“I’m good,” I said.
“Got-damn, you tall, taller than a motherfucker! You brought him home?” he asked, his eyes sliding down to Shemar and the smile on his face quickly fading.
“Uh, yeah. He waited on his mom for like an hour. She here?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah…she sleep. Come on in here, boy. Got this man out here fucking around with you. He ain’t got time for this shit,” he said to Shemar, who dragged himself in the house. “You shoulda let his ass walk,” he said to me.
I raked my fingers through my beard, just to keep my hand from involuntarily wrapping itself around this nigga’s neck. “Naw, I wanted to make sure he made it safely. Uh, see you later, Lil’ Man,” I said to Shemar, who I could see standing just behind the dude.
“Okay,” he said softly.
“A’ight, y’all take care,” I said, then turned to leave.
“Aye, can I get a pic with you, man?” this dude asked.
Was this motherfucker for real?
I was over trying to be cordial with this fool, so I turned back around and fixed my mouth to say, “Hell, no,” noticing that Shemar was no longer in the doorway. Then I heard someone scream, “Why you keep letting him do this to you!” It sounded like it came from Shemar, and he sounded upset, maybe even scared. I looked at the dude, and he looked at me.
“Shemar?! That you?!” I yelled through the open door.
The dude moved to close it, but I stuck my foot in the doorway. “What the fuck is going on in there?” I asked.
“None of your damn business! Get yo’ foot out my door, man!”
“Shemar!” I yelled again.
He slammed the door against my foot, and the shit hurt, but I didn’t move. “Move your muh-fuckin foot, nigga!” dude yelled.
Ignoring him, I thought to hold up a finger, hoping Ms. Hampton would see me. “Shemar! What’s going on?!”
“Aye, motherfucker! You trespassing!” dude screamed.
“Call the cops, then!” I said, squaring my shoulders. That’s when the door flew open and Shemar appeared beside the dude.
“Get out the damn door, lil’ nigga!” dude shouted at Shemar.
“Stop talking to him like that!” I thundered. “Shemar, you okay?”
“It’s my mama. She ain’t sleep. He beat her up again!”
“Shut the fuck up! This our business! This rich nigga don’t care about you or your mama!”
“Where your mom at?” I asked Shemar.
“R-right here.” His mother stepped up behind her man, her face a canvas of bruises and blood, her bottom lip trembling. She was scared, but something told me she was tired of the way she’d been living, too.
“Bitch, carry your ass back in that bedroom!” the dude spat at her.
She flinched and closed her eyes but didn’t move.
“Did you hear me?! Carry your ass back in there before I kick it again!”
“Naw, you ain’t kicking shit. Not on my watch,” I said.
“You ain’t got a damn thing to do with this, McClain. You better take your ass on to wherever you need to be and stay out of grown folks’ business!”
I locked eyes with Shemar’s mother. “You wanna leave? I can drop you off somewhere if you want.”
She nodded, and he flew into her face. “You leave, bitch, and you ain’t taking my little girl!”
She flinched again. “You-you can’t keep her from me.”
“We can take your little girl, too. He can’t stop you from taking her,” I said. “I won’t let him.”
“Sh-she at my mama’s right now,” Shemar’s mom said, her voice trembling.
“You talking to this nigga like I ain’t even here? You fucking him or something? That why you so damn bold right now?!”
“No! I ain’t fucking nobody but you. I just can’t take no more. You keep saying you gonna stop hitting on me, but you won’t!”
Were they seriously having this conversation in front of Shemar?
“Lil’ Man, why don’t you go get in my car?” I said.
“Lil’ nigga, you better not move! Look, Sheila, I said I’m sorry. You just keep starting shit with me, and you know how stressed I been. You gotta learn when to leave a nigga alone!”
She stared at him, and I knew she was thinking about staying with him. This was probably a cycle with them—he beat her ass, blamed her for it, and she fell for it. Her uncertain eyes shifted to Shemar, who said, “Please, Mama. Let’s go.”
“You mean it this time? You ain’t gon’ hit me no more?” she asked dude.
“I told you I ain’t! Damn!”
“Okay—”
“Mama, you know he lying! He ain’t never gonna stop!”
That’s when dude got in Shemar’s face. “You need to shut the fuck up before I give you what your little ass been needing! Lil’ punk ass!”
I stepped forward. “I tell you the-hell what—”
“I’ll go! We’ll go!” Shemar’s mom shrieked. “Just, let me get some stuff and—”
The dude had her yoked up so quick, I almost didn’t realize what was going on. Shemar was the first to make a move, grabbing the dude’s arm and quickly being flung to the floor. So I grabbed dude by the shoulders and yanked him, making him lose his grip on Shemar’s mom. I dragged his little ass outside with him yelling and kicking and screaming the whole way, and all I could think was, where the hell were the cops? Or had she not seen my signal? So I threw my finger up again, keeping a grip on dude’s arm as I turned to see if Ms. Hampton was looking. She held up her phone and gave me a nod. With my attention on her, I didn’t notice this nigga trying to swing at me, so his fist connected with my jaw, making me stumble a little, more from the shock of it than the actual impact. But not enough to make me release his arm. I punched him back, knocking him to the ground, and as neighbors started stepping out into their yards to see what was going on, the police finally pulled up.
8
“Are you okay?” she asked softly, her voice shaky, her eyes fixed on the passenger window. “I saw him hit you.”
I nodded, my eyes on the road as I drove us back to King’s Dream. “Now that dude is in jail and I know Shemar and his mom are safe, yeah. And this ain’t nothing but a scratch,” I said, rubbing my jaw. “Dude can’t hit for shit.”
From the corner of my eye, I could see her nod. “That was her mom that picked them up and is taking her to get checked out, right?”
“Yeah, they’re gonna stay with her for a while. I just…I hope she doesn’t take that man back. The only reason she agreed to leave was because he was trying to jump on Shemar. I mean, you saw her face, and even after he did that to her, she was tryna stay. I just don’t understand it. I don’t get why women take that kind of abuse off men.”
“The women don’t know why they take it, either. They just do. Some are groomed to be abused from childhood. For others, it’s a learned behavior that’s directly tied to low self-esteem.”
“I bet you’ve seen a lot of that as a social worker, huh?”
“Yeah…more than I care to remember. At least she left this time. Some never leave unless they leave in a coffin.”
“I know, and I don’t want that for Shemar. You can have the greatest family in the world, but no one can take the place of your mother. I know that from experience.”
She turned and looked at me. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
I shrugged. “It was a long time ago. I’m good with it now.”
“Are you really? I know you were young when you lost her.”
I shot her a look. “You been researching me, Ms. Hampton?”
She shrugged and averted her gaze from my face. “It’s common knowledge.”
“I guess it is, but yeah, I’m fine. I mean, I’ll always miss her and I wouldn’t wish losing a parent on anyone, let alone two, like I did.”
She nodded and turned back to the passenger window.
Once we made it back to King’s Dream, and I had shut m
y truck off, she turned to me and gave me a weak smile. “Well, thanks for insisting on driving us there. I definitely wouldn’t have handled that situation as well as you did.”
“S’all good. Let me get that door for you.”
Shaking her head, she said, “I got it. Thanks again.”
I nodded and watched her climb out my truck, slowly making her way to her car. When she stumbled a little, I grabbed my door handle, but when she made it to her car, bent over, and started hurling, I jumped out and basically ran over to her. “Ms. Hampton, you okay?”
She shook her head as she continued to empty her stomach onto the pavement. So I just stood there, because I had no idea what the hell else to do.
When she finally stopped and stood upright, she gave me an embarrassed look. “I…I’m sorry. It’s my nerves. That whole thing back there at Shemar’s—I’m sorry.”
“I ain’t trippin’. Hey, can you drive? I mean, you need a ride home? I can take you.”
“No, I’m fine. I—you know what? I just need to rest for a minute, get a drink of water. I’m gonna go to my office and kick my feet up for a little while, and I’ll be fine.”
“Okay, let me walk you in there.”
“No, you don’t have to do that. You’ve done enough.”
“I want to do it. So let me do it.”
She sighed, let her eyes roam the darkening parking lot, and finally nodded.
I followed her to the building and into her office, watched her collapse into the chair behind her desk and close her eyes. “You got water in here?” I asked.
She shook her head. “I’ll get some from the fridge in the breakroom. You can go.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. I’ll be fine now.”
I said, “Okay,” but still just stood there, because leaving her didn’t feel right.
“McClain, go home. I’m good.”
I nodded, and then realized something. “Uh, the front door is locked, right?”
“Only from the outside, and it’ll lock behind you when you leave.”
“A’ight. Well, goodnight, Ms. Hampton.”
“Call me Kim. I think you’ve earned the right after tonight, McClain.”
“A’ight. Goodnight, Kim.”
I left her sitting at her desk, had made it to the door when I recalled she’d reset the alarm when we came in. I guess we’d both forgotten about that. So I turned around and headed back to her office, hoping she’d just give me the code so she wouldn’t have to get up. When I made it back, she wasn’t there. Frowning, I scratched my eyebrow and then realized she might’ve been in the restroom, so I waited…and waited…and waited until I finally decided I needed to be sure that was actually where she was and that she hadn’t passed out somewhere or something. Before I could leave her office, she walked through the door with a tiny toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste in her hands and tears rolling down her face.
I jumped when I saw him, wondered what he was doing in my office when I thought he’d left, and then became angry that he’d found me like this, in shambles—weak. I hated weakness or being in a weakened state, because at one point in my life, I was so damn weak I believed I didn’t deserve to breathe oxygen. And although I was angry at myself, I automatically took it out on him.
“What are you doing in here?” I gritted, tossing my toiletries onto my desk. “I thought you left.”
He stretched his eyes in reaction to my tone, I supposed. “I don’t know the alarm code, came back to see if you’d give it to me so I can leave.”
Without a word, I brushed past him, leaving him in my office as I stomped toward the front of the building to the alarm panel next to the front door.
“Aye!” echoed against the walls of the long hall that led from the administrative wing to the lobby.
I didn’t stop or even slow my steps. He needed to go. I needed him to go so I could be alone and cry and remember and feel sorry for myself and hate myself and shit for a past built on so many bad decisions it was suffocating to even think about. So much so that I avoided thinking about it as much as possible. But tonight, I couldn’t. I couldn’t fight back the memories, and so, he needed to go!
“Aye! I know you hear me!”
I didn’t halt my footsteps until I reached the front of the building, but as I lifted my hand to punch in the security code, a huge warm hand grabbed my wrist. Jerking my arm fruitlessly, I yelled, “Let me go!”
“What the hell is wrong with you? What I do to you?”
“You’re here!”
“You’re mad ‘cause I’m here?” he asked, confusion all over his face.
“Yes! And you need to leave!”
“Naw, you mad ‘cause you’re embarrassed about throwing up in front of me and crying, ain’t you?”
I managed to pull my arm from his grip, but that was probably because he let me. “No, you don’t belong here now. We’re closed, and you need to go.” I stabbed the code in and watched as the words on the panel changed from armed to disarmed. “So go!”
He shook his head. “Bullshit.”
I frowned. “What?”
“You ain’t acting like this ‘cause I’m here after hours. Tell the truth. You mad ‘cause I caught you crying, Ain’t nothing to be ashamed of. That shit back there at Shemar’s house was messed up. It got to me, too. If it made you cry, that’s normal.”
I scoffed. “Thanks for the permission. Goodnight.”
“Damn, really? I ain’t do shit to you for you to be acting like this with me, but if that’s how you wanna do it, fine. Fuck it and fuck you.”
“Fuck you first!” I shrieked. He moved closer, all up in my face, so I pushed against his wide chest and added, “Go! Bye!”
He hadn’t moved an inch despite me trying to push his big ass away. Still, he shouted, “I’m going! Good-fucking-night!”
“Whatever!”
“Crazy motherfucker!”
“Asshole!”
“I’m the asshole when you up here having mood swings and shit on GP? Okay, you fucking lunatic!”
“Kiss my ass! You don’t know me! You don’t know shit about me!”
Somehow, he was even closer, and I hadn’t noticed him moving. So I stepped back a little.
“Then fucking tell me!” he shouted. “All I did was make sure you made it in here safe and shit and then I got stuck in here. The hell you acting like this with me for?!”
“Because!”
“Because what?! Shit!”
“It’s none of your damn business!”
“You know what?!” he screamed.
I puffed out my chest. “What?!”
His lips were on mine so fast, it took me a full minute to realize what the hell was going on. Then he removed his lips from mine and just stood there and stared at me. I stared back, because I didn’t know what the hell else to do.
Finally, he said, “Uh…I-I’m sorr—”
I reached up and grabbed the back of his head, pulling it down to meet mine and pressing my lips against his. A second later, his tongue was invading my mouth, his big hand was on my back pressing my body to his, and I just melted into him, because he felt so…good. Like, really good. Maybe too good.
“Mmm,” he murmured into my mouth.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I let my tongue play with his. Then a thought hit me, and I broke our connection. “Wait.”
He released a breath and nodded, backing away from me. “I know. We can’t do this. It’s wrong, and I know it is. I just…I’ll go.” He turned toward the door, and I panicked.
“No…don’t go,” I said so softly I wasn’t sure he heard me. “I don’t want you to go.”
He looked at me over his shoulder, his thick eyebrows knitted together, his thick lips slightly separated, dark eyes full of confusion. “You want me to stay?”
“Yes.”
He spun around and was back in my face, hands on my arms, lips hovering over mine. “Then why did you stop me?”
I pl
ugged in the numbers to re-arm the alarm without even looking at the keypad. “Because there are cameras out here.”
“Oh…any cameras in your office?”
I shook my head, and the next thing I knew, I was being lifted from my feet, tossed over his shoulder, and carried back to my office.
He didn’t bother to close the door behind us, but then again, I guess there was no need to. Backing me up against the front of my desk, he held my chin between his thumb and forefinger as he captured my mouth, sliding his tongue inside. I let my tongue caress his as I wrapped my arms around him and felt one of his big hands slide down my back to my butt. Squeezing a handful of it, he moaned into my mouth, which sent a flood to my core and made my mind reel. No, it hadn’t been forever since I’d been with a man. Elrich had served a purpose for me as had many men in my past, but none of them had ever made me feel so…dizzy, probably because none of them were Leland McClain, since if I were to be brutally honest with myself, I’d have to admit I’d been attracted to him since before I met him. Hell, who wouldn’t be? He was a gorgeous man, and it felt like the feeling was mutual.
He ended the kiss and stared down at me before reaching around me, pushing the contents of my desk out of the way, and placing me on top of it. Never taking his eyes off me, he lifted his t-shirt over his head, making me gasp, because I had never seen anything like his tattooed brown skin. He was…beautiful, like a piece of living artwork, and as he stepped out of his jogging pants to reveal black boxer briefs, I decided his beauty extended from his handsome face to his toes. Leland McClain had a body and face that made you take leave of all your senses, which was why I found myself pulling my teal blouse over my head and unbuttoning my brown slacks, hopping down from the desk and letting them pool around my ankles. Then, like we often did when we were in each other’s presence, we stood there and stared at each other. Only this time, we were both in our underwear.
“You’re gorgeous,” he said.
“So are you,” I answered truthfully. I saw a flicker of hesitation in his eyes, a look that mirrored what I was feeling, so I said, “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
Let Me Hold You Page 5
