“Stand up.”
I did, gripping the edge of the desk, my legs feeling wobbly.
Micah kissed me, sweeping his tongue over my mouth, groaning at the taste of his release. His hand snaked between us and encircled my cock. He swirled his hand, using his fingers to cover my erection in the slick precome. He broke the kiss, and met my gaze. “Fuck me.”
God yes. Fuck, yes. There had not been a night in the last eleven months when I hadn’t craved being inside of him, when I hadn’t needed his heat, desired the way he writhed against me. Nothing and no one else had been able to come close to satiating that need.
But a blowjob was one thing; fucking was a different thing entirely. “Micah, we—”
“I said, fuck me.” His anger hadn’t abated, though it was overpowered by the cadence of his desire. Micah shoved the rolling chair away and hopped up on Ms. Westfield’s desk. Placing his arms behind him, he supported his weight, leaned back, lifted his leg slightly. “Connor. Fuck me.”
As many times as I’d been inside Micah, as many times as I’d seen his body, explored every inch and crevice of him, this was new. I’ve never seen him take that exact position, and definitely not in this manner. And once again, the years folded together and came full circle. This room where such an important part of my future had been revealed. It only made sense Micah would offer himself to me here.
I attempted to shake the thought away. Micah wasn’t my future. Couldn’t be.
“Connor.” Micah’s sharp cry brought me back to the moment, and I met his gaze. “I need you inside of me. I can’t take it another day.”
Neither could I.
He lifted his legs a little higher, giving me room to step between, but then another thought seeped in.
“I don’t have a condom or lube.”
Micah rolled his eyes. In the middle of his heat and lust, he actually rolled his eyes, causing the love I felt for him to sing even louder than my desire for his body. “Quit acting like you don’t know me, Connor. You know I don’t need lube, especially considering how much you’re already leaking.” I started to speak again, but he cut me off. “And since when do we use condoms?”
The hurt behind Micah’s last words was evident. I wasn’t sure if he’d attempted to hide it or not. He was right. We had never used condoms. Never needed to. We were always safe and protected with everyone else. But things changed in the last year. Neither of us had ever had an actual relationship before.
“What about Seth?”
Micah wrapped his legs around my waist, hooking his ankles behind my back. He almost sounded annoyed. “What about Seth?”
“You guys have been together for months. You’re still using condoms?”
He flinched, and there was another flash of anger mingling in the hurt. “Of course we are. Don’t be an idiot. It’s always been you. It will always only be you.”
Fuck. I kissed him, shoving my tongue deep into his mouth, groaning as his body arched against me, and while one of his arms circled my neck holding me to him.
He was mine. He had always been mine. I wrapped my arms around his back, digging my fingers into him, unable to get him close enough.
Micah managed to reach between us with his free hand, swept the precome over the head of my cock, and lined me up to his entrance.
It was all I needed. Still kissing him, I thrust forward, slowly, just enough that my dick slipped in. He hissed into the kiss and his ass clenched at the head of my cock. I paused for a moment, allowing him to catch a breath through his nose, and then I felt him relax. Slowly, I pushed the rest of the way in. I whimpered at the feel of him, the heat, the tightness, the pleasure as he squeezed his ring of muscle around my shaft. When I was buried deep inside of him, I broke the kiss and began to rock, watching his face, loving the pleasure that washed over his expression as I filled him.
“God, I’ve needed you, Connor.” Micah unhooked his ankles and spread his legs a little farther, giving me more room.
I increased my speed, still holding him tight against me. “I love you.”
He smiled. “Duh, you fucking moron.” His words were staccato, coming out as staggered breaths matching my thrusts.
I couldn’t help but laugh.
Micah’s grip around my neck tightened, and he pulled my head down so his lips were next to my ear, and his stubble scraped against my jaw. “Come in me.” And then he bit my earlobe.
Two more thrusts and I let out a cry of my own, and came. I arched back, pulling my ear from his mouth so I could bury myself deeper inside of him. It seemed I hadn’t orgasmed in decades. Thrust after thrust I came, again and again. Feeling like every ounce of tension and suffocated desire was spilling out of me.
At last I slowed. Micah glanced down between us and chuckled. “Holy fuck, Connor. I could feel that. You’ve been saving up that load.”
I had been, though I hadn’t realized the moment I’d been saving it for.
He looked back up at me, his smile returning. “I love you too, by the way.”
I kissed him, and then slowly pulled myself free, making sure he was steady on the desktop. The desktop…. Somehow I’d managed to forget where we were. I glanced toward the classroom door and through the small rectangular window looking out on the dark hallway. My God, we’d been idiots. Anyone could’ve seen or heard. “Fuck.”
Micah looked over his shoulder, then back at me, his expression serious. “Didn’t think about that. Nobody saw.”
Maybe nobody did, but still.
Micah shrugged. The fucker actually shrugged. “Well, we decided we were going to tell people before Moses showed up. Maybe it’s time.”
He might as well have dumped a bucket of ice water over my head. I took a step away, shaking my head. “No, Micah. This isn’t a joke. We can’t do this again. We’ve never been so careless. And of all times.”
“I don’t think you’re giving your nephew enough credit. Or the rest of our family. It really won’t be the end of the world.”
“You don’t know that.” I did, though. I could feel it. The world would crumble, quite literally. We would lose everything, including each other. I took another step back, then swiped my jeans off the ground and began to put them on.
“Connor, stop.” Micah slid off the desk and touched my arm. “Don’t run. Not this time. Please.”
I managed to get the jeans zipped up but not buttoned. “Sorry. This wasn’t right. Not right at all.” I moved away from him, snagging my shirt, then my shoes and socks before I headed across the classroom. “It was my fault. I’m sorry.” Before I got to the door, I glanced back. Micah stood there beside the desk, beautiful and naked, shoulders slumped in defeat and his expression a cold mask. “I’m sorry, Micah. I really am.”
Then I was out the door and rushing down the hallways of my old high school, away from the gym and the voices of Micah’s and my family as they deconstructed the circus.
Maybe that’s what I was to the Bryant family. The little sideshow freak. The one who’d corrupted the baby of the family.
Five
Micah
Years ago, I would’ve been left in tears. A crumbling, quivering mess on the floor. Those days were gone. That wasn’t entirely true. There had been tears after Moses had showed up. But Connor and I had been so close that time. I had truly believed things were about to change.
I stared as the classroom door slowly closed and Connor rushed off to wherever he was going. This wasn’t new. The ecstasy of being with him, the sense of rightness and belonging enjoyed for a few moments and then ripped away. Even as my body still tingled from his touch, from his invasion.
Different day, different year, same goddamn story.
Not only were the tears gone, but so were the muttered promises of never again. Of curses and regret. Well no, regret was ever present. But even as I began to get dressed, I knew there would be a next time. There would always be a next time.
The only thing that changed over the years was that I was no lo
nger certain Connor and I would ever experience a happily ever after. I was coming to terms with the fact that what we had was all we were ever going to have. Even so, I knew there’d never be a time without it. Sure, maybe months in between, maybe even years, but it wouldn’t end.
I didn’t want it to. And with that knowledge, the whispers that I was pathetic, delusional, and masochistic attempted to make themselves known, but I told them to fuck off. I’d become an expert at shutting them down, and it took little effort as I fixed the classroom. I picked up the dry-erase markers that had fallen, stared at Connor’s partly smudged drawings for a little too long, then went down the hall and got some soap and paper towels. I made certain Ms. Westfield would never be any wiser about how her desk had been defiled.
After affixing a smile onto my face, I reentered the gym and threw myself into helping take down the rest of the decorations. The only comment about me arriving late was from Gilbert, and even that was laced with humor.
No one had seen.
I’d told Seth it would be late by the time I was done helping my family and that I would see him the next day. But on my way home, I texted him. You awake?
He replied before I’d driven a block. Yep.
I’m coming over.
I turned my car around and headed toward Seth’s.
As I walked up the steps to his front porch, Seth opened the door and let me inside. I turned to him as he followed me in, and my resolution faltered.
He sighed. “Oh.” He sounded sad. “I wasn’t sure if you were coming over for a fuck or to end things. You don’t look like you’re here for a fuck.”
I’d been so sure of what I needed to do. But now he was in front of me, I didn’t want to. This wouldn’t be like before, when we could spend a few nights together for a few hours, then not see each other for months and then do it again. But now? This would be it. And I was going to miss him.
Seth was beyond sexy. When I took my rose-colored glasses off, I was aware he was more classically handsome than Connor, but it had never been about Connor’s looks, had it? With Seth, unlike most of my other hookups, I truly cared about him. We had history. Part of why we’d ended up where we were at that very moment.
Seth breathed out a puff of air, something between a snort and a laugh. “Damn, Micah. You look like you’re getting ready to shoot your favorite dog in the head.”
I grimaced, but the analogy at least gave me words again. “Holy shit, why would I shoot a dog in the head?”
“Like Old Yeller, to put me out of my misery.”
“Who’s Old Yeller?”
Seth stared at me, made a sound that was most definitely a laugh this time, and shook his head. “Well, thanks for the reminder of how much younger than me you are.”
“You’re only forty-one, Seth. You’re hardly my grandfather.”
“Yeah, well, I sure ain’t twenty-nine either.”
I barely managed to keep from reminding him I was twenty-seven. I could just picture his exaggerated wounded expression. Not helpful and most definitely not the point, even if it might ease the tension a little more. Then I hesitated again. This was one more example of why I didn’t want this to end. If I couldn’t be with Connor like I wanted, then at least I could be with someone I considered a friend, someone I cared about.
“It’s okay, Micah. You don’t have to explain. I’ve felt it coming. I was pretty sure the other night at dinner, and I was completely certain this evening.” His brows furrowed. “Then I second-guessed that maybe I was still misreading… things.”
I hadn’t considered this part on the drive over. Though I probably should’ve. I wasn’t sure how to proceed. It was one thing to end it with Seth, but if he talked, if he told his suspicions to anyone else, I couldn’t imagine what it would do to Connor.
Seth crossed the foyer, coming to a stop near enough to touch me, though he didn’t. He did meet my gaze, letting me see his sincerity. “Somewhere in all the hooking up over the years, you became my friend. In these last few months, though I didn’t realize it was happening, you became something more.” He swallowed and attempted a smile. “I need a little time, but at some point, you can just be my friend again, and I… I won’t say anything. You and Connor are both adults.”
Despite my desire to let the world know about Connor and me, having someone else know was maybe the most terrifying thing that ever happened, and I wasn’t prepared for it. “Connor and me? What do you mean?”
Seth just shook his head. “Sure, okay then.” He moved away, began walking back toward the door, clearly getting ready to show me out. “At least it makes sense why you came back to Lavender Shores. I never bought that you gave up all your violin dreams to come home and play farmer. Should’ve assumed it was for a guy. Although I never would’ve put those puzzle pieces together.” He turned the doorknob.
Before Seth could open the door, words burst from me. Unintended, but he’d stumbled onto the thing that drove me the craziest. “Everyone always thinks I’m insane for throwing away my music career to take up farming with Adrian. But I’m not. And I didn’t throw it away. I have the best of both worlds.”
As I spoke, I heard my volume rise, heard the anger I’d suppressed begin to turn into fury. Knowing that Mom and the rest of my family couldn’t quite understand why I would turn my back on the city for my love of the earth and Lavender Shores. Connor’s insistence I was only pretending to enjoy farming and owning the Green Violin so I could be near him. That my feelings for him were costing me my dreams.
“I’m so sick of people acting like I was this world-famous actor or some shit and I threw it all away to come back and dig in the dirt. I’m a musician who got to play in the Symphony and be in the background on several albums. I wasn’t exactly winning Grammys. And I still get to do it, at least the recording part. I was just in New York a couple of weeks ago. I love farming, and the store is pretty great too. I’m not just pretending to love Lavender Shores and love being here and love farming! I didn’t throw my whole life away just for Connor! In fact—” My words echoed back in my ears, and I shut my mouth, realizing what I’d just said. What I’d admitted to.
Seth stared at me wide-eyed, his hands still on the doorknob.
“Sorry, Seth. I didn’t mean to….” I had no fucking clue how to end that sentence.
He blinked several times as if considering, then released the doorknob. “You know, there’s more than one reason I’m the best bartender in Lavender Shores, or anywhere, for that matter.” He winked, some of the Seth I loved returning. The thought gave me pause. But it was true. I did love Seth. Just not in the way I loved Connor. Not even close. “Not only do I make the best mixed drinks around, but I know how to listen and I can keep a secret.”
I studied him for a moment, trying to make sure I understood what he was offering. “Are you serious? You actually want to sit down and listen to me talk about—” There was no use pretending. “—Connor? When I came here to end things?”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t. Not really. But whatever.” He crossed the foyer once more and this time took my hand. “I’m assuming no one else knows, right?”
I shook my head. My heart was beating so loud it seemed Seth should be able hear the rhythm. As nonplussed as I always made letting others know sound, when I talked about it with Connor, the reality was much more terrifying than I’d imagined.
Seth let out a long sigh, released my hand, and motioned to his living room. “For the next half hour, and no more, I will be playing the role of bartender. That’s as close as I can get to acting like your friend right now. The catch is that I’m tired and I’m only pouring us each a glass of wine. I don’t want to make martinis or anything else. And I know you don’t like red, but you’re going to deal with it. The benefit to you is that bartenders are better at keeping secrets than priests in a confessional.” He paused as he reached the wine rack beside the liquor cabinet and glanced back at me. “As soon as those thirty minutes are up, I’m kicking you ou
t of my house, and while I’ll keep your secrets safe, I’ll be telling the town you’re really a bad fuck and that’s why we ended things. People do not break up with Seth Marino.”
A tear slipped, and I wiped it away and was surprised to hear a laugh in my voice. “Deal.”
Within a few minutes, we were both seated on his couch, with much more space between us than what we’d been used to. Seth looked at me expectantly. I took a sip of the red wine, tried to hide the grimace at the taste, which was little more than vinegar, and then stared at my lap.
“Time’s ticking, Micah.” Seth leaned over and patted my knee, drawing my attention to him, and then sat back once more. “Don’t know where to begin?”
I shook my head. Talk about an understatement.
“Want me to start?”
What had I done to deserve a friend like Seth? I nodded.
“Okay.” Seth didn’t have to think for very long. Maybe he’d already had questions rolling around in his mind. “So, did this thing start between you two the minute Connor moved in?”
I flinched. “No! Of course not. He was thirteen. I was nine.”
Seth raised a hand. “Calm down. I wasn’t accusing anyone of anything. And I hardly have the timeline of your childhood memorized. How the hell would I know how old the two of you were?”
In truth, for me it had started the minute Connor walked through the door. There’d never been a time when I hadn’t been in love with him. At least as much as a little kid could be. Complete hero worship at the beginning, but it always had a different flavor than the kind I bestowed upon my biological older brother. Maybe because Gilbert’s love and care for me came with a side order of annoyance, which is demanded of all older siblings. Connor’s never did.
Was I really going to share this story with Seth? Betray Connor’s trust?
Was it betrayal? If I needed to tell someone, anyone, after all these years?
The Hideaway (Lavender Shores Book 5) Page 6
