Disgrace

by Kit Bladegrave

  “This woman you saw,” he said a while later, “you don’t remember who she was?”

  “No, it was the strangest thing.” I closed my eyes, picturing myself along the shore again. “The fog was heavy, but that’s normal. I saw someone down the coast, thought she was hurt… and then then next thing I knew, I saw Tolen’s face as I coughed up sea water.”

  His arms held me more securely to him on instinct. “I want three guards with you if I’m not around. Understand?”

  “Holden, I don’t believe Tori is alive.”

  “And until we know for certain, until this plague is under control, that is what I’m asking of you. Three guards, Gabby, to help keep me sane. Please.”

  I sighed, but gave in with a nod. “I won’t ever leave you, Holden, not willingly.”

  “That’s good to know because I am not about to let you go.” He frowned as he swirled the water around with his fingers. “It’s cold. Let’s get you into some dry clothes and tucked in for the night.”

  “But it’s still early, I can work.”

  His green-eyed glare begged me to let him have this win and stopped me from saying anything else. We got out of the tub, and he pulled out my heavier fur-lined clothes to bundle up in before he tucked me under the blankets. He said he would have to go back to the kennels but would stay with me until I fell asleep. He checked my head wound again, satisfied to see it healing, which I could feel already.

  I lay there beside him, enjoying the feeling of his fingers running lazily down my back. When I was about to tell him I wasn’t tired after all, my eyelids grew heavy, and then I was drifting away in my dreams.

  I found myself on a boat, surrounded by red flowers that gave off a brilliant violet glow. I wanted to touch them, and when I did, they exploded in the most beautiful array of colors.

  For the first time in many nights, I slept soundly, safe and warm beside my demon.

  12

  Holden

  I clenched my fists painfully tight at my sides. I couldn’t take much more of the bad news, day in and day out. Gabby’s attack on the coast had me seeing red for the next two days, too worried to let her out of my sight. I told her I’d have three guards watching her, but in truth I had six, patrolling at all times within seeing distance of her. My mind screamed at me she was far from being out of danger, but there was little I could do if Tori was coming after her daughter.

  She was a witch of immense power, and though I had no doubt I could run her through with my dagger, until she showed her face all I was able to do was focus on preventing the spread of her plague.

  Gabby was back to working tirelessly in her workshop, sleeping near the hearth for an hour here or there. Her fingers were blistered and sore from all the mixing, but she felt she was close to a solution. I prayed she was right.

  Smoke burned my eyes, but I refused to look away. “Three more dead,” I muttered darkly to Tolen by my side.

  “And four more hounds have fallen ill,” he reported.

  “Damn it. We have to stop this somehow.”

  “Is she any closer to finding a cure?”

  I glanced through the smoky haze to the workshop, currently surrounded by demon guards. “I don’t know. She’s killing herself trying to find one.”

  Those within the castle were growing more fearful by the day that this plague was going to strike them next. I did what I could to keep them calm, but aside from outright lying, there was little hope available for me to offer. I had no knowledge of sickness, or how to cure this plague that seemed to be picking up momentum. My worst fear was it spreading to Gabby and striking her dead from my arms. My jaw clenched painfully, remembering how she looked when she and Tolen returned from Channon. That had torn me apart as it was.

  “Tolen, have you seen Josef yet today?” I asked. When there was no reply, I glanced to my right and moved quickly to catch him. “Help! We need help!”

  “I’m… sorry sire,” he mumbled, reaching up to hold his nose.

  “No apologies, not now.”

  His nose was bleeding, and as I set him gently on the ground, his body began to shake violently. His teeth chattered noisily against each other and when I placed my hand on his forehead, flinched to feel it so cold. His breathing grew ragged until he sounded as if he was drowning, failing to get any air.

  “Get Gabriella,” I ordered one of the approaching guards.

  The others moved in, waiting for my orders. I needed to get Tolen inside, but then Gabby was sprinting toward us, falling to her knees. She touched Tolen’s forehead, checked his eyes and held his hand.

  “Well?” I asked quietly, not wanting Tolen to hear.

  She subtly shook her head, pain filling her eyes. “Get him inside and keep him warm,” she instructed the guards. “I will give him a tonic that may slow the spread of the cold.”

  The guards picked up their comrade between them and moved toward the castle.

  “Gabby, truthfully, how bad is he?” I asked when we were alone.

  She hung her head. “The plague is spreading much faster through him than it did the hounds,” she whispered. “His eyes, they’re already turning yellow. I’m sorry, Holden. I thought we had more time.”

  “Do what you can for him,” I told her quietly. “Make him comfortable.”

  “I want to save him,” she argued, and I felt her rage at Tori for causing this devastation and her frustration at not being able to stop it.

  “That new flower you found, does it not help?”

  “I’ll try, but it’s as with everything else I’ve used. I have no way of knowing.”

  She returned to her workshop, mumbling to herself about what she had that might slow the spread of this plague and save Tolen’s life, buy us some time. None of my brothers were adept at healing, and Jaspen certainly wasn’t. I considered reaching out to one of the gods of healing and medicine, but most of them were right bastards when it came to those of the Underworld. They would ask for a steep price to save my people, and even their magic might not be enough to counteract what was happening. Or they would flat out refuse, since I was still a bastard, and not worthy of my title, not worthy to call them my kind.

  Gods. They tended to be more of a nuisance than a help as far as I could tell.

  I returned to the fire burning the pups’ bodies and once it was out, returned to the kennels. I stoked more fires inside to keep those sick as warm as possible. I fed them the herbs Gabby left with me, trying to stop the shivering of their poor, aching bodies. And I prayed even harder for someone to intervene.

  But just as always in my life when I needed aid, my prayers fell on deaf ears. I was alone in this.

  “Another guard is down!” Hattie yelled.

  I burst out of my study to see Josef and another demon supporting a third demon between them. His face was covered in blood, and he shook so hard, they had trouble keeping him upright.

  “Take him to the infirmary with Tolen,” I instructed, helping them get him there without dropping him to the floor.

  Three demons had fallen ill, and as Gabby had mentioned it did with Tolen, this plague moved much faster within their bodies than those of the hounds. She had no ideas as to why and was quickly running out of solutions. The flower she thought would help had seemed to slow the effects for Tolen and the hounds, but there was no full recovery, not yet. It was a start that bolstered her hopes of being on the right track for finding a cure. We settled the demon in the infirmary and moved a brazier closer to his bedside. I rushed to the nearby table and picked up the red tonic.

  “Sit him up, he needs to swallow this.”

  Hattie and Josef did I as I asked. The demon sputtered a few times, but he got most of the tonic down, and his body stilled its quivering. He bowed his head in thanks, and we tucked him in, keeping him warm, and Hattie gently cleaned up his face.

  Josef and I stood at the foot of his bed, the closest we’d been since our strange conversation in the kennels. He shifted from one foot to the other, his eyes
darting all around. His head kept tilting as if he were listening to something, or someone speaking. I worried about him, but then Gabby rushed into the infirmary, carrying more vials.

  “Here, pass these around,” she said excitedly. “A single drop in each eye.”

  “What is this one?” I asked, noticing the liquid inside was violet, not red.

  “Made from the stigmas,” she replied, already moving to Tolen. “I infused it with sage and a bit of… well, you really don’t want to know.”

  I cringed, apologizing quietly to him for what I was about to do. I put a drop in each of his eyes.

  He blinked furiously a few times, but when he finally relaxed, I was bursting with excitement. “The yellow, its fading.”

  Gabby was nodding as she stared at Tolen, a smile spreading across her face.

  “You did it,” I told her. “You’re saving them.”

  “It’s at least preventing one of the symptoms, but I haven’t cured them, not yet.”

  “I trust you will.” I took her hand and asked Hattie and Josef to watch over the guards. Gabby protested as I tugged her from the infirmary. “Rest, at least for a couple of hours.”

  She leaned against my shoulder as we walked and when we reached my chamber, she kicked the door closed and leapt into my arms so fast, I nearly didn’t have a chance to catch her. I kissed her passionately, our first true meaningful contact in several days. It was far from what I had in mind for her resting, but my need for her overrode everything else.

  Later, we were curled up together beneath the blankets, Gabby sleeping soundly, giving a little snore now and again. I drew her in, kissed the top of her head, and dreamt of better days to come. They had to. I knew they would.

  I’d been out hunting, needing a few hours away from the castle to clear my head and bring back some meat for what was meant to be a celebratory dinner to lift everyone’s spirits. The hounds and the three guards who were sick had been showing great signs of healing. I was thrilled and had set out with a few of my demons to gather elk and whatever other game we could find for a decent meal.

  We’d barely reached the grounds after a successful trip when I felt a rush of despair. “Gabby,” I whispered and took off at a sprint for the castle.

  I passed several crying servants as I bounded upstairs to the infirmary. I hit the door hard, slamming it open and startling those inside. Hattie was crying, a handkerchief held to her face, and Josef stood beside her with an odd look of sadness on his face, mixed with a leer that made my skin crawl.

  “What happened?” I asked, searching the beds. “Gabby?”

  “She’s well, for the most part,” Hattie replied through her tears. “But, sire… Holden… I’m so sorry.” She pointed toward the beds that were occupied, and I turned, my gut already plummeting to the floor.

  That morning when I left, the guards were sitting up and chatting with each other, and even the hounds in the kennels had been up and moving around more. Now, I stared at three beds with bodies, covered in white sheets.

  Dead. They were all dead.

  “I don’t… how… they were fine,” I mumbled. “This can’t be happening.”

  “And more have fallen ill,” Hattie went on. “Four demons now, two guards and two servants. The hounds…” She choked on her words, shaking her head even harder as if that would make this all go away. “Many of the sick hounds have passed, too. And many more are falling sick every hour.”

  I dug my nails into the palms of my hands. What had I done to deserve this? What had my demons done? Or the hounds? They were dying tragic deaths for no reason other than that damned witch. After hearing what Gabby told me of her last visit to Channon, I had no more doubts about whether Tori lived or not. I would gather my soldiers, and we would hunt her down, make her return here to the Underworld and end this plague.

  Then, I would kill her for all the pain she’d caused.

  “Holden? Where are you going?”

  “Where’s Gabby?” I asked Hattie instead.

  “Workshop, she’s not taking the deaths too well.”

  Not that I blamed her. We were out of time. We needed Tori to remove this plague. Gabby would hate the idea and my coming to her with this plan would be taken as if I were losing faith in her abilities. It would knock her down, but she would just have to understand. There was always a chance this sickness would catch her next, and I would not stand by for that.

  When I neared the workshop, the sounds of crashing came from within. The guards nearest the door winced with each one, but none of them seemed panicked.

  “What’s happening here?” I demanded.

  They bowed their heads as the one on the right said, “She’s… venting her anger, sire.”

  And I was about to go inside and make it worse. “How long has she been like this?”

  “Since she returned from the kennels and the infirmary, sire. A few hours now, at least. We tried to stop her, but she was carrying several heavy cauldrons, and we thought it best to let her be until you arrived.”

  Another loud shattering of pottery slammed into the wall, and I flinched. “Yes, well, you chose well. I’ll see to her,” I said, braced myself, and walked inside. “Gabby?”

  She yelled I, as a pot sailed past my head and struck the stones behind me. Her eyes were wild as they latched onto mine and the guilt poured off her in waves. “Holden… I can’t… I…” She wrapped her arms around herself and she fell to the floor in a heap, sobbing as she cursed and sputtered apologies.

  My arms were around her a second later, pulling her into my arms. “It’s not your fault.”

  “Yes, it is,” she gasped through her tears. “I’m not enough to save them! I never was. So many are dead, and more are going to die… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I don’t blame you if you hate me.”

  I growled loud enough to startle both of us. “I don’t hate you. How could I?”

  “This never would have happened if you weren’t married to me!”

  “And that was neither of our decision to make,” I reminded her, cupping her face and wiping her tears with my thumbs. “Gabby, your mother is an evil witch. She would have hurt others if she was not doing this to my people. But now her coming here, her attacking me, she’s going to regret it.”

  She sniffed hard, eyes narrowing on my face. “You said is. You think she’s alive?”

  I wanted to explain my plan to her in a better way, maybe even at a better time, but it looked like it was too late now. “After you were attacked on the beach? Yes, I believe she’s alive, and this is leading up to her coming for you. I will not let her steal you away from me, understand? I won’t.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  When I said nothing, she started shaking her head.

  “No! You can’t just go after her! Do you have any idea what she’s like? She’s too powerful! I will not have you come back to me dead!”

  “And I will not sit by and watch as my people are killed off! If Tori is alive, I will find her, and I will bring her back here in chains to put an end to this,” I snapped. “I will not lose any more of my people or my hounds. And I will not risk losing you, too.”

  “You don’t know what she’ll do to you if she catches you,” she whispered with a shiver.

  My hands ran down her back to her uncovered scars. “I have a sense. I will be fine, love, promise, but I am going to find her.”

  “At least let me come with you. I may be able to draw her out.”

  “No, you are to remain here, under guard and safe.”

  “Holden—”

  “Not up for discussion,” I growled. “You will stay here.”

  She sighed, her head falling to my chest, but nodded.

  I held her firmly, wondering if tonight would be the last time I had her in my arms. I planned on setting out first thing in the morning. We’d start at the burnt down cabin in Channon and go from there. One way or another, I would find Tori and end this plague, kill her before she brought this death
to anyone else’s lands.

  We rose together, and I offered to help Gabby clean up her workshop. She stared around sheepishly at the destruction she’d caused, but I took her hand and kissed it.

  “It’s understandable. We’ll replace whatever we need to.”

  The only table left untouched was the one bearing the rest of the Sailor’s Call flowers on it as well as the two different tonics she’d already managed to make. The ones she truly believed would help. She seemed to debate on what to do with them as I started picking up broken shards of pottery before she cut her bare feet on them. Together, we straightened and righted what wasn’t broken and made a pile of debris near the far back corner of whatever was. We were nearly finished when I noticed a heavy canvas with bits of broken glass sticking out from under it. A rumbling growl started in my chest as I reached for the canvas and flipped it over.

  “What is this?” I demanded. “Gabby?”

  “What is what?” she asked, appearing at my side. Her mouth dropped open, and she took a step back, confusion warring with fear in her eyes. “No… no I swore those were all dreams… how many are there?”

  I removed more of the canvas and counted the frames. “Six mirrors. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I thought they were nightmares, I swear to you I did,” she whispered. “They’re shattered… in my dreams, they would appear, and I broke every single one of them.”

  “We need to get these out of here right now, and you are to have a guard with you at all times, even in here,” I ordered as a rush of heat washed over me. It was followed by a sudden burst of cold that left me panting for air. “That witch will not… not get to you… not again.”

  “Holden?” Gabby asked, grabbing my arm.

  I pressed my hand to my forehead as I began to shiver with a fierce cold that gripped my chest. I felt strange, as if a burning fire was being doused within me, and so light-headed. My vision grew blurry, and then I was falling. Gabby was screaming for help even as I tried to tell her I was fine, but something warm dripped down my face.