by Don Childers
“What idea is that?” Bill said and could not believe the sense of calm he felt.
“Well, Dr. Pearl mentioned a leadership workshop that is coming up in March. It’s in Del Ray, Florida, at a retreat there. It is designed to help ministers improve their leadership skills and their communication skills. We would like to send you and Suzanne to that workshop.”
“A leadership workshop?” Bill responded again with a calmness that impressed even him. “I think that is a wonderful idea!”
Gerald looked over at Benny smiling as if a great victory had been achieved. “Well, why don’t we order?”
For some reason, Bill truly enjoyed the meal that day. All through the conversation on politics and religion he just smiled. In fact he smiled all the rest of the day and all week.
-12-
When Sharon heard about the meeting, she was worried. She realized that the decision to come to Maysville and to Central Church might not have been a wise decision. She was happy and more content than she had ever been. She was excited about her classes and her reviews were outstanding. She had found her calling.
At the same time, she noted that her enthusiasm for religion in general was waning. All her life she had been religious, attending church and praying regularly. When she met Bill and they were married she saw her role as his wife as a calling. The kids had come along and her time was taken in raising a family and supporting Bill in his ministry. Yet, the desire for her to make a real difference was always just under the surface.
Bill, for his part, had always been encouraging and supportive. When she went back to school to finish her Master’s in history he took over much of the cooking. She had to admit he was in some ways a better cook than she was. When she completed her degree, she was disappointed in not being able to teach, but instead worked in an office. Because of the small congregations, finances had always been an issue.
That is why when Central Church seemed very serious about hiring Bill as their minister she had followed through with an application to teach at the community college. It was as though God was finally working everything out. Bill got the job at the church and she was hired to teach history. The move to Maysville was an answer to all their prayers.
Now, however, she watched as Bill became more and more withdrawn. She began to realize that the interactions at the congregation were more toxic than she wanted to admit. So it was when she hugged Bill and had him sit down for a talk she was surprised at the calmness of his spirit. When she offered her support to whatever decision Bill needed to make including another move, he brushed the suggestion aside. “God will work everything out,” Bill proclaimed with an air of confidence. “I know what I must do,” he said but would not share details.
What Sharon worried about was not the words. “God will work it out,” was something she believed. What were strange were not the words, but that Bill seemed to really believe them. So she hugged Bill, kissed him and they sat together. They went out to dinner, returned home and enjoyed each other. The next morning they lay together, embracing. The only thing that bothered Sharon was the smile on Bill’s face, the cheery song he sang from the bathroom and the bounce that had returned to his step.
-13-
That weekend, some two weeks before Christmas, the weather turned colder. A light snow fell and Maysville began to truly take on a traditional Christmas look. All across Maysville shoppers shopped, bells jingled, and people prepared for the holiday season. The “crisis” at Central Avenue was unnoticed by the citizens of Maysville and, in fact, by most of the members of Central. They were too busy with their shopping, decorating, and preparations to really notice what was going on in the inner bowels of the church.
That Sunday, Sharon was out of town at a conference for the college. Since the conference was being held in Columbia where Lisa was attending college, Sharon decided to stay over.
On Sunday the worshippers all got ready, cajoled the children, scraped the thin ice off of their cars, and headed for church.
Benny got up that day and got ready for church as if he were getting ready for battle. Rose, his wife, was not feeling well. Benny, on the other hand, was feeling great. He felt that things were back in control. These new pastors needed control. They were not wise to the ways of the world, not as Benny was wise. He had once thought about going into ministry. It had been the fondest wish of his father, but he had died while Benny was a young man. He had turned his back on that dream and instead had pursued the ambition of providing for his mother and his family. In that, he thought to himself, he had been very successful. He would serve God by being a leader in the church and at that he had also been successful. The wall of his study was filled with letters of thanks and awards that the church had given to him for his generous gifts. He had served on boards and committees and at Central he felt he was the true spiritual guide for the congregation. So as Benny entered the church that Sunday, he felt very happy. It was going to be a very Merry Christmas.
As people arrived that morning they noticed a burned smell in the hallways. Gerald had received a phone call that morning from Bill, who told him he was not feeling well and that Suzanne would lead the service. Gerald made a point of checking in with Suzanne and offering any help. He had told Bill to take care of himself and hoped he would be feeling better soon.
Most people only noticed a putrid smell filling the hallways as they arrived. The trustees hurried around, looking for smoke or anything that might be giving off the slight oily odor. Finding nothing, they came to the conclusion that some kid had probably tried to make something and had burned something or other and that was what caused the smell. They opened a few doors and in time the odor seemed to dissipate.
The choir, the ushers, Suzanne, nor the liturgists noticed anything strange at first. They were busy getting ready for worship. It was Anita’s scream that alerted them. Arriving a little early, she had marched right into the sanctuary to look at her treasured wreath above the cross, just where it belonged. But, looking up at the cross, Anita saw nothing!
About the time that Anita screamed, Benny arrived. By now there was a large crowd gathering at the sanctuary entrance. The air was buzzing with conversation. Some noted that there seemed to be some excitement brewing.
Suzanne arrived and looked up at the cross. A slow smile crossed her lips. The wreath was gone! Some kid had probably broken in and stolen it. The first thought that crossed her mind was “Thank God.” But she quickly replaced the smile with an air of seriousness as she was approached by Anita and Benny.
“Where is my wreath?” wailed Anita.
About that moment an usher approached Suzanne and the others. “You have got to see this!”
A rush of people followed the usher to the parish hall. It was lavishly decorated with couches, tables, a grand piano, beautiful paintings, and sculptures that sent a message of affluence befitting Central Avenue. It had been a gift from Benny to honor his wife and was known as “The Rose Lounge.” Church leaders had dutiful instructed youth and children workers that no child or teenager was to be in the Rose Room. There was just too much to break or ruin.
As they entered the hall, the strange odor greeted them. They all saw it at once. In the fireplace were the remains of the wreath. The decorative ornaments had melted, and a pile of ashes and grotesque shapes of melted plastic were the only things left of the beautiful wreath. The room and furniture reeked of a pungent smell and ashes had stained some of the nearby chairs. By the fireplace was a sign on poster board: “THIS WREATH HAS JUST BEEN BURNED BY THE FIRES OF HELL. MAY IT NEVER LIVE AGAIN.” It was signed: “Your new prophet, Reverend Bill!”
-14-
Bill did not answer his phone that afternoon. He sat in his chair, wine in hand, Bible open to the Prophet Jeremiah, smiling to himself. He had finally stood up to all of them, he thought to himself.
Bill was not aware of the quick meeting that was called after a tension-filled worship service. Benny had called for a special meeting of the Board to f
ire that “insane” pastor. How dare he desecrate church property and ruin the room he had dedicated to his wife? When his wife had heard, she had to be given a sedative to quiet her down. Anita had been taken to the emergency room, she was so hysterical. Even Suzanne and others who supported Bill were perplexed, angered, and wondered if Bill had indeed had a breakdown.
Benny was adamant that charges needed to be filed and that Reverend Thompson should be arrested. Other voices argued for calm and restraint. Stan, a contractor, pointed out that the damage was easily repairable and that first they needed to talk to Bill and find out what was going on.
It was agreed that Gerald would contact the district minister and seek his advice. Until then, Suzanne had agreed to contact Bill and talk with him.
It was about at that moment that the police arrived. As Gerald and others looked at each other it was Benny who spoke up.
“I called the police. This is vandalism clear and simple. We need a police report for any insurance claim we might want to make. This is standard procedure. You can all decide later if you want to press charges but this is necessary,” Benny stated. Gerald nodded and thanked Benny for looking out for the church’s best interest.
What Gerald and the others did not know is that Benny had already placed some phone calls to people he knew. He had already made a decision, a decision he told himself that others were too afraid to make. A line had to be drawn in the sand.
And so it was that later that Sunday afternoon, Bill’s meditative moments were interrupted by the doorbell. At the door was an officer with a warrant to take Bill into custody. Handcuffed, he was led out of the house to the patrol car. In the distance, Benny and Rose watched with an air of deep satisfaction on their faces.
-15-
When Sharon returned home Sunday evening, Gerald and Suzanne were waiting for her. She invited them into the house with the horrific thought that Bill had suffered a heart attack or worse. When they explained the situation to her she was relieved on one hand and furious on the other. Then her fury was replaced with worry. Her Bill had finally gone over the edge.
“Why did you have him arrested?!” Sharon asked, the anger rising in her voice. “He needs help, not jail. Why would you do that?”
Gerald looked away. It was Suzanne who spoke. “It was Benny. He called the police, telling us that it was necessary for any insurance claim. What we did not know is that he is friends with some important people and he called in some favors. He wanted Bill arrested—to embarrass him—and to make a point.”
“So you not thinking of filing charges, are you?” Sharon said, looking with growing anger at Gerald.
Gerald finally looked at her and said, “We decided as a board not to file charges but to see what our district minister recommends. It is obvious that Bill is having a kind of breakdown and needs counseling.”
His face took on a sad look as he added, “But it is not as simple as that. Benny has been calling a lot of people and has threatened to pull out of the church if Bill is not fired and some sort of justice happens. Anita went to the emergency room because she was so traumatized. Quite honestly, several board members want a meeting to fire Bill. When the story hits the newspaper and internet, well, I don’t think we will have any other choice.”
“No choice?” Sharon said, tears filling her eyes. “You all always have a choice. Bill needs help, but, you know, right now I am beginning to understand how frustrated he was. You obviously can’t stand up to Benny. Are you going to let him ruin our family and Bill’s whole life?”
Suzanne walked over and embraced Sharon. For a moment they held each other, both in tears. Suzanne looked up and said, “I am so sorry, for you both. I know Bill has been under a lot of stress and honestly, there is a part of me that wants to stand up and cheer!” She looked right at Gerald. “People don’t know the stress that we face in ministry. My counsel, for what it will be worth, is to help Bill through this time and not be vindictive. It is Christmas, after all. A little charity and love would be welcome.” But even as she said this, Suzanne knew that Benny, when angered, was unstoppable. The last minister had found that out. Why she had stayed on was the question she was now asking herself.
After the meeting, Sharon drove over to the jail to visit Bill. She hardly recognized the Bill that came into the room. The smile of the last few days was gone and he entered the room unable to look at her. She fought her own urge to just yell at him and instead just hugged him. She told him it would be all right. They would get through this time. Then looking at him through tears she told him that a part of her wanted was proud that he had finally stood up. She saw a little bit of the old Bill shining through, the Bill that had marched for peace and justice, the Bill she had fallen in love with so many years ago. They would get through this and, she had to admit, there was a part of her that felt relief—maybe they could put a life together without the church.
-16-
Bill was released the next day. The Church decided not to file any charges if Bill would resign, which he did the following week. The District Minister, Richard Pearl, arranged for Bill to undergo counseling.
It was Christmas Eve when it hit Bill. That evening as the family gathered and tried to make the best of the situation, Bill seemed more despondent than ever. Sharon had even offered to give up her teaching job if Bill needed to move farther away. “I can always find another teaching job,” she had offered. Lisa seemed angry at her father for what he had done.
Robby seemed overjoyed. “Way to go, Dad!” he had said before his mother hushed him.
That evening, Bill excused himself and took a long walk. It had rained and the streets had a slender coating of ice. The air was chilly. Bill walked for a long time and finally sat on a bench in the park. Around him he could hear the sounds of Christmas Eve services.
He sat for the longest time. He prayed. Where was God in all this? He had been so convinced that he was doing the right thing. In his mind he was like the great prophets, Jeremiah, who had created mayhem to make a statement of faith. Or was he just a fired minister who had embarrassed himself and his family? Where was God in all this? Why did people like Benny just seem to get one thing after another and here he was without a job, alone? Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe God had abandoned him. Where was God?
Bill had no answers that night. He only got cold and wet. He returned home and went to bed early. It was the worst Christmas ever. What he did not know was that it was going to get a lot worse.
-17-
As the New Year began, Bill followed through on Dr. Pearl’s suggestion for counseling. Central Church decided to drop all charges if Bill would agree to counseling. What Bill did not know is that Benny and his friends had also worked out an agreement with Dr. Pearl; he would do his best to make sure Bill would never serve a church again. In this regard, Benny sweetened the deal with a generous gift to the proposed new district offices.
For Bill’s part, he actually believed that after the counseling he would be able to seek another congregation. Dr. Pearl, however, informed Bill that since he had been arrested, any background check would note that arrest and would end any chance of serving a congregation. Furthermore, he would not give his recommendation. He suggested that Bill find another line of work.
By spring it became obvious that nothing was going to develop for Bill. This made him more depressed than ever. As the financial reality hit, Sharon and Bill realized they could not stay in their home. Bill found a job at a local grocery store but was laid off. His next job was at Bartlett’s Book Store.
The one positive note was that everyone seemed to have forgotten about him. Bill changed his appearance, allowing his graying hair to grow long and adding a beard. He put on some weight.
Sharon, for her part, was very supportive and loving but in time she grew tired of Bill’s lack of initiative. Even when they lost their home she told Bill that as long as they could be happy, that was what was important. She confided in Bill that she had never enjoyed the last years o
f ministry with the expectations members had placed on her and watching Bill become someone she did not particularly like. She hoped that Bill would rediscover himself and return to the Bill she had once known and loved.
As summer turned to fall, tension began between Bill and Sharon. Bill was growing ever more jealous of Sharon’s success and happiness. Sharon was growing tired of Bill always being down. Sharon also wondered about God. It seemed especially cruel that just as she had found herself, Bill seemed to lose himself. From her perspective, she felt they still had many blessings. They had two lovely children, a warm home (although a lot smaller than their other home), each other, and she was confident they could get through this time—if only Bill could find his center once again. As the months wore on, that hope appeared to be less and less a possibility.
-18-
Once again the seasons changed. The beautiful fall gave way to the cool of November. Thanksgiving was a few days away. Bill and Sharon were planning to go to Robby’s again. Bill, however, seemed more despondent than ever. It was a Tuesday when it happened.
Bill was home again. He said he was not feeling well. He seemed to not feel well at least one work day a week. Sharon was wrapping up her classes and getting ready for the Thanksgiving break. That morning she got up early, exercised, fixed a quick breakfast, and once again walked into the bedroom to find Bill still asleep. If he lost this job, she thought, they would be in real trouble.
“Bill. BILL!” she yelled, shaking him.
“Leave me alone! Just leave me the hell alone!”
“Bill, you have got to pull yourself together! I have class in thirty minutes. You should go into work today. You are in no way sick.”
Bill sat up. He glared. His beard and hair had turned a white-grey, which in another circumstance would make him appear a little like Saint Nicholas. But his expression was nothing like Saint Nick would wear.
