by Micha Berman
My longing for home became a daily thought. As each day dragged on I fantasized about living in a city and doing all the things that used to be so normal in my life. I wanted to sit at a cafe late at night, watch a baseball game, go to a concert, cook my own meals. I wanted a normal life again. Like all honeymooners I was beginning to notice the warts of this beautiful cruise line experience. I started off as Assistant Cruise Director and had been turned into a caged animal. It was only a matter of time before I would set myself free.
Crazy Cruise Trivia
Did you know?
Retired cruise ships never die they just become
... floating hotels.
The Queen Mary,
one the most luxurious cruise liners of its time
is a sightseeing attraction and hotel in Long Beach, California.
Chapter 10 Is There Life After Cruising?
I couldn't believe the news. Gary was leaving. He was being transferred to another ship and in a matter of days I would meet his replacement, Bobby. As I said good-bye to Gary that Sunday I realized my whole routine on the cruise ship would change; the good times were over. Bobby arrived on the scene with a reputation that already stunk. After his first meeting with the cruise staff I was not looking forward to my future on the ship. A large man with very little hair, Bobby was a combination of arrogance and bad taste. No matter how much he tried, Bobby was just not a likable man. This was a man who really believed himself to be funny. Listening to Bobby, I couldn't help but think he had an inferiority complex the size of Texas. The cruise staff had no choice but to accept him, although for the rest of his time on the ship very few dancers took the time to speak to him. The unspoken policy was to just leave him alone and engage in conversation only when absolutely necessary. This was the course of action I took, often leaving notes for him under his door and avoiding contact whenever possible.
My resentment for him increased as my responsibilities changed. Whereas, Gary ran most of the big events on the ship, Bobby liked to delegate as much responsibility into the hands of the cruise staff. I was now required to attend events that had no need for me, such as the Captain's cocktail party where I would stand in the corner for two hours with no real purpose. Bobby was terribly paranoid and always hiding somewhere close to my activity to see if I got there on time. He would often call me into his office to chastise me for things I had said during my activities. When I watched Bobby in front of the passengers I wondered how a man of his demeanor could become a cruise director for a ship of 3000 passengers. I figured if I stuck my time out on the ship I would easily become a cruise director. However, that was a thought as far away as the moon as I struggled to deal with my great frustration on the ship. Soon Bobby became just another aggravation that pushed me to the point of resignation.
By now I was the grandfather on the ship having outlived generations of crew members. I could walk the ship blindfolded. Grumbling like an old man, and burnt out beyond repair, I collapsed at my desk one late night to write my letter of resignation. In the morning I dropped it in the mail and began packing my bags. The following Sunday as we arrived in Miami I was greeted by the Entertainment Director of Carnival. "Micha, I want to urge you to stay a little longer," he said. "No, I'm sorry but I am going to be leaving in two weeks," I assured him. Sensing that I was not going to be very cooperative, Charles, the man who I had once sat down with for hours talking about golf, took the offensive. He caught me off guard by questioning my commitment to the cruise line. "You really don't give a fuck?" he said. "No, I guess I don't." I answered with little hesitation. I didn't mean to be belligerent or frivolous. I just could not see myself staying one day longer than the two weeks I had already promised. I was a sick man. I was leaving and I was not coming back. In order to avoid a nervous breakdown I had to leave, and there was no haggling to be done.
By this time cruises had become routine. I could still remember my first when I stood on the deck and watched Miami disappear into the sunset. In many ways I viewed all of my cruises as one big cruise. I had often envisioned my year on the ship as a trip out to sea, and when I returned I would have a new perspective on who I was and what I wanted out of life. This was a lot to ask but as my last cruise came to an end I was certain I had learned many valuable lessons. Most of all, I walked away with a much greater appreciation of the day-to -day tasks that people take for granted. I looked with enthusiasm to living in a city and appreciating simple life. I was awakened to the great privileges I was entitled to purely because I was an American and was thankful for the great freedom I would have once I left the ship. I was a richer person in my knowledge of literature and film, and had gained about twenty pounds. Fearless of heavy winds or heavy doors, I was a much more confident person stepping off the ship my final time and deeply grateful for the opportunity to be part of this unique cruise world.
Now I was on my final cruise and once again I enjoyed the delightful view of Miami as the cruise ship sailed away. Each day I felt a unique combination of nostalgia and novelty. Every step I took reminded me of a different experience and yet much of my time on this cruise seemed new and fresh. I had turned the ship into my home and would soon leave this family. As I looked out toward the ocean, I was able to put aside my overwhelming desire to get off and savor the sensational opportunity. I had lived a dream. Each night I would pack away a couple items in my room. The rest of my free time was embracing my crew mates with big hugs and saying good-byes to all of my friends on the ship. I took the opportunity at the ports to take certain dancers out to dinner and collect phone numbers and addresses. The reality was I would not see many of these people again. For months I had been preparing other crew members to get off the ship. It was hard to believe my time had arrived.
Sunday morning arrived. I dressed myself with frenzied excitement and energy. All crew members waiting to leave had to gather at a certain time to fill out the required paper work. I watched the passengers leaving knowing that in less than an hour I would be driving around Miami and my cruise experience would be a memory. The crew purser asked for our attention. We would need to follow him down the hallway and into the cargo area where he would escort us to the immigration officials and then off the ship. As I walked off the ship that day I truly felt like a man who had been freed of a tremendous burden. I couldn't walk fast enough. Looking back, I realize my emotions were more a result of the moment and not of the total experience. Picking up the boxes I had packed most of my belongings in, I stepped into a terminal area where an official checked our baggage, possibly for stolen plastic cruise trophies or other contraband. I had heard horror stories about crew members having to pay large sums of money for electrical equipment they were taking off the ship. The officials waved me through. I took a couple of short steps into the sun of Miami. As I stood on the dock looking back at the beast in the sea, I whispered "Adios Amigo." I turned and caught a taxi. After 11 months at sea I was heading home.
My adjustment to land life began on a sour note. I had agreed to accompany Johnny who was driving up the coast to Boston. As we neared the town of Savannah, Georgia, Johnny suggested we get a hotel in town for the night. This was a bit off our path but I agreed. Exhausted, we picked the first hotel we found, left most of our stuff in the car and sank into our beds. In the morning, as Johnny showered, I went out to the car to get my electric shaver. As I approached the car, the back window appeared to look like tin foil. As I got closer my eyes met the image of shattered glass. The car had been robbed. Suddenly I had a horrible feeling deep in my gut. I had left my briefcase full of bank checks and official papers in the car. All of my savings were in that briefcase."I'm screwed," I kept saying to myself as I searched for the briefcase. It was gone. I panicked for an hour or so before I realized I had taken several of the most important checks out before leaving Miami, and I had not lost anything of value except for some letters. These letters were mostly from Project Random. I searched the grounds of the hotel hoping the thieves had tossed these letters but
finally had to give up. After waiting a couple of hours for the window to be fixed we waved a resentful good-bye to Savannah.
Soon I was home. Always wondering where the ship was at every particular moment, I was no better than a broken-hearted lover. Sundays at 4 p.m. always caused an instinctual pull within my mind to report to the ship or I would be left on land. It felt weird to be standing on land after 4 p.m. on Sundays. I had planned to return to Washington D.C. and then move to New York City. For the first couple of weeks I caught up with old friends, sharing the stories of my journey. I was surprised at the great excitement and curiosity about my time on the ship. After a couple of weeks of sharing my stories I began to settle into my new life. The experiences of the ship seemed further and further away. The struggles of starting over were overwhelming at first. Apartments, car payments, grocery shopping, it all felt burdensome. After all, I never had to worry about this stuff on the ship. During the rough times I often thought of returning to the cruise ship. The temptation was so sweet but I knew I would only be running away. I would be putting my life on hold. The cruise ship provided a wonderful chapter in my life but the rest of the book remains to be written. Every now and then while walking down the streets of New York I will stroll by a travel agency window with a miniature model of cruise ship on display, sometimes even the M.S. Ecstasy. Slowly I creep up to the glass, stop and stare and whisper to myself in a voice barely audible to the hustling New Yorkers brushing by me, "That was me, that was me."
Crazy Cruise Trivia
Did you know?
Need a cruise ship? Here are some price tags. Carnival Spirit - Carnival Cruise Lines - 375 Million
Golden Princess - Princess Cruise Lines - 450 Million
Adventure of the Seas - Royal Caribbean
Cruise Lines - 550 Million
Norwegian Sun - Norwegian Cruise Lines - 332 Million
Sandpiper Kayak - $299
Discovery Scout Wooden Canoe - $779
J.C. Hawaii Surfboard - $425
Ten Commandments of Cruising
1 GET ON, LIVE IT UP, GET OFF
The best way to enjoy life on a cruise ship is not to stay on too long. Six months to a year is plenty of time to appreciate the experience, any longer and you may become "stir crazy."
2 GET OFF THE SHIP WHENEVER YOU CAN
In order to balance a healthy lifestyle, it is wise to spend as much time away from the ship as possible. If there is land run to it!
3 HAVE GOALS
Depending on your position you may have a lot of time to yourself. In order to avoid boredom make sure you have projects and hobbies to fill your time.
4 EAT OUT AT EVERY PORT
The food will get sick pretty quickly and the only way to deal with it is to have your own supply or eat out often.
5 ALWAYS BE FRIENDLY TO CREW
Cruise ships are not good places to build up enemies. You never know when you will need a favor.
6 AVOID ALCOHOL AND GAMBLING
These are the quickest ways to blow your savings on the ship. The temptations are great and the results disastrous.
7 DON'T FORGET THE PASSENGERS
Crew members tend to ignore the passengers; however, the interesting people you can meet may surprise you. Also it provides you a way to stay in touch with the world outside the cruise ship.
8 ENJOY THE SEA, MOON, AND STARS
Life on a cruise ship surrounds you with beautiful nature. Make sure to look for the dolphins and spend some nights on deck looking at the stars. It's well worth it.
9 STAY SUSPICIOUS
The cruise ship is not a trusting environment. Always stay on guard.
10 DEVELOP A FEW CLOSE FRIENDS
A support system can make or break you on a ship. Look for a few trusted friends and keep them close.
Addendum
The resumé I used to get my job with Carnival Cruise Lines.
One of the letters I sent out in Project Random connecting with college fraternity brothers across the country.
A letter from a student who took my cruise class at NYU.
MICHA BERMAN currently resides in Marin County, north of San Francisco, with his wife and two sons and continues to use his microphone skills honed on the cruise ship as a professional voice-over artist. He is a graduate of the University of Virginia and holds a Masters of Social Work from New York University and a Masters of Political Science from George Washington University. For several years he taught a class on "How to Get a Job on a Cruise Ship," as an Adjunct Professor at New York University and has published magazine articles on how to break into the cruise industry. His resumé includes short stints in strange, smelly places including a dairy farm, law school, the United States Congress, and the Tony Awards. He spends most of his time changing poopy diapers, and buying lottery tickets. He has no immediate plans for any cruises.
