by Maisey Yates
“I’m glad you came,” he said, a small smile tugging the corner of his lips upward.
Her stomach fluttered in response. Honest-to-goodness fluttered.
“Me too,” she responded, her words breathy and completely affected.
She was acting like she was about Violet’s age, and had a crush on some new boy. Except the new boy was a man. A man who had been in her life forever. A man she was now seeing in a completely different light.
A naked light.
She ignored that dirty little thought and forced a smile. Tried to look normal.
“I see you brought dinner,” he said.
It was kind of a stiff, formal thing to say. And she had to admit she was happy that he was struggling with the right balance too.
“I did.”
Silence hung between them, and so did Alex, looking back and forth, a knowing smile on his lips. Lane shot him a deadly glare. If he said something, she would beat him over the head. Sure, Alex was actually older than her, but because he was Finn’s younger brother, he felt younger to her.
“Dinner,” she said brightly, making a broad hand gesture, which Cain took as a call to action.
He made his way into the kitchen and the rest of them followed. From there, the sounds of domesticity filled the air. Clattering plates, shuffling feet and appreciative sounds as everybody took the first bite of their pasta.
It made her chest feel warm. Gave her a sense of accomplishment. And then came a strange ache. A kind of wistful longing. For something intangible, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on.
But it got jumbled up with images of Cord and his family, his children, that normalcy. And then mixed up again with images of Finn from the night before, when they’d been tangled in the sheets.
She felt her face heat, her body growing warm. It was a welcome sensation next to that horrible ache she’d been grappling with only a moment before.
“I need to talk to you about something,” Finn said, moving over to where she was standing, watching everybody eat their dinner.
“Yes?” she asked, the question infused with a healthy dose of warning.
She wasn’t about to have any kind of discussion about last night with him here, with his brothers standing by. That was nonnegotiable. That was not happening.
“I had a little talk with Alex and Liam today. Though Cain wasn’t a part of this.” He raised his voice slightly. “You’re all committed to staying,” he said, directing that at his brothers. It wasn’t a question.
“We told you that before,” Cain responded.
“I know,” Finn said. “I’ll be honest. I figured the early mornings and the hard work would chase you off eventually. You all actually have places to go. You have money. You have options to have other lives. I’m crazy enough to choose this life. Crazy enough to love it. I had my doubts that you would do the same thing.”
“Who knows,” Alex said, “it might all change in the future. I’m not committing to being a dairy rancher for the rest of my life. But the Laughing Irish will always have my support.”
“I guess that’s all I can ask for,” Finn said.
His jaw was tense, his expression difficult to read. But Lane could sense his unease with the entire topic of conversation. His slight dissatisfaction with Alex’s answer.
“Where is this going?” Cain asked.
“I want to figure out how to make this workable for us. If we’re all going to be here, I don’t want us stepping on each other’s toes. I want us all to have a function to serve here. And I think that’s going to mean changing, expanding.”
“Are you actually giving me my way?” Lane asked, feeling slightly dazed.
“Kind of,” Finn returned. “But not just because you asked. Because I think it’s a good idea.”
“So, you’re talking about expanding into more specialty dairy products?” Liam asked.
“Yes. And that’s going to require marketing and business planning, and all of that stuff that you do,” he said to his brother. “And it’s going to require some extra manpower,” he said, directing that at Cain and Alex.
“Well, you have that,” Alex said.
“And Lane has a great idea to help broaden interest in products that are coming out of Copper Ridge. Her store is really popular, and she wants to capitalize on the current interest in subscription boxes.” He looked at her, a smile on his face that looked a lot like pride. That made her feel like her heart had expanded in her chest.
Made her feel like maybe she was doing something after all.
“I do,” she said. “I’m building a mailing list and I’m going to offer things on my website. But I’m also going to feature special products in the subscription boxes. I know I can ship cheese. The milk isn’t going to happen, but that I can stock in my store. I guarantee you, people are going to drive to get this stuff. No doubt, what you guys do isn’t easy. But the interest in locally sourced food and healthier products is good. We can capitalize on it.”
“I’d also like to invest in the start-up,” Finn said.
“Of the specialty dairy?” Lane asked, feeling a little bit confused.
“No,” he said, “of your expansion. Because we’re going to help each other, and I believe in your idea. It also made me believe in mine.”
She swallowed hard, her throat feeling scratchy, her eyes a little bit gritty. She was grateful, more than grateful. But she found it a little bit suspicious that he had agreed to all of this after they’d slept together.
Still, maybe that was looking a gift horse in the mouth. And for someone who had received not a lot in the way of gift horses she wasn’t sure she could afford to be suspicious of this one.
“I appreciate that,” she said finally, once she was able to force the words out.
“Look at us,” Liam said. “We’re practically a functional family.”
“We better hope it’s functional,” Alex said. “Otherwise, we’re all going to end up leaving here broke.”
“Well,” Liam said, “maybe you. I have plenty.”
“Don’t be so smug about that fancy degree,” Cain said. “I’ll have to give you a noogie or something.”
“Really?” Liam asked, his tone dry.
“Hey,” Cain said, “I’ve been an older brother all my life without any younger siblings around. I have some making up for lost time to do.”
The sadness of their situation struck Lane again. These brothers who should have had each other all of their lives, but were just now learning to deal with each other.
Of course, if Finn had had his brothers, maybe he wouldn’t have been such good friends with Mark. And if that were true, maybe he would never have become such good friends with her either. Maybe he wouldn’t have needed her as much.
Maybe he wouldn’t need her in the same ways now.
She banished that thought. She didn’t know why she was being weird and insecure. Almost... jealous of his brothers. Which was stupid. And ridiculous. Of course he should have a relationship with his brothers. A solid one. A good one.
She was just feeling off-kilter because of the way that things had happened between them last night. Yes, she needed to be alone with him. Needed to see how it would be when it was just the two of them.
The question was how did she want it to go? That, she didn’t really have an answer to.
“Lane says she’s going to help Violet find a job,” Cain told the room.
“That’s nice,” Finn said, his expression slightly tense.
“Well, I got my first job here. It gave me focus.” She wasn’t sure why Finn was looking at her all weird. Well, she had only one idea, and it didn’t make any sense.
“Where are you thinking?” Finn asked.
She filled him in on what she had told Cain earli
er, and did her best to try and choke down her dinner. Finn finished before she did, and once his plate was clear, she set hers down even though she still had a bit left, and even though she was still a little hungry.
“Can I talk to you?” she asked him, her voice rushed. She really hadn’t meant to ambush him like that. To be so obvious. She wished that she had been a little cooler. That she had waited until they were kind of naturally alone. Or until he had said something.
But oh well, she hadn’t. Finn was the source of a lot of new experiences for her. Multiple orgasms in one evening, begging for what she wanted and an extreme lack of chill being just a few.
“Sure,” he said, walking ahead of her out of the kitchen. She could feel his brothers watching them, and she ignored them.
“Did you tell them?” she asked, as soon as they were alone in the living room.
“I don’t tell them what I eat for breakfast. Why would I tell them about what happened with us?”
She looked past him, at the floor-to-ceiling windows that were reflective now in the dark. She could only see herself. Herself and her very worried expression. “I don’t know.”
“Now,” he continued, “they might have guessed, because they aren’t stupid. And I disappeared last night from the bar without saying anything and came back this morning after they were all awake.”
“Oh. Oh... I just...”
Before she could say anything else she found herself being caught in his arms, drawn up against his hard body. And then whatever other words she’d been about to speak were cut off by the press of his lips against hers. “You just what?”
“Well,” she said, “I forgot now.”
“Excellent.”
“Except, why are you being weird about me helping Violet find a job?”
“I’m not.”
“Oh my gosh, Finn. Are you jealous?” She could have laughed, it was so ridiculous. “Are you jealous of your brother? After what happened between us do you honestly think I’m just looking to cruise the Donnelly clan?”
“No.”
“Yes, you do. And yes, you are. That’s ridiculous.”
Something in Finn’s gaze shifted, sharpened. It made her stomach turn over. Made her feel once again like a stranger was looking out at her from inside of her friend. It was a strange thought, maybe, but it somehow encapsulated the whole situation.
Finn as her friend was about as familiar as it got. Finn as a lover was another story entirely. It occurred to her then that she didn’t really know how he was with the women he dated. At least, not beyond casual observation.
She didn’t know if he was jealous, possessive. If this behavior was somewhat normal for him. Or if it was somehow unique to her. It surprised her, just how much she hoped this was just about her, and not simply the way he was with women once he’d slept with them.
It shouldn’t matter. In fact, she should be a little offended. A little insulted. Though, she imagined as off-kilter as she felt, he didn’t feel much better.
He didn’t know how she acted with the men that she dated either.
“Look,” she said, softening her tone. “I know things are different between us now...”
“Maybe for you,” he said, keeping his tone casual. “But for me, not much has changed.”
She didn’t know how she felt about that. Didn’t particularly know how to handle that statement.
“How?”
“You know. I didn’t wake up yesterday deciding that I wanted you. It’s been that way. For me, it’s been that way from the beginning. Which is why, to my thinking, this will work out just fine. I’ve been your friend while wanting you for a long time. I don’t really see the problem with being your friend and having you.”
A little thrill raced through her, a shock of heat. It was embarrassing just how strongly she reacted to him. But then, if what he was saying was true, he was more adept at handling everything between them than she was.
Not because she had never felt an attraction to him before, but because hers had gone unacknowledged for so long.
“Right. Well, I guess I’m the one in the weird headspace. But you’re being possessive. You know me. Do you honestly think I’m going to make a move on your brother?”
“He’s an attractive bastard.”
“Sure. He also has baggage.”
“I’m not exactly traveling light,” Finn returned.
“Okay,” she said, “maybe not. But your baggage doesn’t come in the form of a sixteen-year-old girl. And anyway, you’re the one that I want.” It was strange to say. Strange to admit. But it felt right too. “I was telling you the truth when I said I hadn’t been with anyone for about a million years.”
“How long is a million years?”
“A little longer than a year. That’s about a million in sex years, right?” She looked up at him, and the heat in his gaze made her stomach clench tight.
“Just about.” His voice turned husky.
The air between them turned thick again, and he wrapped his arm around her waist, drawing her body up against his once more. She shivered. She didn’t think she would ever feel casual about this new intimacy between them.
Not the way that he did. The way that he just sort of assumed he could touch her, even outside of the bedroom. Even with his brothers right in the next room. While they were talking, like they might have done when they were only friends.
Except, really, they were only friends now. It’s just that there was another dimension added. Nothing had been taken away.
She drew a small amount of comfort from that.
Truly, she didn’t dislike the change between them. But she felt more than a little bit thrown off.
“I want to help Cain,” she said, “because it will help you.” She reached up, pressing her palm to his face. Experimenting with the casual touching herself.
“You think there’s anything that will help me beyond getting my grumpy brother off of my property?”
“It sounds like you’re making peace with that too.”
“In that way that you make peace with a terminal illness.”
“Well, that’s a nice way to think of your brother,” she scolded.
“I may need an attitude adjustment,” he admitted, a half smile curving his lips. “But I imagine you could help with that.”
“That depends what kind of help you’re looking for.” She reached between them, pressing her hand against his hard stomach. She was tempted, very tempted, to slide her fingertips beneath the fabric. Well, why not? They were here after all. They had already crossed the line. Hell, they had replaced the line entirely.
Why bother to pretend otherwise?
She did so, tentatively, the first brush of her fingertips against his skin sending an electric shock up her arm and down to the rest of her body.
“Maybe something like this?” she asked.
“Maybe,” he said, dipping his head in closer, so close that she could feel the heat radiating from him, could have darted her tongue out to taste him right now if she wanted to.
“Are you going to kiss me?” she asked, sounding more like a breathy teenage girl than she would have liked.
“I’m definitely thinking about it,” he said.
“You’re really going to help me with my subscription boxes?”
“Are you holding your kiss hostage?”
She let her fingertips trail a little bit higher beneath his shirt. “No. But I do want to make sure that isn’t what you’re doing.”
“What?”
“Giving in to me because I gave you something you wanted. That isn’t why I slept with you. It really isn’t. And it wasn’t because I just wanted to try and salvage our friendship. It might have started that way. It might have started because I was afraid. But... When I s
aid yes, it’s because I wanted you. Really. It wasn’t because I wanted your help, it wasn’t because I wanted your milk in my store—which right about now sounds like an inescapable euphemism.”
“That’s disgusting,” he said.
“Yeah, you knew what you were getting into.” She tried to keep her tone light, but she felt like she couldn’t breathe. “Anyway, I want to make sure you’re not just placating me. Because of... You know, the physical stuff.”
He frowned, a dark light in his eyes. “Give me a little credit, Lane,” he said.
“It’s not about credit. It’s about the fact that all of this is new, and it’s strange. I’m able to acknowledge that. It seems like you should be able to do the same.”
“No,” he said, “and that’s the point. The point I was trying to make earlier. I don’t think this is weird.” He moved his hands up her waist, pulled her in closer. “Feels pretty good to me.”
Her throat went dry, her heart pounding even harder. Suddenly, all she wanted was to be alone with him. Just the two of them. She would prefer the buffer of darkness, but she wondered if he would allow that yet. Or if he would still think she was trying to pretend he was somebody else. That wasn’t it. Not really. It was just that it was scary, revealing herself to him that way. Because he knew her so well.
Everything felt like it cost more. Like she had much more at risk.
With guys she just dated, she never really worried about looking stupid when it came to sex. They were men. Basically, if she showed up and brought her boobs they were game. She didn’t have to try. And if they didn’t like what she brought to the table, she was more than happy to let the relationship go.
She had a very casual attitude about dating. It was why she never lost her head over attraction. Why she had never begged a man for sex before. Because the man himself had never really mattered. It was just a part of the normal-looking life she had built for herself here.
A house, a business, a circle of friends and on occasion a man she was seeing. Who the man was had never been all that important.
Blending that in with Finn, with her relationship with him, and the position he occupied in her life, it felt different. Heavy. Exhilarating and light at the same time. And above all else so incredibly valuable that she didn’t want to do anything to break it.
