But stopping her in mid-skim, as if he might lose control, he sheathed himself in record time then, taking control, placed her on her side with her back to his chest. One arm was underneath her and that hand cupped her breast while the other dipped between her thighs and opened her, rubbing the amazingly sensitive area, and she was soon straining at the onslaught of arousal. She moaned in bliss and Joe, being definitely ready, tilted her hips back, making her swaybacked, then entered her.
The culmination of sensations as he pressed into her took her breath away. She rolled with him, taking in every electrifying thrust. His hands remained attentive in those other strategic places as friction built deep inside, knotting behind her navel and lower. Heat lapped up the base of her spine, across her hips and over her breasts, flooding the skin on her chest and cheeks. She could feel the fully ignited body flush nearly burning her skin. If possible, he felt even harder now and an absurd thought occurred to her. She was making love with him, Joe! It wasn’t a wish or a fantasy or a secret dream anymore. It was really happening.
Maybe it was the added hormones of pregnancy, and more probably it was the undivided attention from Joe, but she’d never, ever been this turned on in her life. With her entire body tingling and covered in goose bumps, running hot with sensations—not to mention the involuntary sounds escaping her throat—there would be no guessing on his part about how he made her feel. Freaking amazing.
She couldn’t take more than a few minutes of the intense sensory overload without completely giving in to it. His pumping into her, slowing down and drawing out every last response, then speeding up at the perfect moment to drive her near the flashpoint soon became her undoing. She turned her head and found his mouth. They kissed wildly, wet and deep.
When she came, her center seemed to explode with nerve endings lighting up, zinging and zipping everywhere as they relayed their ecstatic message deep throughout her body. She gasped and writhed against him, riding the incredible wave for all it was worth, while sensing his time was near. Soon his low, elongated moan became the sweetest music she’d ever heard.
*
It had taken several minutes for things to settle down between Joe and Carey. He’d briefly jumped out of bed for the bathroom to take care of business, returning to find she’d probably done the same. He smiled when she came back with the fresh flush of lovemaking on her face and across her chest. Though she’d run a brush through her hair, it was still wildly appealing. He continued floating on the post-sex euphoric cloud when she crawled back into bed beside him. He’d just had mind-blowing sex with an amazing lady and he felt great. Beyond great. He pulled her close, delivered a sweetheart kiss then snuggled in, savoring the afterglow between them. But it was late and they’d worn each other out.
Within a few short minutes Carey fell asleep. She’d gone still, wrapped in his arms, then her breathing shifted to a slower, deeper rhythm. It felt right, holding her, breathing in her scented hair, touching her soft skin and womanly body. But sleep wasn’t ready to come to Joe.
His hand dropped over her abdomen and the noticeable early second-trimester bump. It jolted him. His mind raced with comparisons with another woman and another time. He’d avoided the thought long enough, now it wouldn’t let him go.
What the hell had he just done? He’d ruined everything.
The battle in his mind continued with rival thoughts. He had to be honest, he’d wanted this more than anything, and being with Carey had been on his mind for longer than he cared to admit. She’d knocked every sensible thought out of his head just by being the wonderfully appealing, sweet woman she was. The sexy-as-hell—and who’d just proved it beyond a doubt—mother-to-be.
Yes, she was pregnant with another man’s baby, and though the circumstances were totally different, the scenario seemed too damn familiar.
Also, Joe worried that Carey was confusing gratitude with desire. She’d denied it when he’d bluntly asked her, but they were both obviously under some voodoo spell when it came to each other. He wouldn’t dare call it love. Hell, she’d just escaped a toxic, abusive relationship. Any decent guy, and Joe considered himself one of the good guys, would be an improvement.
Back and forth he silently argued, feeding his confusion rather than solving anything. He’d essentially been acting like a partner to Carey in all but name—how had he not seen that before? It’d started with the staggering need to protect her and moved on to bringing her home. They’d lived together for almost a month, sharing the little everyday things that true couples did. He was the first person other than the midwife to see Baby Spencer in the ultrasound. He’d secretly teared up, seeing how the fetus already sucked its thumb and had a tiny turned-up nose in the profile. She’d even asked him to go to the next doctor’s appointment with her, too, joking she was worried she’d forget something, and he’d been following her pregnancy like an auditor.
Just like he’d done with Angela at the beginning of her pregnancy.
What had possessed him to step into the role of being Carey’s partner in the parenting class? He squeezed his eyes tight, avoiding the answer, holding her a little tighter than before. It wasn’t out of pity for her being the only one enrolled without a significant other—no, he had to be honest. It was because he’d wanted to. Maybe even needed to.
Did he enjoy getting kicked in the teeth?
Damn it, for one of the good guys he was really screwed up. Losing Angela had nearly done him in, along with getting hit by the hardest dose of reality in his life. He was sterile. He’d never be a father. And Angela had cheated on him, taking the task of getting pregnant to his best friend, Rico.
In time he’d lose Carey and her baby, too, once she got back on her own two feet again. Just like he’d lost Angela and the baby he’d once thought was his for a brief but ecstatic period of time.
He slipped out of bed, unable to stay close another second to the woman who’d just thrown his entire world on its head. He pulled on his boxing trunks, went to the kitchen and drank a full glass of water, then walked to the couch and sat. Being away from her spell helped his body settle down. His mind was another story altogether, though. He folded his arms across his chest, plopped his feet on the coffee table and, using the TV controller, turned to an old black and white movie with the sound muted. Fortunately it dulled his thoughts and little by little, as the dark drama unfolded and minutes passed, he finally drifted off to sleep.
*
“Joe? What are you doing out here?”
Sunshine slipped through the cracks in the living-room window blinds on Saturday morning. Joe eased open one eye from where his face was mashed against the armrest cushion on the couch. “Huh? Oh, I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to wake you so I came out here.”
“I was worried I’d snored or something.” She’d obviously tried to lighten the mood, so he laughed easily, as if nothing was wrong at all. She looked nearly angelic, standing with the window behind her, her silhouette outlined by bright morning light. She was wearing an oversized T-shirt with those long, slender legs completely bare. It made him want her all over again, but that was the last thing he should ever do.
“No.” He scrubbed his face, trying to wake up, realizing she hadn’t bought his explanation, and he needed to be straight with her. “You didn’t snore.” Yeah, he had to nip this in the bud and, though it might sting today, she’d thank him later for sparing her more pain.
“What’s up, Joe? I don’t have a good feeling about us having sex and then you sneaking off to the couch.”
He wasn’t ready to look at her, and when he told her his thoughts she deserved his undivided attention. “I need some coffee.” He stood and she followed him into the kitchen. He glanced at her before he got on the job of filling the coffeemaker and saw the frightened and forlorn woman he’d first seen at the bus station. It made him feel sick to do that to her so he stopped avoiding the moment and grabbed one of her hands. “Look.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry we crossed the line last night. It was fantasti
c, amazing, and a huge mistake.”
“No. It was totally okay with me. Couldn’t you tell?” She searched his eyes, looking for answers. It made him look down at the hand he held. “In fact, it was an incredible night. I never dreamed making love with you could be so wonderful.”
He glanced upward, finding those eyes…greener in the morning light. “It was great, but things are too confused between us. You need time to heal from your lousy relationship with Ross, and the most important thing in your life right now should be your baby. Focus on the baby, instead of getting all involved with me. Not that I didn’t love what we did in there last night, it’s just that we’re dangerous for each other right now. I shouldn’t take time and energy away from you focusing on what you want to do with your life. I’ll just interfere, and you need to think what’s best for you, not anyone else.”
Who was he kidding, laying all the excuses at Carey’s feet? He still wasn’t ready to trust another woman, to open up about the pain of his wife’s infidelity. And that’s what he’d need to do in order to be with someone new. Her. It was why he’d been living like a workaholic hermit all this time. What would she think of him if she knew how scared he was to tell her the truth, and if he wasn’t ready to be completely honest, what was the point of being with her?
He pulled her close and held her, and it hurt to feel her stiffen when he wanted to love her. But now he had to push her away because she deserved better. She deserved a future of her own making. All he’d do was mess things up. “We both have a lot going on in our lives right now and it isn’t a good time to confuse things even more with sex.” He pulled back to engage with her eyes, but she was now the one avoiding eye contact. “And, believe me, that was incredibly hard to say, because I wanted you like I’ve never wanted anyone else last night.”
It seemed she’d stopped breathing, a dejected expression changing her beauty to sadness. He felt queasy, like he’d already finished the pot of coffee and the acid lapped the inside of his stomach. But he forged on because he had to.
“It’s not right for us to be together now. Our timing is off. We just have to face that. And no one is sorrier than me.”
Something clicked behind those beautiful eyes. Her demeanor shifted from tender and hurting to world-weary chick. “Yeah, you’re right. It really was stupid.” She pecked his cheek with a near air kiss. “Now I need to shower.”
He watched her walk away, her head high and shoulders stiff. In that moment he hated more than anything having given her a reality check, and the thought of drinking a cup of coffee made him want to puke.
CHAPTER SEVEN
CAREY STOOD UNDER the shower, hiding her tears. Joe’s rejection had stung her to the core. She’d given him everything she had last night yet this morning he had closed the door.
She lifted her head and let the water run over her face. He’d made her remember her shameful past, and she wanted to kick herself for trying to forget. If there was one lesson she should have learned by now it was not to ever let herself get close to any man again. Yet here she was a month after running away from Ross, opening her heart to Joe. Could she have been more stupid?
Joe wasn’t out to hurt her. It had just turned out that way, and it was her fault. She’d suspected from the beginning that he carried heavy baggage. It may have taken a near stranglehold to get him to reveal one small fact—the tip of the iceberg—that his wife had screwed him royally, and what the rest of the story was, Carey could only guess. One thing was certain, he was hurting and afraid of getting involved again.
Truth was she wasn’t the only one with a past not to be proud of. Joe belonged in her league. All the more reason the two of them were a horrible match.
Yet she’d trudged on, defying the truth, letting his kindness and charming personality, not to mention his great looks, win her over little by little. She’d let him take care of her and he’d quickly earned her trust. She still trusted him. But she couldn’t let herself fall any deeper in love with him. Something in her chest sank when she inadvertently admitted she’d fallen for him. No. That couldn’t be. She needed to stomp out any feelings she already had for Joe beyond the practical, and she needed to do it now. She lived here because she couldn’t afford her own place. Yet. In time she’d be free of him, wouldn’t have to be reminded daily how wonderful he’d been at first. Then how tightly he’d shut her out. Yet how much she still cared for him fanned the ache in her chest.
She diligently lathered her body, aware of more tears and that sad, sad feeling nearly overtaking her will to go on. Then her hands smoothed over her growing tummy and she knew she couldn’t let anything keep her from the joy of becoming a mother. Her baby deserved nothing less than her full attention. Wasn’t that what Joe had said, too?
From now on she’d concentrate on getting her life together and becoming a mother, and forget about how being around him made her feel as a woman. Really, how stupid was it, anyway, that fluttering heart business. It never paid off.
After showering and hair-drying and dressing, with her mental armor fully in place, she marched into the kitchen where she heard Joe puttering around. “I’ve decided to take you up on that offer to rent a car for me.”
“Sure, we can do that this afternoon since my dad owns a rental franchise.” He responded in the same businesslike tone she’d just used on him.
“Thanks. In the meantime, may I borrow your car? If I don’t leave now I’ll be late for the Parentcraft class.”
He was dressed. He stopped drying the coffee carafe, turned and looked at her dead on. “I’m going too, but you can drive if you want.”
He tossed her the keys, and in her profound surprise she still managed to catch them. “Uh, I don’t think so.”
“Well, I know so, because you forget things. And two sets of ears are better than one, especially since you’re probably already distracted from everything I pulled on you this morning.”
“It would be totally awkward for both of us. You know that.”
“No, I don’t because I’ve never done this before. Besides, no one else needs to know.”
He was making her crazy with this line of thinking, and so, so confused. “I can’t just give myself to someone then forget about it. What’s wrong with you?”
“You’re right, I’m totally screwed up, I admit it, but I started this class with you, and I intend to be there for you all the way to the end.”
Why was he being so unreasonable? But, honestly, how could she hold against him what he’d just acknowledged? He was the first guy in her life who insisted on sticking something out with her. It seemed a very unselfish thing to do.
Now her head was spinning, and it wasn’t because of the recent concussion. “This is all too complicated. I’d rather just go myself.” He’d hurt her enough for one day. She couldn’t possibly sit next to him in a class for two hours and not think about what had happened. Surely he knew that. What was wrong with the man?
He touched her arm and she went still. Something told her he was about to convince her to let him go, and right this minute—thanks a million, armor, for abandoning me—she felt too confused to argue.
“Carey, I know how it feels to be let down by someone. I know you’ve been let down a helluva lot lately, and I respect you too much to do that with this class on top of everything else I’ve already fouled up.”
She felt like grabbing her head and running away. “Let’s just drop this. I’m going now.” She turned to leave, but he stopped her again.
“Listen, I may have totally screwed up by letting my body do the thinking instead of my brain last night, but long before that… I’ll be honest and say I made a promise to myself about you. That first night I promised I’d look after you. And once I found out you were pregnant, I vowed to be there for the baby, too.”
He took her by the shoulders, leveling his gaze on hers, delving into her eyes. She couldn’t bring herself to look away. “This class is important. You need to know what Gabriella has to say. I sig
ned on to be your partner, and I intend to stay on. We may have made a huge mistake, sleeping together so soon, but in this one thing I’m going to be the only person in your life right now who won’t bail on you. Please let me go with you.”
Damn her eyes, they welled up and she had to blink. The man was too blasted honorable, and she hated him for it. Hated him. “I won’t be able to concentrate with you there.” It came out squeaky, like she needed to swallow.
“You wouldn’t be able to concentrate if I didn’t go either. All the more reason for me to be there.” He patted her stomach. “Little baby Spencer needs us to pay attention. Now, let’s go.”
He gently turned her by her shoulders then nudged her in the small of her back through the door, and because she couldn’t stop the stupid mixed-up tears she handed back the keys. “You’d better drive.”
*
Carey finished the temporary job as ward clerk just in time to interview for a staff RN position in the same ward at the clinic. Having seen her work ethic already, and now that she had her RN license straightened out, they hired her on the spot. Carey was thrilled! Life was looking up. Except for that messy bit of being crazy about Joe Matthews and him being adamant about living by some code of honor. He was so damn maddening!
Ever since they’d made love, and especially after he’d explained how he’d made a promise to look after her, she’d thought she’d figured him out. Basically, he was the guy of her dreams but didn’t know it yet. The next big test was to get him to realize that. The guy followed the rules, maybe hid behind them, too. She could live with that for now, but it sure was hard! No deep, dark Joe secret would scare her away. Nothing he exposed could deter her. He was a good man, and she didn’t want to lose him, no matter how stubborn he was. But she had to be careful not to let on about her continued and growing feelings for him or she’d blow it. The big guy needed to be handled with the utmost care. For his own good.
Things had been very strained at the West Hollywood house since they had “faced the facts” a little over a week ago. It seemed they’d both bent over backwards to be polite and easy to get along with since then, taking the art of being accommodating to a new extreme, but simmering just beneath the surface was the tension. Always the tension. There was nothing like confusing love with kindness and one spectacular “crossing the line” event to create that special brew. Now she’d clearly seen the error of her ways.
His Pregnant Sleeping Beauty (The Hollywood Hills Clinic) Page 10
