by Lucy Auburn
When I opened my eyes and looked around, I saw the world with perfect, inhuman clarity. Startled, I put my glasses back on again, and everything went fuzzy. My body was changing in ways I hadn’t even bothered to notice. I was losing myself.
This time, when I pulled the black frames off, I tossed them against the wall with a shout of frustration, clenching my fists as the now-broken lenses fell to the ground and shattered.
“Damnit.” The fox chuckled at my anger, and all the air went out of me at once. I ran a ragged hand through my hair, tugging at the too-long strands.
I felt a longing that I’d thought was dead by now: for the woman who raised me, and her knowledge of a world I’d told myself was no threat to me. “Eomma.” Sinking to my knees, I scooped the pieces of broken lenses into my hand and threw them into the trash, closing my eyes against the world. “Eomma, tell me you know what to do.”
This time, when I picked up my phone, it wasn’t to text the intern.
21
Selena
When Maggie came to get me I had the dark fae’s amulet in my hand, and was staring at it with a thousand questions in my mind. The most prominent question was: how did it follow me?
I palmed the amulet as soon as she walked in, a spark in her eyes as she took in every inch of me. “You’re looking better!”
“You got here early,” I said, glancing at the clock on the wall. “Isn’t the store supposed to be open until six thirty on weekdays?”
She waved my concerns away. “Nothing is more important than you, Silly. Besides, the only appointment I had after five was a bored housewife wanting to know if her husband was cheating on her, and we all know the answer to that doesn’t lie in my magic.”
I shook my head at her, amused at the easy way with which she described her day job, which was selling things on paper and doing minor magics for unsuspecting humans in reality. “I still can’t believe I never figured out you were really a witch. The tarot cards and Pagan prayers were staring straight at me.”
“That’s the thing,” she said, a twinkle in her eyes, “no one ever sees what’s hidden in plain sight.”
I didn’t disagree with her; now that I’d seen how much of the universe was supernatural, it seemed that much more obvious to me. Greek gods and goddesses, men with clones, fae knights who wielded swords, and demons who possessed people’s bodies and used them for evil: it all added up into one messed up planet hurtling through space. If I’d never seen it before, that was only because I was content with my life.
My normal life. Something I would never have again.
“I’m going to check for something on the news, and then we can go,” she said, reaching out to grab the remote control. “There was a fire at a paper factory earlier today, and I want to make sure we don’t need to take a detour home.”
Amused, I didn’t point out that she had a tiny computer in the form of the phone in her purse. It was more fun to watch her sit and wait through multiple used car lot commercials for the traffic report to come on.
As Maggie flipped through channels for a live news report, I played with the edge of my bedsheets and thought about the normal life I’d once had. Quietly, I asked her, “Have you spoken to Talia since I... disappeared?”
She looked over at me, a solemn expression on her face. “Just the once.”
“And?” My voice was thick; I hadn’t asked this question until now, I realized, because I was afraid of the answer. “Do you think she’ll... want to see me?”
“Of course she will,” Maggie responded, reaching out to squeeze my fingers. “She’s your best friend.”
I wondered if that was true; it seemed somehow like it wasn’t anymore, now that there was too much between us. It was one thing to tell her that I was a succubus, and another entirely to announce that my mother was the Queen of the Underworld. Somehow I didn’t think she would look at me the same afterword.
That was my own fear talking, I realized. But it wasn’t the only thing I was afraid of. “Do you think...” I paused, and Maggie muted the terrible local law firm commercial that was playing. “Do you think that Talia thinks I... left her? That I ran away on purpose?”
Maggie’s mouth pursed, and she said carefully, “You kind of did, Silly. Not in the way you were intending, but it’s not like you were driving your car somewhere familiar.”
“I know,” I whispered.
“Where were you going?” She cocked her head at me, clearly curious. “That’s the one thing we couldn’t figure out when we found your car abandoned at that gas station, headed west. What was the end game?”
I opened my mouth to say that I didn’t know, then snapped it closed again when I realized that wasn’t a real answer. Finally, I ripped it out of me, the truth I hadn’t wanted to admit. “I was going home.” I took a deep breath in through my mouth, then out through my nose. “To San Antonio. Where things were normal. Before... before that guy came to my school and tried to kidnap me, and Mom and Dad moved us here, and it all got... different.”
Tense. Scared. Overly-cautious. Those were the words I would’ve used to describe my parents after we moved to Baton Rouge. I had a strict curfew; I never got to leave the house without them, even when I was old enough that all my friends could drive. They approached the idea of me getting a learner’s permit to drive the way most people approached bomb diffusing.
Gently, Maggie said, “They’re not there, you know.”
“I know.” I stared down at the sheet, which I’d been scrunching up into my hands. “I was just afraid. I didn’t want to be me anymore. I didn’t want to be around anyone who—who knew what I was. What I’d done. To you. And I wanted to go see the old house, with the tire swing and the rose bushes I planted out front.”
To her credit, Maggie didn’t tell me that she doubted either would still be there. She didn’t have to; we both knew that I’d been dreaming when the feverish thought entered my mind, and I pointed my car towards the highway. The punishment I’d gotten for trying to run away had been Hell, and now I got to live with the knowledge that you couldn’t go home again. At least, I couldn’t.
“Let’s head back to the house,” Maggie said, squeezing my hand gently. “Everything is where you left it.”
I nodded, heart in my throat, and we left together, stopping only to gather my things. All I really had were the clothes on my body, the two amulets, and of course Naomi’s dagger and its sheath. It was a blessing that I didn’t see anyone else on the way out; if I had, I might’ve gone weak again, and I needed to be strong.
It was time to face what my world had become without me in it.
“I’ll get dinner started,” Maggie said as we walked through the front door. “The stuff from your car is in a box on your bed—it should all be there. Even the books.”
It was surreal to walk into my bedroom and find it was just the same as I’d left it. Pulling open the cardboard box on my bed, I rustled through and found everything that had lived inside my trunk and on the passenger seat of my car: textbooks I never finished reading, half-written papers I didn’t get the chance to turn in, a course catalog for the spring with classes circled and question marks in the margins. Heart in my throat, I pulled my dead brick of a phone out of the bottom and plugged it into the charger on the wall, watching obsessively as the charging icon flicked to life.
When I turned it on, the screen lit up with so many missed calls and texts that it was overwhelming. Maggie had called over and over; a lump of guilt settled in my stomach at how much I’d worried her. There were angry texts from Naomi, concerned and baffled ones from Leon, and an entire week’s worth of messages from Talia.
She’d been afraid for me. Then angry that I was gone, and even angrier I didn’t call her before leaving. It was the most recent text, though, that broke my heart: “Maybe neither of us could admit it, but we’ve drifted away. We’re not the same kids we were when we met. Let’s just let things fade out.”
Fade out. The words echoed in my hea
d, heavy and bitter. I chewed on my lower lip, trying to think of a response. Finally I settled on something short and sweet. “I’m home. Didn’t mean to be gone for so long. A lot happened. Let’s talk?”
I spent a whole minute deciding on the question mark, afraid of the hope—and desperation—it might communicate. But I didn’t know who I would be without Talia in my life, even if things changed.
Even if we were never close in the same ways again.
Maggie’s muffled voice through the door let me know that dinner was ready. “I have a surprise for you,” she added.
“Be there in a sec!”
I went into my bathroom and splashed water on my face to get rid of the puffiness from unshed tears. Looking at my reflection, I widened my eyes and forced a smile onto my lips, trying to make the face I saw look less like Persephone.
We didn’t look exactly alike—not really, not quite. But I hadn’t met my birth father, so I found myself unable to see what parts of me were him. All I seemed to be able to find were puzzle pieces belonging to her, and like always, it scared me.
Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out Vincent’s amulet. It buzzed just a little in my hand, insistent and alive. Frowning, I shoved it into the tiny drawer in the cabinet of my sink, next to dozens of old hair ties and a curling iron that never saw the light of day. If I couldn’t safely destroy it, and if it wouldn’t be left behind in the Shadow Realm, maybe I could just turn it into junk in my drawer.
The smell of Maggie’s fresh dinner was wafting into the room now, and my stomach grumbled. It was an unfamiliar and welcome feeling after so long in the Underworld, where my whole life had been on pause. I hadn’t actually been hungry in months. It made me feel almost human again.
Heading out into the kitchen, I marveled at the fact that I felt so much better than I had before; Tae Min’s borrowed healing powers had given me a new lease on life. Reminding myself to thank him the next chance I got, I took a seat at the table and surveyed the food in front of me.
“It’s a lot.”
“I had a few dishes in the freezer, ready to go,” Maggie admitted, color splashing across her cheeks. “I guess you could say I was just waiting for you to get here.”
“Well, I’m here now. And I’m hungry.”
Reaching across the table, I took her hands as always, even though there was no reason for her to say the prayer she’d once used to cover up the spells she laid down on me to bind my powers.
“Bless us, Mother,” Maggie said, surprising me with new words. “We thank you for returning our daughter to us, safe and mostly whole. May you bless us forevermore.”
There was a weight to her words, which settled into my hands and traveled up my forearms. It wasn’t like the binding spell, but was something new—something different, almost familiar. I felt like I’d heard those words before, and as I tore into a freshly baked baguette I wondered if the “Mother” she prayed to was another goddess. Hopefully a better one than Persephone, whose time in the Underworld had turned her into someone mad and terrible.
Maggie watched me and smiled as I filled my stomach, pushing every dish across to me. I ate bites of macaroni and cheese, pot roast, green beans, French bread, banana pudding, and caramelized roasted carrots until my stomach pressed against the ties of my gym shorts. Finally, laughing, I shook my head and waved her away when she offered to get dessert out of the fridge.
“I can’t do it!” I gestured to the food in front of me. “Maggie, spare me.”
“It was a lot, wasn’t it?” Her mouth turned up in a little smile. “Well, I suppose it’s time for the surprise.”
“You mean this wasn’t it?”
“Of course not!” Heading over to the hall closet, she opened the door and reached up to pull something down from the top shelf. “This was dinner. The surprise is something extra.”
As she turned with it in her hands, I felt an unexpected surge of emotion. Maggie was holding a wrapped gift in her hands, the paper red and shiny.
“Since you missed Christmas,” she said softly, setting the gift in front of me, “I kept this for you.”
I could see it in my head: Maggie Christmas shopping alone. Wrapping the presents alone, hopeful. Setting up the tree, then finally, when enough time had passed, taking it down again. I’d checked the date when I turned on my phone; it was February seventeenth. I wondered how long she’d waited before she gave up on Christmas with me, and decided not to ask. It would break both our hearts.
“Thank you,” I murmured, the only words I could seem to find. “I didn’t manage to get anything for you.”
“Don’t worry about it, Silly.” She reached out to brush her fingers through my hair, soft and motherly. “You’re the only present I’ve ever needed.”
I opened the gift slowly, careful not to tear the paper. Inside was a box, and inside the box was a smaller box. I raised an eyebrow at Maggie, and she just shrugged. “I didn’t want it to look small under the tree.”
The box was black and velvety, no doubt indicating there was jewelry inside. Opening it up, I held my breath when I saw a necklace nestled against white silk. There was a silver chain and a bright green gem, cut into a thousand faces.
“It’s like my other necklace,” I said softly. “The one that took me to the Underworld.”
“It is, and it isn’t.” She reached out to brush a finger across the gem’s surface, and it sang. “I had it made just for you. It’s infused with witches’ magic—mine, and a few others from my old coven.”
“What does it do?”
“Protects.” Biting her lower lip, she admitted, “When I made it, I didn’t know what your mother’s necklace would do. But I thought, since you had one from your birth mother, it might be nice to have one from your foster mother, too.”
“It’s beautiful.” Standing up, I wrapped my arms around her, the hug clumsy from the box clutched in my right hand. “Thank you, Maggie. You’re the only mother I want.”
“I love you, Silly.”
“Love you too.”
When I stepped back, she swept my hair away from my neck and put the necklace on me. The gem grew warm, and my skin tingled as something—reassurance, comfort, protection—settled around me like the faintest shroud.
It felt like a mother’s love.
22
Selena
With my stomach full of Maggie’s French Creole food, I slept in my old bedroom. It was a deep sleep that I’d missed having while I was gone. More than once a vision-fueled dream tugged on my subconscious, but something kept them at bay. When I woke up Maggie’s protection gem was warm against my skin, and I had the strange feeling that it had protected me from nightmares.
A part of me wondered what I would see if I dreamed of Vincent’s life. Guilt flushed through me at the thought; I wanted to put him behind me, along with the darkness and my time in Hell. I shouldn’t have been thinking of him at all anymore. I’d gotten him out of my system.
I went through the motions of getting ready for a day that wasn’t coming, because I didn’t have classes or a real job to go to. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and took a shower anyway, letting the hot water drain down to my feet. It felt strange to know that Persephone wouldn’t be using me in any of her little games today; all of that was over, and I would never have to go through it again.
Finally, I could decide what I wanted my life to look like now that I was back home on Earth. I could be with my friends—and lovers, if I chose. I could maybe even find a job, with Petyr’s help, the way Naomi, Leon, and Tae Min had jobs for the Collective. And I could decide, on my own, if I wanted to go back to school, or if dropping out was a blessing in disguise.
There was just one thing that bothered me, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to move on with my life until I figured it out: Damen.
I had to know what happened to him, and whether he was dead or alive.
As always there was no rest for me in this new world. Only a new path to walk down, or an enemy to d
efeat. But at least I knew I wasn’t alone.
Maggie was up when I walked out of the kitchen, and she had what looked like a breakfast for six people laid out on the table for me. “You’re really outdoing yourself. Is that sausage and bacon?”
“I didn’t know which you’d prefer,” she said, pouring us two mugs of coffee. “I shut down the store for most of today, and Sandra will be opening it for me later. So I’ve got the whole day free for you.”
“Thank you. This all looks so good, Maggie.”
“I can’t let you go hungry.” She put the coffee in front of me, along with a glass of orange juice. “Eat up, Silly. It’s all for you.”
Licking my lips, I sat down in front of the table full of food, and took a little bit of everything: some eggs, two slices of bacon, a sausage, and half a blueberry muffin. Maggie had outdone herself as always, proving that the best way to show someone you love them is through their stomach. I ate until I was stuffed again; all of it felt so much more delicious than anything I’d eaten in months, because I was finally hungry, and the food was made with love.
I sipped the coffee tentatively, unsure how much it would affect me now that I hadn’t had caffeine for so long. It was black with a dollop of cream, just like I liked it. The bitterness and fat swirled around my mouth, its warmth soothing me.
Maggie ate along with me, watching me out of the corner of her eye the whole time. I wanted to think of something to say, but I’d already told her so much about the Underworld, and I wasn’t sure what Maggie would have to say about our time apart. I didn’t want to make her reopen old wounds.
“It’s okay if it takes some time to adjust,” she said, no doubt sensing my discomfort. “Everything is all so new now, Selena. And you have a lot of decisions to make about what comes next.”
“Like going back to college,” I said, fiddling with the handle of my mug. “I don’t even know if I want to go back. But I have to if I want to keep apprenticing under Leon, don’t I? And it was nice to find the bad guys.”
