by Lacey London
‘I propose a toast.’ My mother announces, raising her mug in the air. ‘To, Noah Ernest Morgan. My first grandchild.’
‘Our first grandchild.’ Janie interjects as we clink glasses.
Sensing that we talking about him, Noah lets out a whimper which quickly transcends into an almighty screaming session. Putting down my tea, I remove him from his pram and try my best to soothe him. Rocking him back and forth, I scramble in my nappy bag for his dummy. I definitely put one in there. I have learned my lesson from the last time we left the house without one.
‘Do you want me to take him?’ My mum asks, holding out her arms.
‘You enjoy your tea. He will settle down in a moment.’ I stand up and bounce him around, cooing at his little red face as he screams.
I lock eyes with our waitress who looks far from impressed. Mouthing sorry at her I sit back down and feel eyes burning into me. Handing Noah to my mum, I look around the restaurant to see a dozen angry faces staring back at me. Their not so discreet whisperings are difficult to miss.
‘Who brings a baby to a place like this?’
‘Doesn’t she have a nanny?’
‘This place has gone so downhill.’
The waitress returns with three cake stands, adorned with a selection of tiny finger sandwiches and mini desserts. Ignoring the unkind comments from my fellow diners, I smile at my mum who has finally managed to silence Noah. Breathing a sigh of relief, I pick up piece of flatbread and nibble at the edge. I wasn’t looking forward to this to begin with and now I just want the ground to swallow me up. Trying to avoid eye contact with the tutting women to my left, I set about enjoying my lunch. As much as their comments have upset me, I can’t deny that I wouldn’t have thought the same twelve months earlier. I have lost count of the amount of times Lianna and I have rolled our eyes at flustered parents as they attempt to comfort a crying baby. I can’t believe how selfish I used to be. How self-centred I really was.
No wonder Lianna doesn’t understand my new lifestyle. I’m beginning to realise that I might feel exactly the same if it was the other way around. This suburban, perfect housewife lifestyle is not one that I would have chosen for myself, but we all have to grow up eventually, don’t we? Life isn’t all about cocktails in The Bistro, late night shopping and a cheeky kebab on the way home. Just thinking back to my old life brings a nostalgic smile to my face. Wouldn’t life be much easier if it came with a remote control? One which you can use to pause, stop and rewind the clock. Looking around this room I can’t help but wonder, if I knew back then what I know now, would I still have made the move down here?
Janie downs her glass of pink bubbles in one swift gulp and picks the cucumber out of her sandwich before discarding the bread as though it is mouldy. Not being able to resist, my mother shakes her head in disapproval and puts the seeded flatbread onto her own plate. My mother might be a lot of things, but wasteful is not one of them. When I was a child she used to use her old tights to make potpourri. I actually remember a time when she tried it with my dad’s old gym socks, but it didn’t quite have the same effect.
Deliberately knocking my mum’s purse off the table, Janie discreetly steals her glass of bubbles as she bends down to retrieve it. Switching the glass with her own, she flashes me a wink and smiles wickedly as my mum looks down at the empty glass in surprise. Before I can stop it from happening, I burst into a fit of laughter and it must be contagious as suddenly Janie is joining in too. Tears prick at the corner of my eyes as my stomach throbs with glee. I hadn’t realised it until now, but this is the first time that I have laughed this hard since Noah was born and it feels bloody good.
Not being able to resist, my mum turns her frown upside down and joins in with the hysterics. People are now staring, but I couldn’t care less. At this exact moment I feel free and more importantly, I feel happy. Looking around the room, I laugh even harder at the many disgruntled faces. This is me, Clara Morgan and not even a single part of me is bothered about what anyone else thinks. Wiping happy tears from my eyes, I pop a mini scone into my mouth and sigh. Nothing feels better than being yourself with the people that love you the most…
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
Chapter 20
Pulling the car onto our gravel driveway, I look over my shoulder and smile as I see that my little boy has finally fallen asleep. It’s safe to say that doing a weekly food shop with a baby is not as easy as one might think. From the ridiculously loud voice that thunders out of the speakers to the elderly scooter users who seem to deliberately run over your toes, it really is like an assault course. I never realised before just how bloody noisy the world is.
Becoming a mother has transformed me into a silent ninja. Seriously, Oliver andI are close to speaking in sign language just to avoid waking Noah. Unbuckling my seat belt, I beep open the boot and make a grab for my handbag. The sky overhead has suddenly turned a worrying shade of grey and my knowledge of the great British weather tells me that at any moment we could be in for an almighty downpour.
‘All right.’ Janie sighs, tucking her giant inflatables into her skimpy vest top. ‘You get the baby. I’ll get the bags.’
Nodding in response I turn off the engine and climb out of the car, just as the first drops of rain land on the pavement. Moving as quickly as I can, I remove Noah from the car and make my way to the house. As I reach the door a car horn beeps repeatedly behind me, causing Noah to turn red in the face and let out a blood curdling scream. Frantically trying to comfort him, I look over my shoulder in annoyance. Pulling onto the driveway in her black Bentley, Eve puts down the car window and beckons over Janie. Cackling loudly, Janie runs over to the car as the two of them giggle like a pair of hyenas. Not wanting to talk to her, I let myself into the house and hit the flashing red button on the answering machine.
Noah’s incessant screaming fills the room, ensuring that I can’t hear a single word of the voicemail. Plucking him from his car seat, I rest him on my chest and try to pacify him. He immediately silences and I shake my head at him in disbelief.
‘That is one hell of a scream for someone who just wants a cuddle, Noah Morgan.’ I nuzzle my nose against his and feel my heart pang with love. ‘Screaming when you don’t get your own way. You are most certainly my child.’
Pressing the voicemail icon for the second time, I wander over to the window and watch Janie and Eve talking animatedly outside.
‘Clara! It’s me, Marc.’
A rush of endorphins runs through me as my best friend’s voice floods out of the speakers.
‘I just wanted to let you know that I have booked the tickets. We land on Sunday at Heathrow. I hope you’re ready for us. Can’t wait to see you guys.’
The speakers beep loudly signalling the end of the message. He’s really coming! I can’t quite believe it. It has been almost a year since I last laid eyes on my old friend. Not seeing him every day has been much harder than I anticipated, especially since having Noah. So much has changed for me and he hasn’t been around to see any of it. To be fair, things will have changed for him too. His children, Madison and MJ will have grown considerably since I last saw them. The pictures that we exchange regularly depict kids that I don’t even recognise.
In fact, they all look like they have been hit with the Aussie brush. Each and every one of them is rocking the long haired surfer look. Even little MJ has shoulder length curls and a golden tan. I hate to admit it, but it seems like the lifestyle down under is most certainly agreeing with them.
Kissing the top of Noah’s head, I lean against the kitchen sink and stare into space. I guess I didn’t realise just how much I relied on Marc. Before he met his wife, Marc, Lianna and I were inseparable. Thick as thieves as Lianna’s mother used to say. Now look at us, Li and I aren’t talking and Marc lives on the other side of the world. Wiping a stray tear from my cheek, I fix my face into a smile as Janie bursts through the doors.
‘Ain’t Eve a doll?’ She gu
shes, as Randy comes down the stairs rubbing his wet hair with a towel.
Not wanting to talk about Eve, I choose to ignore her and spin around to face Randy. ‘Hey, Randy.’ I take a step towards him and offer my cheek for a kiss.
‘Hey.’ He throws the towel into the washing machine before holding out his arms for Noah. ‘How’s my little buddy doing?’
‘He’s alright.’ I reply, carefully passing over Noah. ‘I think he just wants a cuddle from his papa.’
I catch Janie’s eye and she smiles appreciatively. Apparently, grandad isn’t a term commonly used in Texas. When Noah was first born, we spent days going through alternatives before settling on papa. Despite her efforts, I could never agree to bobo or pipi. I mean, come on! I might be almost thirty, but I still find pipi a funny word. Smiling as I watch Randy coo over Noah, my thought bubble is burst by Janie poking me in the ribs with a long acrylic nail.
‘Who was on the phone?’ She asks, fluffing up her already huge beehive.
‘It was a voicemail from Marc.’
‘Yeah?’ A quick glance at the clock must reassure her that it is an acceptable time to drink, as she produces a bottle of scotch from the kitchen cupboard and pours out a large measure.
‘Their flights are booked.’ I reply, eyeing up the golden liquid dubiously. ‘They arrive on Sunday.’
‘That’s fantastic! Janie takes a gulp from her glass before turning on the oven. ‘Gina too?’
‘Gina too.’ I confirm happily.
In case you don’t know, Gina and Janie get on famously. With Janie’s love for anything pink combined with Gina’s lust for animal print, they really are a force to be reckoned with. A buzz of excitement grows in my stomach as I realise that in little over seventy-two hours I will have my friends here. The friends that I have missed so dearly. My mind drifts to Lianna as I start to unpack the food shopping. What am I going to tell Marc? How will I explain her absence? Maybe I should call Li and tell her that he’s coming. She’s going to find out anyway and it would just be weird to keep it from her, even if we have fallen out. Let’s face it, we’re going to make up eventually, aren’t we?
My stomach churns as I face the prospect of never making up with her. Yes, I am angry at her right now, but I’m not going to be angry forever. Making a snap decision, I grab my mobile from the depths of my handbag and jab at the handset. Quietly slipping up the stairs, I pause on the landing and hover over the dial icon. Noticing a cab pull up outside Eve’s house, my jaw drops as the door swings open and Lianna runs down the path. A moment later she returns with Eve and they dive into the back of the cab. Watching it speed off down the lane, my heart drops to the floor. Lianna really doesn’t care, does she? She hasn’t spoken to me for days and now she’s actually outside my house and hasn’t called in to say hi. Not to me, not to Oliver, not to Noah. After everything that we have done for her over the years, I cannot believe that she can cut me out of her life so easily.
Like a fool I have been sat here wondering whether to call her or not and thinking that she was at home feeling exactly the same. Well, if that’s the way that Li wants it, so be it. She can play with her new friends and I shall play with mine…
*
The following day after yet another restless night’s sleep, I find myself in Gwen’s Gems waiting for the rest of the group to arrive. Slowly pushing Noah around the quaint shop, I scan my eyes over the many beautiful pieces of jewellery. For the past ten minutes, Gwen has been reeling off reasons why she can’t possibly shop at Asda whilst the local Waitrose is being refurbished and I’m only half listening. The chime above the door pings and I look up to see Francesca and Alice bustling their way inside.
‘So sorry we’re late.’ Francesca sighs, shooting Alice daggers.
‘What?’ Alice fires back, flipping the open sign over to closed.
Gwen shakes her head at the pair of them like they are a couple of naughty school children and I can’t help but laugh. Following them into the back room, it isn’t long before we are huddled around the table with a mug of tea and one of Gwen’s famous sultana scones. Diving into my tasty treat, I watch Francesca expertly rock Noah back and forth. I guess after you have had three of your own children, soothing someone else’s is a piece of cake.
‘He is just adorable, Clara.’ Francesca coos, as Noah wraps his tiny hand around her little finger. ‘He’s getting so big already.’
‘I know.’ I reply, wiping my fingers on a napkin. ‘I will be waving him off to college before I know it.’
‘You will indeed.’ She agrees, stroking his hair gently. ‘They don’t stay this size for long.’
‘Speaking of education.’ Gwen interjects. ‘Have you registered Noah anywhere yet?’
‘Registered?’ I crinkle my nose in confusion. ‘Registered for what?’
A small gasp echoes around the room and I feel three pairs of shocked eyes burning into me.
‘For schools.’ Francesca speaks slowly and shoots me a quizzical look. ‘You have registered Noah for a place at the top schools, haven’t you?’
My mouth becomes inexplicably dry and I try to laugh through it. ‘He’s not even three months old.’
Gwen puts her hand over her mouth in horror before attempting to compose herself. ‘Before we all panic, let me try to fix this. I have some fabulous contacts at Glanbury who might be able to pull some strings.’
I open my mouth to speak, but Alice reaches over and takes my hand in hers. ‘It’s OK, Clara. This is all new to you.’
I nod in response as my heart starts to pound. Why haven’t I registered Noah yet? What kind of mother am I? Don’t I want the best for my child? The palms of my hands start to feel balmy as panic buzzes around my stomach.
‘I had Pippa registered at Glanbury by my second trimester.’ Francesca adds smugly. ‘There was absolutely no way I was going to have my precious baby girl attending some vile state school.’
Gwen and Alice shudder simultaneously and I bite my lip at their reaction. I am about to tell them that I attended a state school and it didn’t do me any harm when Gwen hands me her laptop.
‘Take a look at their website. It’s the most critically acclaimed school in the entire United Kingdom.’
Gingerly taking the computer, I scroll through the information dubiously. Ten thousand pounds a term! Don’t get me wrong, Oliver brings home a rather fat pay check, but I don’t think he would be too happy about paying thirty thousand pounds a year to educate our child. I mean, what if we have more children? We could end up with three. There’s absolutely no way we could pay a hundred grand every year just to send our kids to school.
I look at Noah and feel a pang of guilt. Why didn’t I think of any of this before? We moved out of the city to a lovely rural village where we thought we could give our son the best start in life. We even exchanged Oliver’s luxury sports car for a family friendly 4x4, but we failed to think of his education. What kind of parents are we going to be if we can’t remember something as simple as that?
‘Hey, did you hear that Paul Harper lost his job last month?’ Alice whispers.
‘Really?’ Gwen’s eyes glint as she picks up her mug and leans in closer.
‘Really. I bumped into Dawn at the Post Office and she looked dreadful.’ A smug smile plays at the corner of her lips as she speaks. ‘Her highlights had grown out and from the looks of things she was wearing… Primark.’
Pretending not to listen, I scroll through the Glanbury website and quietly wonder what they have against Primark. When we lived in the city, Lianna and I would spend many an afternoon wandering around the Greenton branch. Truth be told, I actually miss it. Who doesn’t love a place where you pick up a blouse for a fiver?
‘I heard that too.’ Francesca adds, placing a sleeping Noah back into his pram. ‘Mike said that Paul quit his membership at the golf club.’
‘No!’ Gwen and Alice gasp in horror. ‘How dreadful.’
‘That’s not all.’ Francesca smiles. ‘They also pu
lled Benjamin out of Glanbury and now he is going to Hallworth High. Can you believe it? I told Mike to keep his distance from the Harpers from now on. We don’t want the twins mixing with Benjamin any more. Before we know it he will be shoplifting and mugging old women.’
The rest of the group nods solemnly in agreement and I can’t help but interject. ‘Can I ask why? Surely they’re going to need as much support as they can get right now? I know I would certainly would. It must be a worrying time for them.’
A strange silence hangs in the room as I wait for them to respond. Finally, Gwen speaks up.
‘Clara, our ancestors worked extremely hard to give us what we have and we need to protect it. We haven’t got to where we are today by allowing those types of people to pull us down to their level.’
‘OK…’ I mumble slowly, really not liking the tone of her voice. ‘What does that mean?’
‘It means that we can not mix with people who are a danger to our position in society.’ She locks eyes with the others and they nod in agreement.
Not knowing what to say, I look down into my mug as they start to rip apart the Harpers and their unfortunate situation. Gwen’s sharp words sting my skin even though I have absolutely no idea who Dawn Harper is. How can they be so cruel to a friend in need? Looking up at the three women that I have begun to know and love, I suddenly feel like I don’t belong here. Would they outcast Oliver and I if we ended up in that situation? My mind flits to Lianna. She might be a lot of things, but I would put my life on the line that she would never treat me like these women are treating Dawn.
Smiling uneasily at Gwen, I quickly finish my tea and start to gather my belongings. Making my excuses, I take Noah’s pram and squeeze my way through the shop and out onto the street. Carefully tucking in Noah’s blankets, I stroll along the lane and try to work out what it was exactly I wanted to achieve from moving to Spring Oak. Granted we have a beautiful home in an area that most people would chop a leg off to live in, but do I feel happier here than I was in the city? I really do not know. Thinking back to our old life, the life that we lived until twelve short months ago, I feel my heart pang with longing. I miss the busy buzzing of the city, the cosmopolitan entwining of different cultures coming together as one. I miss the all-consuming energy that just hangs in the air, telling you that anything is possible.
