I went to bed thinking hard about squashing whatever it was we had started. I wanted to save myself the heartache and drama. I needed to nip it in the bud and move on with my life. Football and future contracts were all I needed to think about. Girls should have been the last thing on my mind.
I woke up the next morning singing a different tune, though. The beer had worn off leaving behind a nasty hangover, and as soon as I opened my eyes, I picked up my phone and texted Gretchen. I felt like a bitch doing it, but things felt different in the daylight, and I felt kind of shitty for what I’d said to her before she left.
I apologized through text.
But there was no response.
I called.
But I was sent straight to voicemail.
I left a voicemail sounding like a total bitch boy.
Then I waited, but she never called me back.
The entire day went by without so much as a word, and by the time I was getting ready for bed that night, I was starting to feel a strain in my stomach.
I didn’t like it.
Girls didn’t ignore me.
That shit just didn’t happen.
And yet, that was exactly what was happening.
Again, Gretchen reminded me that playing the game with her was a bit different.
I heard nothing from her for the entire weekend. We played Wake Forest on Saturday, and it took everything I had to keep my head in the game. My eyes kept flickering to the stands, hoping I’d see her there smiling back at me, but I didn’t see her.
We won, but the scoreboard should have been more one-sided than it was. I was dragging ass, and the team knew it. They also knew why since Derrick had opened his big fucking mouth and told everyone in the locker room that Gretchen and I had argued.
It was a mess.
By the time I walked into Lit and Film class on Monday, I was mad.
Who did she think she was?
Didn’t she realize who I was?
She was being ridiculous, and I was going to let her know that the minute I laid eyes on her. I was going to tell her exactly what I was thinking, and I was thinking we should squash the bullshit and move on. Except, she wasn’t in class, which meant she was missing the final.
I grew concerned.
The longer I sat in class, barely skimming the questions on the final and waiting for her to show, the more worried I became. Gretchen wasn’t the kind of girl to miss a final because she was mad at me. Her GPA was more important to her than our argument could ever be. Something wasn’t right.
After my last class of the day, I went to her place. Going inside her building, a few of the girls she lived with were in the common room and I stopped to talk to them.
“You girls seen Gretchen around?”
Their eyes shifted and they looked around as if they weren’t sure they should talk to me.
“Look, we’re kind of hanging out. She didn’t come to class, and I haven’t heard from her. I just wanted to make sure she was okay.”
A bold brunette stepped forward, her eyes devouring me before landing on my cock. If I hadn’t been so wrapped up with Gretchen, I probably would have enjoyed it. Instead, it just pissed me off.
“She’s not here.” She grinned.
“Any idea where she is?” I asked, annoyed.
She shrugged. “Don’t know. She had an emergency and left.”
I sighed, getting really fucking aggravated with this chick.
“Did she say when she was coming back?”
Her smile was conniving. “Nope. Sorry. But a lot of people are leaving for Thanksgiving break. Maybe check back next week?”
Shit.
I’d completely forgotten about the break coming up. With my momma being gone, my dad and I never celebrated Thanksgiving anymore. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten turkey or spent time with any family.
“Yeah, thanks for nothing,” I said as I turned and walked back to my truck.
I finished my day, checking my phone like a madman, and I stopped by her place once more before heading to football practice. I knew I looked like an ass, but I didn’t really give a fuck. The girls she stayed with smiled and eyed me, waiting for me to smile back. Instead, I drove off.
Practice was shit.
I was able to pull it off and throw some drills, but the entire time, all I could think about was the last time I’d seen Gretchen and the things I said to her. The hurt in her eyes burned in my chest every time I thought about it. I wanted to kick my own ass for hurting her. I felt like shit. The more I thought about it, the worse I felt.
I’d sucked her, fucked her, fingered her, and then I’d offended her in the worst way possible. Usually, I wouldn’t care, but I did.
I fucking cared.
Who was I?
Dwelling over a chick wasn’t my thing. I never did that, and yet, I had. I’d worried over Gretchen more than I liked to admit, and I hated it. But no matter how many times I tried to shake her from my mind, I couldn’t.
Finally, when I drove by her place on the way to practice the following day, I noticed her car parked out front. I had a few minutes to kill, so I pulled into an available parking space on the side of her building. As I was climbing from my truck, I saw her getting into her car and I called out to get her attention.
She didn’t hear me.
She was rushed, tossing things into her car before she jumped in and pulled away like a bat out of hell. Her hair was disheveled, and it looked like she hadn't washed it for a few days. As a matter of fact, even her clothes looked a mess.
It was wrong. I knew it was wrong, but I got back in my truck and followed behind her. Something was off, and whatever it was, I had a feeling it had nothing to do with me or the last time we spoke.
I followed her like a crazy fuck, but I needed to be sure she was okay. Reaching for my phone, I planned to call her, but my phone was dead. I’d forgotten to charge it the night before. Instead, I’d opted to have it next to my pillow waiting to hear from her, which, of course, was just my luck.
Looking down at the clock in my truck, the time blinked back at me letting me know I was already late for practice. By the time we’d driven a few hours and I pulled into the parking lot of an apartment building in Columbia, I knew the coach was going to be pissed that I missed practice altogether.
I got out of my truck, trying to catch her, but she was already rushing inside the building. I followed her, and when I got to apartment building entrance, I barely missed her as she slipped into the first apartment on the right.
Who did she know in Columbia?
I knew her family lived in Lexington, which was close to Columbia, but she’d never said anything about any of them living in Columbia.
The logical side of me told me to turn around and drive back to Camden. I’d already missed practice. I’d never missed practice for as long as I’d played the game. I was sure the team and Coach were losing their minds, especially since my phone was dead and they had no way of contacting me.
I went into the apartment building and stood in front of the door as I tried to figure out if I should knock or not. I didn’t want to be one of those crazy dudes, but if something was wrong, and I was sure it was, I wanted to be there for her. If she needed me, I needed to be there.
Thinking about how she looked as she rushed to her car from her building and from her car to this building, I’d noticed the dark circles around her eyes. She’d looked exhausted and emotional all at the same time.
Finally, I lifted my hand and knocked on the door. Swallowing my nerves, I took a deep breath and prepared to look like a total head case.
No one answered, so I knocked again. As I stood there waiting, a young college student with a Newdale sweater walked into the apartment building and smiled as she passed.
I hadn’t even realized I was that close to Newdale University. Maybe she was visiting a friend who was a student there. Shit. Maybe she’d left Camden to get away from me for a bit. She needed a break—s
ome time to blow off some steam—and there I was following her like a fuck up.
Losing my confidence, I began to move away from the door, but just as I began to back away, the door flew open and standing there staring back at me was Gretchen.
Surprise moved over her expression and her eyes widened. Her already pale skin whitened even more as her eyes moved over me. Her hair stood on end in some places and was ratted up as if she’d just woken up. As I let my eyes shift over her body, I noticed that she was wearing men’s clothes that I knew for sure wasn't mine, and strangely, the idea of her wearing another dude’s clothes pissed me off. Then when I realized she was wearing a fucking Newdale T-shirt, I’d thought I’d lose my mind.
“What are you doing here, Sawyer?”
“Are you okay?” I asked, letting my concern move past my anger.
She didn’t answer. Instead, she stared in shock.
“I’m sorry about the other night, babe.” The words rushed over my lips. “I was being an ass. I deserved to be slapped in the face.” I moved closer to her, needing to be close to her again, but she tucked her body tightly behind the door and latched onto the side of it as if she was hiding whatever or whoever was behind the door.
I sighed and ran my fingers over my face. “I know you’re mad at me, but I’ve been so worried about you, baby.”
And then a male voice sounded from behind her and my stomach bottomed out. “Gretchen, who is it?” he asked.
The voice sounded familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Her mouth popped open and again her eyes widened and watered. Without even realizing what I was doing, I rushed into her space and slammed my palm against the door, pushing it open and shoving her back.
I needed to see who the other guy was. I needed to see his face and know that this shit was really happening. The force of my push against the door sent it crashing into the wall behind it, echoing through the apartment.
My eyes settled on a set of blues before moving over freckled cheeks and landing on a crop of bright red hair.
Fucking Jacob Byrd.
He was standing there in the hallway, wearing only a pair of sweats and using a towel to dry his hair. Obviously, he’d just gotten out the shower, and he looked exhausted as if he’d spent most of the night fucking his brains out.
I blinked down at Gretchen, feeling a pain I hadn’t felt since my mother died slam into my chest. The breath left my lungs as if a three-hundred-pound defensive lineman had just sacked me, but at the same time, the blood in my veins moved so fast it whistled in my ears.
This shit wasn’t happening.
This couldn’t be happening.
“Sawyer?” Jacob said, confusion deep in his brow. “What are you doing here?”
I wanted to walk across the apartment and kill him. I wanted to beat him in a way I couldn’t on the field. I wanted to see his blood on my hands, feel his nose break beneath my fist, but I couldn’t move. My eyes were locked on Gretchen, and I somehow had the feeling that if I looked away from her, I’d fall to the floor instead of being able to fight.
“It’s not what you’re thinking, Sawyer,” she said, reaching for my hand.
She couldn’t touch me. I couldn’t handle her soft skin touching mine. I was sure if she did, I’d crumble into nothing. I’d never felt so broken in all my life. I’d never felt the kind of hurt that was swimming in my gut. I jerked my hand away before she could touch me and backed away on shaky legs.
“What’s going on?” Jacob asked.
Finally, my eyes shifted from Gretchen and landed on my worst enemy. Rage drilled through me, prompting me to move and crush him, and I knew if I didn’t walk away, I would jeopardize everything when I killed him with my bare hands.
I backed away some more, feeling as though the carpet beneath my cleats was catching me and begging me to stay. Again, I looked down at Gretchen, but no words formed over my tongue.
“Please, Sawyer, let me explain.”
I didn’t wait for her to explain.
Fuck that.
Instead, I left the apartment and jogged to my truck. I heard her call my name once more, but I didn’t look back. I couldn’t look at her. As sick as it was, I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to walk away from her. I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t drop to my knees for her. Even seeing with my own two eyes that she was fucking Jacob Byrd, I wasn’t sure I could leave if she begged me to stay and listen.
The day had turned gloomy and the clouds opened up to release the rain. I didn’t even feel the cold drops on my skin as I hopped up into my truck. The engine roared to life when I cranked it and I looked through my rain-covered window to see Gretchen standing there on the sidewalk getting soaked. Throwing my truck in reverse, I pulled away without looking back and drove straight back to Camden, stopping only once to fill my gas tank.
I could admit it to myself. She’d broken my heart. She sacked me like a defensive player with nothing to lose. She broke through my defenses and knocked the breath from my lungs, leaving me on my knees in a state of absolute shock. No woman ever rocked me so hard. No woman ever knocked me off my game. Yet there I was, gasping for air and feeling as though a freight train had hit me.
She’d played me worse than I’d ever played a girl, and even though we hadn’t finalized anything in words, she’d basically cheated on me. Not only had she fucked another dude, which in and of itself was fucked-up, but she’d cheated with the one person in the world I couldn’t stand.
Jacob Byrd.
Jacob was out in the fourth quarter, and even though Sawyer had pissed me off beyond belief, I couldn’t worry about that. Jacob was hurt, which meant I left the bar and drove straight to Columbia like a crazy woman. I ran red lights and sped past other cars on the interstate. I was amazed I didn’t end up with a speeding ticket.
Thankfully, he didn’t have to go to the hospital, and by the time I got to Columbia, he was already home lying on his couch. Teammates who had no idea what was really going on surrounded him, filling his apartment and making it hard for me to actually talk to him.
He looked like shit, and I could tell he was in pain, which is why I stayed with him until I knew he was okay. Once his place cleared, I drilled him, checking him over for injuries that I knew he’d hide from everyone else. He bitched and moaned the entire time, begging me to go back to Camden, but I wasn’t hearing it.
I showered at his place and wore his clothes. I wasn’t going anywhere until I was confident he was doing okay. I ended up rushing back to Camden after Jacob forced me; he refused to let me get behind in school because of him, and he knew I was too stubborn to leave him while he was still hurting. Little did he know, I’d already missed the final for two of my classes. I could only hope that my grades were good enough that missing the final didn’t matter.
Sawyer had been blowing up my phone, but I was still too pissed. I ignored every text and sent his calls straight to voicemail. When I felt like I could talk to him without wanting to choke him, I would¸ but until then, I didn’t trust myself.
I understood that he was completely clueless about Jacob, but hearing the trash talk while he was on the ground, injured … It was the last straw. I was done riding both sides of the fence; I was lying to both of them by omission, and my feelings for Sawyer were complicating things even further.
It was time to come clean.
As soon as Jacob was feeling better, I’d tell him the truth. Then I’d leave there, go to Sawyer, and I’d tell him the truth. It was the only way this was going to work. It was the only way I could be with Sawyer.
What I hadn’t planned on was Sawyer coming to Jacob’s place. When I opened the door and saw him standing there, my entire body went into shock. I knew then that things were going to blow up in my face, but as I watched it unfurl, I couldn’t do anything to stop it.
Sawyer automatically assumed the worst¸ and like the asshole he was, he wouldn’t even give me a chance to explain. Instead, I went back into Jacob’s apartment soaked to the bone with J
acob sitting on the couch full of questions.
“Care to explain what that was about?” he asked before I was even able to shut the front door.
I moved across the room and took the towel he’d been using to dry his hair.
“I’m sorry, Jake. I should have told you sooner.”
“Told me what?”
Shit.
He was going to make me say it.
I didn’t know how he was going to take it when he found out I’d accidentally fallen for Sawyer. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I knew I couldn’t hide it anymore.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen.” I fell onto a kitchen chair, my wet shorts slapping against the wood, and covered my face with my hands.
“You slept with him.”
He wasn’t asking. It was automatically assumed, as if he knew Sawyer and knew how he was with women. He was automatically putting me in the league with the rest of the girls who’d found themselves in Sawyer’s bed, but it was different. Things with Sawyer and I weren’t like that. We cared about each other.
“I think I’m in love with him.” The words burned across my tongue, making me feel nauseated.
Jacob sighed in aggravation and looked up at the ceiling as if he couldn’t even look at me anymore.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
He was upset.
I could see the hurt in his eyes.
We were family and best friends. I told Jacob everything, yet I hadn’t told him about Sawyer. It was something huge happening in my life, and he was clueless about it.
“It just kind of happened. It’s not something I planned.”
I spent the next hour explaining my original plan. Again, he got angry when I said I was trying to bring the two of them together. By the time I was finished with my story, I was in tears, and he was hugging me.
“I’ll go to him. I’ll tell him the truth about everything. He should know we’re cousins. I’m not going to let his assumptions keep you two apart,” he said, rubbing comforting circles on my back.
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