wonder how long we have until that freezes over...” she murmured.
“I always thought it looked better frozen.”
Jackie scoffed. “New York isn't one of those cities that look good in the winter.”
Allan chuckled. “Nothing looks good to you in the winter,” he replied, for he was well-aware of Jackie's deep-seated hatred for the colder months of the year.
“I know. I know,” Jackie replied, giggling.
“Well, maybe we could take a trip,” he offered.
Jackie's jaw dropped as she turned to look at him. “I don't have money for a trip...” she replied, even though she knew what the next words to come out of his mouth would be.
“You don't have to worry about the cost.”
Jackie sighed, “But what about Laila?”
“I couldn't dream of leaving Laila behind.”
Jackie furrowed her brow. “So you mean, like a family vacation?” she retorted.
He shrugged. “Well, if you're so against that, we could drop Laila off at her grandparents’ house for a couple of days and go on our own. It would make a great honeymoon.”
Jackie flinched, “Honeymoon? But we're not even-” but the sight of Allan on one knee rummaging inside of his coat for what had to be a ring stopped Jackie in her tracks. She jumped back, her hand flying to her heart. “Oh my God, you can't be serious,” she gasped. “This can't be happening.”
But beyond her wildest dreams, he flipped that little velvet box open, revealing a princess cut diamond set in white gold. “Jacquelyn Brown, will you marry me?”
His voice had never sounded sexier than it did at that moment. “I- I don't know what to say...” she felt like her chest was about to explode.
His smile only got wider. “You could start with an answer...”
Jackie shook her head. “Oh my Gosh. I'm so sorry!” she exclaimed as she reached down and grabbed his hand. “The ground must be freezing...”
“Jackie,” he said.
Jackie slipped into a bout of uncontrollable laughter as she wrapped her hands around his neck, kissed him... and said, “Yes. Yes. Of course yes.”
Chapter Thirteen
Something about toting a ring around on her left hand had changed Jackie's whole philosophy about having men sleepover at her house on nights when Laila was around. In fact, it was precisely because of the ring that she felt it more than necessary for Laila to start getting used to Allan sleeping over anyhow. But, even so, as Jackie woke up to a low, December sun reflecting off of Allan's bare back, what she felt was less than a pre-bridal glow. In fact, a deep anxiety had set in. It weighed at the pit of her stomach and tickled at the back door of her mind, daring her to let it in so that it could wreak havoc on her whole day. The truth was that the fear was not omni directional or irrational. It had a clear cause. But somehow, knowing that didn't make it easier, just like knowing she was engaged to an A-list doctor in Manhattan didn't make Jackie feel any more secure in her future with him, or otherwise.
Bad blood. It was like, somewhere she had picked up a diseased seed, and the nutrients of it; the proteins and nucleotides were still circulating around her body. Good as new. Bad blood. The sound of Allan stirring knocked her out of her ominous line of thinking. “Good morning, beautiful,” he murmured as he turned over, wrapping his arm around her.
“Hey,” she replied, in a voice that came out much more annoyed than she had originally intended.
His eyes flipped open, one by one, revealing two blue irises of beauty. “What's wrong?” he asked.
Jackie flinched as he planted a kiss on her cheek. It was the one time being touched by him was less than a comfort. “I’m scared.”
At that, he propped himself on his elbow, giving her his full attention. “Of what?”
It was the inflection in his voice that put her even more on edge. “What? I can't be scared now that we're engaged?” she demanded. She knew, even as the words were leaving her lips, that Allan didn't deserve a fight first thing in the morning.
Allan put his elbow down, allowing himself to collapse on the bed next to her. “Jackie, I was just trying to be considerate.”
“By marrying me?” she demanded. Somehow her mind was drawing connections in places she never thought to look before.
“I really don't feel like doing this right now,” he breathed as he grabbed his side of the quilt and pulled it over his legs, fully intending to get out of bed.
“You're the one who wanted to know...” Jackie muttered in a dark voice.
He turned to face her, leaning down over the mattress because he was already standing up and that was the only way he was going to be able to level off with her.
Yet, that look in his eye made her feel diminished anyway.
“Wanted to know what? You haven't told me,” he hissed.
Jackie shook her head. “Because you gave me that tone.”
He grunted. “What tone?” he demanded.
Jackie rolled her eyes, “The, I-don't-want-to-deal-with-your-angst, tone,” she replied, certain that she had not imagined it.
“I have no idea what you're even talking about,” he practically spat those words.
Jackie sat up, fully prepared to take on his condescending tone. “Are you seriously not going to acknowledge the fact that you don't want to talk about how afraid I am right now?” she demanded. She always felt like he found taking care of her emotions to be more of a burden or a job than a genuine need.
Allan threw his hands up in exasperation. “Well, I don't know, Jackie. At this point, does it even matter what I want?” he demanded.
Jackie swiped an angry tear away then turned to face him again. “Of course it matters what you want, which is why it's bothering me that you won't tell me how you feel about all of this.”
Allan shook his head and slammed his body on the bed, his back against her. “You're just feeling guilty about always having to cry on my shoulder all the time,” he muttered darkly.
Jackie's jaw swung open as she sat there completely floored that he would even make it sound that way. She felt compelled to retaliate. “And you're just mad that we haven't been able to have sex once!” she cried in a hot voice.
He turned on her, his eyes alive with the force of a glare that could petrify a bear. “My emotions are not so base as you would have them seem,” he growled.
Jackie shook her head, glowering at him. “Look at you. I can feel your frustration every time you touch me. I can feel that primal pain every time I refuse you. You're a big shot doctor. You're a moral model. But you're a man; a sexual man,” she sneered.
“I can't do this anymore with you. I can't be strong enough for the both of us,” he replied, turning to face her.
A mere foot separated the two of them, but they might as well have been inside of each other for how close Jackie felt to him in that moment. “I'm strong enough for myself,” she replied, holding her own.
Allan shook his head, grabbing the back of hers and drawing it towards him.
Jackie could tell, just from the look in his eye, that it was only a fraction of what he wanted to do to her.
“Are you?” he taunted.
Jackie's breath came in ragged gasps. “Yes,” she whispered.
So he kissed her. Those same thoughts sprung up in the back of her mind, but she pushed them away with everything inside of her; channeling all of that fear into Allan. She kissed him with more force than she ever had, desperation and desire driving her to continue and continue. Their lips moved together, dancing together as he drove his fingers into each of her thighs, pulling her towards him. She slammed against his chest, her arms automatically wrapping around his neck. Her pulse pounded in her ears as he ejected his tongue into her mouth. She wrapped her lips around it and sucked, the suckling sensation making her feel more and more alive in between her legs. A sigh escaped her lips as he moved away from her mouth and began to suck on the skin of her neck and shoulders. She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder as he kissed every inch of her bare skin with those sweet lips of his.
She clutched his tight arms as he ripped her night shirt open, buttons flying all over her room. She grunted as her stomach flipped in fear, but she pushed it away and kept going anyway, like an adrenaline junkie, only wanting more and more and more from him. “Don't tell me to stop,” he ordered as he massaged her breasts, his eyes staring straight at her erect nipples. He took them in his mouth, sending Jackie in a frenzy of pleasure.
She clutched his head, driving it deeper and deeper into her chest as he sucked on her, wrapping his lips and even his teeth around her. “I won't,” she breathed, because she could think of nothing she wanted more than to finally make love to him right then and there.
“Good,” he muttered. At that, he flipped her over on the bed, her back pressing into the mattress as he pressed into her. She could feel him rock hard against her thigh as he continued to kiss her. He moved his kisses south until his huge bedhead was tickling her belly button and she could feel his breath in between her legs. He licked her then and a shot of pleasure ran up her spine, blazing through her stomach in the process. She needed more and more of him. There was nothing that was enough. She pressed him deeper into her as he sucked on her, his fingertips digging into her thighs as he continued. She tugged at his hair. “Come here,” she murmured.
Almost immediately he looked up at her, lips swollen and eye rugged and hungry. She giggled, beckoning him to kiss her. When he did, she tasted herself and him in wondrous harmony. She twisted herself just sharply enough to send the message that she was calling the shots now, flipping herself over him. With a sigh of pleasure, she paused to take in the view, reveling being on top of things as he ran his hands up and down her back, her chest bouncing up and down, just in front of her eyes. After another kiss on his lips, she decided to shower the rest of his body with kisses, laying her lips on everything from his cheek, to his neck, to his neck to that space just above his hips, to the thick muscle of his thighs, his grunts urging her on. A smile played at her lips as she realized that she could feel his manhood brushing against her forehead and cheek. It was rock hard, erect and pulsating. She took the whole thing into her mouth, taking his whimper of pleasure as encouragement then sucked on it with everything in her. As she went, she could feel him growing still harder and harder, as if that was even possible. Her eyes flickered shut as she could feel herself growing wetter with every stroke of his member and pull of his hands on her hair.
Then, all in one movement, he lifted himself up, grabbed her by her shoulders and slammed her on the bed. He pressed his hungry lips against hers as his fingers slipped inside of her. He rammed them as far in as they would go, then pulled all of her with them. Jackie had to squeeze her eyes shut to keep from screaming out. In fact she was sure her fingers were drawing blood, they clutched to him so tightly. He ripped his fingers out much too soon, wiping them on her breast, and taking her nipples into his mouth. She bit her lips, her toes curling.
Finally, just when she thought it might never happen, he shoved himself into her. She gasped, her back arching instantaneously as he repeatedly rammed himself into her. She curled her legs around his waist, wanting him deeper and deeper inside of her. He pressed her shoulders into the mattress, trapping them there as he made love to her.
“Ohhhhhhhh...” she murmured as she felt him hitting that one spot. Her eyes flickered open but she couldn't actually see anything. He kept going and going, his grunts driving the both of them along, even though she could feel herself falling off of a cliff. It was the most glorious moment ever, wanting to stop, but needing to keep going anyways. She grunted as hard as she could, feeling her voice box tremble as she reached that moment of no return.
He went even faster and faster and harder, until her head yanked back and forth and she could feel the tension up and down her neck. She slammed against the headboard as he grabbed her waist with both of his hands and the two of them climaxed together. Jackie could have been flying, or falling, or ripping into a million pieces and it felt great. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing him against her.
She had never felt closer to him.
When it was over, he collapsed on top of her, the both of them panting like two dogs.
“That was worth the wait,” he gasped.
“That wasn't a wait. It was a fight.”
He looked up at her, “Well the fight was worth it. It's always worth it when it comes to you.”
Jackie smiled at this, planting a kiss on his forehead as he came up to lie next to her. She burrowed herself into his chest, reveling in the sweat and the panting and the slow rising and falling of his breath.
“You never told me what you were afraid of,” he murmured as he ran his hands up and down her still-sensitive back.
She shuddered under his touch. “Oh... I'm terrified of meeting your parents.”
He laughed at this. “Oh, honey, everyone's terrified of my parents,” he replied.
Jackie scoffed. “I cannot tell you how much that is just not helping right now,” she replied.
He tilted her chin up, forcing her to face him. “But you don't have to worry about a thing. They'll love you... because I do.”
Jackie just burrowed herself back into his chest. “Aw. You're too kind,” she murmured.
Chapter Fourteen
After dropping Laila off at school, Jackie and Allan rushed to spend their afternoon in Westchester with his parents. Although it wasn't exactly his day off, Allan was on call, so, as long as none of his patients came in with life-threatening injuries, or even not so life-threatening ones, he was free to get his family accustomed to his new fiancée all afternoon. The truth was that Jackie prayed with everything in her that he wouldn't be called away, because she didn't know what she'd do if she had to be alone with them. She couldn't hold a conversation about politics or popular culture. In fact, the only thing she really could do was talk extensively about her college years, sans Laila, and line up her entire collection of paintings for them. Other than that, Jackie and her future family were going to be stuck staring at each other in dead silence until she could bring herself to leave without seeming rude.
“Okay, do you have everything?” he asked as he stepped out of her bedroom and into the kitchen, where Jackie, who stood there clad in a milky-white sweater dress and maroon boots, chugged her third cup of coffee for that morning. She slammed the mug on the table and nodded.
“How long will it take us to get there?” she asked as she watched him shove what looked like an expensive bottle of wine into her oversized bag.
He turned to face her, raising an eyebrow. “Long enough for you to come down from that ridiculous caffeine high you just gave yo
urself,” he replied.
Jackie shook her head, but let out a short chuckle in spite of herself. “How else do you expect me to survive this family party of yours?” she replied as she threw the mug in the sink and made her way to the door, making sure to snag her keys off of the counter before she did so.
“Am I allowed to be offended that you think my family is a pack of dragons?” he asked as he followed her out.
Jackie just laughed. “Of course not. You're supposed to know better,” she replied as the two of them embarked on their journey to his past and her future.
After a long subway ride and an even longer train ride, Jackie found herself going back in time to that moment of her life before cities and college and Laila; when she rode her bike to school every morning and played with the neighbors every evening, and Saturdays meant dipping in the pool or playing in the sun, no matter what time of the year it was. Her eyes went wide as she took in the identical houses and the lawns that that looked like they were drowning in nutrients. “Eutrification,” she muttered.
