“The baby?” She touched her stomach.
He shook his head.
“No!”
“They don’t know what’s wrong yet. That’s why they want to scan you. They said… they said…” He sighed then rubbed his eyes. “They said bleeding before twenty-four weeks is viewed as a threatened miscarriage but it could all be fine. The baby might be okay. Apparently, there are lots of reasons for bleeding in pregnancy.”
“But I fainted.”
He nodded. “That could well be the shock of seeing the blood, and according to the paramedic, your blood pressure is quite low again.”
Dawn’s heart melted as she took in how distressed he was. His tie was askew, his shirt crumpled and the fine lines around his eyes seemed deeper, as if the morning’s events had aged him rapidly.
Whatever might be different between them, he did care, and that made her want to hug him.
“Come here.” She opened her arms.
Rick leaned forwards and gently embraced her. To be held by him, to breathe in the familiar spicy scent of his aftershave and to bury her face in his neck all made her want everything to be okay again. She couldn’t imagine a world where she didn’t get to hug him, where she didn’t see him every day and know that he was hers.
But she might have to face up to all that if their relationship changed, if his feelings for her had altered as much as she feared.
He released her and she leaned back on the pillows, and he softly stroked her cheek.
“It’s all going to be okay, Dawnie. I just know it.”
“I hope so, Rick.”
But she wasn’t just thinking about the baby inside her, she was thinking about her whole life too.
Even though the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit at the local hospital was extremely busy, they’d managed to fit Dawn in for a scan. Initially, she’d been told she might have to wait until the next day, but there had been a cancellation of a scheduled appointment, so they’d given Dawn the space.
And the baby had been fine. Heart beating strong and limbs moving around, safe in her womb. The relief had been overwhelming and Dawn had been struck by something; even though this baby’s conception had not been planned, she did want it. With all of her heart. There was no doubt in her mind.
The medical team had run further tests but admitted that they weren’t sure what had caused the bleeding. They’d also reassured her that although it might have seemed as though she’d lost a lot of blood, it was in fact not much at all. Sometimes, bleeding in pregnancy could be down to something as straightforward as changes to the cervix caused by pregnancy hormones, and the dull ache she’d experienced could have been down to those changes. They advised her to take it easy for the next few weeks, although how she was going to manage to do that with two children and a house to run, Dawn had no idea.
“Here’s a cuppa, Dawnie,” Camilla entered the lounge where Dawn was resting on the sofa. Camilla and Rick had tried to persuade Dawn to stay in bed once they’d arrived home from the hospital, but Dawn had refused. She couldn’t bear the thought of being upstairs alone, left to stew with her worries. So Camilla had insisted on bringing the quilt and pillows downstairs, then arranging them on the sofa.
Camilla put the mug on the coffee table then started plumping up the pillows.
“Will you stop?” Dawn swatted her sister’s hand away.
“I’m just trying to make you comfy.”
“I know and I’m grateful but you don’t need to keep fussing and if you keep making me all this tea I won’t be able to rest anyway, as I’ll be back and fore to the loo.”
Camilla nodded then slumped onto the end of the sofa.
“Ouch!” Dawn lurched forwards.
“Dawnie! What is it? More cramps?” Camilla’s eyes were wide, her face contorted with worry.
“No, silly, you just sat on my foot.”
“Ooops!” Camilla moved to the arm of the sofa and perched there, her eyes restless, her fingers fluttering across her lap.
“Camilla, I’m fine.”
“But you’re not. Or you weren’t. What if you’d lost this baby? How awful would we all feel then? I’m going to have a word with Rick as soon as—”
“Please don’t. He doesn’t need to know what I did. Or that I know about the emails and whatever else. Today’s scare has helped me re-evaluate. I’m not saying that I condone his… deceit, but I’m hoping there’s a good reason for it.”
“And there is… I mean, I’m sure there is, but you really need to avoid stress. You can’t be worrying that your husband’s cheating or going off you or anything else for that matter. You need stability and taking care of.”
“I know. But I’ll speak to Rick in my own time.” Dawn tilted her head. “Where is he anyway?”
“Upstairs.”
“He’s been gone for ages.”
“I think he’s on the phone.” Camilla’s eyes widened at her own words. “It’s probably just work.”
Dawn slumped onto the pillows. “Probably.”
Rick had rushed back to be at Dawn’s side then insisted that he’d stay home for the rest of the week, so he probably did have things he needed to sort out. She hoped it wouldn’t get him into trouble; she knew his bosses didn’t like their employees missing time. But surely this was a good reason to take some compassionate leave or even to work from home?
The next morning, Dawn sat in bed fighting the urge to get up and go downstairs to see what was going on. So far, in the forty-five minutes since Rick had got the children up, she’d heard Rick swearing, Laura reprimanding her father and James crying. She could smell burnt toast and the tea Rick had brought her, which was rapidly cooling on her bedside table, tasted faintly of washing-up liquid. It seemed like everything that could go wrong had gone wrong.
But Rick had told her to stay in bed and that under no circumstances was she to get up until the children had left for school. When she’d gone to the toilet first thing, she’d seen traces of blood, so she knew she had to listen, but there was less than yesterday.
She was also trying not to worry, because stressing wasn’t going to help.
About the baby and about Rick. He’d been so loving and attentive since he’d brought her home, and she was even wondering if she’d imagined the email. Had she dreamt it, perhaps? Or read things into it that weren’t really there? Was she being oversensitive?
She decided to push it from her mind and to focus on resting and enjoying the week with Rick. It wasn’t often that they had time alone together, without the children around, and it would be nice to have that quality time. Perhaps this time alone would strengthen their relationship and prepare them for their new addition.
Footsteps on the stairs alerted her to an approaching child.
“Muu-uum!” It was James.
“Morning, angel.”
He ran at the bed and flung himself onto her just as Rick stormed into the room.
“James! Don’t run at your mum like that. Remember what we spoke about?”
James gently moved off Dawn and nodded, his cheeks blushing scarlet.
“You said we have to be good and gentle with Mummy because she’s not very well.”
“That’s right.”
“Oh James, I’m not ill but I do need to rest because I’m growing a baby.”
She didn’t want her son worrying about her being ill. A girl in his class at school had lost her mother to breast cancer the previous year and she’d seen the terror in James’s eyes when he’d heard about it. He was a worrier and she couldn’t bear to think about him wondering when he’d lose her.
“But you’ll be okay now?” he asked, his eyes wide.
“Yes, James, I’ll be okay.”
She opened her arms and he crawled up the bed to sit next to her, then carefully snuggled into her.
“Is he all right there?” Rick asked.
“Yes, he’s fine. Everything okay downstairs?”
Rick winked at her. “Running like clockwork.
” Then he mock wiped his brow. “I have to be honest, I don’t know how you make it look so easy.”
“Do you need me to come down?”
“Absolutely not! You have a cuddle with James. I’ll go and—”
“Daddy, are you going to get us a new toaster?”
“What?” Dawn raised her eyebrows.
“Nothing to worry about. I just burnt a piece of toast then it got jammed in the toaster so I shook it and now it won’t work.”
Dawn suppressed laughter. “We needed a new one anyway.”
“We certainly do… now. Right, see you in a bit. James, make sure you let Mummy rest.”
“Yes, Daddy.”
Dawn held her son in her arms and sighed with contentment. He might be six but he was still her baby. She buried her head in his hair and breathed in the scent of apple shampoo. His hair was soft and fine. She wondered if the new baby would look like her, or if he or she would be another mini-Rick. It was exciting to think that soon there would be another person joining them, another child for her to love. After she’d given birth to Laura, she’d fallen so much in love with her that she hadn’t thought she could ever have room in her heart to love another child as much. Then James had arrived and she’d loved him equally. Maternal love wasn’t limited and she had plenty to share with three children.
“Mummy?” James leaned backwards to meet her eyes.
“Yes?”
“Can the baby hear me?”
“Yes, darling. At least I think so.”
He pressed his mouth against her belly. “Baby, I’m your big brother, James. Now don’t you come out until it’s time or you’ll be too small. When you do come I will look after you. I promise.”
Dawn’s eyes filled with tears at his sweet words.
Then she felt a fluttering in her belly, like bubbles popping and she gasped.
“What’s wrong, Mummy?”
“The baby just moved.”
“For me?”
“Yes, James, I think it’s because you spoke to him or her.”
She’d felt some movement over the past few weeks but hadn’t been sure if it was the baby or wind, and hadn’t made a fuss because the children still hadn’t known about the pregnancy.
He grinned.
“Mummy?”
“Yes, angel.”
“How did the baby get in there?”
Dawn choked as laughter burst from her chest. She looked around, as if she could find an appropriate answer for a six-year-old, then at a loss, she grabbed the mug of tea and winced as she swallowed a sour mouthful.
“Now that’s an interesting question, James.”
He watched her, his big eyes wide and interested.
“Tell you what, why don’t you ask your father?”
James nodded then snuggled back into her, and Dawn bit her lip as she imagined Rick’s face when his son asked him that age-old question. She hoped he’d have a good answer ready and knew that she’d want to be there to listen when James asked.
7
Over the next few days, Dawn tried to rest. It was difficult when she saw Rick struggling with things and she had to stop herself taking over. He did try really hard but he wasn’t used to the domestic side of things around the house as Dawn had always done them. It had worked for them because Dawn had wanted it to. Rick did the traditionally male things and Dawn did the housework and chores; it was the way it had been since she’d given up her teaching post after having James. And, of course, her desire for the more traditional family lay rooted in her past and her yearning for the stability and happiness she’d enjoyed as a young child. Besides which, by the time Rick got home in the evenings, he was usually so tired that she didn’t have the heart to ask him to run the vacuum round or to do the ironing, and on weekends she wanted him to spend quality time with the children.
She realised now though, that something would need to change, because with a new baby on the way, she wouldn’t be able to do everything that she had been doing.
But this week, as she’d lain on the sofa watching daytime TV, Rick had managed to wash a black sock with the whites, which had made them all grey. Then he’d shrunk one of her favourite cashmere (hand-wash only) cardigans by putting it on a boil wash. He’d put frozen chips in the oven to go with fried eggs, but forgotten to turn the oven on, so when the eggs were ready, the chips were still ice-cold. He’d been ironing his work shirts and answered a call on his mobile, leaving the iron face down on a shirt and burned a hole in it. And he’d gone food shopping and spent three times Dawn’s usual budget by picking up the first version of everything on the list she’d written, and not searching around for the best value products like Dawn did.
But he’d been trying so hard and she loved him for it, and, she could see that he was learning fast. His latest attempt at ironing had been very impressive, especially as he’d done it while Skyping a client. The camera on his laptop had been positioned so that only his head was visible though, so he didn’t seem unprofessional. Then he’d boiled all the whites he’d dyed grey and returned them – almost – to their former condition.
As for Dawn herself, she was feeling much better, and thankfully the bleeding had stopped. She wasn’t out of the woods yet but a few more days and she felt sure she’d be able to resume some of her normal tasks, just slowly.
Friday had arrived, the children were at school, and Rick had insisted that she have a lie in and breakfast in bed. He’d toasted her crumpets, in the new toaster, and served them with real butter and some of the homemade strawberry jam that Allie had given them recently, insisting that she had a surplus after the summer. He’d brought her a big mug of tea and a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice too. As she ate, he sat next to her on the bed and read the paper on his tablet.
“This is nice.” She dabbed her mouth with the paper napkin.
Rick turned to her. “It is, isn’t it?”
Their bedroom was warm with autumn sunshine and outside, the breeze toyed with the few remaining leaves of the silver birch in their front garden.
“I love the autumn.”
“I know you do.”
“It reminds me of our New York trip.”
“Back in our youth?” He grinned.
“Well, we were young, yes.”
“What and we’re ancient now?”
“No, but… well things change don’t they? And we were only in our twenties when we went out there. It was such a great week. I wish…” She bit her lip. She was about to say that she wished they could go again and be like they used to, but that wasn’t going to happen for a while, not with a new baby and two young children.
“What do you wish?”
“Oh it doesn’t matter.”
He placed his tablet on the bedside table and turned around to face her properly. “Tell me.”
“I just miss how good things used to be between us. Back when it was fresh and new and exciting.”
“And when we weren’t sleep-deprived and trying to do a million things while feeling guilty about the things we’re not doing.”
“Yes. It’s hard sometimes. I love Laura and James… they’re my world. Our world. But I miss just being with you.”
Rick took her hand. “I love you, you know.”
“I love you too.” She sighed. “And I feel guilty now for wishing for things when I have so much to be grateful for.”
“You should never feel guilty. And I miss having more time with you too. But I do love our life and our children and even though sometimes it’s so hard I could sleep standing up; I still wouldn’t change a thing. Well… except for…” He shook his head.
“Except for what? Rick?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all, my beautiful wife. I’m just a bit tired. Right then… how about you take a nice long shower then smother yourself in that luxurious – and very expensive – moisturiser that the children bought you for Mother’s Day?”
“Okay.” Dawn wanted to ask him again what he was going to say but it was cl
ear that he wanted to move the conversation on.
“I’ll take your breakfast things down and make the sofa up for you.”
“Rick, I think I can manage without a quilt on the sofa today.”
He frowned.
“Perhaps. But you still have to take it easy.”
She nodded.
“I have a little surprise arriving later that I’m hoping you’re going to enjoy.”
So he was planning surprises for her. That must mean that nothing was wrong and that he hadn’t been about to tell her something to upset her. She was being too sensitive again.
So she would forget that Rick had said except for… and get on with her day. It would be their last full day alone together anyway, as the children would be home over the weekend, then Rick had to go back to work on Monday. Exactly how she’d manage then, she wasn’t quite sure but she’d cross that bridge when she came to it.
She pushed back the quilt and slid her legs over the edge of the bed and wondered exactly what surprise it was that Rick had planned for her.
Dawn descended the stairs quietly. She was sure she’d heard voices when she’d got out of the shower. She had moisturised then dressed as quickly as she could without getting moisturiser all over her clothes. Her regular jeans were all too tight now, so she’d pulled on a pair of grey linen trousers with an elasticated waist and a loose black tunic top.
At the bottom of the stairs, she paused. She could definitely hear Rick speaking to someone. Her heart jolted. Was he on the phone again?
She marched into the kitchen, about to give him a piece of her mind, but found Allie at the kitchen table unloading a large basket.
“Allie!”
Her friend turned and smiled.
“Hey, sweetheart. How’re you feeling?”
“Better. Yes, much better, thanks. What are you doing here? Gosh… that sounded terribly rude and I didn’t mean it like that. I was just surprised.”
Allie laughed. “Well that’s for Rick to explain.”
Allie turned to her husband.
A Year at The Cosy Cottage Café_A heart-warming feel-good read about life, love, loss, friendship and second chances Page 16
