by Mary Calmes
He nodded. "Thank you, Mr. Keyes, we'll be in touch."
I thanked him and would have left then, but it took the both of us in a team effort to catch Shiloh and put him back in the carrier. Once we did, much whimpering and howling soon followed.
"He's such a faker," Dane smiled broadly. "He's going to be quite a handful."
I nodded, "I know, but imagine the fun."
"Imagine the fun," he echoed, his voice warm.
I looked up at him and smiled. "You've been really great about this."
He nodded. "What are you going to call him?"
"Shiloh."
"Civil War fan, are you?"
"No," I said flatly, "Neil Diamond."
"Oh." He was at a loss for words and I laughed. He was okay.
A day later, the last day I had before I was forced to leave, Jill Kincaid called and offered me the position as Miles Brown's personal assistant. I accepted immediately and was able to say yes to the guy I had met out at a club a week before. He and four others were moving into a studio apartment and he had asked me if I wanted to live with them. I had just enough for the first month of rent if I didn't have to spend another penny. After I got the call, I forked it all over to the landlord of my new place, the tiny apartment downtown beside the train tracks, looking like heaven after having nowhere to call home. That night I made my new roommates a deal that if they would feed the two of us, my dog and me, for the next two weeks until I got my first paycheck, I'd take care of the groceries and cooking for a month. I was shocked when they all agreed. Turned out that I was unanimously liked, they thought my dog was cool, and the idea of having a home-cooked meal every night for a month appealed to everyone.
When Shiloh and I left the YMCA, I felt like I was finally going to be all right. And I was so thankful to the firm of Harcourt, Brown, and Cogan.
When I reported for work, Jill informed me that she had been confused and that I would be Mr. Harcourt's assistant instead of Miles Brown's. She was supposed to have been his assistant, but apparently he had other plans. She wanted to know what exactly I had done for him during my interview. I wanted to deck her. Dane saved me the trouble though when he walked out and told everyone that I had been the most honest person he'd interviewed. And the dog helped. Jill rolled her eyes and Miles's new assistant, Celia Johnson, was baffled. Dog? Had he said dog?
I soon found out, from the steady stream of applicants checking in to see if the position had been filled, the real reason he had chosen me to be his assistant. I was by far the only one not completely infatuated with him. Women swooned when he walked by. Jill and Celia both wanted my job very badly, and we couldn't keep a receptionist out front.
The rotation in the office was about one every two months.
That was about how long it took them to really piss him off.
The girls all fell hard for his casual charm and that smile that lit up his eyes. I saw them lean over his desk and talk to him and I watched their hands hover over his shoulder when he wasn't looking, wanting to touch him but not daring to. They all wanted to be close to him—everybody except me. I could have cared less, so of course I was the only one he let get near him. He was himself with me because, gay or not, I was a guy and he didn't have to be careful with physical contact or with what came out of his mouth. He was painfully, brutally honest, blunt to the point where I was wincing for a while every time he spoke. But over the passing months I found that I just plain liked him, and my feelings sprang from a different source than infatuation or longing. I understood, beneath all the polish and style, that the man's heart was actually the most amazing thing about him. He hid his warmth and kindness well but I knew him better than anyone.
I knew the man had gotten choked up when he drove me home from the vet after I put Shiloh to sleep. My sweet dog had succumbed to cancer at a year and a half, and I could no longer bear to watch him suffer. I had gotten the hard squeeze on the shoulder when I got out of the car. It was all he would let me see, but it was so much more than anyone else got.
"Jory."
My mind had been drifting, and when I looked up I saw how pained Sonja Lawson looked.
"Please, Jory, talk to him," she pleaded. "I swear I'm not leaving until he gets back. I want to talk to him. I think I can make this right with him."
"If you think so," I conceded, knowing full well that the whole thing was hopeless. "Stay if you want, but I'm telling you what I think you should do."
"What's that?"
"Run away," I teased her.
"That's not very mature."
"I'm just letting you know what I think. He wanted you gone, and you're doing just the opposite. Don't expect him to be happy when he gets back from lunch."
She turned away and went back to her desk. I felt really sorry for her, but there was nothing I could do. I had already asked him to reconsider his decision, without success. I knew that when she irritated him by staying until he got back, I'd be the one in trouble. The phone saved me from thinking about it.
"You want the number to the doctor's lounge now?" he asked without a greeting.
"Nick, you're seriously demented," I assured him before I took down the number he gave me. After he hung up, I left for Mediterranean food, because that usually put my boss in a pretty good mood.
I barely heard Sonja when I walked back into the office.
She was crying and whining and saying how much she didn't want to go. I tuned her out after a few minutes while I answered e-mails, checked his calendar, and ordered flowers for Samantha Palmer, who he was apparently taking to the opera the following night. Her name had popped up on the calendar on my desktop over lunch. So much for Lacey Collins; it sounded like the AIDS benefit might be their last date.
"Jory!"
My head snapped up and I realized she was sobbing.
"Jesus, what's with you?"
"He's ruining my life!"
"What?" I was confused.
"Jory, he—"
"Oh c'mon, Sonja." I half-laughed because it was ridiculous. "He doesn't want you and you're hurt for whatever reason. Just get over it already. Go home, and tomorrow you can start a new job with a new boss and forget all about Dane Harcourt."
"I'm really crazy about him, though."
And I looked at her and got it. She was one of those pretty girls that was used to having men fall at her feet. What she didn't get was that she wasn't even in his league. Even to date. "Oh for crissakes, get over it." I sighed, tired of the topic. "You've got no chance with him."
"Jory, I have—"
"Please," I scoffed at her. "He's a fantasy. No one actually gets a man like that."
Of course, just as I said it, Dane stepped into the office.
We both realized that he had been standing just around the corner for several minutes. Heard everything. I sank into my chair; Sonja slunk out of the room, mumbling that she was off to see our office manager Debbie.
"Excellent," he told her.
I finally looked up and found that he was still towering over my desk. I had to tilt my head all the way back to see his face. He was staring at me hard, his eyes searching mine.
I saw the muscles in his jaw flexing, but he didn't say a word, just looked at me. It was unnerving, having his full and complete attention, and I wasn't at all sure that I liked it. I felt myself start to squirm.
"You're back early," I muttered.
"Who knew you thought so much of me."
"What?" I asked, pretending I hadn't heard him, hoping he'd give me the out.
"You heard me."
No such luck. I took a deep breath. "Yeah, well," I said, my eyes not turning from his steady gaze. "It comes and goes."
"So," he said, finally looking away. "Do I get to eat?"
I sighed loudly so he couldn't miss the irritation. I fished out his meal of hummus and couscous and falafel and all the rest of the stuff he loved. The smile I got was his real one; the one you hardly ever saw, the one that did the killer thing to his eyes wh
ere they went all liquid and warm.
"Enjoy your lunch, sir."
He looked down at me and I had no idea what else to do so I reached into the top drawer of my desk and pulled out my last pack of Pop-Tarts. I held it out to him.
"Are they Strawberry Frosted?"
"Aren't they always?"
He took it from me and walked into his office without another word. I sat there for a minute, thinking about what I must have sounded like when I was talking to Sonja. Like maybe I had a crush of my own going on.
"Hey," Jill called out to me from the hall.
When I looked up at her, she was smiling wide.
"Another one bites the dust, huh, baby."
I threw up my hands and she burst out laughing. And as I watched her walk away I realized that, even as Sonja had not been accepted, I was. The girls and me, we were in the grind together.
Jill, Celia, and I had gotten close after six months, Debbie being a tougher nut to crack. It took a whole year. In the end, though, it was one of those things. All three of them still coveted my job but nobody wanted me to go anywhere, either. When Piper started and seemed immune to my boss's charms, it felt like we were finally in the process of building a strong crew that was going to stick around. As I looked across at Sonja's empty desk, I realized that I would be meeting somebody new that week. I probably should have suggested to Debbie that she ask the temp agency to send over a guy.
Chapter Three
I had just stepped out of the shower when my cell phone rang. My friend Evan was on the other end. He reminded me that it was his birthday and I had better be at the club by nine. Like I would be late for a party.
Amnesia was a dance club on Halsted that I really liked. It was way over the top with the go-go dancers in cages, purple neon everywhere, and the bar that ran the length of one wall.
I saw Evan in his group of friends and crossed the floor to get to him.
"Hey, buddy," he smiled wide, grabbing me into a tight hug. "You came."
"Have I ever missed your birthday?"
"No," he said, looking me over. "You're the most dependable person I know."
"Good." I squeezed his shoulder tight. "So what's your plan for tonight?"
"First I gotta tell ya... I just saw Kevin."
I nodded slowly. "That's okay. I knew he'd be back this month at some point."
"But you're not pissed he's out at a club?"
I shrugged. "It's not my business anymore, E."
He nodded slowly, and then suddenly smiled. "What'd you get me?"
I pulled an envelope from my back pocket and presented him with two tickets to the ballet.
"Oh baby." He reached out and hugged me again. "When are we going?"
"Uh-uh," I shook my head. "Take your mom."
He gave me a look.
"You know you should. You never go over there and she lives like ten minutes away."
"She always wants to know who I'm dating. What am I supposed to say? I don't date Jory... I have sex in the back rooms of clubs. I'm not looking for anything serious."
"One of these days, Ev... love's gonna get ya."
"Not likely."
"Whatever." I shrugged. "Back to Mom. I bought the tickets for you and her."
"She drives me nuts."
"She's a lovely lady."
He grunted and slid an arm around my neck to pull me close. "Come say hello to the girls."
Evan's fellow flight attendants were catty and flirty and drank more than I thought possible. Three of the women and two of the guys propositioned me, and by the time midnight rolled around, I realized I was starving. I was on my way back from the bathroom when Kevin Wu stepped in front of me.
"Hey," I said, moving back so I didn't touch him.
"Jory." He smiled and reached for me.
I took another step back. "What's going on?"
His smile fell away and I saw his jaw clench. "You're still mad."
"I'm not mad," I assured him, because I wasn't. I truly could not have cared one way or another if he was there or not. "Good to see you," I said and brushed past him.
Last year Kevin Wu had told me he loved me. He'd taken me to a very romantic dinner and, after much hedging, blurted out that he didn't think he could stand it if I slept with anyone but him, for the rest of my life. At that point I wasn't on the same page, but in time I was almost certain I would have been. We had dated solid for six months and it was the closest I had ever been to a grown-up relationship. His only complaint had been that he wanted to sleep all night with me.
I wasn't ready for that step, and in the end I had been right.
When he told me he was coming out to his family I had eagerly gone along with him to offer support and meet them for the very first time. It had been a disaster. Not only did he chicken out, but he also told them I was just a friend. He ended up dancing with a girl his parents had invited, all night long. I was left alone at the table, and when I confronted him later that night he told me that I couldn't possibly understand since I was basically an orphan. I had no familial obligations.
When he wanted to get in bed with me, I asked him how stupid he thought I was. I could see the writing on the wall. I was not partner material. He agreed with me but went on to say that once he took his place in the family business that he would be able to set me up in style. Apartment, cash allowance, car... he would keep me very comfortably. I was so glad we were at his place so I could leave and thrilled that we had never exchanged keys like he'd wanted. We were done. I had obviously been suspended in some dream state for the entire course of our relationship. I was very thankful that the drugs or trance or alien mind meld had worn off so I could get back to my life and pretend that Kevin Wu had never happened to me.
"Jory."
I turned and waited while he caught up with me.
"Where are you going?"
"Back to Evan. It's his birthday."
He looked confused. "Jory."
"What?"
"I wanna see you."
"Here I am."
"That's not what I mean and you know it."
I shrugged and turned to go.
He grabbed my arm. "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing."
"Jory, I—"
I peeled his fingers off my arm and got a few feet away before he caught me again and held on while he stepped around in front of me, blocking my escape.
"Don't be a jerk just because you can. Please let me see you."
"No."
Furrowed brows. "Jory," he argued. "C'mon, please don't—"
"Let me go, Kevin."
"Listen, I'm sorry I didn't call as soon as—"
"It doesn't matter." I brushed his hand off me.
"Why doesn't it matter?" He had miscalculated and there was the first glimmer of concern in his eyes.
"It just doesn't," I assured him.
He grabbed my arm fast, holding tighter the second time.
"Jory, just calm down, all right?"
"I'm calm, you're the one who's bein' weird."
"C'mon, J. All I did was think about you while I was gone."
His voice was rising as he spoke.
"That's crap. The only thing you thought about was the stuff I did to you in bed."
He smiled slyly and stepped in closer to me. "There was that."
Having not had a lot of partners, Kevin was much less experienced than me. My lovers numbered in the double-digits, and I had learned something I liked, or something someone else would enjoy, from each and every one of them.
What I had learned from Kevin was that I didn't want to trick anymore. Orphans wanted homes, and I was no exception. I wanted to belong to one man, just like every woman in every Hollywood three-handkerchief chick-flick I had ever seen. I didn't want to sleep around anymore.
The hand on my cheek startled me, and I looked up at Kevin. "Where did you go?" He smiled, stepping in close to me, both hands on my face. "You're thinking so hard about something."
&nb
sp; I lifted my chin out of his hands and pulled back. "Nothing.
I'll see ya."
"C'mon, J," he said gently, staring into my eyes. "I just want to talk to you."
I turned to go but he grabbed a handful of the front of my shirt and yanked me forward, off balance, so I almost fell into him.
"Jory," he whispered. "What can I do to—"
I stepped back before I pushed him away. "Get off me, man," I warned him, more annoyed than I probably should have been. I realized suddenly that I was in no mood for anything but being home on my couch. I definitely didn't want to be out at a club. I needed to spend some time processing everything in my head from the night before.
"Listen," Kevin said, holding onto my arm. "I'm sorry, all right. I didn't mean to... I really have been thinking about you like non-stop for—"
"You're bein' a dick," I cut him off, pulling free.
He got hold of me again, this time yanking on my arm hard. "Stop playing hard to get. We both know you're gonna give me whatever I—"
"Let go of him."
We both froze and turned to Detective Kage. He was standing there, looking at me with that permanent scowl of his, furrowed brows, deep lines between them, the smoky blue eyes cold, and his gaze pure irritation. I was amazed that Kevin still held onto me.
"What are you doing in here?" I asked him flatly, because that more than anything was amazing. Frankly, I was stunned.
"I could ask the same of you," he growled at me. "Is this your idea of laying low?"
"Oh." I was even more confused. "Is that what I'm supposed to be doing?"
"You know you are."
I raised my eyebrows. "I do?"
"Yeah, ya do."
"Huh."
He turned his gaze on Kevin. "Let him go. I'm asking nicely."
It wasn't so much the words as the look. Just standing there doing nothing he seemed menacing. Like a gunfighter or a samurai warrior... like the stillness could be broken at any second with violent movement. Kevin let me go and I took a deep breath.
Detective Kage put a hand on my shoulder. "Let's go."
