Furthermore, I will personally supervise your career within our company, nurture you, and do my very best to turn you into the best goddamn producer money can buy.
If that sounds like something that appeals to you, then report to my office no later than 10th January 1986 and we’ll get started. My secretary, Joyce, will be expecting you before midday.
I enclose herewith, an open-ended airline ticket and a cheque for five hundred dollars to cover your expenses.
If this offer does not appeal to you then please accept the ticket and the money as a Christmas gift from myself and I will just put it down to a hunch that didn’t pay off. No hard feelings.
But, if I know you like I think maybe I do, then I’ve no doubts I’ll be talking to you in person very soon.
Happy holidays to you and your family and I look forward to meeting with you in due course.
Yours sincerely,
Elliot R. Wexler
Vice President Stratosphere Records (East Coast Division)
“Bloody hell, Daisy!” Exclaimed Gordy. “Stratosphere Records! - one of the biggest record companies in the world - can you bloody believe it?”
“I know - I wrote a piece about them last month - I even mentioned Wexler in it!” Daisy said, happy tears streaming down her lovely elated face.
Gordy sprang off the swing excitedly. “Bloody hell!” he cried again. “Stratosphere bloody Records!” All his determination, all his dogged persistence had finally paid off. He’d landed himself a job working with one of the most respected men in the music business. Elliot R. Wexler himself. “What a brilliant surprise!”
Daisy was laughing now, giddy with joy, unbelievably delighted for him.
“You know what this means don’t you?” She said.
“Yeah,” Gordy replied with a big, wide grin on his face. “I’m coming to New York with you and we’re going to move in together!”
Daisy leapt up and jumped into his arms and the pair of them danced around the park like mad, loved up idiots.
Neither of them had been happier in all of their lives.
And that was cool.
Epilogue
Where Are They Now?
Loz.
The last reported sighting of Loz was in Thailand where she was arrested at the airport for trying to smuggle copious amounts of cocaine.
She currently resides in a Bangkok prison cell.
Shaz.
Shaz lived with various high-profile rock stars before finally settling down with a musical ‘entrepreneur’ in 1992. She left him several years later taking half his fortune with her.
Using her new wealth, she released her self-penned, self-produced album a year later. It peaked at number 92 in the Top 100. It’s failure cost her dearly and she was declared bankrupt shortly afterwards.
With her looks fading, she is currently looking for another wealthy entrepreneur to marry, preferably an ex-Beetle or a gifted plastic surgeon.
Del Fontaine.
DelFont Records closed it’s doors for the last time in 1990 due to serious mismanagement.
Wanted for tax evasion, Del changed his name back to Doglan Turdolski and returned to Eastern Europe to manage a Russian girl band.
The band split up shortly after he married the lead singer.
Currently, he and his wife are touring the mining towns of Siberia; she sings in the bars and he is her manager.
It is not a happy existence.
Mandy and Tricia.
Mandy and Tricia still live in Stockport where they now run a gay and lesbian support group. They married in a Civic Ceremony in 2010 and have a little girl, born to Mandy, using donated sperm.
Their daughter is now four years old. Her name is Daisy after her favourite godparent.
Bernard Bailey.
Mr. Bailey is alive and well and living a happy life in St. Austell, Cornwall, with his second wife, who was the local piano teacher.
They share a joint passion for music, buying as many records and going to as many concerts as possible.
He is 89, she is 87.
Izzie and The Doctor.
Izzie married The Doctor in 1992. He is now a brain surgeon and she is a highly successful lawyer. They have three daughters and a son, all of whom graduated from university with first class honours degrees.
Izzie drives a Porsche, The Doctor has a Bentley, although they tend to use the Range Rover at weekends.
They live in a six bedroom mansion exactly halfway between Yorkshire and Bradley and have a holiday home in The Caymans which they visit at least twice a year.
Kev and Tracy.
Kev and Tracy had two more sets of twins, all girls, making six in total.
Surrounded by women, Kev tends to work long hours at the paper factory where he works as a supervisor.
He finds it more peaceful there. Besides, he needs all the overtime he can get as three of his daughters are getting married this year and it’s going to be very expensive.
Kev and his family holiday in Mudeford every year. He always hates it and can’t ever wait to get back to the peace and quiet of the paper factory.
Nan and Grandad.
Nan and Grandad both lived to a ripe old age.
They died within two days of each other, laughing and arguing in equal measure right up until the very end.
Harvey’s Bristol Cream and King Edward cigars were served at their joint funeral.
For their service, the church had a record attendance.
Glynn and Lynn Flynn.
In the early Spring of 1986, Glynn and Lynn moved to India where they set up a spiritual commune.
They are still very religious and teach the Word of The Lord every day.
They also promote the use of marihuana to enhance spiritual awareness.
Glynn ditched his guitar in favour of a zither; he can be heard playing it at all hours of the day and night.
He remains blissfully unaware that the majority of the commune residents have cotton wool in their ears most of the time.
He and Lynn speak to Daisy at least once a month.
Alan and Barb Brewer.
Alan and Barb are enjoying a happy retirement. Alan plays golf and Barb goes to ‘step-aerobics’. She also has a complete DVD library of all her favourite Hollywood musicals which she watches regularly.
They travel as often as they can and have visited most parts of the world via cruise ship.
They also see their many grandchildren as often as they can. Indeed, when the children were younger Alan and Barb spent much of their time babysitting - and still have the youngest ones for weekends now.
They still live in the same house in Bradley as Barb refuses to move - insisting that the house has too many good times associated with it.
The Class of ‘78.
Frazer ‘Razor’ Redmond.
Frazer and Beth are still together but have never married.
Jointly, they own a chain of fetish shops specialising in leather, rubber and bondage gear. They are extremely profitable and have recently launched an internet mail order service which is proving to be enormously successful.
In the early 1990s Frazer trained to be a tattoo artist. He is now one of the most sought after and respected tattooists in the whole of the UK. He and Beth also have several tattoo parlours which are all located above their shops. Their enterprise is called Razor’s Rubber & Ink.
They have two boys; Spike and Chas. Both are spiky-haired, heavily tattooed punks who look meaner than hell, but a pair of nicer lads you couldn’t wish to meet.
Trevor Savoury.
The Savoury-Sidebottoms have been happily married for over twenty years.
They have one son, named Han. Or, to give him his full name; Han Solo Luke Chewbacca Kirk Sulu Savoury-Sidebottom.
Trevor and Marjorie ow
n and operate a company that specialises in organising sci-fi and comic book conventions.
They live in a large house in Bradley not far from Trevor’s mum’s. Four of the rooms, along with the basement and both garages have been converted to house Trevor’s extensive comic book and movie memorabilia collection which includes a full-size Dalek, three Galactic Empire Stormtrooper uniforms and a replica of The Enterprise’s Bridge (which occupies the whole of the double garage).
Han is a sports mad adrenalin junkie. He loves fashion, women, socialising and anything that involves being outdoors.
To this day he has never seen Star Wars - but Trevor lives in hope.
This year he and his son are doing a bungie jump as part of Han’s 21st birthday celebrations. Needless to say, this was not Trevor’s idea.
Pippa Wilson.
During the 1990s Pippa became a huge star in the adult film industry. Her biggest hit, Lesbian Lavatory Lust became the highest grossing adult film of 1993.
This was duly followed by the increasingly less successful, Lavatory Lust II: The Second Flush, Lavatory Lust III: Royal Flush and finally Lavatory Lust IV: Lust in Space.
Towards the end of her film career, in a bid to attract a newer audience, Pippa underwent a series of ill-advised breast augmentations, earning herself the dubious honour of ‘Biggest Boobs in Britain’. Cashing in on the infamy the title brought her, Pippa briefly changed her name to ‘Miss Triple XL’.
With her glory years far behind her, she finally retired from porn in 2010 at the grand old age of 47 - when after a disastrous flight home from a ‘Double-the-Diameter’ dildo demonstration at an Amsterdam sex convention, one of her fake boobs exploded, leaving herself and two fellow porn actors seriously concussed.
Pippa and her one enormous, mutant-sized boob now live in a small council flat in Greater Manchester.
Her son, Shane, her pride and joy, lives with her - mainly because his movements are monitored by the police. He is currently the subject of an ASBO and is required to wear an electronic ankle tag at all times.
Pippa is still with Ahmed, who managed her career in the porn industry. However, at the age of 68, he suffered a heart attack during a particularly strenuous threesome with Pippa and his new young protégé, Titsiana Tatas. He has been in a nursing home ever since.
Pippa visits once a month.
Presently, Pippa is awaiting breast reduction surgery on her over-sized boob which is to be paid for on the NHS.
Steve bloody Cool.
Steve Cool returned to Bradley in the February of 1986, where he secured a job as Assistant Manager of the Pik ‘n’ Mix counter of Woolworths.
He stayed in that position until the store closed in 2009.
After being unemployed for many months, Steve eventually got a job running a friend’s burger van on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights which, nowadays, can usually be found parked outside Mister Big Stuff’s nightclub in Bradley town centre.
The girls who frequent the club think Steve is a bit of a creep.
Now balding and paunchy, Steve has never married - indeed, he has not had a girlfriend since 1992 when he was unceremoniously dumped by his rather chubby girlfriend after he gave her a dose of chlamydia.
Steve lives alone in a two up, two down terrace at the back end of Bradley. He has an extensive collection of adult movies on DVD and is an avid watcher of internet pornography. However, his favourites by far are the Lesbian Lavatory Lust series. Taking pride of place on his bookshelf is the ‘special edition’ box set which includes a naked interview with the series’ big-busted star.
Steve and his son were briefly reconciled back in 2006 when Shane actively sought him out. After a boozy night spent together, Steve allowed Shane to borrow his car to nip to the corner shop.
He has not seen or heard of Shane or the car ever since.
Gordy and Daisy.
Gordy and Daisy set up home together in Greenwich Village in the January of 1986 and were married exactly two years later on a beach in The Caribbean. Alan, Barb, Glynn, Lynn, Frazer, Beth, Trevor and Marjorie were all in attendance.
Elliot Wexler was every bit as good as his word. He gave Gordy a job, took him under his wing and mentored him every step of the way until he did, eventually, become the ‘best goddamn producer money could buy.’
Eventually Gordy took over the role of Vice President from Elliot, until 2009 when he became President of Stratosphere Records West Coast Division.
Daisy went to work for Groove Sucker and had an incredibly successful career, eventually working her way up to Editor in Chief.
After taking early retirement in 2008 in order to spend more time with her growing family, she and Gordy relocated to California.
Daisy now writes a highly influential blog and is one of the world’s most respected music journalists.
Frazer’s eldest son, Spike, is a very talented musician and his band are signed to the Stratosphere label. Gordy is working with them on their third album.
Gordy and Daisy meet up every year with Trevor and Marjorie at San Diego Comic-Con. After which the Savoury-Sidebottoms spend a further two weeks at the Brewer’s fabulous beach house in Malibu.
Gordy and Daisy have two teenage children, a girl and a boy, Bobbie and Dylan. They are massively into music, comics, movies and fashion. Both currently attend college in California but want to pursue careers in the music industry when they graduate.
After more than twenty years of marriage, Gordy and Daisy are still blissfully happy and according to their children, they are the coolest pair of nerds on the planet.
Gordy is still terrified of sharks.
THE END.
About The Author
Kris Lillyman is based in Northamptonshire, England and has worked as a freelance graphic designer and illustrator for over twenty-five years. He is married with two grown up children.
In addition to adult thrillers, he also writes and illustrates children’s books - to find out more about these, please visit:
www.boomboombooks.com
Alternatively, search ‘Kris Lillyman’ in iTunes, Amazon, Barnes & Noble or most other online bookstores.
Jam Tops, the Fonz and the Pursuit of Cool Page 35
