Contents
Title Page
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
A note from the author
Preview: To Hope Again (a sweet romance)
Preview: Single Wide Female (a fun chick lit series with FREE book)
Preview: Lifeguards and Liars (a cozy mystery)
Other Titles
Legal Notice
Forty and Free
(Book 2)
To Trust Again
A Sweet Romance
By
Lillianna Blake
& Maci Grant
Copyright © 2015 Lillianna Blake
Cover design by Beetiful Book Covers
All rights reserved.
LilliannaBlake.com
Chapter 1
The crimson lipstick coasted across Ella’s mouth as smooth as always. She popped her lips and checked for lipstick on her teeth. Then she picked up her sparkly clutch purse. She took one glance in the full-length mirror on the back of her bathroom door. She was ready for a night out—from the twist of her wavy brown hair to the tips of her high-heeled shoes, and in the fabulous little black dress that she wore well. Normally this all would lead to a sense of satisfaction and a burst of confidence, but this time it was different. She didn’t find perfection, or even something she considered acceptable. Instead, her reflection seemed to be mocking her.
Trying again, Ella? She shook her head and narrowed her eyes. “Tonight will be different.”
Her words hung in the air as she stared at her own forlorn expression. Was that sadness? Boredom?
It was her third date that week, which was usually fine with her, but ever since she’d gotten the e-mail from her friend Nicole detailing her new head-over-heels romance, Ella felt uneasy.
Her first instinct had been to warn Nicole that true love didn’t actually exist—to not to be duped—but of course she didn’t do that. Nicole was happy and that was all that mattered.
But that recognition seemed to have forced Ella to ask herself if she was happy. Despite leading a lifestyle that most of her friends envied—having her choice of bachelors happy to share their evenings with her—she had to face the truth that she really was not happy at all.
That new revelation astonished her. Maybe she was the person she lied to the most, as it had never dawned on her that the rituals she went through were more to keep herself blind to her true feelings than to truly enjoy herself.
To try to distract herself from how bad she was feeling, Ella logged unto her computer. She read over the most recent posts on the online forum that she belonged to, Forty and Free. Most of the members were lamenting an issue with a relationship, or an anticipation of a problem they might have when they finally did find themselves in a relationship.
She saw the worries of women from all walks of life—worries that they might not be able to make a meaningful connection with another person. Although Ella did enjoy dating, and had gone on plenty of dates over the past year, that wasn’t a concern of hers—at least it hadn’t been, until someone she knew personally had discovered true love.
All of her theories that it didn’t exist, or that people simply imagined it, went right out the window with every detail that Nicole sent her. Suddenly, the high-energy passionate dates she usually enjoyed seemed routine and lifeless. Had she closed herself off to the possibility of love because she didn’t believe in it? Or because she was afraid of it?
She closed the website and stood up from her computer chair.
As she paced back and forth throughout her living room she tried to sort through her thoughts. Minutes slid by. The time she was supposed to meet her date came and went. She continued to stare into the mirror.
All at once it hit her that she was not, in fact, happy with this lifestyle that she’d been promoting every chance she got. She was tired of the runaround that came with casual dating and the emptiness that it seemed to be bringing into her life.
She ignored her ringing phone, knowing that it would be her date. She wasn’t one to flake, but tonight she couldn’t even imagine going out to meet someone else. It would be the same old runaround of getting to know a man whom she’d then forget within a few weeks. Or he’d forget about her.
Her stomach twisted at the thought. What was the point?
She grabbed a tissue and wiped at her lips. Did she even know who she was under her make-up? Did she exist without her sexy dress?
It dawned on her that she hadn’t really thought about the future in a very long time. She wanted to live in the moment, but the truth was that it was entirely possible that she’d been avoiding herself.
Maybe it was time to embrace herself again. She needed a reboot of sorts.
She sat back down at the computer. Instead of logging into the usual dating sites she used, she logged into her favorite travel site.
As she perused her options for a getaway trip, she discovered a special for a week-long trip to Bermuda. It certainly was in her price range. As a music industry executive, she made a very good income. Instead of spending it on new first-date outfits, she decided to use it for a much-needed vacation.
As she booked her trip, she also made the decision to embrace it as a solo journey. She wanted to recharge and get to know herself again. That meant no dates and no men.
Once the itinerary was settled, she felt a sense of relief, followed by a burst of excitement. Sun, waves, and peace—she couldn’t imagine anything better.
With a push of a button she turned off her phone, then she poured herself a tall glass of wine. She sat back and stared into the calm liquid. So many years of her life had been spent alone. Although she’d always had company—and a few guys she could call up if she wanted to have a fun night out—essentially she was alone.
It had never occurred to her, in the midst of all the wild adventures, that she might actually be lonely. But as she took a sip of her wine, she felt that familiar dull ache in the pit of her stomach. It had been there for some time, but she’d ignored it. Now she recognized it for what it was—a subtle, pushed-down longing.
She closed her eyes and imagined just for a moment what it would be like to look into the eyes of a man who truly loved her. That one moment of fantasy was enough to unleash a flood of desire.
She opened her eyes and took another sip of her wine. Maybe, just maybe, that was something that she wanted. But she was still not convinced that it was even possible. Maybe spending some time with just herself would reveal whether or not love was a risk she wanted to take.
In a few days she’d be in paradise. Until then she’d have to explore this new perspective. Maybe it would only last as long as her vacation, but she wondered if there
was a part of her that would never be satisfied with casual dating again.
Chapter 2
Dane Jackson gazed across the grass to his son as the teenager jogged to retrieve the football. He enjoyed any time he had with Thomas, as he knew it was fleeting. It amazed him that the lanky boy who jogged back toward him was the same tiny being that he’d held in his arms eighteen years before. Now he was a remarkable young man, but to Dane, Thomas was still too young to be an adult.
“Dad, this is our last trip together. I mean I’m sure that we’ll do stuff in the future, but you know—I’ll be busy, and I just want us to have a great time.”
“I appreciate that, Thomas.” He squeezed his son’s shoulder. “More than you know. But I’m still getting my hair cut,” he said in reference to an earlier conversation whereby Thomas was trying to convince him to let his hair grow a little longer.
“Well, at least have it done at a shop. Don’t try to do it in the bathroom mirror again. Remember what happened last time?” He raised a thick eyebrow and rolled his eyes.
“Alright, that I can agree with. Your mother used to do such a great job of cutting my hair. I certainly didn’t learn anything from her.” He chuckled. “Do you need anything for the trip? How are you on underwear?”
“Dad! I’m eighteen, no more asking me about underwear.” He shook his head and looked away from his father. A moment later he looked back with a sheepish smile. “I probably could use a few pairs.”
“Alright, I’ll pick some up after I get my haircut. Anything else?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Listen, I know we haven’t talked that much about—you know…” He cleared his throat. “It’s important you get some protection—just in case.”
“What? A gun?” Thomas’s eyes widened as the meaning of his dad’s words dawned on him. “Oh, Dad! Please! Don’t talk to me about that. Trust me, I can take care of myself in that department.”
“Alright, but there’s not always time, and I just want you to be safe.”
“I have no interest in having kids any time soon. I know everything I need to know, and I’d rather not discuss it with you, thank you very much.”
“Alright, alright. I’m sorry. I just want to be sure you’re safe.”
“What about you?” Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Do you have some?”
“Me?” Dane laughed.
“Dad, maybe it’s time you and I had a talk about modern dating.”
“Don’t make me regret not sending you to a military school.” He narrowed his eyes.
Thomas grinned. “Well, I’ll have extra, if you happen to need some.”
“Thanks, but I won’t be needing them. Maybe I don’t know the ways of modern dating, but that’s fine with me. I know how to respect myself—and how to treat a lady. Wait, what?” He blinked. “Are you trying to tell me something, Thomas?”
“No, not at all. Let’s just have a good vacation, okay, Dad?”
“I think we’re going to be spending a lot of time together.” He hooked his arm around his son’s shoulders and playfully squeezed his neck. “You might need to spend another year at home before I let you go off to college.”
“No way! I can’t wait.” Thomas rubbed his hands together. “I am going to make the most out of every minute!”
“I bet you will.” Dane grinned. “I’ll pick you up around five for dinner, alright?”
“Sure. I’ll be ready.”
As Dane walked out of the yard and into the driveway a sudden fear washed over him. Was Thomas right? He wasn’t sure that he’d ever be interested in dating again, but even if he was, was he so out of the loop that it would be impossible to succeed at it?
He opened the car door and settled in. When he slid the key into the ignition and turned it, a familiar song came on the radio. It was the song that he and Pam had danced to on their first date. It was the song that they’d danced to at their wedding. It was the song that he’d played at her funeral. It was the song that he still hummed at night when he had a hard time falling asleep.
He closed his eyes as emotions washed over him.
No matter how many years slipped by, there were certain moments when he was right back in time after the doctor had delivered the news. It made his entire body quake with the desire to have her back in his arms. He gripped the steering wheel and willed himself to be strong.
Over the years he’d tried therapy—he’d tried many different hobbies meant to fulfill him in some way. He was well aware that Pam would want him to be happy—to not dwell on her absence. She’d even told him just that when they’d been informed about the risks of the surgery.
She’d forced him to sit through a tear-filled conversation about what she hoped life would be like for him if she was no longer there. One of her most adamant requests had been that he find love again. He recalled how heated that conversation had become at that point.
“Dane, you’ve been the most amazing husband to me. You’re the type of man that a woman dreams of spending her life with. If that woman can’t be me, it should be someone wonderful for you—someone you deserve. The way you love—it shouldn’t be wasted.”
“I only love the way I do because of you, Pam. How could you ask me to love anyone else when you are it for me? I know you’re scared. I’m scared too, but I can’t promise you that.”
She’d taken his hand then and held it so tightly. “I am sad that this has happened. I’m devastated that there’s nothing we can do to fix it—if the surgery doesn’t work. But even if I don’t make it through, I’ll not regret a moment I’ve spent with you. You have given me the gift of a beautiful life.
“What scares me the most is the idea that you’d spend the rest of your life alone.” She’d searched his eyes, though they were swollen with tears. “I don’t know what would happen if I were gone, but I know what I’d want to happen with you and Thomas. I’d want you to have a future. I’m sorry if that hurts you. I hope you understand.”
“I do.” He whispered. “I’ll try. But we don’t have to worry about that, Pam. We don’t. Because I know you’re going to be just fine. I know it.”
He’d kissed her then—the way he’d kissed her before the tumor was discovered, the way he’d kissed her the first time she’d told him that she loved him.
Dane’s mind surfaced from the memory to find himself still sitting in the driveway.
He’d told Pam that he would try, but he hadn’t really. He still wasn’t sure if he ever could.
Chapter 3
Without much fanfare, Ella left her life behind. There were no dates to cancel, or plans with friends. She didn’t like to make commitments and was more of a spur-of-the-moment kinda gal. This made it easy to change direction whenever she pleased. Still, it was nice to leave her usual environment behind. She hoped that a new one would allow her to understand this new perspective.
During the flight, she typed out an e-mail to her friend Nicole about her intentions.
Nicole,
You’ve inspired me. I’m going to take a me-cation. I want to see if I can figure out what makes this old girl tick. I suspect that I’ve been living a life of distraction. So let’s see what happens when there’s no one around to keep me company, except me. Wish me luck!
Ella
She still wasn’t sure if her plan made sense, but she was excited to see what would happen.
When the plane touched down in Bermuda, she felt thrilled to get to her destination.
Unfortunately, trying to get out of the airport was one frustration after another until she was ready to scream.
First, she was held up in security. Then she waited through endless cycles of the baggage carousel wondering if her luggage had actually made the trip with her. Once she finally did get her hands on her luggage, she was nearly run over by a woman who didn’t apparently get the memo about not texting while pushing a cart of luggage that she could barely see over the top of.
By the time Ella found herself in a s
huttle to the resort, her hair was a mess, her bottom lip was chewed raw, and there were what she hoped wouldn’t be permanent creases on her palm from gripping her suitcase so tightly. The shuttle wasn’t much better, as it seemed to be filled with people who had bathed in cheap perfume and strong cologne.
She cracked her window and took in a breath of the tropical air. The shuttle turned into the long driveway that led to the resort. Her spirits were instantly lifted. There was a main hotel that was several stories high, but Ella had opted to stay in one of the cottages instead, as she thought it would give her more privacy and less opportunity to run into Mr. Wrong.
She checked in at the front desk, then carried her bag out to the cottage that matched the number on her key. When she found it, she first noticed the hammock that hung beside it. She smiled at the thought of swaying in the balmy air.
The key slid into the lock easily. She turned it and stepped inside. What she saw on the other side of the door was not what she’d expected. There was one very large bed in the middle of the room. It took up most of the space.
Off to the side were a mini-fridge and a sink that apparently served as the kitchen. She peeked into the bathroom and found that it only had a shower—no deep bathtub like she’d been picturing in her mind.
She sat down on the edge of her bed and frowned. It was not what she’d expected at all. She kicked off her shoes and flipped open her suitcase. She had packed fairly light as she intended to only hang out in the cottage and on the beach, but somehow there was still quite a bit to dig through to get to her swim suit.
Once she found it, she wondered if it was the right choice. It was a seductive number that she loved to wear when she went hunting for surfers at the beach. But the point of her vacation was to be a bit more subdued. Still, she’d never been someone to cover up because of what anyone might think. If it attracted attention, she’d just ignore it.
To Trust Again: A Sweet Romance (Forty and Free Book 2) Page 1
