“Why do you stare at me like that?” she mused.
“You’re different.”
“Good different?”
I bobbed my head as we found a bench in the garden. “You seem freer, happier than you were before. No longer bound by this need for duty.”
“You can thank Ezra for that. He opened my eyes to who I truly am.” She leaned against me, admiring the gardens before her. “He let me do all of this, make this place my home as much as it is his. Love changes you, Gabby, opens your mind, your heart, let’s you feel so much more than I ever thought possible.”
“Don’t you think you two might have just gotten lucky?”
“Won’t know until you meet Holden.”
“Yes, well, he does not seem to want to meet me, remember?”
Irina shrugged, and her eyes glimmered with mischief.
“There’s that look again. Seriously, you did something. What is it?”
“I think you should come to the pastures,” she said suddenly and hopped to her feet. “Come on.”
“Irina!” But she was walking away, waving at me over her shoulder.
I sat there a moment longer, taking in the beauty of the garden she transformed to give the place more life, then finally got up to follow. I would find out what she planned, one way or another.
Nearly two days passed and my anxiety over Tori lessened since I had no more dreams of her. However, the irritation caused by Irina and Ezra had me on edge. They both were plotting, and when evening set in, Irina came to my chamber holding a dark green dress that flowed at the waist but hugged everything above it.
“And what is that?” I asked with an arched brow.
“I had it made for you. Designed it myself and our seamstress here is amazing. Try it on,” she encouraged, handing it to me.
“Why?”
“Because your big sister asked you to. It’s a present! Just try it on, please?”
I stared at the garment in my hands. Silk and soft, yes, not as constricting as it could have been, but it was still a dress. “Fine, but I’m not wearing this out of the room.”
“That’s what you say now. Just put it on.” She clapped her hands excitedly as I disappeared behind the changing screen.
I grumbled the entire time I slipped out of my typical fur-lined leather clothes and held up the flimsy dress that had hardly anything to it. I hesitated until Irina asked if I needed help.
“Don’t even think about it,” I said, annoyed, pulling the dress up my body. The damned thing fit perfectly. There were no ties to it, just a few buttons along the side that were hidden beneath a fold of fabric. The skirt barely dragged on the floor, the ends uneven, but looking beautiful and like they fit. Hands on my hips, I glared down at the dress.
“So?” Irina asked. “What do you think?”
I wanted to lie and say I hated the damned thing, but in truth, it felt right. Slightly awkward since I was not used to wearing dresses, but her seamstress was amazing.
I stepped out from behind the changing screen and held out my arms. “Well?”
“You look stunning,” she whispered and called out. The door to my chamber opened, and a demoness waltzed in. “Now, let’s do something fun with your hair.”
I immediately reached around to the multitude of braids my long, brown hair was always in. “What’s wrong with my hair? Do you know how long it takes to put these braids in? And the beading? You are not going to undo my hair.”
“I was hoping you’d be up for trying something less… tribal?”
I crossed my arms, tapping my bare toes on the stone. “What’s wrong with looking tribal? It’s how everyone in Channon dresses, remember?”
“One night, Gabriella, please? For your big sister?”
“Are you going to tell me why we’re playing dress up, at least?” I asked, not ready to give in yet. I rather enjoyed my hair like this. It was how all the women in Channon wore it and kept it out of the way. The more braids you had, the better a hunter you were, and I was by far the best. The interwoven locks of hair started at my forehead and above my ears, trailing backward over the loose hair underneath. I failed to see my hair any other way and took another step back, just in case she tried to tackle me to a chair when I wasn’t looking.
Irina followed my moves, and I gave in, letting her take my hands in hers as she pouted. She never pouted. “Do you trust me?”
“That has nothing to do with you wanting to do something to my hair.”
“I just thought you would enjoy a night of being pampered like a princess.” She tilted her head as she added, “I know growing up you weren’t treated like a princess like the rest of us and I just want to do something nice for you.”
I squeezed her hands as I sighed. I was perfectly fine not being treated with such regard, but I could see how much this meant to her. Why she felt she had to make up for my unpleasant upbringing was just like the old her, and even as my gut roiled in apprehension, I nodded.
“Fine, have at it, but save those beads. They were handcrafted by the villagers, just for me.”
She squealed like a little girl and guided me to a chair before the mirror and small table as the demoness set to work undoing my braids. My long hair fell to my waist, and she brushed it out, being careful with all the beads as I asked. She twisted and pinned as Irina did up my face with powders and blushes, more things I did not use. Ever. There was no need to, when I lived in the woods and kept company with wolves and bears more than humans, or other gods. When they were finally finished, they moved out of the way, so I could see myself and my jaw dropped.
“What do you think?” Irina asked, she and the demoness standing anxiously by my side.
I looked nothing like myself. My hair was fixed like my sisters wore theirs, and my face was pretty, but it all felt off. I could hardly see the freckles on my cheeks beneath the layers of powder and cream, but Irina had done all this for me as a gift, and I was not going to ruin this moment for her.
“I don’t think I’ve ever looked this regal before,” I told her and beamed. “Thank you, Irina.”
She hugged me, pulling me to my feet. “Wonderful! Now then, let’s get down to the hall for dinner, shall we?”
“I can’t wait,” I said through gritted teeth, keeping the smile on my face.
At least we had one thing in common, neither one of us was a fan of footwear; unless I was in Channon and it was cold. Otherwise, I enjoyed being barefoot, digging my toes into the earth as I ran through the trees. A place I suddenly longed to be, the closer to we came to the hall. When we were near the doorway, I heard Ezra speaking, but another deep growling voice said something in reply. It was not Bishop, but it nagged at me. I’d heard that voice before.
I frowned, pulling Irina to a stop.
“Who’s here?”
“Just a guest,” she said, but didn’t meet my gaze. “We’re here!” she announced the next second, dragging me along into the hall. “Ah, so good of you to join us!”
I saw Ezra near the table and beside him was a demon. It wasn’t until he turned toward us that I saw his rust-colored horns and reddish hair pulled back in a long braid. His beard was freshly combed, and those arms bulged beneath his tight shirt. His eyes narrowed on my face as I did the exact same to him.
“You,” I muttered, confused. “Why is he here?”
The demon’s annoyed glance at Ezra indicated he was asking the same thing.
“I’m sorry, did I miss something?” Ezra asked. “Do you two know each other?”
“Sadly, yes,” the demon muttered as we stared each other down. “You are the goddess who was spoiling my hellhounds.”
“Not a goddess,” I corrected sharply. “And you’re the demon who lacks manners.”
Irina and Ezra exchanged a confused look before she said, “Where did you two meet?”
“Your wedding,” we replied at the same time, then proceeded to glare at each other.
“I thought you said you didn’t speak to any
one?” Ezra asked the demon.
“I didn’t count scolding a goddess on how not to approach hellhounds as socializing. Why is she here, Ezra? What is this?”
“Good question,” I agreed, turning to Irina. “Explain.”
Ezra cleared his throat roughly as he motioned to the demon. “I would like to introduce you to Prince Holden, my brother,” he stated, and my jaw dropped. “Holden, this is Princess Gabriella. She and you are, well, you’re meant to be wed.”
“Surprise,” Irina added, throwing me a smile that quickly disappeared as I glowered at her.
“I’m leaving,” Holden made a move to leave the hall.
“Of course you are,” I muttered, and he paused long enough to shoot me a look. “Don’t look at me like that, you’re the one that refuses to reply to my messages.”
“I have my reasons,” he growled.
“Oh I’m sorry, is the great Prince Holden so busy he cannot simply send a yes or no answer?” I shot back. “I forgot, you spend all your time training hellhounds. Or should I say attempting to train them.”
His hands curled into fists at his sides, and I swore the temperature plummeted in the hall. “What did you just say?”
“You heard me perfectly well.”
“What exactly happened between you two?” Ezra asked.
“A mild disagreement,” Holden mumbled, and I barked a laugh. “It was.”
“If that is how you wish to recall it that is fine by me.” I crossed my arms, debating on leaving as well, but the way Irina kept sidling closer to me, she wasn’t about to let me leave, not easily, anyway.
Ezra scratched at his chin, studying Holden with the exact same look. Then he clapped his hands loudly and motioned to the dining table, laden with dinner. “How about a proposition?”
Holden rolled his eyes, and I chewed on my cheek, annoyed.
“Let us all sit down to a nice meal, and you two can start over fresh? There’s no harm in that, yes? Just one evening together, since at some point, you two are going to have to be together,” he added in a quieter tone that did nothing to make me feel better.
This smug, arrogant demon was Prince Holden, the one I was to marry. This night could not get any more fantastic. I shook my head at my sister, hoping she realized I would be paying her back in kind for this mess, then reluctantly took a seat at the table.
“Holden?” Ezra urged.
The demon growled, but he walked around the table and sat across from me. Irina plopped down at my right, and Ezra took an open chair next to his brother. Servants came forward and poured us all glasses of deep, red wine. I longed to be back in the woods with my fire and wolves instead of being waited on by others. I hated it and sunk down in my chair until Irina nudged me.
“What?”
“You can, at the very least attempt, you know,” she whispered.
“You could have told me the truth.”
“And would you have come?”
I started to say yes, but that’d have been a lie. “Can you blame me?”
“I can when you said how much you wanted to meet him.”
I drank my wine, straining to hear the quiet argument Ezra and Holden appeared to be having across the table. His eyes were glued to his plate, but then flickered up to mine. Those dark, green irises sucked me in, and my heart gave a strange flutter. Then he blinked, and I was able to breathe again. There was a weight to his gaze. His annoyance rivaled mine, but there was so much more there, loneliness and a feeling of being lost I’d only ever seen in one other set of eyes.
My own, every time I looked in the mirror.
I studied Holden over my wine glass, taking in his strong face and those rust-colored horns I’d wanted to touch the first night we met. He tugged at his beard, not even seeming to realize he did it as his ire grew.
Ezra sighed, exasperated as he waved away whatever his brother said to him. “Dig in everyone,” he announced loudly, cutting off whatever Holden had been saying to him.
I picked up my fork but had no appetite anymore. I did not enjoy being tricked. Irina should have known that full well and yet she did it anyway. I could’ve strangled her, but not at the dinner table. She tried to get a conversation going, and I nodded along with whatever she spoke about. She kicked my leg, and I winced.
“What?”
“You are hopeless, you know that?”
“Thank you for that. Truly, sister,” I muttered and dropped my fork loudly against the plate.
“We did this so you two could meet and have a conversation,” she insisted. “You’re not even trying.”
“You want us to talk? Fine,” I said, shoving my plate angrily aside. “Prince Holden, why is it you refuse to reply to my messages?”
His hand stilled with a bite halfway to his mouth. “Perhaps I never received your messages.”
“Liar,” Ezra said helpfully and earned a curse in return. “What?”
“I think I liked it better when you were an asshole to me,” Holden muttered, also shoving his plate aside.
“Well?” I pushed, waiting for an explanation.
“I have my reasons.”
“And they are what, exactly?”
He shrugged. “I have a new litter of hounds needing to be trained. Keeps me very busy.”
“Yes, and I have an entire human kingdom to look after, yet I managed to send you messages. Try again,” I snapped.
He leaned back in his chair, our eyes locked. “What do you want me to say, huh? That I’m sorry and I made a mistake? You cannot sit there and tell me you are looking forward to this forced union with me, of all of the princes of the Underworld.”
“And who says I’m anything special?” I replied, wondering what he was talking about. There appeared to be nothing wrong with him. Except his manners.
“You are a goddess.”
“No, as I’ve told you quite a few times now, I’m not. Just a demi.”
His eyes narrowed as if he didn’t believe me, though there was no reason for him not to. “No matter, I am better off alone. I enjoy being alone, and I will find any way to do so. I do not need a wife, least of all, one who believes she can train my hellhounds better than I can.”
Ezra let out a loud whistle, but cut it short when we both glowered at him.
“And I never said I needed a husband, yet this is what is asked of us.”
“You will not be happy with me,” he uttered, and Ezra hung his head as Irina sighed, sounding at her wit’s end. “Is that what you want for your future?”
“I’m sorry, am I missing something? Are you a deranged murderer? Do you torture people in your castle?”
He blanched, blinked at me, confused. “What? No, why would you ask that?”
“Because there’s no other reason why you would be so reluctant to this… arrangement. Neither one of us is coming into it expecting anything, but you can at least stop being a thick-headed, arrogant ass and try to be civil with the woman who, whether you like it or not, is going to be your wife.”
Ezra buried his grin behind his wine glass as Holden’s mouth dropped open at my outburst.
I shoved back my chair, the scraping echoing around the hall. “If you’ll excuse me, I need some air.” I stormed out of the room.
Irina tried calling me back, but I ignored her. The pins in my hair were starting to hurt, and I wanted nothing but to get out of this damned outfit.
My feet took me to the gardens and the fountain bubbling near the center. I cursed, tugging out each pin and tossed them. Holden, was he that doubtful of his worth because he was a bastard? Why did he care what others thought of him? I certainly cared not. He did not choose his parentage just as I did not choose to be born to two parents who did not want me. At least his mother had loved him from what I could gather. And Jaspen, he could have done much worse than make Holden a prince.
As my fingers continued to dig through my hair for every last pin, I remembered the familiar look in Holden’s eyes. He might say he was fine with his ho
unds for company, but I told the same lies about being happy with the wolves. Both of us were missing something in our lives, and though I never saw us being in love as Irina and Ezra were, there was a chance we could at least be friends. Be there to understand what the other went through. It was far from ideal and not what I wanted out of my life, but if Alric found out I refused to do my part, he would find a way to make my life a living nightmare. Somehow, he would find a way.
That and if I did not, he would be punished along with the rest of my sisters. My hands were tied no matter what Holden wanted. I had to go through with this wedding.
The last pin found, I flicked it into the bushes and ran my fingers through my locks, massaging my sore scalp as my hair hung low. The powders on my face began to itch, and I went to the fountain, splashing the cold water on my skin until I wiped all of it off, using the hem of the dress. Irina would not be happy with me, but I was far from happy with her right then.
I heard steps behind me and glanced over my shoulder to find Holden.
“Can I help you with something?” I wiped my face one last time before I turned around to face him.
His eyes widened slightly as he took in my long, loose hair and my face back to its usual state. His lips twitched as if in a smile, but never quite made it there. “I came to see if you were fine.”
“Not to apologize?”
“Why would I apologize?” he snapped. “I’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Nor have I,” I said, tugging on a strand of hair.
“You can’t tell me you want this to happen.”
“The marriage? No, it’s not exactly what I had in mind for my future, but I don’t have a choice. You know that, yes? If I don’t, this entire deal falls apart and not only will Alric be disciplined, as will I, and my sisters,” I explained. “I’ll be seen as he is, a traitor, and seeing as I’m not, I’ll do what I must to survive.”
He hung his head, rubbing his forehead as he mumbled, “I did not think of it in that way.”
“No, of course, you didn’t. Your father is not the traitor.”
“Gabriella,” he started, but stopped, growling at himself. “I know nothing about this type of situation, here, with anyone. Relationships, I mean. Nothing at all.”
Disgrace Page 4
