by Rachel Vail
October 5, Monday
The whole third grade is going to be working on a mapmaking project, with groups combined from the two classes.
The good news is Ms. Burns is in charge of my group.
The bad news is Daisy and Montana C. are in a group with Ms. Termini.
The worst news is my group is me, Montana B., Noah, and Xavier Schwartz. We already got in trouble and our markers were taken away. Ms. Burns didn’t think Xavier Schwartz’s idea to stick them up his nose was a good one.
It is only the first day of mapmaking and we are already behind.
And my first impression on Ms. Burns is that I am in the markers-up-noses group.
October 6, Tuesday
My group is making a map of Europe.
There are way too many countries in Europe.
Group projects stink. Especially when you are in the markers-up-noses group.
Daisy’s family and my family always go trick-or-treating together. So even though she hasn’t sat with me at lunch in approximately forever, at least there is that to look forward to. If I come up with a really good costume it will give me something to talk with her about and get her off the subject of cursive with the Montanas.
October 7, Wednesday
I figured out why it is called cursive: because of the bad words you think when you can’t draw the dumb letters right. How many bumps can one M possibly have?
Plus, I forgot my lunch today.
Mom brought it up to my class.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, she kissed me.
And then she whispered, “I love you” to me.
If my costume for Halloween were “some other kid in my class,” I would wear it all the time for the rest of my life so nobody would know I am me, the boy whose mother has to bring him his lunch and then kiss him in front of everybody.
October 8, Thursday
Montana C. is having a Halloween party on Halloween.
It’s a costume party.
Everybody in the whole third grade is invited. Except all the boys.
Daisy looked at me while Montana was talking about it at lunch. At least she remembers we always trick-or-treat together, always, every single year since we were three. It is a tradition. We will never break the tradition. When we are old, if we live far away from each other, well, too bad on our kids if they have different ideas of what they want to do for Halloween. We always, always trick-or-treat together.
No exceptions.
Daisy looked sad when she looked at me.
I will have to make sure this is the best Halloween ever so she doesn’t feel bad about missing that party. I will give her some of my candy, which is not as fresh or high quality as the candy from our store but still it is all mine, and the only time I get packaged candy all year. I’ll give her some, though, not even as a trade. Maybe even a big pack of M&M’s, if I get one.
Or definitely if I get two.
October 9, Friday
My parents won’t get us a dog.
Their only excuse is that I am terrified of dogs.
I tried to explain that I am also terrified of robbers. A dog could scare away the robbers. I would still be terrified of the dog but I could stop worrying about robbers. That would eliminate a whole category of stuff to worry about. Which you would think my parents, of all people, would want to do.
But no.
They were about as convinced by my very logical arguments in favor of a dog, and Elizabeth’s jumping, cheering, and pleading, as they were about the whole New Jersey idea.
It seems to me like their minds are just clamped shut with age and rust.
That comment got me a little vacation in time-out land.
October 10, Saturday
Bartholomew Wiggins couldn’t play soccer today because he sprained his ankle.
I have to find out how to do that.
October 11, Sunday
There’s a bad guy I might have just dreamed about but I’m not sure. He could be real. I might have read about him in the newspaper, which Dad leaves in the bathroom most mornings and sometimes I end up reading it by accident even though I’m not really supposed to because it’s not appropriate for children. Or I might have heard grown-ups talking about him when they thought I wasn’t listening.
I get a lot of information these ways.
I am not sure how I learned about this exact criminal.
His name is Bad Boy and he is very powerful.
The truth is, I am not sure even a dog could protect me against him.
I heard him prowling around last night, in the Way-Back of the basement. I am terrified of the Way-Back of the basement. I was there once when I was seven, with Mom, looking at if there was a leak from the chimney. It was dark down there and there were strange hissing and clonking noises and worst of all, something in it called The Boiler. I’m not even kidding. The Boiler. I was thinking The Boiler might be why Bad Boy was back there, Boiling somebody.
I don’t want to go to bed tonight in case I hear him down in the Way-Back of the basement again. I may have to find a way to be allowed to stay wherever my parents are, all night tonight.
October 12, Monday
They let me fall asleep in their bed, but when I woke up this morning I was in my own. I don’t think Bad Boy came by or I definitely would have heard him. Maybe the cops nabbed him, so we can all relax. I’ll have to check the newspaper.
Now it’s Columbus Day so there’s no school and nothing to do but mope around. Daisy and her family went away. So did Noah and his family. We couldn’t because of soccer.
Another reason to hate soccer.
Elizabeth has a playdate over and his name is Buckey. They are hiding under the dining room table and giggling, pretending to be invisible.
When Daisy and I used to play that and hide from her huge gorilla of a big brother, at least we stayed quiet, for goodness’ sake.
October 13, Tuesday
It turns out that Buckey is Montana C.’s little brother.
Also that Buckey is Elizabeth’s boyfriend now.
Montana C. thinks it’s the cutest thing ever.
I hate Montana C.
October 14, Wednesday
I also hate Xavier Schwartz.
October 15, Thursday
I am not allowed to say hate anymore. I said, “I hate meatballs” at dinner tonight and Dad got really mad. It is a nasty word, Dad says. It’s better manners to say, “No, thank you” if you wouldn’t care for any of the meatballs Gingy worked so hard to make.
Fine.
I no thank you Montana C. and I no thank you Xavier Schwartz.
October 16, Friday
The reason I no thank you Xavier Schwartz is that when I made the perfectly reasonable suggestion that maybe we should write the names of the Europe an countries in pencil first just in case we messed up, he said, “Justin K., you are the most worried kid I ever met.”
“No,” I said. “I’m just saying, just in case . . .”
“Exactly,” Xavier said. “Maybe that’s why your name is Justin Case!”
Everybody thought that was so hilarious. I tried to say, No, my name is Justin K., short for Krzeszewski, but of course everybody already knew that, and explaining just made them laugh more and keep saying, “Justin Case, that’s excellent! Justin Case!”
I used to wish for a nickname. Not anymore.
People said hi to me more today than the rest of my life combined, which would have been nice except the name they said hi to was Justin Case.
So that is why I totally no thank you Xavier Schwartz.
The reason I no thank you Montana C. is:
Daisy is going to her party instead of trick-or-treating with me.
October 17, Saturday
On my calendar it says today is Sweetest Day.
My calendar is wrong.
Dad didn’t even care that both my ankles were almost definitely sprained. I still had to play soccer. He said he was sure I could handle it because I am a toug
h kid and he has faith in me.
He called me “Atta boy.” I don’t know what “Atta boy” actually means other than too bad on you, you have to play anyway.
Bartholomew Wiggins sat on the sidelines looking at the clouds.
Xavier Schwartz was on the other team. He yelled, “Hey, Justin Case!” at me, and now my whole soccer team, even the two kids who go to private school, call me that.
October 18, Sunday
Poopsie is on Elizabeth’s and my side about the dog. “Kids should have a dog!” he yelled as he was eating mashed potatoes.
Mom pointed out that he didn’t let her have a dog when she was a kid.
He said she wasn’t his grandchild.
She tried to argue that Elizabeth and I are not her grandchildren, but he said he couldn’t hear her.
I think he can’t hear only when he feels like not listening.
Mom repeated herself. Poopsie said she should stop mumbling.
She rolled her eyes at him, a thing that I am not allowed to do.
I like it when Mom rolls her eyes like that. She looks like a kid. I started giggling. She winked at me and gave me a compliment for helping clear the table.
And during dessert, Elizabeth got in trouble for interrupting, finally.
So tonight was a very good night.
October 19, Monday
I got a Superstar today.
For my excellent cursive writing.
Hahahahahaha, Montana C.
October 20, Tuesday
Ms. Burns complimented me on the way I colored in Norway.
Her voice is very gravelly.
I can’t stop thinking about it.
October 21, Wednesday
I asked Daisy today at recess what she is dressing up as for Halloween. She said she thinks a dog.
I nodded because I was also thinking of going as a dog, so my first thought was, Oh, that will be so great, we will be two dogs, trick-or-treating together, but then in, like, the second half of that half second, I remembered that we are not trick-or-treating together because Daisy is going to horrible Montana C.’s horrible girls-only party. So we will not be two dogs trick-or-treating together, we will just be two dogs who don’t even know each other.
Two random dogs.
I couldn’t play tag after that. I just sat and broke twigs into crumbs.
October 22, Thursday
I am not going as a dog.
A dog is a baby costume, or a girl’s.
I am going to be a monster.
A horrible monster, with maybe blood dripping.
October 23, Friday
We had a spelling test today. I got everything right except exercise.
In my opinion a word that ends with the sound size should have the word size in it.
Another reason to hate exercise. (I mean, no thank you exercise.)
As if Mr. Calabrio with his arms the size of the Hulk’s is not enough.
Things I Don’t Like:
1. Spelling tests
2. Exercise
3. Girls
4. Halloween
5. Limits on screen time
6. The Way-Back of our basement
October 24, Saturday
Soccer was great today: The other team didn’t have enough players so they had to forfeit, which meant we won! Dad handed out gummy lizards. Everybody thinks he is the best coach ever now. Even maybe me. But we had to keep the whole gummy lizard thing secret from Mom.
That’s because Mom is on a health food rampage again. Wheat germ is being sprinkled on everything. Wheat germ is sawdust, only chunkier. Elizabeth and I both keep gagging.
Things I Like:
1. Pretending
2. Counting
3. Helping at the candy store
4. Watching rain on windows
More Things I Don’t Like:
1. Being bad at soccer
2. Loud or strange noises, especially at night
3. Runny-aroundy kids
4. Food that jiggles or tastes like sawdust
5. Things that are named The Boiler
October 25, Sunday
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night.
It felt like Bad Boy had gotten into my room. I stayed very small and tight in a corner, holding Wingnut against my face for a long time.
Snakey was on the floor beside my bed, but I don’t think his venomous stuffed teeth would be a good enough defense.
Mom and Dad have no idea how much we really, really need to get a dog. I don’t want to insult Wingnut but what I mean is a dog who is way bigger than he is, and can bark, and is maybe a bit ferocious.
Wingnut is so sweet he’d never even growl, not even at Bad Boy.
October 26, Monday
Our maps were due today and ours was not done. We still had the Czech Republic and Greece to do, but we couldn’t get going. Montana B. kept giggling while Xavier Schwartz said the word marshmallows over and over again, and Noah, as usual, sat with his chin in his hands and stared at Ms. Burns instead of concentrating.
At Montana C.’s party they are going to play games before they trick-or-treat, and there might be a piñata.
I might have to invite Noah and his family to trick-or-treat with us, because if it is just me and Elizabeth, who can’t stop talking about Halloween and her birthday party invitations that she sent out this afternoon, I might have to sprain my head and not go trick-or-treating at all.
I will just stay home alone with my lack-of-dog.
October 27, Tuesday
I can’t even believe what just happened.
I was in the grocery store with Mom, helping to get more wheat germ and other foods not compatible with living human beings, when who came around the corner?
In her jogging clothes, including a top that didn’t cover her belly button? And a ponytail? And blue sneakers (a lot like my blue sneakers)?
Ms. Burns, that’s who!
And her cheeks were all red. And her eyes were very sparkly.
She said, “Hey, Justin!”
I said, “Ungh.”
Mom said, “Hi, I’m Justin’s mom.” Ms. Burns introduced herself and said that I am a terrific student, very serious but also very sweet. She said that I have good manners. I apparently say thank you after every class, which I didn’t even realize. Mom rubbed my head at that, and then told Ms. Burns thank you and that it was nice to meet her.
Ms. Burns said, “See you in school tomorrow, Justin!”
And I said “ungh” again.
October 28, Wednesday
Xavier Schwartz wants to meet up with me and Noah and some of the other boys for trick-or-treating.
I said I’d have to ask my mom, because we might have other plans.
He said he is trick-or-treating with Gianni Schicci, because they always trick-or-treat together.
Yeah, I told him. That’s nice. A tradition like that.
He said he wants me to see the costume he’s making.
Which reminded me I have to get my own costume together, unless I really do boycott Halloween or get strep throat for it.
Daisy called and left a message that would I please call her back.
Maybe I will, if I have a chance. I am very busy with all my plans for Halloween, though, so I might not.
October 29, Thursday
Ms. Burns smiles at me a lot now, ever since I saw her in the grocery store.
Noah says she smiles at everybody the same amount.
He is just jealous.
After that argument, he spent the whole rest of the day bragging about his amazing Halloween costume his dad bought him in the city. It’s an alien and has real flashing lights and sound effects.
But mine will have blood, so I don’t even care.
October 30, Friday
Mom says no blood.
She ruins everything.
October 31, Saturday
Well, Halloween is supposed to be scary, so I guess it was a big success.
During
the day I had soccer. I pretended my uniform was a costume. I ran around a lot on the field so I’d really look like a soccer star, with sweat and red cheeks, not just shin guards. In the third quarter the ball hit me in the head, which made me really mad. For the first time I just wanted to clobber the ball. I stole it from a kid on the other team and kicked it so hard it hit Bartholomew Wiggins in the butt, bounced over to Sam Pasternak, who is the best player on our team, and he scored. Dad said I get the assist (which is a good thing) and he was all proud of me.
He didn’t realize it was just a Halloween costume.
For the night, I dressed as a vampire, with fake teeth but no fake blood. It was okay, though. Mom gelled my hair back and I wore a white button-down, black pants, and the black cape cut off from last year’s Batman costume that I didn’t even like anyway. It was way cooler than Noah’s flashing thing that made him look more like a toy than an alien, but whatever.
We were trick-or-treating near Noah’s house when Elizabeth said, after we rang the doorbell of a big white house with pillars, “Oh, I know who lives here!”
I was planning to ignore her because she is always pretending to know stuff she doesn’t know, but Mom was like, “Oh, you remember?” And Elizabeth said, “Yes! It’s my boyfriend, Buckey, who I am going to marry!”
Just as it was computing in my head that if this really was her boyfriend Buckey who she is going to marry’s house, it was also Montana C.’s house, which meant that all the third-grade girls at my school were behind that door. . . . The door swung open.
