A Sawyer Reed concubine.
No.
Never.
It was sickening.
Every time I closed my eyes, I could see his face—the way he looked at me like he was seconds from losing his mind with lust—the way his lips looked so plump and delicious when he’d pulled away from my kisses. I could still hear him whispering how badly he wanted me.
Fuck, he did everything well.
He was skilled.
He was a master of his craft, on and off the field. The man had game; I’d give him that. I’d never admit it to anyone else, but he had it. His legend status was slowly making sense; not that I’d ever in a million years let him know that. His head was already massive because of his ego. And I wasn’t even going to go there about his smaller head, which let’s face it, wasn’t all that fucking small.
Dear God, the way it felt pressing against me—rubbing against my ache—killing me softly with pleasure I’d never experienced.
Fuck.
Stop it, Gretchen!
I was losing focus. Every time we got together, my intention was to bring up Jacob, but every time, I’d end up fighting my urges and pulling away from the one man on Earth I was sure could douse the growing flame between my legs.
Growing flame?
How historically romantic of me.
Except this wasn’t one of my mom’s cheesy romance novels. This was real. It was a battle between my body and my brain, and my body was slowly becoming the victor.
I was totally out of control.
Peeling last night’s stale dress from my body, I climbed into a hot shower and hoped it would wash away the memories of the night before.
It didn’t.
Instead, I got out of the shower with sensitive skin, swollen nipples, and an unmistakable ache between my thighs.
I wanted Sawyer, which meant I had to stay away from him.
No more talking.
No more hanging out.
No more anything.
At least until I got my head back into the game and away from all the sinful things I wanted to do with him. I couldn’t think about it. I’d keep my mind busy, and I’d forget about all things Sawyer until I was confident enough I was getting close to him for Jacob and not for myself.
“I think it might be time to tell the coaches, Byrd. It’s time to stop, go home, and see the doctor,” I said, helping him back into bed.
He was weak and had spent the morning throwing up. He was getting worse, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how he was even able to make it on the field some days.
“Not yet. We’re only four games in. I have a few more games in me. I know I do.”
After sitting in my room and dwelling over my night out with Sawyer, I got dressed and drove straight to Jacob. I usually went home to see Jacob and my dad on Sundays, but Saturday would have to work, too. I needed to tighten my resolve. I needed to see him—talk to him—remember the reason I was getting close to Sawyer.
What I hadn’t planned on was walking in on Jacob puking his guts up in the bathroom. His pallor was green, his skin clammy. Things weren’t getting better, and there was no longer any doubt in my mind his sickness had returned.
“It’s okay to stop, Jacob. No one would think any less of you for it.”
His glistening blue eyes moved over my face, and he shook his head. “I’m not giving up. Not yet. Just a few more games.”
“It’s not giving up. Your body can’t do it anymore.”
“I’m not dead yet, Gretchen!” he bellowed, making me jump. Tears filled his eyes, and he looked away. His expression softened and so did his voice. “You know, sometimes I think it’s unfair. I’m so young. I have so much life ahead of me. But then I remember my first time in the hospital when I was ten. There was a little boy named Cody in the bed next to me. He couldn’t have been more than five, and he was always smiling. He was always so playful, even on the days when it was obvious he didn’t feel good.”
He looked at me, the tears finally escaping and rushing down his cheeks. “He never gave up, Gretchen … never. He was five. How could I be so selfish to think I’m too young to die? Especially when kids much younger than I am are dying from the same disease.”
“I got to play the game I love all through high school. I got my first kiss. Hell, I even made it to second base a time or two.” He smiled weakly.
“Gross,” I muttered through my tears, making him chuckle.
“But the thing is—that kid never will, you know? I can’t give up, Gretchen. Not yet. Not when that kid fought so hard for a life I was granted. It would be disrespectful. I can’t defile his memory that way.”
I nodded, understanding him completely.
Suddenly, I felt guilty for not telling Jacob about Sawyer. Jacob was such an honest person—he was a good person—and I felt lower than low knowing that I was lying to him by omission.
“Jacob, I need to tell you something.”
Courage moved through me briefly before dying out fast.
Jacob looked at me expectantly, his eyes roaming my face and sensing my discomfort.
“What’s up?”
“I should have told you sooner, but… I have a class with Sawyer.”
His brows pulled down in confusion. “Okay. Did you think I’d be mad or something?”
“No, I just wanted you to know.”
“Y’all don’t talk about me, do you?” he asked.
“No. Never.”
It wasn’t a lie.
We didn’t talk about Jacob, but I knew that soon we would be.
Sadness moved over Jacob’s face and cleared quickly.
“He’s a good guy, Gretchen. He just doesn’t show it.”
I nodded.
I couldn’t disagree this time, no matter how badly I knew I should have. Because as much I hated to admit it, I was starting to think that maybe Jacob was right about Sawyer. Maybe there was a good guy lost inside him somewhere. And even though I knew it was stupid, I had a tiny thought that maybe I’d like to be the one to pull that good guy out.
“Sawyer, keep your head in the game, son!” Coach McCall called out as I stood from the grass and picked up the ball.
For the first time ever, I’d been sacked. Thankfully, it was only practice and hadn’t happened during a game so it didn’t count against me, but still, it fucking sucked.
“Sorry,” I muttered, not really feeling sorry.
Lining up, I got ready for the next play and threw the ball long. My head wasn’t in the game, and I didn’t know how to deal with that. My head was always in the game. Even when there wasn’t a game, I was thinking about the next game. But all I could think about was Gretchen.
Motherfucking Gretchen Cole.
She’d stumped me; stunned me completely with her reaction to my kisses.
I couldn’t deal.
Girls didn’t push me away.
It just didn’t happen.
And yet, it had.
I’d gone home after she slammed her door in my face, and I’d spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling fan above me until the sun brightened my room. The birds were chirping like I was in some cheery Disney movie. It was a beautiful day. I half expected Derrick to burst into my room singing and dancing.
But I wasn’t fucking cheery.
I was confused and angry.
I felt like probed ass.
I had a massive hangover and a heavy heart.
She texted the next morning, telling me she had a nice time at the party. She apologized for getting so drunk but never once mentioned the kiss and everything that happened against her door. Then again, maybe she didn’t remember. Maybe she needed me to remind her. But instead of bringing it up through text, I let it go until I could sit face to face and talk about it.
Unfortunately, that was harder than I expected it to be. She missed Monday’s class the following week, and when I texted to see where she was, she didn’t respond. She showed up to Wednesday’s class, b
ut she sat across the room from me as if I was the fucking plague.
I wasn’t the plague.
I was Sawyer Reed and every fucking person in the room knew it and respected that except for the one person I wanted.
I never got turned down. Hell, I had at least ten girls on my contacts list waiting for a text or call, and yet, the only person I wanted to talk to was ignoring me. I was seriously thinking it was time for me to call one of those ten girls and get to sinking my cock into something deep and sweet.
The only problem? The Gretchen situation was really fucking with me. I felt like one of those desperate assholes who followed their girlfriends around.
That wasn’t me.
That would never be me.
No way was some chick taking my balls.
I backed up, my arm ready to fire, but the air was knocked from me as for the second time in my life I was sacked. The ball tumbled from my grasp as my back collided with the ground.
“Sawyer!” Coach yelled across the field. “What the hell, boy?”
Standing, I shook my head and tried to get my shit together.
Focus, Reed. Fucking focus, man.
I would figure out the Gretchen situation later, but for now, I had to get ready for our upcoming game. We were undefeated, but we were going to be playing Notre Dame, which meant if I didn’t get my shit together and fast, then that wouldn’t be the case come next game.
We won against Notre Dame barely—the score taunting me from the scoreboard making me angry that I hadn’t played better. Twenty-four to twenty-two wasn’t good enough by my standards. Of course, not seeing Gretchen in the stands didn’t help much either.
I played for shit—my arm feeling weak and my feet not cooperating. The guys looked to me to lead them, but in the end, it was them pulling my ass through the game. Coach should have pulled me out and put in Marcus, our second string, but he didn’t. Instead, he pounded the side of my helmet confidently and told me to play like he knew I could.
I’d let him down.
I’d let my team down.
And it was all over a chick.
What the fuck?
The following Monday, I waited for her after class and walked next to her, not saying a word. She walked, looking ahead and pretending as if I wasn’t there. Finally, she sighed and stopped. Raking her tiny fingers over her face in aggravation, she shook her head.
“What do you want, Sawyer?”
My mouth fell open in annoyance.
“What do you think I want? I want to talk to you.” I threw my hands up, garnering the attention of a group of girls who were walking by.
God, this girl was making me fucking nuts.
“About what?”
She was playing clueless. I could see it in her eyes she knew exactly what I was talking about. It fueled the anger that lived in my core.
“The kiss,” I snapped.
Her face reddened as the memory of our moment danced across her expression. Her mouth opened and closed as if she was going to say something, but then she turned and walked away.
I followed.
“Stop.” I reached out and grabbed her arm, my fingers tingling against her skin. “I just want to know why you pushed me away. One minute, you were all over me, and the next, you were shutting me out. What’s going on, Gretchen?”
Finally, she looked at me, her face twisted in indecision.
“It's complicated. So beyond complicated.” She sighed.
“No, it’s not. I want you and you want me. How is that complicated?”
She gazed up at me, her lips going tight in aggravation.
“I don’t want you,” she sneered. “God, your ego is ridiculous. Regardless of popular belief, not everything with a vagina wants you, Sawyer.”
I almost laughed at the way she said vagina. The side of my mouth tilted, but I schooled my expression.
“I can’t believe you’re going to stand there and lie to yourself like that. Of course, everything with a vagina wants me.” I chuckled, sarcasm thick in my aggravation. “Unless of course you’re hiding something under that dress I don’t know about.”
Her face reddened. “You know what? You’re right. I am hiding something under this dress. I’m all cock and balls. Big. Massive. Cock. And. Balls,” she screamed.
She spun away from me with those words, leaving everyone in the hallway staring at us and snickering behind their palms.
I stood there, covering my own smile. Gretchen didn’t disappoint, and even though her big display in front of everyone should have embarrassed me, I couldn’t help but walk away laughing.
I wasn’t used to this kind of behavior from girls. I was used to getting what I wanted. The challenge Gretchen was giving me was annoying as fuck, but at the same time, it was exciting.
Still, I was sick of playing the pussy boy.
Pulling out my phone, I texted one of my ten, and that night when I unloaded in the back of her throat, I closed my eyes and imagined it was Gretchen’s mouth sucking me off.
The next few times I saw her, she avoided me more than usual. That was enough for me, and I decided I was done chasing her. Fuck chasing some skirt who obviously did not intend to give in to me. I wasn’t one to admit defeat usually, but I was waving my white flag and done with all that mess.
Saturday night, after our game against Georgia Tech, I was with my boys at Jim’s eating our fill of wings when Landon nudged me. When I looked up, my face rimmed with hot sauce, my eyes clashed with Gretchen, who was standing over me smiling.
“Hi,” she said sheepishly.
“Hey,” I said, immediately reaching for a napkin to clean up before scooting down and letting her in.
She slid in and motioned for the waitress.
After ordering a sweet tea, she focused on the game we were watching on the screen above us. I tried to keep my eyes on the game, but every now and again, I’d sneak in a peek at her.
It didn’t make any sense. One minute, she was telling me to keep my hands to myself, and the next, she was out with me and the guys eating wings and drinking tea like nothing happened. My mind spun, but I let it go. I had to keep up appearances for the guys.
Gretchen carried on like usual, laughing and making crude jokes with us. We roared and laughed and had to be told twice to lower our voices. It was like before, minus the fact that I had to pretend I wasn’t going crazy with questions.
I flirted with the waitress and when a pretty brunette came over with a group of her friends, I asked for her cell number.
Fuck it.
I was a free agent.
I’d never been the kind of man to get caught up in a relationship anyway. Gretchen was relationship material. Hell, you had to give a kidney just to get her to kiss you.
Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Period.
We exited the bar around one in the morning, and I said my good-byes without letting my eyes reach Gretchen. Tossing my keys around my finger, I went toward my truck as if I didn’t have a care in the world. I was halfway there when I realized she was following me.
“Hey, Sawyer! Where you headed?” she asked from behind me.
I stopped and let her catch up. I didn’t miss how she nervously twirled a blond lock of hair between her fingers.
“Home. I’ve got a hot redhead waiting for my text.”
It wasn’t a lie, and I enjoyed the way her eyes widened and her smile dropped a little.
She nodded. Biting at the inside of her cheek, she began to fidget.
“Want to go to the library and study together? It’s early in the morning so the place is probably empty. Test in Lit and Film on Monday, remember?” she asked.
She was acting desperate, which made no sense seeing as how I’d practically been throwing my cock at her for weeks.
Leaning my arms over the tailgate of my truck, I sighed in aggravation.
“What’s your game, Gretchen?”
Her green eyes moved over my face confused.
&nbs
p; “No games, just studying. Promise.” She crossed her heart with a single finger and smiled sweetly.
Little did she know, the last thing I wanted to do with the rest of my night was study. I was exhausted from the game, and I’d already pulled up my contacts ready to text Red.
“I’m not really feeling it tonight, babe. Maybe another time.”
I moved to go around her and get in my truck, but she stepped in front of me, stopping me.
“What about tomorrow?” she desperately asked.
I looked down at her, letting my eyes take in her expression.
What the fuck was her deal?
One minute, she was pushing me away, and the next, she was practically begging me to spend time with her.
“Sure. I guess.”
She smiled and moved out of my way.
“Meet you at the library at noon?”
I nodded as I climbed into my truck.
Cranking it, the engine filled the night with its roar.
She smiled up at me as she closed my truck door, and then I watched as she skittered off to her car.
She drove off, but I sat there like an idiot.
What was she playing at?
Had her complication been resolved and now she was trying to let me know she was interested?
I wanted to find out in the worse way, but it could wait. As for tonight, I planned to spend my time finding out if red on the head really meant fire in the hole.
Gretchen was outside the library waiting on a bench when I walked up the next day. In awkward silence, we walked in together. She was wearing a Camden tank and a pair of yoga pants, and her hair was piled casually on top of her head, a headband holding back the shorter blond strands that were trying to escape.
It was fucking sexy.
Of course, everything having to do with Gretchen was sexy. It didn’t help that I’d spent the previous night alone instead of letting Red bounce all over my cock.
It was pathetic.
I’d left Jim’s sure that I was going to text the redhead and spend the night with her, but I couldn’t do it. I’d pulled up my contacts, my finger hovering over her listing, but Gretchen’s smile kept roaming through my mind.
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