by Glynis Astie
I was intrigued. “You’ve captured my interest. What are we doing?”
Maya’s evil laugh came over the line. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”
I was torn between feeling giddy at the prospect of going out and having fun and dreading the distinct possibility that Maya was going to either embarrass me within an inch of my life or scare the crap out of me. Then I thought about it a bit more and concluded there was a good chance she would do both.
What the hell! “OK, I’m in.”
“Of course you are. Be at my place in an hour.”
Click.
Why did Maya rarely feel the need to say good-bye? Once she had said what she needed to say, the conversation was over. There was never the requirement of niceties. Wait a minute! Why did she want me to be at her apartment in an hour? Following those instructions, I would arrive by eleven am. What was she planning for tonight? And what lengthy process did we have to go through to prepare for it?
Maya’s plan turned out to be a masquerade ball in San Francisco. She had booked massages, facials, manicures, pedicures, blowouts and um…waxing...for both of us. (Yes, I know, I got tired simply telling you about it. Imagine what it was like to go through it all.) She also had a rack of dresses for me to choose from.
If I stopped to think about it, I would seriously wonder why she had a rack of size four dresses when she’s a size zero, but I honestly didn’t care. I had been beautified in every possible way and I planned to go out and have fun if it killed me. I was bound and determined to forget about my desolation. I did have the presence of mind to text my husband to let him know I would be out late with Maya. I didn’t think he would miss me, but the last thing I needed was for him to ultimately notice I was gone and freak out over my whereabouts.
Now, back to the dresses. I selected a black strapless floor length ball gown. It was the epitome of elegance and it lifted my spirits immeasurably. Maya vetoed it, stating it resembled a black version of my wedding gown which was too existential for her taste. I didn’t think existential was the word she was going for, but decided to forgo the argument. She had gone through a lot of trouble to cheer me up, so I was going to keep my mouth shut.
Maya then selected a dark blue dress with spaghetti straps and a long skirt with a generous slit up the side. The fabric had a hint of sparkle and the overall effect of the dress was magnificent. She added silver strappy HIGH-heeled sandals and a few jeweled bangles.
My jaw dropped at the sight of the sandals. “You do know I need to be able to walk in these, right?”
She rolled her eyes. “Spend a few minutes practicing and you’ll be fine.”
I peered over at her cautiously. “Thank you, Maya.”
She sighed. “I was worried about you, Syd.”
I nodded. I knew I wasn’t allowed to cry, for two very important reasons. One, Maya had done my makeup to perfection, as usual. And two, Maya didn’t like women who cried. Kind of makes you wonder why she’s such a good friend of mine, doesn’t it?
She put her hand on my shoulder. “Are you alright?”
Wow. She must be really worried to ask me to open up my can of crazy. I’ll have to take it easy on her. She may pack a wallop, but I could decimate her in a few seconds with my level of psychosis.
I shook my head. “Not really. I thought Louis would be happy once he got a new job; that he would feel fulfilled and we wouldn’t have money stresses anymore. But now, I rarely see him and when I do, he’s distracted and cranky. Right before you called this morning, he told me he has to work every minute until we leave and he has to bring his laptop with him…” I felt the tears threatening, but boldly pushed on. “We’d already been through so much during the first six months of our marriage. I thought we’d fixed most of our issues and now it’s like we’ve totally regressed. And I have to meet his gigantic family…and they’re going to hate me…”
Perhaps I went a little too far. Maya really doesn’t do well with this much emotion.
Maya brought me over to her sofa and sat me down. “Listen, Syd, I’m sure Louis is happy about his new job. He’s probably also nervous about seeing his entire family and introducing them to you. It’s also likely he’s feeling a lot of pressure, now that he has the status of someone who has ‘made it in America.’ He has a lot on his plate too.”
I think I’ve mentioned before how every once in a while, Maya shows such insight and such depth of feeling, I’m literally shocked into silence. I gawked at her helplessly, trying to formulate a response.
She giggled. “I know, I stunned you with one of my lucid moments. You don’t have to say anything.” She made a shooing motion with her hands. “Go get dressed. Devon will be here any minute.”
WHAT??? All this AND I get to meet Devon? SHUT UP!
I grabbed the dress and accessories from her and ran into her bathroom. I put myself together in record time and returned to her in the living room grinning like an idiot.
She smirked. “I’m only going to say this once, Sydney.”
I stared at her with rapt attention.
“DO NOT embarrass me.”
I feigned innocence. How could I possibly embarrass her? I paused for a moment to think over if she were more concerned about stories I might tell once I had imbibed a little or things I might do once I had imbibed a little. I’m thinking option one would be off limits. At least she would get a good laugh out of option two. And she could add to her photo collection.
The doorbell rang. Here it comes….the moment of truth!
Holy crap! He’s GORGEOUS. Not like, run-of-the- mill gorgeous, but stop-you-in-your-tracks-gawking-like-an-idiot gorgeous. He was about six feet tall, with short, jet black hair and the most striking green eyes. His face looked as though it had been chiseled out of the finest marble and it was clear, even through his tuxedo, that his body was perfectly sculpted. I had seen a photo of him a couple of months ago (after A LOT of begging), but it didn’t do him justice.
It was not lost on me how the two of them made a breathtaking pair. I wondered what it was like for them to walk down the street together. I bet they could stop traffic. In fact, I bet they could cause accidents. I would most likely find out for sure soon enough.
When Maya introduced us, I politely shook his hand and told him how happy I was to finally meet him. I kept my attitude friendly, but reserved. It was hard work though; I don’t think I’ve ever been in the presence of such a magnificent man. No, I haven’t forgotten about my husband during our time of trouble. Louis is undoubtedly an extremely attractive man, but Devon is the reason ‘drop dead gorgeous’ became an expression. Simply looking at him could easily give you heart palpitations. Though I must admit, gazing at such a ridiculously handsome man was a welcome distraction from the anxiety riddled saga my life had become.
The night out with Maya and Devon was exactly what I needed to regain a slight hold on my sanity. I made sure to drink enough to keep me happy, but nowhere near enough to get me into trouble.
It spoke volumes that Maya was more concerned about maintaining a proper image for Devon than in finding new and interesting ways to embarrass me. Though I’m sure this was due, in part, to the company they both worked for being a major donor for the event. It would cause too much damage to Maya’s reputation for her to bring someone who would behave in a drunk and disorderly way on such an important occasion.
Maya tucked me into bed that night and promised me French toast from the Peninsula Creamery the next morning. I texted Louis just before I fell asleep, informing him I would stay at Maya’s for the night. I didn’t receive a response.
The next morning, I woke to Maya and Devon canoodling over coffee and takeout containers filled with breakfast wonders from the Creamery. While I had enjoyed the time spent with Devon, and was unequivocally thrilled for Maya, I felt a sense of misery in witnessing the love and passion which was missing from my own relationship. After a delightful meal with these two lovebirds, it was time for me to return to deal with the d
isaster known as my love life.
As I put my key in the door, I determined while I may have been sensible enough not to get completely drunk and embarrass myself, it would seem I did drink enough to have a persistent headache. What I really needed was my dad’s scary tar remedy. (It tasted like it contained tar to me.) Hmmm. I wonder if he would give me the ingredients for it over the phone. You know what? It’s simply not worth the humiliation resulting result from my asking him, especially with two wedding toasts in his immediate future. The last thing I needed to do was to give him more material. Sadly, he had way too much at his fingertips already.
I walked into the living room and noticed it was strangely devoid of Louis. His laptop was sitting on his desk spewing random characters. I sighed. He must have set up a build and run to the bathroom. I hoped he was in a better mood than yesterday.
With each step I took towards the bedroom, my heart felt a little heavier. He hadn’t told me he loved me since he started this job; what’s worse, he hadn’t called me mon coeur. It may sound stupid to you, but this absence of tenderness really broke my heart. Hearing those words gave me strength. They helped me to calm down. They helped put Crazy Sydney back behind the curtain.
I entered the bedroom and put my purse on the dresser. Just then the bathroom door opened and Louis came out with a towel wrapped around his waist. Have I mentioned there has been no physical tenderness for quite some time? I felt completely disconnected from him, which he must have seen as I stared listlessly in his direction.
Louis smiled sadly.
I returned his sad smile and sat down on the bed.
He dressed quickly and came to sit next to me. “I am so sorry, mon coeur.”
I turned to comfort him when he handed me a small velvet box. I gasped in surprise, delight flooding my face. What girl doesn’t love getting a velvet box?
“What’s this, Bluey?”
He grinned. “Something to remind you of how much I love you.” He paused. “Even when I behave like a jackass.”
I burst out laughing and threw my arms around him. “You haven’t been a jackass. You’ve been stressed about your new job…about our trip…about your family meeting your, um, eccentric wife.”
He nuzzled into my hair. “I have missed you so much.”
I sighed contentedly. “I’ve missed you more.”
He pulled out of our embrace and pointed to the box in my hand. “Please open it.”
I didn’t have to be asked twice.
As the lid creaked open, I saw a small diamond heart on a delicate white gold chain. It was so beautiful, and it meant so much to me I didn’t know what to say. Mon coeur. My heart.
I gazed up at him with tears in my eyes. “It’s perfect,” I whispered.
He smiled tenderly. “Just like my wife. And in a few days, my entire family will know this as well as I do.”
I looked deeply into his eyes and marveled at how quickly I could go from feeling so separated from my husband to falling right back in sync. Rather than trying to dissect every possible reason for this and question how long this feeling of closeness would last, I opted to focus on the fair amount of misery we had muddled our way through in the last few months. Instead of throwing in the towel at the first sign of trouble, we kept working and working and working. Over the last seven months, I had learned marriage is without a doubt one of the hardest things in this world, but it’s also one of the sweetest.
Speaking of sweet, my husband’s remark about my being perfect was an incredibly kind thing for him to say to his crazy wife at such a stressful time. Regrettably, the reality of the journey we were about to take still struck fear into the deepest regions of my heart. It may seem dramatic, but I kept thinking – only three more days until the trial commences. Three more days until I’ll be cross examined, assessed and possibly even tested in my capacity as Louis’ wife. Only time would tell if I had a chance of making it out alive.
Chapter Seventeen
The night before our flight to France, all hell broke loose. I suppose I should qualify this ruckus took place in my head. Louis was still at work and I was trying to finish packing for our trip. As I thought about all the people I was going to meet and all the events I was expected to be the star of, I began to shake. I sat down and put my head between my knees, but no amount of deep breathing was going to help me to calm down.
There was only one person who could save me now. I reached for the phone and dialed Kate. Fortunately, the phone was picked up instantly. Unfortunately, instead of hearing Kate’s voice, I heard Sam’s blood curdling screams emanating from the receiver. What was happening? Had something happened to Piggy the second? If so, Piggy the third and fourth were waiting in the wings. (One hundred dollars and four hours of my life later…)
“Kate? Are you OK?” My heartbeat sped up even more. If I kept up this level of anxiety, I was going to pass out in about two seconds.
I heard clattering sounds and then an exasperated Kate saying, “Oh, crap!”
I instantly felt better, knowing Kate uses profanity (well, her watered down version of it) when annoyed, not in danger.
“Hello?” An exhausted Kate managed to pick up the phone.
“Kate? It’s me, Syd. Are you alright?”
“Syd!” She sighed. “I think so. Sam is really irritable. I’m at the end of my rope.”
Sam? Irritable? Is something wrong with my perfect angel? I took it as a very bad sign if Sam were in a bad mood. She had the sunniest disposition ever. Maybe she knew something about our trip to France that I didn’t. After all, babies are particularly intuitive.
“Syd? Are you there?”
I cleared my throat. “Sorry, Kate. I’m a little…um..” How to describe my current state of mind? Nervous? Apprehensive? Just plain crazy? Insert your favorite Sydney adjective here…
She sighed. “You’re a little insane?” Another good one.
I chuckled nervously. “Always. But let’s get back to Sam. Is something wrong? She’s normally such a happy girl.” I couldn’t possibly bother my sister with my idiotic bullshit considering everything she had going on. And since my husband was also occupied elsewhere, I was going to have to learn to be more self-reliant. What a concept!
“Well, her doctor thinks she may be teething, which totally sucks. I thought we had more time before that train wreck began, since she’s only four months old, but it happens.”
Poor Sam! “Is there anything you can do for the pain?”
Suddenly, Nick picked up the phone, with Sam screaming uncontrollably in the background. “Kate?” He sounded categorically desperate.
“Gotta go, Syd. When Sam gets really upset, she wants Mommy.”
Click. At the absence of a dial tone, I stayed on the phone in case Nick needed a friendly ear.
“Hello?” I could still hear some faint screams in the background, so I wondered if he had left the phone off the hook in his frantic state.
“Syd? Are you still there?” He didn’t seem like himself in the least. He sounded…lost.
“Hey, Nick. I’m here. Are you OK?”
He sighed. “We’re both exhausted. Sam’s been taking a lot out of us lately.”
“I can only imagine. Do you need anything?” Maybe helping them would help me to forget my impending doom across the Atlantic.
“Thanks for asking, but we’ll just have to take whatever comes at us.” He paused to yawn. “Sorry to cut your conversation with Kate short. Is there any message I should pass on to her? Or are you merely freaking out as usual?”
As usual? The kind of stress I was going through right now was anything but usual. This kind of stress was astronomical….it was immense…maybe enormous was a better word. Suffice to say it was REALLY, REALLY BIG. The kind of stress that would knock you on your ass if you weren’t hypervigilant. The kind of stress you might feel when you were about to meet a very large number of French people who expected you to be perfectly amazing in every way despite your status as ugly American. Who d
oesn’t speak their language. Or know a great deal about their culture. Or their particular regional customs. And who is completely without any type of composure or physical coordination. Or intellect…or fashion sense…oh shit.
I scoffed. “Hey, now! This isn’t usual. Even you would experience stress if you were in my shoes right now, mister. Cut me a little slack.”
He chuckled. “Agreed. I was only trying to get you to laugh.” He went into the big brother mode he enjoyed when Kate was otherwise engaged. “Remember, you’re already married, you two love each other and his family will accept you no matter what.”
I nodded grimly and felt tears forming in my eyes. “It doesn’t mean they have to like me.” Right now I was somewhat unsure of how much my husband liked me.
“Syd! Stop looking for trouble. Try to relax and remember you’re going to France tomorrow with your husband. He’s really excited for you to see where he grew up and to finally meet his family. Just do your best. They’re going to love you.”
I let out a shaky breath. “Thanks, Nick.” Maybe he was right. Maybe Louis would be less stressed once we were on the plane and would be better able to help me through my panic spiral.
“I’ll have Kate call you tomorrow and give you the pep talk you need before your flight, alright?”
“That would be great.” I paused to wipe a few stray tears. “I love you both.”
“We love you too.”
I hung up the phone and inspected my suitcase. I had packed the trendy new outfits Maya and I bought for the trip, but I was having second thoughts. She was infinitely more daring than I was when it came to fashion and she looked amazing in everything. I sighed as I rearranged my clothes yet again. Who was I kidding? I was never going to pull this off. I was trying to impersonate a sophisticated woman; someone who was filled with confidence, poise and glamour. Louis kept telling me I was perfect exactly as I was, but I didn’t believe him. I knew he would say anything to make me feel better. Or to get me to shut up.
