."Children," Roarke said carefully, "must, I think, have an instinctive need to please their mothers. At least during those early years."
"I guess. I didn't like her, I was afraid of her, but I wanted her to like me. To tell me I was pretty or something. Hell."
She shoveled in more food. "I got so into it I didn't hear them come back. She walked in, saw me. She belted me. I think she was jonesing-that's the cop talking, but I think she was. There were works on the dresser. I didn't know what they were. I mean as a kid I didn't, but..."
"You don't have to explain."
"Yeah." She kept eating. She was afraid the food would stick in her throat, but she kept eating. "She was screaming at me, and I was crying. Sprawled on the floor bawling. She was going. to clock me again, but he wouldn't let her. He picked me up." Her stomach roiled at the memory. "Shit. Oh shit."
When her fork clattered to her plate, Roarke reached over, gently eased her head down between her knees. "All right then, long and slow. Take long, slow breaths!'
His voice was gentle, as was the hand on her head. But his face was murderous. -
"I can't stand him putting his hands on me. Even then, it made my skin crawl. He hadn't touched me yet, hadn't raped me yet, but some part of me must've known. How could I have known?"
"Instinct." He pressed his lips to the back of her head as his heart ripped to pieces. "A child knows a monster when she sees one."
"Maybe. Maybe. Okay. I'm okay." She-sat up, let her head lean back. "I couldn't stand to have him touch me, but I sort of curled into him. Anything to get away from her. From what I saw in her eyes. She hated me, Roarke. She wanted me dead. No, more. She wanted me erased. She was a.whore. It was a whore's tools on the dresser. A whore and a junkie, and she looked at me as if I were dirt. I came out of her. I think she hated me more because I did."
Though her hand wasn't quite steady, she reached for the wine, used it to wet her dry throat. "I don't understand that. I thought... I guess I figured she couldn't be as bad as he was. I grew inside her, so there had to be something. But she was as bad as he was. Maybe even worse."
"They're part of you." She jerked when he said it, and he closed his hands over hers, kept his eyes fierce on hers. "What makes you, Eve, is the fact that you are what you are despite that. In spite of them."
Her voice was strangled, but she had to speak. "I love you a hell of a lot right now."
"Then we're even."
"Roarke, I didn't know, didn't realize, I wanted there to be something, to have something from her, until I realized for certain there wasn't. Stupid:"
"It's not." His heart broke a little more as he brought her hands, one at a time, to his lips. "No, it's not. Was tonight the first you've had the dream?"
He saw it, the combination of guilt and embarrassment that rushed into her face. His-fingers tightened on hers before she had a chance to draw her hands away. "That wasn't what this was. about tonight." His tone was flat, a warning that made her hackles rise in defense.
"How long ago, Eve?"
"A While. A few days. Last week. How the hell do I know? I didn't mark it on my damn calendar. Having a few dead bodies fall at my feet tends to prey on my mind. I don't have some handy admin keeping track of my every move and thought."
"You think turning this into a fight will distract me from the fact-you've kept this from me for days? Before we went to Boston:" Too angry to sit, he pushed to his feet. "Before that, before I asked you what was wrong, and you brushed me off with a- handy lie."
"I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you. I, couldn't tell you because... " She trailed off, shifted gears quickly. "I wasn't ready, that's all."
"Bollocks "
"I don't even know what that means." She speared another asparagus and ate determinedly.
"You made a decision not to tell me." He sat again, crowding, her. "Why?".
"You. know, ace, maybe you could bag your ego for five fucking minutes so this isn't about you. It's my deal, so hey!
She nearly slammed him back when he gripped her chin, but he outmaneuvered her, nudging her back so he could stare into her eyes. `But it is about me, isn't it? I'm following the path of your busy brain well enough now, I think. What I found out about my mother not long ago stopped you from letting me be there for you with this."
"Look, you're still messed up about it. You don't think you are-not the big, strong man, but you are. You've got bruises all. over you, and I can see them, so I didn't figure dumping this on you would do any good."
"Because thinking of your mother, who had no love for you, would only bring the grief for my own, who did love me, closer to the surface."
"Something like that. Let go."
He didn't. "That's a flawed and stupid logic." He leaned in, kissed her long and hard. "And I'd have done the same, I imagine. I do grieve for her. I don't know if I'll ever stop completely. And I don't know how I'd have begun to get through it without you. Don't shut me out."
"I was just trying to give us both some time to settle."
"Understood. Accepted. But we seem to settle better together, don't you think? Where did she hit you?"
Staring at him, she touched the back of her hand to her cheek, then felt her heart stumble when he leaned in, touched his lips gently to the spot as if it were still painful.
"Never again," he told her. "We've beaten them, darling Eve. Separately, and together, we've beaten them. For all the nightmares and the bitterness, we've still won."
She took a breath. "Are you going to be pissed off when I tell you I talked to Mira about this a few days ago?"
"No. Did it help?"
"Some. This helped more." She toyed with her food again. "Cleaned me out. Maybe my brain will start cooking again. I was so off when I got home. I couldn't fling a decent insult at Summerset. And I've been saving up."
"Hmm" was Roarke's only response.
"I had some good ones stockpiled. They'll come back to me. But my head's crowded with this business, and the case. Then there's Peabody driving me over the edge."
"It's tomorrow for-her, isn't itT'
"Thank God. I'll hit Foriney and Breen tomorrow while she's in exam. I can get Feeney to team with me. And then. oh, speaking of hitting, Fortney socked Pepper."
"Excuse me?"
"Blackened her eye. She came in, filed charges, so that smooths the way to holding him. I've shuffled things so he won't be able to whine for bail until tomorrow. I already had round one with Breen today. He started out smirky, but I wiped that off his face. I've got him shadowed until our scheduled interview tomorrow. Renquist is reportedly out of the city on business. I thought I might tug on one of my connections and see if that's the case or just a runaround."
"Would it be my ego talking again if I assume I'm that connection."
She gave him a quick, toothy grin. "You're pretty handy to have around, even after sex."
"Darling, that's so touching."
"I've got Smith locked down, too. I want to know where all of them are 24/7 until I can push for a warrant."
"And how do you know which of the four is your man?"
"I recognized him," she replied, then shook her head. "But that's gut, and you can't arrest on gut.-There's only one who fits the profile, right down the line. Only one who'd have needed to feed himself by writing the notes. I need to eliminate the other three, build the case on the one. Once I tie the travel to the other murders, I'll have enough for a search warrant. He's got stuff-the paper, the tools, the costumes. He's kept all that. Tomorrow, the next day, I'll get in. And I'll have him."
"Are you going to tell me who. it is?".
"I think we'll work on the elimination process, do the travel and murder dates. See if you start leaning in the direction I've taken. You've got a pretty good gut yourself. For a civilian."
"Such flattery. Then it appears we're going to work."
"Yeah, I- Shit." Her pocket 'link beeped. "I've got it," she said, leaping up to scramble to the platform where the be
d stood and, grab her trousers from off of the floor.
She dragged it out of a pocket, flipped it on. "Dallas." "Lieutenant." Sela Cox's tear-streaked face filled the screen and had Eve's heart dropping to her knees. "Mrs. Cox."
"She's awake." The tears kept falling even as she smiled. Brilliantly. `The doctor's with her now, but I thought I should tell you as soon as I could." -
"I'm on my way." She started to click off, stopped herself. "Mrs. Cox. Thank you."
"I'll be waiting for you."
"I just got a miracle," Eve told Roarke and dragged on her trousers. Then she found she had to sit, just give into weak legs for one moment. "I saw her face. In my dream tonight. Hers, and the others, my own. I saw her face, and I thought she was dead. That I'd been too late for her, and she was dead. I was wrong."
She took a deep breath as Roarke came over to join her. "I saw him, too. My father, standing on the other side of the hospital bed. He said it never ended anyway. There's always another victim and I might as well give up before I was dead, too."
"And he- was wrong."
"You're damn right." She pushed to her feet. "I'm not tagging Peabody. I want her fresh for the exam. Want to stand in?"
"Lieutenant, I already am."
Chapter 21
She strode down the hospital corridor. She'd hooked her badge on her belt to stop any medicals from getting in her way. Roarke wanted to tell her the fire in her eyes would have done the job, but he was afraid it might dim that fierce light.
And he enjoyed seeing it too much to take the chance.
The guard she'd placed at the door to ICU was at attention when she turned the corner. In Roarke's opinion, the uniform had likely scented her energy and whipped himself on alert.
Even as she reached for the door, it swung open. The doctor, Roarke thought, was a more courageous soul. He barred her path, folding his arms across his chest and using a frown as a- shield.
"I was told you'd been notified and were en route. The patient is barely conscious and drifting in and out. Her condition is, still critical. I won't risk having her interrogated at this point."
`Twenty-four hours ago, you told me she'd never regain consciousness. She has."
"Frankly, I consider it a miracle she's come out.of a coma, even briefly."
Sela Cox had asked for another miracle, Eve thought. And by God, she'd gotten it. "I don't believe in wasting miracles.
Somebody put her in that room, and there's a chance she can tell me who before he puts someone else in the hospital. Or the goddamn morgue." Now her voice lashed like a whip that had the uniform wincing. "You don't want to get in my face on this."
"On the contrary." Laurence kept his melodious voice low. "I am in your face on this, and this is my turf. My patient's welfare is paramount."
"On that last point, we're in perfect agreement. I want her alive and well."
"For her testimony."
"Goddamn right. If you think that makes me the enemy, then you're just stupid. I put, her in the dead column, Laurence, just like you. But she showed us both what she's made of. Now, I want her to know 'the man who did this to her has been put away. I want her, to know I'm going to do that for her, and that she had a part in making it happen. Right now, she's just a victim. I'm going to help make her a hero. That's something to live for. You've got two choices, she said before he could speak again. "I have this officer restrain you, or you go in with me and supervise."
"I don't like your tactics, Lieutenant."
"File a complaint." She pushed open the door, glanced at Roarke over her shoulder. "I need you to wait."
When she stepped in her heart sank again. Marlene lay still and deathly pale in the bed. Her mother stood beside her, holding her hand.
"She's just resting," Sela said quickly. "When you said you'd come, I asked my husband to go down to the chapel. They'll only let two of us in- here at a time."
"Mrs. Cox, I must tell you again, Lieutenant Dallas's presence is against medical orders. Your daughter needs to remain calm and quiet."
"She's been quiet since this was done to her, and she won't be calm until he's caught and punished. I'm grateful to you, Doctor, more than I can begin to say. But Marley needs to do this. I know my child."
"Watch your step," Laurence warned Eve, "or you'll be the one restrained."
She kept her focus on Marlene as she moved to the side of the bed. "You should talk to her, Mrs. Cox. I don't want to scare her."
"I've told her you were coming." Sela leaned over the bed, touched her lips to her, daughter's forehead. "Marley? Marley baby, wake up now. Lieutenant Dallas is here to talk to you."
"So tired, Mom." The words were slurred ands soft.
"I know, baby. Just for a little while. The lieutenant needs your help."
"I know you've been through a lot." Eve ignored the doctor as he edged closer. "I know this is hard. I'm not going to let him get away with what he did to you. We're not going to let him get away with it, Marley. You and me. You got away from him. You stopped him once. You can help me stop him once and for all."
Her eyes fluttered open. It was painful to watch, the effort of lifting those lashes, the intense focus in those eyes. Eve recognized the look, the determination of fighting back pain.
"It's all blurred, all runs together. Can't bring it clear."
"That's all right. Tell me whatever you can. You were coming home from work. You took the subway."
"Always take the subway. Just a few blocks. Hot night. Feet hurt."
"There was a van."
"Little moving van." Marlene shifted restlessly, but before the doctor could move, Sela was stroking her daughter's hair.
"It's all right, baby. It's all over now. Nobody's going to hurt you again. You're safe. I'm right here."
"Man. Big cast on his arm. Never seen big cast like that. Couldn't, couldn't get the sofa in. Kept sliding back out, thumping against the street. Felt sorry for him. Mommy."
Deliberately Eve stepped closer, took Marlene's other hand. "He can't get to you now. He's never going to touch you again. He thinks he beat you, but he didn't. You've already won."
Her eyes fluttered again. "I can't remember much. I was going to help him, then something hit me. It hurt. I never hurt tike that. I don't know after that, I don't know." Tears began to leak. "I can't remember anything after that, except
Mom talking to me, or Dad or my brother. Uncle Pete? Was Uncle Pete here, and Aunt Dora?"
"Yes, honey. Everyone's been here."
"I was just floating somewhere while they talked to me, then I woke up here."
"Before he hurt you, you looked at, him." Eve felt Marley's fingers twitch in hers. "I bet you hesitated a little, got an impression of him. You figured he was okay, just some guy in trouble. You're too smart to go up to someone who looked dangerous."
"He had that big cast, and he looked so upset and frustrated. He was cute. Curly dark hair. Curly hair and a ball cap. I think. I can't... He looked over at me and smiled."
"Can, you see him now. In your head? Can you see him, Marley?"
"Yes... I think. It's not clear."
"I'm going to show you some pictures. I want you to look at them and tell me if one of them is the man with the cast. Just see his face in your head, and look at thee pictures."
"I'll try." She wet her lips. "I'm so thirsty."
"Here you are, sweetheart." All but crooning, Sela brought a cup' and straw to her daughter's lips. "Take your time. Remember you're safe now."
"Hard to stay awake. Hard to think."
"She's had enough, Lieutenant."
At Laurence's voice, Marley stirred, again, struggled to look toward him. "I heard you, when I was floating I heard you. You told me not to give up. That... you wouldn't give. up if I didn't."
"That's right." It was the compassion in his voice, on his face that had Eve stifling her impatience.
"And you didn't give up," Laurence said "You've made me look real good around here."
"Give me one more minute," Eve pleaded with him. "Just one more minute, Marley, and we'll be all done."
"You're the police?" Marlene turned her head on the pillow and looked impossibly young, impossibly frail. "I'm sorry. I'm getting mixed up."
"I'm the police." Eve drew out photos o.her suspects. "When you look at these pictures, remember he can't touch you now. You got away, you didn't give up, and he can't touch you."
She showed them to Marlene one at a time, watching her eyes for that shock of recognition. She saw it, and the fear that rode with it.
J D Robb - Dallas 17 - Imitation in Death Page 33
