“Not when it comes to men and you know it.”
“Don’t do that.”
“It’s true. It’s obviously true. Shit, I gotta stop seeing him before this all blows up.”
“Good idea.”
“Yeah.”
I knew she was right and felt stupid as hell for not realizing McClain’s motives could be ill. But even as rational as the idea of breaking off this sexual thing with him was, I felt a little twist in my heart at the mere prospect of it.
“You gonna have to use that yoni egg you got today for someone else, huh?” she quipped.
She was trying to lighten the mood, probably sensing my despair, but it didn’t work. I couldn’t smile or laugh; all I could do was stare down at the text message that had just popped up on my phone.
DSL: Damn I miss Little Kim.
11
I had to park down that damn boulevard Everett called a driveway and walk to his house, wondering the whole time if they had invited the whole city of Los Angeles to his stepdaughter’s birthday party. This shit didn’t make no sense! I was in shape and all but was tired as hell once I made it to the front steps and almost fainted when I saw Neil sitting there with his head hanging, arms propped on his knees, a cigarette dangling between the first and second fingers of his right hand. I’d been trying to reach him for over a month and was both shocked and happy that Everett had gotten in touch with him. Shit, I was beginning to think someone had offed him over some owed money or something.
I’d always thought he and Nolan lucked out with being shorter than me and Everett. Not that they were actually short at five-eleven. Anyway, they always had an easier time buying clothes off the rack and fitting in places, didn’t have to always be mindful of ceiling heights, stuff like that. But even with what I considered a height advantage, Neil’s life was totally fucked up and that really got to me. If I didn’t want anything else, I wanted him to get his ass together.
“Damn, man…you done started smoking again?”
His head snapped up and he looked startled, surprised I was even there. Whatever was on his mind must’ve been heavy as hell for him not to hear me when I walked up on him. “Man, stress. Gotta do something. Ev watching me like a damn hawk. Got me staying here and shit…”
I sat down on the step beside him. “For real? What happened?”
“I got into some shit I don’t wanna talk about. Good to see you, man. You liking St. Louis?”
“It’s cool. Why you ain’t been answering my calls or calling me back, Neil? I was worried about your short ass.”
“Like I said, got into some shit.”
“Over money?”
He nodded.
“Gambling debt?”
He nodded again.
“You good now?”
“Yeah, I’m straight. Ev took care of it after he cursed me out and threatened to kick my ass. That’s why he’s holding me hostage now. Talking ‘bout I gotta work this shit off.”
“What kinda work?”
“I’m his damn assistant while Courtney is on vacation. Ain’t that some shit?”
I chuckled. “You a’ight though, other than being on lockdown with Ev?”
“Yeah, yeah, man.” He put the cigarette out on the step beside him and stood up, pushing the butt into the dirt of one of the potted plants that flanked the front door. “Let’s go on in here so you can check out this extra-ass birthday party Ev hooked Nat up with. You’d think she was turning sixteen instead of three.”
“Man, Ev loves that little girl for real,” I said, as I followed Neil inside the huge house. I owned a place in LA that had nothing on the palace my brother lived in, but I knew his house was more for Jo than for him. He truly loved his wife, wasn’t nothing he wouldn’t do for her, and for the first time in my life, I kind of understood what that felt like. I almost got why people decided to get married and have kids and shit.
Almost.
I mean, I liked the hell out of Kimberly Hampton, but it wasn’t like I was in love with her after only knowing her a few weeks and having sex with her a few days. I just…I was feeling her like a motherfucker. I was feeling her in a way that if I thought she was with another man, I would have a major problem with it. And shit, I wasn’t checking for no other women, either. Her pussy was more than sufficient for my needs.
Neil led me through the foyer, to the kitchen. The sliding wall was open to the massive backyard full of people—Ev’s bodyguards, our family, Jo’s friends, some kids and other people who weren’t familiar to me, and a bouncy castle, some ponies, and a fucking petting zoo, not to mention a hot dog stand. Kiddie music was blaring from huge speakers sitting outside, and not too far from the back of the house, I saw Uncle Lee Chester manning the barbecue grill. Damn, he flew Uncle Lee in for this party? Ev was not playing! But we all knew if you were going to have barbecue at a party, couldn’t nobody do it right like Uncle Lee.
While Neil walked out into the yard, I snuck up behind Uncle Lee, and yelled, “What-up-there-now, Unc?!”
He jumped, damn near dropped his barbecue mop, and then turned around. Grinning at me, he shouted, “Nephew! You scared the shit outta me! When you get here?”
“A few minutes ago. Aunt Lou here with you?”
“Hell, no. Probably sitting her crazy ass up at home watching Walker: Texas Ranger right now. Just crazy as hell. She missing out, though. Tick’s ass got all kinds of food here, and you see these sexy-ass friends of Jo out here? Ooowee! Make me wish I’d brought my Viagra stash with me!”
I couldn’t do nothing but grin at him. “You crazy, Unc. I’ma go see if I can find Ev and Jo, wish Nat a happy birthday. Can’t wait to tear up them ribs. I know they gonna be good.”
He laughed, wheezed, coughed, and laughed again. “You-know-how-I-do-this-shit-right-here-don’t-you?!”
Chuckling and shaking my head, I said, “Yeah. I don’t guess Aunt Ever is here, either, huh?”
“Naw, said her arthritis was acting up too bad to fly or some shit like that. You know she hates planes. Tick had to beg her to fly out here to him and little Jo’s wedding.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Well, Unc…I’ma go see if I can find Ev. I’ma get with you later.”
“All right, Nephew!”
It took me a few minutes of wading through people, greeting family and friends, to get to my oldest brother, who gave me a big smile and pulled me into a hug. After his greeting, I bent down and hugged his tiny wife, taking my new niece from her and tossing her up in the air. “Happy birthday, Nat-Nat!”
“Thank you, Uncle Weewin!” she squealed.
I squeezed her to me before setting her back on the ground and watching her take off for the bouncy house.
“Nat, wait!” Jo called after her. Shaking her head, she smiled up at me. “Glad you’re here, Leland. Let me go get this girl. It’s almost time for her to open her gifts.”
Turning back to Everett, I said, “I saw Neil outside looking like a wannabe runaway slave.”
“Yeah, he ain’t happy with the situation, but I’m out of twenty-damn-thousand dollars because of his stupid ass. He gon’ work that shit off this time and maybe he’ll think twice before doing that shit again.”
“Twenty thousand?! The hell he bet on?”
“A fucking Dodgers game. Dumb ass…”
“The Dodgers? I thought he was an Astros fan. That nigga ain’t got no loyalty.”
“Not when it comes to that damn gambling. I made him sign the deed to the bookstore over to me before his ass gambles it away, too.”
My eyes widened. “You took his store, Ev?”
“Hell, yeah! I’ll give it back if he ever gets his self straight, but until then, I gotta look out for him since he ain’t got sense enough to do it.” Everett sighed and took a sip from a water bottle he’d been holding. “I’m beginning to think I made shit too easy for him, gave him too much.”
“Yeah…” I agreed, but I hated to agree. Just like Everett, I only wanted all of us to be happy.
Speaking of… “Kat and Wayne here?”
“Yeah, they somewhere around here. Nolan, too.” He grinned at me.
“Nolan must have a new girl. I know that look.”
Everett chuckled. “Yep. He don’t keep ‘em long. It’s like he gets bored with them after a couple of weeks or something.”
“Naw, Nole lowkey like sistas. That’s what it is.”
Everett raised his eyebrows. “You think?”
“I know. I caught him looking at Jo’s assistant’s ass one time. You know, she tall and slim but she got an ass on her. I even noticed that, and you know she outta my age range.”
“Bridgette?” Everett asked. His voice had risen a couple of octaves.
“Yeah.”
“You lying.”
“Swear to God, man. He was checking her out.”
“Daaaaaamn, that’s wild, man.”
“I know. Shocked the shit outta me, but I know what I saw. I hope he don’t do it around Tommy’s big ass, though. He still with her, right?”
“Hell, man, who knows? They been into it a lot lately.”
“Word? Well, Nolan might be a’ight then.”
“I guess, but if he like sistas, why he don’t date ‘em?”
“Do I look like I know? Hey, is Ella here? I ain’t seen my favorite girl in a minute.”
He shook his head and his entire facial expression changed. “She was supposed to be here, had been looking forward to it because she and Nat have gotten tight, but Esther popped up at the last minute with some prior engagement she said they had that Ella didn’t even know about. I swear she be pulling this shit on purpose.”
“But she ain’t messing with you and Jo no more, is she?”
“Naw, she done calmed that shit down since her ass got put on probation and lost her show for leaking that video of Jo and Bugz.”
“Good. Speaking of Bugz, he ain’t here for his little girl’s party?”
“Naw, man. That nigga overseas somewhere. He Facetimed her this morning, though.”
Before I could respond, little Nat had run up to Ev and was tugging on the bottom of his basketball shorts. “Ebbwitt!!” she screamed. “I wanna open my pwesents!”
“You do? Well, let’s get to it!”
*****
“Here you go,” Ev said, handing me a glass of some expensive-ass bourbon he’d been telling me I needed to try.
Taking a seat across from him on the huge sectional that occupied the formal living room, I sipped the drink and nodded. It definitely lived up to the hype. “Not bad, Big South,” I said.
“I got a bottle for you, too, Fastlane.”
“Good looking out, big brother.”
“You know it. So, uh, how are things going with…you know?”
“Kim Hampton?”
His eyes darted around the room like someone had it bugged or something. “Yeah,” he finally said, in a low voice.
“Nigga, why are you acting all incognito? Everybody’s gone except us and Jo and Nat.”
“And Neil.”
“Who the hell is he gonna tell?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Look, man…I ain’t scared of much of nothing, but this shit makes me nervous as hell. Dude was tryna fight you literally for nothing before. What you think he’s gonna do when he finds out about you and his mom?”
“I don’t know, and I really don’t care.”
“You should care. Your ass needs some security, but you won’t listen to me.”
“Because I don’t need security. What my big ass look like walking around with a bodyguard?”
“The same way I look, nigga. Safe.”
“Man, whatever.”
“Listen, I’ll always have your back, but I ain’t taking no bullets for you off some bullshit that could’ve been avoided, Leland.”
“I can’t avoid how I feel, Ev. I just…I can’t. It’s like she’s got this pull on me, has for a long time.”
“What you mean a long time?”
I sighed, dragged my hand down my face, and squeezed my eyes shut. “Uh…the whole thing with Daniels started when he caught me checking his mom out after a game.”
“What?!”
I opened my eyes, saw the look he was giving me, and closed them again. “He caught me checking her out—I was looking at her ass—and he confronted me about it a couple of days later, was talking shit about how he heard I like old bitches, as he put it, but that I better stay away from his mom.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him to get out my face with that bullshit and walked off.”
“No wonder he kept trying to clown you. Why you just now telling me this?”
“Because there wasn’t nothing to tell. All I did was look at her. Damn!”
“And you see how he reacted.”
“Yeah.”
“But you still not gonna stop seeing her?”
“I would if I could, but I can’t.”
“Man…”
“I know, Ev. I know.”
He blew out a breath and then clapped his hands together. “Okay, look…if you gonna do this, you may as well do it right. Do she like pineapples?”
I frowned. “Pineapples?”
“Yeah. Man, let me tell you…”
12
I set my fork down, reclined in my chair at the marble-topped table in my dining room, and smiled. If I was ever unsure of my cooking skills, my boy always made me feel like a culinary genius. There he was, face in his plate, shoveling forkful after forkful of macaroni and cheese, collard greens, and oven-barbecued chicken into his mouth. It was July, too damn hot for food this heavy, but this was the kind of food he loved, so I’d gladly cooked it for him. Plus, spending time with him was rare these days. This was kind of a celebration for me, especially since he was in one of his infrequent good moods.
Probably sensing my inspection of him, he lifted his eyes, but not his head, and cracked a smile. “What?” he asked, before picking up his chicken and biting into it.
“Nothing, just thinking how good it is to get to spend time with you.”
He shrugged. “You ain’t have to leave Miami.”
“Yes, I did. You were terrorizing every guy who even looked in my direction, Boogie. You went off on a waiter one time. You were out of control!”
“That waiter was checking you out. Dudes are always checking you out, and I ain’t got time for them to be getting with you and hurting you.”
“No one is going to hurt me again. I won’t let anyone hurt me again. You gotta let this go.”
Shaking his head, he sat upright in his chair and wiped his hands on a napkin. “I can’t let it go. I had to protect you back then, and I gotta protect you now. You look good. Folks think you’re younger than you are. Dudes are always gonna try to take advantage of you.”
“Things are not the same as they were back then. I’m not the same, and to be honest, I don’t relish the thought of being alone for the rest of my life, but that’s what’s going to happen if you don’t stop!”
He sat back and stared at me.
“What?” I said, feeling more than a little frustrated. I loved him, and he had always been my top priority, but he was a grown man now. I’d done my job raising him. And hell, I was lonely unless I was with McClain, and as luck would have it, he hated him. I really needed him to calm down with being so overprotective.
“You tryna get married, Mama?”
“Maybe one day.”
With lifted brows, he leaned forward, and said, “To who?” It sounded more like a dare than a question.
“I don’t know, but whoever I choose, I’ma need you not to run them away.”
A frown appeared on his face. Boogie, AKA Armand, looked a lot like my mother from the brown skin that was a couple shades lighter than mine, to the hazel eyes. He was handsome and talented and angry. Always angry, and sadly, that was my fault. Like I said, I brought out the worst in men, including my own son.
“So I’m supposed to sit
back and let some nigga hurt my mama again? That’s what you think I’ma do?”
Throwing up my hands, I said, “I just said I won’t let that happen again!”
“Yeah, that’s what you said before, that you wouldn’t let it happen again, that you would leave that nigga alone, and then what happened?”
“Armand, why do you always do that? Why can’t we have a decent conversation without you bringing up the past?”
“Because you got a selective memory, so let me jog it for you. You let him come back, he acted good for a week, and then I came home from school to find him choking you. Choking you, Mama! I can’t forget that! I can’t forget how I had to pull him off you and beat his ass and make him leave. I can’t forget how I had to tell him that if he ever came back, I would kill him. I can’t forget that I meant it. And since I can’t forget any of that, forgive me for not trusting your judgment when it comes to men. What is it? You lonely? Come back to Miami. Live with me again.”
“You’re my son. I can’t date or marry you, Armand,” I said in a soft, defeated voice, because defeat was all I ever felt when he brought up my past transgressions.
“You don’t need to date.”
“I need companionship!”
“No, you don’t!”
I blew out a frustrated breath. “I’m grown, Armand. You’re my son, not my guardian, and you can’t tell me what I need!”
“I might not be your guardian, but I am your boss.”
“Are you serious right now? You’re gonna pull that card?”
“I’ma do what I need to do to keep you alive. Ain’t no more niggas putting their hands on you, and I mean that.”
I rubbed the back of my neck and sighed loudly. “Not all men hit women, Armand.”
“Yeah, but the ones that don’t hit women lie and cheat. Niggas ain’t shit. I ain’t even shit. I lie and cheat all the time.”
“Armand—”
“What I’m tryna say is, it ain’t a single man on this earth good enough for you. Period.”
“Boogie—”
His phone chimed, and he held a finger up. After he checked it, he stood and walked around the table, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. “I gotta go. Supposed to be meeting up with Scotty and them.”
Let Me Hold You Page 8
