I reach up with one hand and loosen my tie, swinging one leg over the chair to straddle it, rocking my hips a few times just before grabbing the chair and lifting it up to place at the end of the stage.
I look out into the crowd and motion with my finger for the closest girl to come up on stage. With little effort, I grab onto her arm and pull her up next to me.
Swaying my hips to the slow rhythm, I pull the knot of my tie until it transforms back into a straight piece of fabric. Grabbing each end, I slide it around her waist and pull her body up against mine, transferring the ends of the tie in one hand. I lean into her neck and grip my hat with one hand while grinding against her, causing her to scream out with excitement.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Cale and Stone doing the exact same thing. For as little as we actually practice, we’re completely in sync with each other. I have to admit we don’t look half bad for not putting much effort into the routine.
Walking her backwards, I guide her down into the chair before dropping my tie and ripping the buttons off of my black button down. I grab the girl’s hand and place it on my chest while standing above her lap and dancing against her.
The girl’s hand goes to reach for my dick, but I grab it, stopping her before she can get there. The thought of another woman touching me there right now is not sitting well with me. It actually pisses me off.
Pushing back my anger, I tilt her chair back until I’m standing over her face, grinding my hips above her while holding the top of the chair up with one hand. My dick is directly in front of her face and all I can think about is Onyx doing something similar with some random dude in her club.
Jealousy courses through me, but I do my best to keep it in check and make it through the dance. The routine is almost over. Only one more thing left to do.
Pulling the chair back up on all fours, I run my hands down my bare chest before undoing my pants and placing the girl’s hands on my waistline, allowing her to undress me. She pushes them down my legs without hesitation, leaving me standing here in my short boxer briefs, the women all screaming at us practically naked.
Picking her up and placing her to lie on her back on the stage, I slide across the floor, on my knees, while thrusting my hips until I’m above her face again. I place both hands on the ground in front of me and thrust in a fast motion, brushing against her in the face with my package.
She reaches up and grabs my ass until I’m done and moving down her body, pretending to lick her body on the way down. Once I reach the bottom, I help her to her feet and smile as she shoves a handful of cash in the front of my briefs.
We do a few more short dances, filling the time, until finally the night is almost over and we’re heading back stage to get dressed.
I TAKE A SEAT AND look around, swallowing the realization that none of these girls even come close to comparing to Onyx. This place isn’t good enough anymore. Onyx is sexy, strong, passionate, and doesn’t take shit from anyone. She has always been that way . . . except when it came to me.
I reach over to the table next to me and grab for my beer. I hold it against my lips for a few seconds before pulling it away and setting it down, pissed off at my damn self for thinking. “Fuck me.”
“Hello, sexy,” a soft voice says from beside me.
Without looking over, I nod my head and reach for my beer again. I really don’t feel like being messed with at the moment. “I’m done working for the night,” I say stiffly.
“Even better.” I feel the couch dip next to me, so I look over to see a sexy brunette. It’s the same one that licked the whipped cream off my body that night I left to go find Onyx. She smiles victoriously as if she’s been waiting for the exact moment to get me alone. “It looks like you could use some company.”
She reaches over and slides her hand up my leg, gripping my thigh just below my dick. I look down at her slender hand and grab it right before she reaches for my package. “I don’t want company.” I set her hand on her own lap and stand up while taking a sip of my beer. “I’m good being alone.”
Leaning forward, she pokes out her chest while running a finger over her half empty glass. Her lips curl up into a smile as she takes a sip and scoots closer to the edge. “I think you just need to release some tension.” She licks her lips. “I’m sure I could help you with that.”
“I said I’m good.” I go to turn around and stop as I almost bump into someone. Not just anyone . . . Onyx.
Her nostrils flare as she stares me in the eyes, not saying a word. I can’t even move. I’m frozen in place from her stare, so I just stare back, waiting for her to speak.
“Here’s your chance, Hemy.” She looks between me and the brunette. “Here’s your chance to speak. That is, if you’re not too busy.”
“Hey!” The brunette sets her drink down on the table next to her and sits straight up as if ready for a fight. “Can’t you see he’s busy, bitch?”
Onyx runs her tongue over her top teeth before placing the heel of her boot into the girl’s chest and shoving her backwards, then leaning down toward her face. “I’d watch who you call a bitch. Got it, sweetheart.” She pulls her foot away and leans into her ear. “Keep your dirty little mouth away from my man or you’ll be eating my heel for a late night snack.”
“Fuck me. That’s hot.” I set my beer down and watch as Onyx turns around to face me. “Your man, huh?”
“Shit!” She walks away from me while mumbling some shit under her breath.
I quickly catch up to her and grab her by the waist to stop her. “Where are you going?” I spin her around and brush a curl out of her face. “Come to my house with me.”
“No.” She places her hands on my chest and pushes me away as I pull her into me. “Dammit, Hemy. See what you do to me?” She lets out a breath of frustration and turns away for a second. “I didn’t mean to call you that. It just sort of came out.”
“It sounded damn good coming out too,” I admit. “Come to my house so we can talk. I’m not taking no for an answer anymore.”
“No, Hemy. We can talk here. We never talk in private and you know it.”
I pull my eyes away from hers and look around to see that a lot of people have stopped to stare at us, including Sarah and one of our other bartenders, Amanda. I flex my jaw at them and they both turn away to resume minding their own business.
“Let’s go,” I say firmly. “We’re going to my house.”
“Onyx! What are you doing here?”
I look beside us to see a pretty girl with dark curls standing next to Stone. The look that crosses Onyx’s face as she takes her in surprises me. She looks sick, as if she’s about to pass out.
“Um . . . Ash. What are you doing here? I thought you were still at work?”
Ash looks between me and Onyx and forces a small smile. “Is this your friend?” She looks me over as if she’s trying to figure something out. “The one you said I might meet someday?”
Onyx looks between the two of us, her face pained before she reaches for my arm. “Yeah, but now is not a very good time. I’m suddenly feeling like shit.”
Ash steps up beside Onyx and grabs for her purse. “I can take you home. I have my car outside and-”
“No,” she cuts in. “You just got here. I’ll be fine.” She turns to face me and her eyes lock with mine. The pain in her expression confuses me. “Let’s go to your house. I think we have a lot to talk about.”
“Alright.” I take one more look at Stone and Ash before following Onyx through the crowd and outside. As soon as Onyx gets outside, she pukes.
This could be a messy night . . .
AFTER ONYX CALMED DOWN AND the puking stopped, I took off my shirt and wiped her face off before helping her into my truck. As tough as she thinks she is now, I know she still needs a little taking care of. She deserves it and I want her to know that. I would take care of her for the rest of my damn life if she would just let me.
Onyx lets out a heavy breath beside me. “I can’t
do this, Hemy. I can’t fucking do this. Stop the car.”
Pulling the truck over, I grip the steering wheel before slamming my fist into it. I can’t stand those words coming from her mouth. I wish she would stop trying to keep me out. “Dammit, Onyx!” I lean back in my seat and rub my hands over my face in frustration. “I’ve been trying to show you that I’m a different person. Can’t you fucking see that? All you want to do is keep me out and push me away.”
It’s silent for a moment as I stare at the side of her face, taking her in. She looks so pained that it breaks my damn heart. I wish she would just fucking talk and put me out of my misery.
“Hemy,” she breathes, breaking the silence. “I know you're trying to prove that you've changed and you can give me what I wanted back then, but you don't understand. You broke me . . . shattered me. I'm not the same girl I was, and I don't think I can love you that way again. You need to let me go. I refuse to go through that again.”
Grinding my jaw, I try my best to hide my anger. “You won't even give me the chance, Onyx! I know you're not the same girl and I'm not the same guy. We are different, but that isn't a bad thing. We still belong together like we always have and always will . . .”
She holds her hand up to stop my words before tugging on her hair in frustration. “You know how easy it would be for me to give in and believe you, right? You and I, it's never been easy and I can't go down that path with you, Hemy. Please, leave me alone. Maybe we can be friends someday, but I can't handle this now.”
“I can’t just be your friend. I’ll always want more with you, and you know you feel the same damn way.”
She must be done listening to me, because she goes for the door handle and quickly pushes it open. “I'm just going to walk home, and please, don't come after me.”
Before I can say anything, she hops out of the truck and slams the door behind her. She takes off walking as if she’s trying to get as far away from me as she can. The thought crushes me and I feel as if I can’t breathe. I want to be pissed at her for being scared, but I can’t. It’s my own damn doing and I need to fix this. I knew going in that there was a possibility she wouldn’t take me back, but it isn’t in me to give up, not this time.
Following her actions, I jump out of the truck and take off after her. I catch up to her quickly, grabbing her arm, and spinning her around to face me. She looks up at me with pained green eyes, before turning away. It’s as if looking at me kills her.
“Don’t walk away from me when all I’ve been trying to do is show you how much you mean to me.” Wrapping my hands in the back of her hair, I pull her closer to me and force her to look into my eyes. “I fucking love you. Do you know how hard that is for me to say to anyone? Sage is the only other person I have ever said that to and she’s fucking gone. You two are the only ones I’ve ever loved and I lost you both. I want us back. I can’t stand to be without you.”
“And you don’t think I’ve lost the one person I ever loved? Huh?” She shoves my chest, but I don’t budge an inch, which pisses her off more. “Dammit, Hemy!” She shoves me again, but I only hold her tighter, letting her know I’m not going anywhere. I’m not giving up and walking away like she did. Fuck that. I refuse. “I don’t love you anymore, okay! I don’t want to go back and try again. I won’t let history repeat itself. There is no starting over, there is no us, and there never will be. So. Let. Me. Go.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm myself. Her words sting like hell, but I don’t believe her for one second. Her eyes give away the truth and that’s enough to keep me going. She never was a good liar.
I drug her down into my dark, tormented world of demons and hate, slowly killing her day by day, making it hard for her to breathe. I shook the angel in her and now she’s pulling me into her dark, twisted world of hate and revenge, fighting to keep me out, and forcing me to hate her. Well . . . hating her is the last thing I have in store.
“I don’t believe you,” I say through clenched teeth.
Picking her up, I throw her over my shoulder and hold her up by her ass. She instantly starts struggling against me as I walk her back to my truck.
“Damn you, Hemy! Why are you so hard headed?”
I open the door and shove her inside, being careful not to hurt her. She may want to play games, but I’m going to play harder by showing her the man she fell in love with.
I lean in the window and rub my hands through her hair, causing her to look up at me with a pained expression. She always loved it when I did this in the past. It calmed her down. “You can damn me all you want, but the last thing I’m doing is letting you go again.”
Without a word, she swallows and looks away from me. I push back my emotions and walk over to my side of the truck to climb inside. It’s time to take her home with me, where she belongs.
She’s not leaving until she sees how much I love her . . .
I HATE DOING THIS. I hate trying to push him away when all I really want to do is hold him close and bury my face into his chest. It hurts more than anyone could ever imagine, lying to everyone, even yourself. It’s something I have to do now. At first it was just to guard my heart, but now . . . it’s because I know he’s going to hate me after I tell him what I’ve been keeping from him for a while now. Why let myself get close and let him in when he’ll be hating me soon anyways? I did it for a good reason. I had to.
Hearing him say I love you breaks me down, making me want to run into his arms and scream that I love him back, and that I never stopped. Shit, all that will do is guarantee for me to be crushed again. It broke my heart to lie to him and tell him I don’t love him anymore. I hate it. I hate it.
Hemy doesn’t waste any time driving off, heading in the direction of his street. I can see the fight in him this time. He’s different: stronger, sober, and determined, all the things that I hoped for in the beginning. Now . . . it will be me to fuck things up.
I keep my face toward the window for the rest of the ride, fighting my hardest not to cry. I have been strong for four years and I refuse to let anyone see me cry now, especially Hemy. As long as I pretend that I don’t have feelings, the safer from him I will be.
When we arrive at his house, Hemy turns to me and reaches out his arm. It’s so inviting, making me want to crawl over to him and give into everything I’m fighting. “Come here,” he whispers.
I look at him, but don’t say a word. I can’t or I’ll cry.
“I. Said. Come. Here.” Reaching over, he pulls me into his lap so that my knees are positioned on the outside of his thighs. “Don’t be afraid of me.” He wraps both hands in the back of my hair and looks me in the eyes. My heart skips a beat at the warmth of his touch. “I love you more than anything in this world. I would give my life to make you happy. Please, don’t be afraid of me. It kills me.”
Feeling a tear form in my eye, I try to turn away, but Hemy grabs my face to stop me, his jaw clenching as he watches me.
“Let me see you,” he breathes. “I need to see that you still love me. You may not want to say it . . . but I see it. Just let me see it.”
I let the tear fall freely down my face, followed by a few more that I can’t seem to hold back. Hemy reaches up to wipe my tears away and that’s when I lose it. My whole body shakes as I let it all go. All the pain and hurt I have been keeping inside since the day I walked out his door comes raging out.
My face is flooded with tears now. I can barely see Hemy through the mess, but I can feel him squeezing me closer, telling me to let it all out. A part of me feels relieved.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers, while pressing his forehead against mine. “I promise to show you that you’re the most beautiful woman in the world to me. Do you understand?”
“Hemy,” I cry out. “I need to tell you something. I-”
“Do. You. Understand?” I nod my head, while trying to catch my breath. “I don’t want to talk about your doubts or anything bad tonight. I just want to be with you. Can you do
that for me? Please.”
Taking a deep breath, I swallow and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him as close to me as I can. I love this man so much. He’s my world and has been for ten years. This feeling I have right now, in his arms, him holding me as close as he can, is the best feeling in the world and I never want to lose it again.
I feel Hemy plant a few kisses on the top of my head before he reaches for the door and pushes in open.
“Hemy,” I cry.
He places both hands on my face and looks at me with questioning eyes.
“I really have something important to tell you tomorrow. This can’t wait much longer,” I say nervously. “You might just hate me forever after I tell you. I’m so scared.”
A small smile crosses his face before he playfully sucks in his lip ring and rubs his thumb under my eye. “Nothing could ever keep me from loving my world and you’ve been that for the last ten years.” He helps me out of his lap and out of the truck before hopping out himself. “Let’s go.”
Once inside, Hemy runs a bubble bath and lights the candles while I brush my teeth, watching him in the mirror. I still can’t get enough of him. I see him approaching me from behind, before I feel his arms wrap around me. I can feel the warmth of his breath kissing my neck.
I lean my neck back and moan as he teases me with his lip ring, running it up my neck and stopping under my ear. “Take your clothes off.”
Turning around in his arms, I reach for the bottom of my dress and slowly lift it over my head, with Hemy’s strong hands trailing up my skin behind it. His touch gives me instant goose bumps, hardening my nipples, and making my flesh tingle.
Nothing turns me on more than being naked for this man. The way he handles my body is beautiful and breathtaking. He may have a rough exterior, but once he lets you in, he’s the best lover you could possibly have; although, this is the gentlest I have ever seen him. It only makes me love him more.
I toss my dress aside. Hemy reaches behind me with one hand and unclasps my bra, before kissing his way down my stomach while pushing down my panties and tossing them aside after I step out of them.
Walk of Shame Page 26
