Rocky Mountain Soul

by Dawson, Kay P.

She knew it was silly, but as long as she kept pretending it was about the dog lying sprawled on the floor in front of them, it wasn't like a "real" date.

  Jack shook his head slowly as he laughed softly. "No, I guess they likely wouldn't. So your options are the dog park, again. Or, you come to my house and let me barbeque us some dinner, while you and Tank have your quality time together."

  She pretended to think about it, chewing on her lip as she brought her finger up to her chin. "What do you think, Tank, where would you rather go?" At the sound of his name, his head popped back up and his tail started thumping against the floor. "How about if your dad agrees to make you a steak too, we might have a deal."

  Tank jumped up and came over to push against her legs.

  "I think we have our answer. Tank would like you to come over to his house so he can have dinner with you."

  The way Jack said the words made her heart flutter. She was going to have to be very careful not to let herself fall too hard again.

  But as she looked into the eyes smiling at her across the couch, she realized she'd never actually stopped falling.

  * * *

  He quickly walked through the door as Erin came in behind him, rushing ahead to pick up some of the mess he knew was lying around. "I'm sorry about the mess, but I've been working nights this week, and I end up not getting much done when I'm sleeping so late in the day."

  "It's not too bad. I remember what your room was always like when I'd visit you at home, so I wasn't expecting it to be spotless anyway."

  He stopped and turned to face her, holding the empty plates in his hand. She was grinning at him innocently.

  "Well, I'm not actually that messy anymore, you'll be happy to know. However, things do sometimes tend to get away on me when I'm working a lot."

  He walked into the kitchen to put the plates in the dishwasher. "I guess since you promised to play with Tank, you may as well come straight through to the backyard while I start to get dinner ready. He has lots of toys out there for you to choose from."

  He figured if she was going to continue the charade of this "date" being all about Tank, then he would help her along. He knew Tank would exhaust her playing with him, but since she insisted, he'd be sure to oblige.

  That dog had a thing for Frisbees, and if she started throwing it, the game could go on for hours. He could be very insistent if you tried to ignore him.

  Mind you, Jack wouldn't be complaining if she was stuck here for hours. He'd have to make sure to give Tank the biggest steak to thank him for making Erin agree to go out with him.

  As soon as they got out the back door, Tank was off, digging through the pile of toys he had stashed under the deck boards. Jack almost laughed out loud when he grabbed his orange Frisbee. Erin was going to be here for a long time.

  "You're lucky I didn't hurt my good arm, Tank, or I wouldn't be throwing anything for you." Tank didn't care. He was already standing at attention, his tail and ears straight up as he waited for her to throw it.

  Jack leaned against the rail of the deck and watched while the barbeque heated up. He felt himself go back in time, and he saw that girl he'd loved, crazily running around the yard playing with his dog. Her blonde hair hung loose today, and now and then she'd have to stop and pull it back from her eyes. Her laughter reached his ears, and tugged on his heart.

  They'd always had so much fun together, and seeing her here made him realize just how badly he'd missed her all these years. Everyone always said to move on, and eventually you get over someone.

  But it had never happened for him. And it made it worse, because it had been his own fault she was gone.

  He’d never understood what had happened, or how badly it had hurt Erin still until the day he’d picked up her items from the company who’d cleaned up after her accident. In the pile of things, he’d been handed an iPod that had been plugged in at the time she crashed. He vaguely remembered a song that had been playing when he’d arrived at the accident, so he’d found it on the playlist and listened to it to see if he’d remembered right.

  It was Lady Antebellum’s, “Wanted You More.” He’d played that song a hundred times himself after he’d realized she wasn’t going to give him another chance when she’d left for Denver. Knowing why she’d been driving down that road that day, and listening to that song, he realized just how deeply she still felt.

  He was determined now that no matter what Erin, or his sister thought, he was going to prove that he could be trusted with her heart again.

  Nine

  "Well, to be fair, I did warn you that once you started, you might be stuck here for a while." She bent down to pick the Frisbee up.

  "Okay Tank, last time. For real this time." She'd told him that each time she'd thrown it for the past fifty throws, but every time he’d bring it back to her and look at her with those sad eyes. So, she'd throw it just one more time for him.

  But her arm was tired, and her whole body was aching. She hadn't had much exercise since the accident so this was taking its toll on her.

  "Just come sit down. I've got everything ready to eat. Tank will forget all about his Frisbee when he sees the steak I've cooked just for him."

  She turned and laughed when she saw the size of the steak Jack had set on the plate for the dog. "You seriously made him one?"

  He pretended to look shocked. "I thought you told me I had to...something along the lines of if I made a steak for Tank, we'd have a deal. I never go back on a deal I've made."

  He called Tank over to the patio table sitting on the deck. "And anyway, me and Tank here have many steak suppers together. Wouldn't be very nice of me to eat one in front of my buddy."

  She sat down, giggling loudly when Tank hopped up on the chair next to her and started eating his steak off his plate like it was something he did every day.

  Jack set a plate in front of her too, and while she'd been playing with the dog, he'd managed to make a couple of baked potatoes on the barbeque, and even thrown a salad together. He'd remembered she didn't like wine, and had poured her a glass of iced tea into a nice wine glass. There were even some daisies he’d found somewhere and tucked them into a vase in the center of the table.

  Suddenly feeling nervous, she reached out to give Tank another pet. He didn't pay her any attention, though, now completely consumed with eating his steak.

  "Everything looks delicious, Jack. You really didn't have to go to all this trouble. I would’ve been fine with a sandwich and a glass of water." She smiled up at him, and her breath caught in her throat when her eyes met his. This was dangerous ground they were treading on, and she didn't know what to do.

  The pain she'd gone through after he broke up with her had consumed her for a long time. Now that she was past it, she never wanted to put herself in that situation again.

  But she'd never been able to resist him. And she was afraid he knew that. That had been the reason she went to Denver. She could have taken her nurse's training closer to home, but she needed to be far away from him. Somewhere that she wouldn't be tempted to give in when he tried to win her back.

  And he had tried. He'd called several times after she'd left, trying to talk to her, but she'd held firm and not let herself be swayed. Her heart had been broken, and she never wanted to feel that pain again.

  They started eating in silence, listening to the loud smacking of the dog as it tore the meat from the bone. "All right Tank, get down."

  At the order, Tank picked his bone off his plate and moved down to the ground to finish his feast. Jack shrugged. "If he tries to eat the bone at the table, things can get a little messy." His lopsided Roberts smile made her stomach clench. How could someone who'd hurt her so badly, still have such an effect on her?

  She suddenly felt more vulnerable when Tank wasn't there beside her. Self-consciously, she reached up and pulled her hair back a bit. Picking up her knife and fork, she tried to cut her steak. Her cheeks started to burn as she realized she might not have thought this through.


  She couldn't cut it. The hand she normally cut with was trapped in a cast.

  As she sat holding the utensils in her hands, hovering over her plate, she was sure she heard a chuckle.

  "Looks like you do need some help from me after all. Even your savior Tank can’t help you with this.”

  His hands reached out and took the cutlery from hers, and she yanked her fingers back quickly as though they'd been burned. Swallowing hard, she managed to look up to face him.

  He was concentrating on cutting, with his eyes on her plate. His dark hair was still as thick as it had been in high school. But his shoulders were wider, and his muscled biceps worked as he pressed the knife and fork into action.

  Without warning, his eyes lifted and caught her in their gaze. Her heart was pounding so hard she was sure it could be heard over Tank's chewing.

  She couldn't seem to look away, and she tried to get her voice to work, to break the silence, but nothing was working. His brown eyes held hers, and she was sure she’d stopped breathing.

  Suddenly, Tank was between them, his paws up on the table as he demanded they pay some attention to him too. Thankfully, whatever spell she'd been under was broken, and she laughed nervously as she scratched under the dog's chin. She peeked out of the corner of her eye, and noticed Jack didn't look too happy about the intrusion.

  "Nice timing, Tank."

  The dog thought he was being praised, so he barked in reply, before letting his paws fall back to the ground. He sniffed around the deck to see if there were any pieces left to the steak he'd completely devoured before they’d even started to eat.

  Jack finished cutting her meat, then set her cutlery back down for her. He picked his own up and started eating.

  By now, the sky was turning a nice orange color, and there was a chill starting to come into the air. People who grew up around here were used to the weather being cooler, but when there was a nice day like today, it was nothing to sit outside in May to eat their supper. She was wishing she'd brought a warmer sweater though.

  "Let me grab you a sweater. I hadn't planned on it taking so long to get ready, so didn't think we'd be outside eating this late." Jack jumped from his spot and went into the house, leaving her sitting there wondering how he could have possibly known what she'd been thinking about.

  He came back out with a hoodie that had the name of the local paramedic union on it. She took it from him and pulled it over her shoulders, letting herself take a deep breath of his scent as it went over her head.

  They continued to eat, making small talk as Tank ran around the yard chasing the bugs that were making their way out in the dark. A light on the back of the house gave off a soft glow.

  "So, what did good ol' Bertram Hardy have to share with you last night? Did he ever get that big deal he was working on? The restaurant got a bit loud as the evening went on, and I missed the end of the story."

  Ten

  She coughed as the bite of salad caught in her throat. He was actually admitting he was listening to them last night?

  "I knew it! I knew you were listening. Why didn't you just come and join us since you seemed so interested in what was happening at our table?"

  She shook her head, pointing her fork at him. "And your poor date. Who by the way, Emma has since told me, was a good friend of yours who happens to go out with one of your best friends."

  She set her cutlery down, and crossed her arms in front of her as she leaned back in her chair. "I can't believe that even you would be so pathetic that you had to spy on me."

  "I wasn't spying! I just felt like having a nice meal, and Angie was bored because David had to work. So we decided we should have dinner. I can't help it if we ended up at the same restaurant."

  His grin was giving away how much he really didn't feel bad at all.

  "Why do you care what I'm doing so much?" She knew she was opening a conversation she didn't know if she was ready to hear. But she couldn't seem to stop herself.

  His grin slowly faded away, and he gave her a sad smile. "Do you honestly have to ask me that?"

  No, she wasn't ready for this. She stood up, almost tripping over Tank who had decided to lie down right at her feet.

  Jack pushed his chair back and came around to take her hand in his. "Don't. Don't walk away from me. We need to talk about all of this. We need to get it out in the open so we can stop having it hanging over our heads."

  "Jack, I don't have anything to say. I knew this was a mistake." She tried to step past Tank, who was obviously completely exhausted, and filled up from his meal. He wasn't moving a muscle.

  She tripped slightly, and found herself with Jack's arms around her.

  "You have to give me the chance to talk then. Just let me try to tell you how sorry I am. I was young, and I was stupid. And I've regretted everything since the day I did it. But you've never given me the chance to apologize. You meant the world to me, but because I was a stupid, pig-headed boy, who thought I was a man, I pushed you away. I don't expect you to ever forgive me, but God, Erin, you had to know how much I loved you."

  His voice strangled, and almost pulled the heart from her chest. His forehead came forward, resting on hers. Her hands were on his chest, and she could feel the beating of his heart beneath her fingers.

  "I kept telling myself that someday I'd find a way to let you know how sorry I was. But you wouldn't talk to me, and I..."

  "Jack, you destroyed me when we broke up. I had let myself believe we would be together forever. And I know everyone says you never get over your first love, but I had to. I had to move past the pain I was feeling, or I couldn't survive. You wouldn't even tell me why we were breaking up—just that you were done, and you needed to be single for a while. You will never understand how that made me feel."

  He pulled his head back. "Yes, I do understand, Erin. Because I've felt that same way ever since the day you drove away from Silver Springs. I never believed you'd actually go, and I assumed someday you’d let me make things right."

  She swallowed, desperately trying to think straight. She needed to remember the pain she'd felt, and not let him do this to her again.

  Before she could stop herself, tears started to roll down her cheeks.

  "You’re the only girl I've ever felt like that about, and I've never stopped beating myself up for how I treated you. I know it's no excuse, but I was young. And I just didn't know how much I loved you until I lost you."

  His hand reached up and his thumb wiped the wetness away. She was lost in his eyes again, and before she knew what was happening, his lips were on hers. The same fire that had been there all those years ago ignited, and she felt the world start to spin as he pulled her in against him.

  His fingers went into her hair, and her arms went around his shoulders, trying to bring him closer. The cast on her wrist made it difficult to hold him as tight as she suddenly wanted to.

  As their lips moved, tasting each other for the first time in what felt like forever, a low groan came from his throat before he pulled his head away.

  His shoulders heaved as he breathed heavily, his breath tickling the hair by her temple. "I've missed you so much, Erin. But I'm not messing things up this time. I'm not going to do anything to hurt you."

  He stepped back, and her face burned from embarrassment over what she'd just let happen. She tried to pull away, but he held her upper arms in his grip.

  "No, Erin. Don't." He brought his fingers under her chin and lifted her eyes to his. "All I'm asking is for a chance. A chance to be the man you deserved all those years ago. This time, I won't mess up."

  She desperately wanted to believe him. But there was too much on the line. Her heart had wounds that would never heal, and she'd sworn she would never let herself be vulnerable to that happening ever again.

  Yet, standing here in his arms, with the last rays of the sun disappearing from the sky behind him, she wanted nothing more than to believe him.

  Could she trust what she thought she could see in his eyes
?

  "Just give me a chance to make things right."

  Her heart was screaming yes, even as she fought against the thoughts in her head. Jack Roberts was the only man who'd ever made her feel like this. She was older now, so surely she could handle herself and protect her heart from getting hurt again. Couldn't she?

  "I just need some time to think, okay? And it's hard to think when I'm standing here in your arms, with you looking at me like this."

  His throat convulsed as he swallowed hard, but he stepped back, dropping his hands to his sides. He shoved them in the front pockets of his jeans, and she had to fight not to fling herself back into his arms. He looked so unsure.

  "I'll give you all the time you need, Erin. I'm not going anywhere. I've waited this long for another chance, so I can wait a bit longer." He gave her his lopsided grin.

  "Maybe you'll agree to go out with me, just the two of us next time." The snoring of the now sleeping dog at their feet broke some of the tension of the moment.

  "I think I'd like that." The smile on his face when she said the words reassured her that maybe this time, she should listen to her heart.

  Eleven

  He was tired, having worked a long shift, and he really wasn't in the mood to listen to his sister give him grief. He was sure by now Emma knew what had happened at his place the other night.

  But he desperately needed one of her coffees, and even though she technically didn't open until six, he knew she always opened so Bri could stop in for her morning coffee. He'd stopped in here many times at this hour for coffee too.

  But did he really want to face both sisters?

  The need for coffee won out. Pushing the door open, he strode in, ready for whatever they had to say. He was the oldest after all, so he didn't need to take anything from them.

  Emma was behind the counter, and Bri was leaning against it. They'd been laughing about something, but stopped when they saw him. "Don't let me ruin your conversation. I'm just here for a coffee."