“Perfect. We’re beginning the class with pregnancy meal planning trimester by trimester, plus exercises for early pregnancy.”
This was exactly what Carey needed. Just because she was a nurse it didn’t mean she knew squat about becoming a mother or going through a pregnancy. “Sounds great.” Her hopes soared with the lucky direction her life had taken. Thanks to Joe and Dr. Rothsberg.
“Yes, I think you’ll love it.” Gabriella cut off into another hallway. “Be sure to bring your partner,” she said over her shoulder. “It’s always good to have that reinforcement.”
And Carey’s heart dropped to her stomach, pulling her pulse down with it. Was having a partner a requirement? Obviously, Gabriella didn’t know her circumstances.
Joe gave her an anxious glance. “That won’t be a problem. Trust me, okay?”
Surely, Carey hoped, in this day and age there were bound to be other women in the class without partners. Joe was probably right about it not being a problem. But, please, God, she wouldn’t be the only one, would she?
Forty-five minutes later, after submitting her job application for the temporary third-floor medical/surgical ward clerk in HR and feeling very positive about it, Carey had found her way back to the modern and pristine classroom and took a seat. Several handouts had been placed on the tables. A dozen couples were already there, and more drifted in as the minutes ticked on. She glanced around the room, seeing a sea of couples. Oh, no, she really was going to be the only one on her own. How awkward would that be?
Fighting off feeling overwhelmed but refusing to be embarrassed, she glanced at the clock on the wall—three minutes to ten—and thought about sneaking out before the class began. She could learn this stuff online, and wouldn’t have to come here feeling the odd man out every week. But Joe had gone out of his way to get her enrolled, and Dr. Rothsberg was footing the bill. She went back and forth in her mind about staying or going, then Gabriella entered and started her welcome speech.
She’d sat close to the back of the room, and it would still be easy to sneak out if she wanted or needed to. But, wait, she wasn’t that person anymore, the one who let life throw her a curveball and immediately fell down. Nope, she’d turned in her victim badge, and Joe had helped her. She could do this. She forced her focus on the front of the class to Gabriella, who smiled and brightened the room with her lovely personality. The last thing Carey wanted to do was insult anyone, especially after Joe and Dr. Rothsberg had made special arrangements to get her here. But, oh, she felt weird about being the only single mom in the class.
“Why don’t we go around the room and introduce ourselves?” Gabriella said.
Soon everyone else would notice, too.
The door at the back of the class opened again. Feeling nervous and easily distracted, Carey glanced over her shoulder then did a double take. In came Joe, his heavy booted steps drawing attention from several people in the vicinity.
“Sorry I’m late,” he said to Gabriella, then walked directly to Carey and took the empty chair next to her. “If you don’t mind,” he whispered close to her ear, “I’ll pretend to be your partner today.” For all anyone else knew in the class, he could have told her he loved her. The guy knew how to be discreet, and from the way her heart pattered from his entrance he may as well have just run down a list of sweet nothings.
He’d obviously picked up on her anxiety the instant Gabriella had told her back in that hallway to be sure to bring her partner. He was here solely to spare her feelings.
Joseph Matthews truly was a knight in shining armor! Or in his case cargo pants and work boots.
As he settled in next to her his larger-than-life maleness quickly filled up the space between them. Warmth suffused her entire body. Being this close to Joe, having access to gaze into those rich brown eyes, would definitely make it difficult to concentrate on today’s lesson.
“You’re next, Carey. Introduce yourself and your partner,” Gabriella said, emphasizing the partner part.
Joe hadn’t meant to put Carey on the spot, but after seeing the panic in her eyes earlier, when Gabriella had told her to be sure to bring her partner, he couldn’t let her go through this alone. At first he’d wanted to run like hell when he’d shown her the classroom. Coming here had brought back more awful memories. He and Angela had actually started this class before she’d moved out.
Feeling uneasy as hell when he’d dropped Carey off earlier, he’d gone back to his work station, but had soon found he’d been unable to concentrate on the job. His mind had kept drifting to Carey sitting here alone, feeling completely out of place, and he couldn’t stand for that to happen. Besides, wasn’t it time for him to move on? Determined to put his bad memories aside once and for all—his divorce hadn’t been his fault—he’d made a decision. She shouldn’t have to attend this class alone. If offering her support could ease her discomfort, he’d take the bullet for her and be her partner. The woman had been through enough on her own lately.
“Oh,” she said, as if she’d never expected to have to introduce herself, even though everyone else just had. “Um, I’m Carey Spencer, I’m a little over three months pregnant, I, uh, recently moved to California.” She swallowed nervously around the stretching of the truth. Joe reached for her hand beneath the table and squeezed it to give her confidence a boost. “I’m a nurse by profession, a first-time mother, and…” She looked at Joe, the earlier panic returning to those shimmering green eyes. He squeezed her hand again.
“I’m Joe Matthews,” he stepped in. “Carey’s friend. Good friend.” He glanced at her, seeing her squirm, letting it rub off on him a tiny bit. “A really close friend.” Overkill? He gazed around the room, having fudged the situation somewhat, and all the other couples watched expectantly. “We’ve been through a lot together, and we’re both really looking forward to taking this class and learning how to be good parents.”
Okay, let them think whatever they wanted. His statement was mostly true—in fact, it was ninety-nine per cent true, except for the bit about being “really close” friends, though they had been through a lot together already. Oh, and the part about him ever getting to be a parent. Yeah, that would never happen. The reality hit like a sucker punch and he nearly winced with pain. Why the hell had he willingly walked into this room again? Carey’s cool, thin fingers clasped his hand beneath the table, just as he’d done to support her a few seconds ago. The gesture helped him past the stutter in thought.
He’d come here today for Carey. She needed to catch a break, and he’d promised the night he’d found her in the alley that he’d look out for her. If she needed a partner for the parenting class then, damn it, he’d be here.
“I’m a paramedic here at the clinic, so if I ever need to deliver a baby on a run, I figure this class will be good for that, too.” He got the laugh he was hoping for to relieve his mounting tension as the room reacted. “It’s a win-win situation, right?”
He shifted his eyes to the woman to his left. If taking this class together meant having to really open up about themselves, well, he was bound to let her down because he was far, far from ready to talk about it.
Carey didn’t know squat about his past, and if he had his way, she never would. Why humiliate himself again, this time in front of a woman he was quickly growing attached to, when once had already been enough for a lifetime?
CHAPTER FIVE
ON THE SATURDAY after the next Parentcraft class, Carey stood in the kitchen, using her second-trimester menu planner for dinner preparation. She’d had to stretch her usual eating routine to include items she’d never have been caught dead eating before. Like anchovies! Why was Gabriella so big on anchovies? Obviously they were high in calcium and other important minerals, plus loaded with omega three and six fatty acids, but Carey didn’t think they tasted so great and smelled really bad. Carey practically had to hold her nose to eat them.
Fortunately this Saturday-night menu included salmon—yay, more omega fats—which Joe was dutifu
lly grilling outside on a cedar plank. Dutiful, yeah, that was the right word for Joe. Everything he did for her seemed to be done out of duty. Sure, he was nice and considerate, but she never sensed he was completely relaxed around her.
She diligently steamed the broccoli and zucchini, and in another pot boiled some new red potatoes, grateful that Joe seemed okay to eat whatever she did. So far she’d managed to keep her occasional junk-food binges to herself. Nothing major, just items that had definitely been left off the Gabriella-approved dietary plan for a pregnant lady, like sea salt and malt vinegar potato chips, or blue corn chips, or, well, actually, any kind of chip that she could get her hands on. She rationalized that if occasionally she only bought the small luncheon-sized bags she wouldn’t do the baby any harm. Or her hips.
Her weight gain was right on target, and when she’d seen Gabriella in clinic for a prenatal checkup, thanks to Dr. Rothsberg, she’d complimented her on how well she was carrying the baby. The ultrasound had been the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen, and the first person she’d wanted to share it with had been Joe, and since he’d brought her to the appointment, once she’d dressed she’d invited him back into the examination room. He’d oohed and aahed right along with her, but she’d sensed a part of him had remained safely detached. She could understand why—he was a guy and it wasn’t his baby.
It made sense…yet he’d gotten all watery-eyed that day in the clinic when she’d found out her baby was okay, and he’d made that remark that one time about knowing how life-changing a baby could be. She’d asked him point blank if he was a father, but he’d said no and had powered right on. What had that been about? Heck, she’d only just recently found out how old he was, and the only thing she knew beyond that, besides he had a big, kind family, was that he was divorced.
The thing that kept eating away at her thoughts was that Joe didn’t seem like the kind of guy who’d give up on a marriage.
Carey popped the top from another beer can and carried it outside to Joe. Being so involved together in the parenting class had definitely changed their relationship for the better, yet she knew Joe held back. She’d opened up about Ross in the hope of getting Joe to share whatever it was that kept him frequently tense and withdrawn.
At first she’d written off that always-present slow simmer just beneath the surface as being due to his demanding job as a paramedic, and also the fact he ran the business. But he clearly thrived on being in charge. It was obvious he loved the challenge. No, that wasn’t the problem, it was when they were in the house together, her occasionally indulging in baby talk to her stomach, or discussing the latest information from the Parentcraft classes that she noticed him mentally slip into another time and place. Granted, another person’s pregnancy wasn’t exactly riveting to the average person, but Joe had volunteered to attend the class with her. If it was an issue, why had he signed on?
Now outside, she smiled and handed him a second beer. “Ready for another?”
His brows rose. “Sure. Thanks.” As he took it, their eyes met and held, and a little zing shot through her. The usual whenever they looked straight at each other.
She turned and headed back toward the kitchen, feeling distracted and desperately trying to stay on task.
“You trying to get me drunk?”
“Maybe.” She playfully tossed the word over her shoulder then ducked inside before he could respond.
Tonight was the night she hoped to get him to open up. If she had to ply him with beer to do it, she would.
Later over dinner… “Mmm, this is delicious,” Carey said, tasting the cedar-infused salmon. “That lime juice brings out a completely different flavor.” They sat at the small picnic table on the deck under a waxing June moon.
“Not bad, I must say. What kind of crazy food do we have to prepare tomorrow?”
“Watercress soup with anchovies, what else?” She laughed. “That’s lunch, but for dinner we get chicken teriyaki with shredded veggies, oh, and cheese rolls. Can’t wait for the bread!” She leveled him with her stare. “I have to thank you for putting up with this crazy diet.”
His gaze didn’t waver. “I’ve enjoyed everything so far.” He reached across the table and covered her hand with his. “Since I’m your prenatal partner, the least I should do is help you stay on the diet. Your baby will thank me one day.”
Sometimes he said the sweetest things and she just wanted to throw her arms around him. But she’d made that mistake once already during the self-defense training and it had mixed up everything between them for days afterwards. Since then he seemed to have shut down like a spring snare, and she’d carefully kept her distance. But he’d just planted a thought she couldn’t drop. Would her baby ever know him?
Right now his hand was on top of hers, and she couldn’t for the life of her understand why such a wonderful man wasn’t still happily married with his own assortment of kids.
She lifted her lids and caught him still watching her, both totally aware of their hands touching, so she smiled but it felt lopsided and wiggly. She stopped immediately, not wanting him to think she was goofy looking or anything. Things felt too close, it nagged at her, and she knew how to break up that uncomfortable feeling pronto. “You mentioned once that you were divorced.” She decided to get right to the heart of the conversation she’d planned to start tonight.
He removed his hand from hers and sat taller as ice seemed to set into his normally kind eyes. “Yeah.” He dug into his vegetables and served himself more fish, suddenly very busy with eating. “My wife left me.”
Why would any woman in her right mind leave Joe? “That must have hurt like hell.”
“It was not a good time.” He clipped out the words, with an emphasis that communicated it would be the end of this conversation. And why did she know without a doubt that he wasn’t telling her anywhere near the whole story? Because he’d hinted at “getting it” and knowing how babies changed lives. Things didn’t add up. Had he lost a child?
So she pressed on, hoping that talking about herself some more might help him to open up. “Sometimes people should get divorced.” She pushed her empty plate away and sipped from her large glass of iced water.
“For instance, my parents were a train wreck. My dad was out of work most of the time, and my mother was always taking on whatever odd jobs she could to make up for it. Instead of being grateful, my typically belligerent father went the macho route, accusing her of thinking him not good enough to take care of the family. Occasionally he’d haul off and hit her, too. I swore I’d never, never put myself in the same position.”
Joe protested, shaking his head. “You didn’t.”
“Didn’t I? After working my whole life to be independent, I fell for the exact same kind of guy as my dad. A man so insecure about his masculinity that he kept me isolated, insisting it was because he loved me so much. Then he turned violent whenever I stood up to him, and especially when I told him we were going to have a baby. What a fool I was. I didn’t learn a thing from my parents’ lousy marriage.” If she hadn’t already finished eating she wouldn’t have been able to take another bite, with her stomach suddenly churning and contorting with emotion.
“He must have had a lot going for him to get you interested at first, though. I’m sure he hid his insecurities really well.” His hand came back to hers. “Don’t call yourself stupid. You have a big heart. You just didn’t see the changes coming.”
“You give me a lot of credit.” She squeezed his hand. “I’m still mad at myself for winding up in this position.”
“As crazy as it sounds, I’m kind of glad you did.” He squeezed back then let go completely, keeping things safe and distant. “You’re better off here.”
With you? She wanted to add, I am better off here but where do we go from here? “What are we, Joe?”
He screwed up his face in mock confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Are we friends? You can’t call me a tenant because I’m not paying you rent.”
She tried to make an ironic expression, but fell far short because the next pressing question was already demanding she ask it. “Am I one huge charity case that you, in your kindness, the way your parents taught you, just can’t bring yourself to send away?”
“God, no. Carey, come on.” He wadded up his napkin and tossed it on the table. “You’re overthinking things, making problems where there aren’t any. We’re friends.” He shrugged.
“We can’t call ourselves friends if you won’t open up to me.” She stood and started clearing the table. “Friends share things.”
Joe shot up and helped to pick up dishes, as usual, and they headed to the kitchen and washed the plates in silence. A muscle in his jaw bunched over and over. Not only had she not gotten Joe to open up, she’d made sure he’d keep his distance and would probably never let her close. Major fail.
But what should she expect, being pregnant with another man’s baby?
*
Early on Monday morning the phone rang. Sunday evening had been strained but tolerable between them, and Joe had withdrawn more from Carey by working during the day and later by working out while listening to that aggressive jazz saxophone music while he did so. It made her want to put on headphones. Carey didn’t know if she could take much more of him distancing himself from her, but under the circumstances she felt trapped for now. Which felt far too familiar, considering her past.
Joe had the day off and answered, then quickly handed the phone to Carey.
“This is Mrs. Adams from social services. The police department told us about your current situation, and Helena from The Hollywood Hills Clinic Social Services also contacted us. Sorry it took so long, but there is quite a backlog. Anyway, we have found a temporary apartment in Hollywood where you can stay for now.”
“Well, that’s wonderful. When can I have a look?”
“You can move in this weekend, if you’d like. Or today if you need to. We have a voucher worth a month’s rent and this unit has just become available. Would you like me to bring the voucher by?”
His Pregnant Sleeping Beauty (The Hollywood Hills Clinic) Page 7
