The Hideaway (Lavender Shores Book 5)

by Rosalind Abel

  Moses stared at the movie, though I doubted he was really attempting to follow along. When he spoke, his voice was monotone. “Dad would preach about you. About his little brother who was captured by demons, was too weak to fight them, to be able to trust that God would cast them out of you.” He sniffed. “The whole time I knew I felt those same demons. And I swore I wouldn’t be as weak as you were. That I wouldn’t give in to them. That I would trust, that I would fight. That I would have faith.”

  I hadn’t known my brother had started a church until Moses. But I could imagine what Moses’s life had been like, with Russell inheriting our mother’s religious fanaticism and our dad’s abusive tendencies. I supposed it made sense to turn me into the bogeyman. How much more terrifying if the evil had claimed a kid from your own family. One who could come back and try to capture you as well.

  Again, I didn’t know what to say. Wasn’t even sure which of the emotions I was feeling were for Moses and which ones were for me.

  “I knew the youth center was a bad idea.”

  That took me a moment. I’d been so trapped in the past, it was hard to come back. “You did? I didn’t realize you felt one way or another about it.”

  Moses shrugged. “I was afraid to say something. There aren’t many people in Dad’s church, but they’ll fight over that.”

  “They won’t win, Moses. One, they don’t have the resources, and two, more importantly, they’re just wrong. The world has changed. More people have an open mind. The place you and I come from, the things we were taught, those are evil. I know it doesn’t feel that way, but that’s what it is.”

  “I know that.” When he met my gaze, his eyes were clear though exhausted. “I know you’re not evil. I know your family isn’t evil. I know this town isn’t evil.”

  On impulse I started to reach out and touch him, then hesitated. Then gave in. Though he still held the pillow against him, I gripped his forearm, gave a little squeeze and let my hand linger there for a few more moments. “My family is your family. You’re a Bryant now too. And you aren’t evil.”

  He opened his mouth, and I could tell he was getting ready to argue. Tell me why I wasn’t evil but he was. Then he gave another shrug. I thought he was going to return to silence, but instead he went a different way. “You keep saying that, that you’re a Bryant. That I’m a Bryant now. Your whole family says that. And I can tell they mean it. But your last name is still Clark. They didn’t adopt you. You’re not really theirs.”

  Now there was an old wound scratched open. One I’d nearly gone back and tried to rectify countless times over the years, but never had the nerve for some reason. Well, I knew the reason, or reasons—there were two. “They tried to adopt me. Or offered. Right after all the legal ties my parents had over me were severed. But, I think you’ll understand this, I’d only been with them a little over a year. I was already head over heels in love with all of them, already calling them Mom and Dad and brother and sister, but part of me still feared they were evil, like my mother, your grandmother, had said. At the time, I wasn’t sure, I thought maybe I would change still. That I would get this demon out of me, and be good enough for God, good enough for the family. But if I took the Bryant name, was fully adopted by them, I knew there wouldn’t be a chance of that. Like signing a deal with the devil to sell my soul.”

  The nod Moses gave confirmed he didn’t need any further explanation at all. It didn’t surprise me.

  “I was wrong, Moses. They weren’t evil, I wasn’t evil, and I was already more their child than I’d ever been to Peter and Marjorie Clark.” I nearly told him my thoughts of God now, but knew that would be pushing way too far. Nearly told him how I’d almost asked the Bryants countless times to revisit the adoption conversation. I knew they were afraid to push. And then I was an adult, and it would’ve just seemed silly. Even so I’d been tempted when I’d been at college. Wanted to hear the teachers call me Connor Bryant instead of Connor Clark.

  But then the thing with Micah happened. I couldn’t ask after that.

  “Well, it’s just a name anyway, right?” Moses sounded like he was trying to make me feel better. Maybe I’d let more regret show in my voice than I’d meant to. “You’re still obviously their family.”

  I leaned across him to flick on the lamp and held out my right hand in front of him, so that he could see the heart—one side made up of lavender flowers, the other half blue waves—that was tattooed on the back of my hand. “Every member of my family has these. Everyone. Proof that we’re family.”

  He studied it, though he’d seen it before. “Don’t some of the Kellys have this too?”

  “Yeah. All of them. It’s a little different than with the Bryants, but they’re still family.”

  Moses nodded, still staring at the tattoo.

  I’d showed him, hoping he’d suggest getting one. So that I could give him some proof that he truly was with his family. That nothing could separate him from us, from me.

  He didn’t.

  Maybe he was waiting on me to say it, to ask if he wanted one. But I was afraid if I did, he would feel pressured, or that it would just freak him out.

  He blinked a few times, wiped away a fresh tear and then looked at me once more. He seemed more himself. Like he was returning to the older than seventeen-year-old that he normally was. “I want to stay here. With you.”

  “You will. I swear it.”

  Moses simply nodded, glanced at the TV, and sighed. “I’m going to go to bed. I’ll try not to have dreams tonight.” He stood.

  The chance of him not having dreams was nearly laughable. I imagined he knew that as well. Hell, the chance of me not having nightmares was laughable. “Moses.”

  He’d been about to turn down the hallway toward the bedroom when he glanced back.

  Even though I meant them with every ounce of my soul, I had to force the words from me, having never said them before. Knowing that once they were out, I couldn’t take them back. All too aware that if somehow I did lose him, I would never recover. “I love you.”

  Moses blinked a couple of times, looked close to tears again. His lips moved silently and then closed tight. He gave another tight nod and headed to his bedroom.

  I barely slept again that night, but it wasn’t because of dreams, though Moses had plenty of them for both of us. I couldn’t shake the feeling that now I’d told my nephew I loved him, I was destined to lose him. Court ruling and legal paperwork or not. As the night dragged slowly on, the demons of my childhood came back, mingling with new ones. I could almost picture my mother and father bursting through my apartment door. Russell close on their heels. The three of them sweeping Moses away so I would never see him again.

  As I finished my pack of cigarettes on the balcony and the light of dawn began to vanquish the stars, I called Gilbert.

  By four o’clock in the afternoon, Gilbert and Walden knocked on the door of the apartment. I let them in. Moses was already packed and excited to go. Actually, not so much excited as relieved. I’d debated on how frank to be with him. It was tempting to simply tell him that Gilbert and Walden had wanted to move up their trip, make it sound like nothing more than a fun time. Instead, I reminded myself he wasn’t a child, and that honesty would probably make him feel safer than anything.

  Even though I knew it was the right plan, I didn’t want to let him out of my sight, not even for a moment. I reiterated my logic out loud, more to convince myself than any thought that Moses wasn’t clear on it. “The Clarks have no idea where Gilbert’s home is. If they come back, the rest of us will deal with it. You don’t have to worry about anything. You can call as much you want. And by that, I mean you’re calling every damn day whether you want to or not.” I laughed, hearing the tremor in Mom’s voice when I left for college echoed in my own. “Actually, at least once in the morning and once at night. But more is fine too.”

  The smile Moses gave conveyed the words he hadn’t repeated to me the night before.

  “There’s
nothing to worry about, and we’re going to have a blast.” Walden snagged Moses’s suitcase. “But if you get the chance to get away from your tattoo needles downstairs, it would be great to have you come up for a few days.”

  Gilbert sucked in a breath. “Actually, that’s a great idea! I don’t know why I didn’t mention it to you this morning. Walden and I met this guy this past winter. He just moved to the area. I think you’d really hit it off. I mean, maybe you don’t want to date long-term, but long enough to—” His gaze flicked to Moses, then back to me. “—start a book study or something.”

  Moses laughed uncomfortably, and Walden rolled his eyes. “It’s a good thing we’re not planning on having children.”

  Gilbert shrugged. “Why do you think we’re never asking Hayley’s kids to visit? One week with me full-time and after she got them back, I’m fairly certain she’d hire a hit man.”

  “I bet you’re right.” I inspected Moses. “You sure you’re okay with this? You feel comfortable?” Maybe it wasn’t the brightest idea, considering our conversation just a few hours ago, to send him on an extended trip with Gilbert. Walden was one thing; he was used to keeping conversations child appropriate. Gilbert might say the wrong thing and trigger all Moses’s past lessons of how evil the gays were.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. It’ll be fun.” Moses sounded like he meant it. A part of me felt a little hurt that he wasn’t more determined to stay with me. Ridiculous.

  “Wow, brother, that was subtle.” Gilbert narrowed his eyes at me. “I’m not going to corrupt our boy here, I promise. I just can’t guarantee there won’t be some four-letter words every once in a while. Or, every hour on the hour for that matter.” His teasing expression turned serious, and he looked at Moses. “Actually, while we’re on that topic. I wanted to apologize for last night.”

  Moses’s brows knitted. “For what? I’m the one who should apologize to you, for bringing all of that into your family.”

  If I hadn’t already, the growl in Gilbert’s voice would’ve caused me to love him forever. “Never apologize for that. And you are family.” As he spoke, his gaze flicked from Moses to me, and I realized his apology was meant just as much to me as to Moses, maybe more so. “I made it sound to your waste-of-space father like we are better than his family because we have money. We’re not. I only said that because I knew it was the only thing he couldn’t fight. And fair or not, this part I won’t apologize for; if that’s what it takes to keep you safe, then we’ll use it.” Maybe for the first time, I noticed Gilbert’s cheeks blush. “That seventy grand I said I made last month? Well, over half of it was used to purchase the diamonds that went into the jewelry. The other part was spread out over four months of work.” His eyes widened, and he hurried forward. “Not that we don’t have enough money to protect you, we do. I just….”

  Walden jumped in as Gilbert’s words faded into a mumble. “Realized you sounded like a rich douchebag?”

  “Yeah. That.” Gilbert gave another shrug and cast another apologetic glance my way and then attempted a smile at Moses.

  I couldn’t help myself. I wrapped Gilbert up in a hug, completely overwhelmed by my love for him. But made sure to end the hug by rubbing my knuckles roughly on the top of his head. “All is good, Shorty.”

  Gilbert sputtered and pushed himself away. He shared a commiserating glance with Moses. “Almost six foot and this is what I get. My entire life, being called Shorty by this fucker.” His eyes narrowed, and then he grimaced. “What am I talking to you for? You’re just as much of a tall freak as he is.” He sighed. “I’d say I needed to find a new family, but then I went ahead and married a guy several inches taller than myself.” He rolled his eyes. “Apparently, I just found a new issue to talk about in therapy.”

  Yep. I couldn’t love that rich douchebag any more if I had to.

  It was all I could do to let go of Moses when I hugged him goodbye. But, there was a sense of relief as I watched the three of them drive away. If the Clarks wanted to cause more drama, at least Moses wouldn’t have to deal with it.

  At nearly seven o’clock, I was wrapping up my final tattoo session of the evening when I realized I’d be walking up to my apartment alone. That I could sleep in my own bed again instead of the pullout. Though I would miss Moses, that part sounded like pure heaven, and the thought of bed, the thought of an apartment without my nephew, brought Micah to mind. The look he’d given me the night before when we’d planned Moses’s trip.

  I knew Micah would be asleep in Seth’s bed that night, or the other way around, but I was just as certain that he’d be in mine before Moses returned. Probably several times.

  Nine

  Micah

  “I’m getting too old for this shit.” Adrian plopped the crate of sweet potatoes on top of the counter, then wiped the back of his arm across his forehead, only serving to smear dirt. “How the hell did I already get dependent on having Moses around? That boy is skinny, but he’s as strong as a horse.” He made a show of rubbing the small of his back. “He’s only been gone one day and I’m ready to hire a live-in massage therapist.”

  I grinned at him. “Thirty-six might be a little young to retire, don’t you think?”

  “I didn’t say anything about retiring. However, I think it’s time we brought on a few more people. Even though Moses is going to be back in a couple of weeks, come fall he’ll be in school. It’s not like we can’t afford to bring in another person or two full-time.”

  I’d been after him to do that for over a year. We already employed two part-time positions at the Green Violin and had four others working full-time at the farm and greenhouse, but Adrian and I had still been working our fingers to the bone. It was fun to tease Adrian any chance I got, and I needed the distraction after the scene from the night before. I hadn’t been able to get my equilibrium back. Connor’s call that morning telling me he was going to send Moses with Gilbert and Walden early made it clear how the night had affected him as well. And reminded me how much I could’ve lost two decades before. “What about Colin and Madison? If working in the fields is good enough for the kids in my family….”

  He scoffed. “Colin is nine and Madison is seven. And did you forget how my family feels about my profession? A descendent of a founding family doing grunt work for a living?”

  “It’s good enough for me, and I’m from a founding family.”

  Adrian leveled his gaze at me. “Yeah, but you’re insane and the whole town knows it. Leaving New York City for Lavender Shores they understand. Trading playing at the Philharmonic for digging in the dirt, they most definitely do not.”

  It was a little too close to home, so I sought a distraction and found it easily enough. “But that can’t be true for Colin and Madison. Your sister is a lesbian. Surely she and her wife don’t hold such views.” Try as I might, I couldn’t keep the chuckle out of my voice. “After all, farmers wear flannel. And lesbians….”

  Adrian threw back his head and roared in laughter, slapping his thighs. When he was able to speak again, he had to wipe the tears from his eyes, which only made the streaking dirt across his face worse. “I have half a mind to tell your father that you’re engaging in such stereotyping of the L members of our town.”

  I shrugged. “The real sin is that Amelia and Bethany are more your lipstick lesbian types than the flannel-wearing types.”

  Adrian laughed again but not as hard. “See, there you go again. Ascribing to such labels might just get you kicked out of town, and then you’ll find yourself back in New York City whether you want to or not.”

  And there we were again. Goddammit. I sought for another subject change. “Have your date with Garrison yet? Did you make it worth all the thousands he paid for you the other night?”

  “A lady never tells.” He stopped laughing, but gave a coy shrug. “But, let’s just say, if word gets out and they have that stupid thing again next year, I’ll raise twice as much.”

  “That’s my man!” I laughed and clapped him
on the back. “So, do you think there’ll be a date number two?”

  “Nah.” Adrian shook his head and waggled his eyebrows. “I’ve got my sights set on that new bookseller after seeing him onstage the other night.”

  It took me a second. “Jasper Getty? Really? You have a thing for redheads? How in the world have I known you all these years and am just finding this out?”

  He shrugged again. “I’m Latino. We like our redheads. They’re fiery, like us.” More waggling of eyebrows. “Put us together and… explosions!” He thrust his hips on the last word.

  “Oh my God, thank you for that visual. Please excuse me while I hurl.”

  Adrian laughed again, but his attention was caught by something out the window. “Speaking of a man who can make me explode…. I know he’s not a redhead, and I know he’s your brother and all, but damn.”

  I followed his gaze and saw Connor walking by the window. He paused and glanced in, having to hold up his hand to the glass to see past the sunset’s glare. My heart sped up. But I was careful to keep my expression neutral with Adrian beside me. Not that it was hard. I’d only had nearly a lifetime of practice. I went around the counter and wove through the artistically arranged platforms of produce on my way to the door. If something was wrong, surely he would’ve called. I flipped the lock and opened the door for him. “Everything okay? It’s getting late.”

  When his eyes met mine, all concern for Moses faded. That wasn’t why he was here. Not at all. “Everything’s fine. Moses left with Gilbert and Walden a few hours ago. I just finished up with a client. And I was thinking, since I have the house to myself, maybe we could—” His words broke off as he stepped inside and saw Adrian. “Oh, um… hey.”