by Annie Brewer
I laugh a little, but understand now why she wouldn’t back down. It makes sense and it also makes me feel bad. Here I was throwing a fit like a child and she just wanted to do something nice for me. Layla would be all over that without a second thought. I was just raised to take care of myself. My parents felt it was important for me to learn independence at a young age. “I don’t go shopping often,” I say. “When I go with my best friend, we’re mostly going for her. She’s a shopaholic. I just smile and agree with everything.”
After taking a bite of her Chinese food, which does look delightful with all that sauce and rice mixed in with chicken and veggies, she washes it down with her tea. She finally gazes at me with sad eyes and it makes me worry about her. Is she getting enough sleep? Why does she look so much older than her age? She’s not much older than my own mother, and she always looks so happy and young. Of course, plenty of makeup helps with that.
A forced smile pulls up at a corner of her mouth, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “I’m glad you came,” she finally says.
“Me too.” I take a sip of my drink. “Thanks for having me here.”
Nancy places her hand over mine on the table, her nails bitten to the quick, her fingers thicker than mine as if she pops her knuckles. Still, I feel her genuine compassion through her touch and it’s comforting. Even without words. But she says, “I can’t imagine how you’re feeling, being so young and dealing with these hardships. Life can be cruel and it can break a person. I see your strength, your determination to get through it anyway. You’re very strong.” If only that were true. I have to force myself to be strong because if I slip, I will break into a million pieces.
I move my hand from under hers and pick up my burger to eat, hiding my trembling hands. “Thanks.” Part of me wants to open up to her, to share this secret that keeps weighing me down. Something I can’t share with my own mom. I get the feeling she’d somehow understand, or at least give me advice. So when I get the nerve to open my mouth to reveal the truth, my phone makes a loud beeping noise from my purse, disrupting my plan. I put my burger down and dig for it before it goes to voice mail. It’s too late by the time I get to it. Layla’s name appears on the screen as a missed call. I send her a quick text: At lunch with Ky’s mom. Call you in a bit.
A minute later I get a response: Okay. Hope you’re having fun. Don’t forget to call me…I’m nosy and dying to know how it’s going there.
I put my phone away without replying. I’ll catch her up to speed later, not that there’s that much to catch her up on. We haven’t done much since I got here and that’s okay. Of course, she’ll be questioning me about the guys and if I’ve met any hotties or if I’m going to a party to get drunk and have sex, yadda yadda yadda. She’s lucky I love her nosy ass.
“Has my son been a good host to you?”
I pause with the burger to my mouth, stunned by the question. Taking a tiny bite, I nod and set it down. Once I’ve swallowed my mouthful, I wipe my hands on a napkin. “Yes, he’s been great,” I tell her honestly. “I was worried at first, since we haven’t spoken for awhile, but it’s been nice seeing him again.”
She thinks about it, her gaze far away with her thoughts. Once her plate is practically clean, she pushes it away, tossing her trash on top, and leans back, studying me. “He’s been difficult the last few years. School has been his last priority, and his friends are partly the reason.”
This is news to me. I wasn’t aware of how bad the situation was, which would make sense being we hadn’t spoken, unless he just kept things from me when we were hanging out. But why would he do that? Why wouldn’t he confide in me? I always wondered if I did something to upset him, but his avoidance and unanswered calls didn’t give me any answers. Now I get it. Still, it bothers me that he didn’t trust me enough to divulge his secrets. I quickly squash that thought since I’m no better.
I am starting to realize that while I’ve been in my own little bubble of secrets, Kyler’s been having his own problems. I wonder if his friends know everything. But after skating and being around his closest friend, I can only hope he has someone to confide in. It’s not fun to be alone in your hellish nightmares. “I like Brent.”
Nancy smiles, as if agreeing. “He’s always been the good one of the group. He’s a real sweet guy, very level-headed. He’s got a good chance of making pro basketball and leaving this town.”
“That’s awesome.” I clap my hands together, to reiterate my point of excitement. I’m happy for him, at least he has ambitions. My main goal is to graduate next year and get out on my own, without interference from my parents.
Her smile quickly fades to a frown. “My husband doesn’t like him. He doesn’t even allow him over to our house for dinner.”
I’m puzzled by this, he’s a nice guy from what I’ve seen so far. “Why?”
She sighs heavily and I wonder if we should talk about something else. I don’t want to step on any toes or bring up something that’ll upset her. Before I can change the subject, she speaks. “Richard isn’t the easiest person to please,” she admits about her husband, her eyes unfocused over my shoulder. I remember bits and pieces of our childhood, and Kyler wanting to spend all the time at my house, which was fine with me, my parents liked him—loved him like family, even. He never really said much about his dad. I saw him in passing sometimes, but we never conversed enough for me to know what he’s like. I was a kid and didn’t think much of it. I was too busy playing.
Now I feel the tension at the table change, grow uncomfortable, so I steer the conversation away from him. “What should I wear to this party tonight?”
Nancy is surprised by my subject change but waves the bag of clothes at me. “Parties aren’t always meant for dresses and heels. You should dress casual.” She pauses as a thought seems to have taken hold of her brain. She closes the bag and holds it against her chest. “I need to tell you something.”
My pulse quickens with anticipation. “O-kay.”
She nibbles on her lower lip, making me nervous for what she needs to tell me. But I sit patiently and wait. “If you go to this party, you have to know I don’t approve of things that go on there.”
I swallow down my nerves, because I don’t think I’ll approve, either. The only reason I’m going is because I told Ky I’d go. And maybe so I can show Layla that I’m trying to be more social. If I’m with Ky and Brent, it could be a lot of fun.
“Addie.” The way she says my name pushes aside all other thoughts and I focus on the woman across from me who is wearing a frown on her face. “I need you to promise me something.” I just nod in agreement. “I don’t like my son hanging out with Greg and some of the other guys from school. But I can’t really forbid him, since he’ll be eighteen soon enough. He’s all I have in this world, so just know that I’d keep him here if I could. But I can’t make him hate me. I just pray each time that he doesn’t do anything stupid, like driving home drunk or get in a fight where he’d end up in the hospital.” I’m just sitting here, biting my tongue hard…taking in her words with very little judgment. It seems Ky has become a troubled guy and I hate thinking he’s been through this. “The last time he was at a party, a couple of weeks ago, the cops were called and there were drugs involved. His father went ballistic and left him in jail for a few days.”
I gape at her, shocked at both Ky for being into drugs and his dad for leaving his son in such a place. It just goes to show how nothing is at it seems. “Seriously?”
She looks away, wiping under her eye. “He can’t get in any more trouble. I need you to keep an eye on him, please. When there are a lot of people, things get out of hand.”
I realize how hard it must be for her. How am I supposed to watch him, though? He’s a big boy and will do what he wants whether I approve or not. At the same time, I don’t want to see him behind bars. Shit. I’m so ready to cancel this party altogether. If I stay, he’ll go. If I go, he’ll drink and probably do stupid things, but at least I’ll be there to sto
p things before they get out of hand. I really don’t wanna go.
“Okay, I’ll keep an eye on him.”
She takes a sip of her drink, studying me. “I need you to call me if it gets too crazy. Don’t let him drive home if he’s drinking.”
I nod. Of course I wouldn’t. And certainly not while I’m in the car with him.
“If cops are called, call me right away. I can’t let his father find out.” She seems genuinely worried, which makes me worry. I don’t care to meet cops tonight or visit the police station. I hope to hell it doesn’t come to that. “I’m not trying to scare you, but I know my son. We’re trying to get him back on the right track.” She sighs, a heavy weight on her thin shoulders. I hate seeing her like this. “I’m just worried about him. He’s a great basketball player but was kicked off the team because of his grades and skipping school. As far as I know, he’s not using drugs anymore.”
I’m ready to go. I feel sick to my stomach thinking of Kyler becoming this person. And I’m so worried now that since she’s told me all of this, it’s going to change my view of how I see him. Now, I’ll be picturing him in a fight with someone and getting hurt. Or so drunk he can’t stand up or function. Or even snorting coke…my mind is unraveling all sorts of scenarios. I don’t know what to think anymore.
I stand, grabbing my trash to take with me to the trash can. I shake out images upon images of a guy I used to know, replaced with a guy I don’t know at all. Who will show themselves to me tonight?
***
I stare at the clothes laid out on the bed, wondering if my being there tonight will change anything. If he’d act differently just because of my presence, or if he’d party because his friends expect him to. That’s fine, I can deal with that. If he drinks too much or partakes in the use of drugs, I’m not sure what I’d do. Stop him? I can try. Talk some sense into him? Doubtful it’d get through if he’s intoxicated. But who am I to judge him or keep him from having fun? I personally, don’t want to be around any drugs. I sincerely hope it’s not an issue tonight.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” My best friend asks with a hint of concern, though I think it’s more for my benefit than hers.
I shake off my doubts and worries and change into my outfit, hoping for the best. “I’ll be fine. You told me to live a little while I’m here…so this is living.”
“That a girl. Get you some.” She makes a purring sound and I laugh with an eye roll.
“I can’t promise I’ll get anything other than a possible buzz.” I smile at my phone on the bed as if she can see my forced expression. “Maybe I’ll meet a hottie and tell you all about him,” I say just to appease her. Maybe the night will turn out amazing and I make a new friend or two. With a heavy sigh, I decide to tell her about Nancy’s concerns about Ky. And now my concerns too.
She blows into the phone, probably feeling helpless from miles away, making me regret opening my mouth. Why did I do that? I don’t need her worrying about me. “It’s gonna be fine, Addie.” She finally says with confidence. “You’re a smart girl and I know you’re gonna make the right decisions. I can’t tell you what to do but…just be careful. Okay?”
I nod, tossing my discarded clothes in a pile on the floor. “I will.”
She chuckles loudly, mumbling to herself.
I stare at the phone. “What was that?” I ask, wanting to know what she was muttering under her breath. I can only imagine it being something about sex or something along those lines. Knowing her, there is only so much on her mind.
“Nothing,” she says. “But…you still owe me pictures of Kyler. I wanna know what he looks like. Is he hot? Nice body? Any tats or piercings? Is his dick huge?”
My face grows hotter with each question that pops out of her mouth. I’m having a hard time getting my thoughts together without my mind going to inappropriate places. Thanks, Layla! I take the phone with me into the bathroom so I can apply a little makeup, and set her down on the sink. “Enough of twenty questions, please.” At this point I don’t even need blush, as long as she keeps talking, my cheeks will stay red for the whole conversation, and probably into the night.
“Come on,” she whines, “you’re not supposed to keep secrets from me.”
While laughing, I try not to poke myself in the eye, leaning forward to lightly brush color over my lid. I don’t like wearing dark colors…when I actually wear any at all. I blink and wipe the excess away. “Lay, I’m not keeping anything from you. As far as I know, no tats or piercings. But I haven’t looked, so who knows?” I throw my hands out in exaggeration. I always use hand gestures, even when I’m by myself. At least I’m the only one witnessing it.
“So, have you seen him naked yet?”
Right then I open my eye and the shadow brush pokes me. I cringe, dropping it into the sink and rub my eye in pain as it waters. “Dammit.” I hold a hand over the eye and glare at my phone through the other one. “Seriously, enough talk about Kyler. I haven’t seen him naked. I don’t know if his dick is Layla-approved-sized. I don’t recall seeing tats and piercings…he’s my best friend for crying out loud. I don’t… I haven’t…” I take in a sharp breath, feeling confused and frustrated. I don’t know what the end of that sentence is.
There’s a beep coming through, so I look down at the screen and my stomach tightens. Shit.
“I’m sorry, Addie. You’re totally right—”
“Uh, Layla…my mom is calling me.”
I pick up the phone, turning it off speaker, and bring it to my ear. “We’ll talk later.”
“Okay. Good luck. Text me while you’re out, and have fun.”
I’m nodding my head, pulling it away to see I missed the call. I know if I don’t call her, she’ll call me until I answer. I tell my friend bye and hang up, calling my mom back. I walk out of the bathroom and sit on the edge of Ky’s bed. When the line picks up, I quickly greet her before she has a chance. “Sorry, I couldn’t find my phone.” I bite my lip once the lie is out. Lies. Lies. Lies.
“Hi sweetie, how are you?” Her tone is cheerful, too chipper. Would she still be this calm if she knew I wasn’t where she thought I was? “When are you coming home?”
I shrug. “I don’t know yet. Probably not until Friday or something.” Honestly, I haven’t thought about what day I was leaving. My aunt only booked a one-way ticket here, giving me a choice of the day to come home. I guess I should talk to her. I don’t care to think about leaving yet. When I think about being home with my parents, it makes me wanna flee again.
“Well…” Her voice drags me back to the conversation. “You need to figure it out. Talk to Aunt Patty and get back to me. School is important for you to finish.”
I close my eyes. “I’ll let you know,” I say, mostly to appease her. “How’s Dad?”
She’s silent. I start to wonder if she hung up, but when I pull my cell from my ear and see the seconds tick by on the screen, I know she’s still there, just not answering. “Honey, things are too complicated to explain.”
Right. I’m a child, and apparently a dumb one at that. “Fine. Don’t tell me. I have to go.” I stand and stroll toward the bathroom to finish getting ready. “Guess I’ll talk to you later.”
“Let me talk to my sister.”
“She’s not here at the moment. Call back tomorrow.” I hang up and stare at the phone until there’s a knock at the door. Shit, Ky is back and I’m not ready. “Be right there,” I call out, blinking away unshed tears. I think I’m ready for a beer…or two. Let the partying begin.
Chapter Six
When Addie opens the door to my room, I’m taken aback by her outfit. She’s wearing a skirt, which it’s fifty degrees outside and she’s not wearing tights, and a low-cut blouse showing more cleavage than necessary. These parties are more casual than ones she’s been to, I guess. I mean, yeah the girls I hang out with typically dress to make us guys salivate at the mouth and then fuck later. Doesn’t mean I was expecting her to dress the same way. I like her jeans
, T-shirt and baseball cap. I think they look much better. Not that she doesn’t make my eyes want to wander over her body or my throat go dry like I’m in the desert without water for days. The thing is, with Addie, she never has to try to get a guy’s attention. Not mine, anyway.
Not at fifteen and not now.
I turn my head to look away from her and walk through the door. “Are you almost ready?” When my arm rubs against her breast as I pass, I have to suppress a shiver from the contact.
She walks straight to the bathroom, quickly popping her head back out. “I’ll be right out. Gotta fix my hair.” She shuts the door, leaving me alone.
Throwing myself back onto the bed, I let out a sigh and prop my elbows up on the mattress with my legs kicked out. With a glance at the closed door, I call out, “You do know it’s a bit chilly outside, right?”
“Your point?” she yells back.
I chuckle, rolling onto my side as I grab a pillow to tuck under my head. I find myself wondering why she’s going through all the trouble for a party. “Okay, well…you do know it’s just a party and you may be the only one wearing a skirt, right?”
The door opens. Addie saunters out and stops by my bedside, throwing a hand on her hip. Her lips are in a grimace. Clearly she’s annoyed by my teasing. Or offended. Narrowing her eyes, she says, “Are you saying you don’t like what I’m wearing?”
God, I wish I was saying that. I think I like it more than I should. Shaking my head, I lick my top lip before answering, “No, just don’t want you getting bombarded by a bunch of drunk assholes once they notice you.” Mainly the ones who would take advantage of her and toss her away when they are done. Greg is one of them who would do that and I’ll be damned if I let it happen. Or anyone else for that matter.
She squints her eyes, as if she’s not sure she believes me. “Maybe I want to be noticed.” Her arms are crossed over her chest to the point her cleavage is pushing up and out of her top.
