An hour later, I find myself outside of Sophia’s house. As Melina’s personal maid for so long, I’m sure she knows far more about Melina than she’s ever said.
She’s surprised to see me when she answers the door.
“Dr. Talbot,” she exclaims. She looks just the same. Small and slight. “It’s so nice to see you.”
She ushers me into her small, but pin-tidy home and situates me in a cozy chair.
“What brings you into town?”
I take the cup of tea that she offers. “You do,” I tell her simply. Her eyes widen.
“I do? How is that?”
So I explain the journal that I found and the most recent entry. Sophia is clearly uncomfortable, her foot bouncing against the edge of the seat.
“You were there,” I observe. “All along, you were there with Melina. Do you know what she’s speaking of? Do you know her secret?”
A red flush stains Sophia’s paper thin skin and she stares at me with age-clouded eyes. “Yes. I believe I do. But I’m bound by ethics not to discuss it, Dr. Talbot. I hope you understand.”
I calmly take a sip of tea, nodding. “I do understand. I’m a doctor, I do understand ethics. It’s just that Melina is gone. And the way she spent her last years are so interesting to me, particularly since I find myself at Chessarae, alone, like she was. I feel a certain kinship to her. I can’t explain it.”
Sophia’s head snaps up, her eyes filled with instant concern. “You’re alone at Chessarae? Where’s Mr. Minaldi?”
“He’s away right now,” I answer quietly, ignoring the wave of pain that spreads through me at the mere thought of Luca. “And while he’s away, the solitude of Chessarae is a bit overwhelming. Damien has come to stay for a while, but I don’t see him much.”
Sophia is puzzled now, I can see it on her face. “Damien? I don’t understand. Not that it is my place to understand. Forgive my curiosity. I was a part of the household for so long that it’s hard to not wonder about the family.”
“I’m sure,” I nod. “That’s understandable. And you need not worry. The family is well. But going back to Melina. Are you sure you can’t tell me anything about her secret? Was it something substantial? Or had her poor tortured mind manufactured something that wasn’t there?”
Sophia looks away, twisting her bony hands in her lap. “Oh, it was there, all right. Melina’s mind was tortured for good reason. Some of it was of her own making, I can assure you. But I can’t tell you of her troubles. I simply cannot. It wouldn’t do anyone any good at this point. Dr. Talbot, all secrets can bring are devastation. And Chessarae is filled with secrets.”
That is something I already know.
As I finish my tea and prepare to leave, Sophia pauses hesitantly.
“Dr. Talbot, don’t linger too long at Chessarae without Mr. Minaldi. I know it is simply a place, but Chessarae has a way of eroding a person. It is lovely, I know. But the secrets it is has kept… I’ve grown to believe that the secrets have tainted the very ground that Chessarae is built on. If you stay there, there’s no escaping that.”
Her warning causes chills to run up and down my spine.
But then Sophia chuckles. “Listen to me. I sound like a crazy old woman. Forget my words, child. Pay them no heed. Living out there with Melina has affected me more than I’d like to admit and my superstitions have gotten the best of me. Please feel free to come and visit me whenever you feel lonely. I’m an old woman and I don’t get enough company. And if you visit, could you be so kind to bring me some of Melina’s roses? I’ve grown attached to them over the years. Melina used to cut me fresh blooms every week.”
I smile and hug her goodbye, but I don’t forget what she said about Chessarae. How can I?
I pause at the door.
“Sophia, this might sound like I’m a crazy woman, but please be careful. The last person I spoke with about Chessarae died. I barely spoke of it to Marianne, and the next day, her body was found in the sea. I don’t know if it was a coincidence, but just be careful. I’m sorry if coming here has endangered you in any way. I should’ve thought it through better.”
Sophia waves her hand. “Don’t worry about me, child. I lived at Chessarae for years. If it wanted me dead, I’d be dead already.”
If it wanted her dead.
The way Sophia speaks of Chessarae, as though it is a living, breathing entity, unsettles me. Chessarae is a home, built of stone and sitting in the dirt. It can’t hurt anyone.
But I do agree with one thing she said.
Chessarae is cursed by secrets.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The night wraps itself around me from the open window, the full moon beckoning me. The silvery light shines onto my skin and I run my fingers over my arm, playing with the shadows.
I’ve never heard a silence so loud as the quiet in Melina’s quarters. It rings in my ears, echoes through the corners. From the window seat that Melina used to perch in, I stare down at the water, listening to the crash of waves.
Perhaps the water is what echoes through these walls, not the silence.
I’m going insane.
I worry about that.
As I stare down, a glint of red catches my eye and I focus harder on the stone pathways below. In the moonlight I see them, a lush carpet of red petals, sweeping along the stones, carried by the wind.
Where did they come from?
My heart pounds as I rise from my seat, clad only in a nightgown. I pull a wrap from the chair and open the door, padding lightly down the hall and out the back doors toward the gardens.
When I arrive on the paths beneath my windows, the stones are bare, although I can smell the distinct scent of roses in the air.
What is happening?
I look around me in confusion, but nothing is here. The breeze rustles the shrubbery, but nothing else moves. I’m losing my mind.
I must be.
The grief and confusion overwhelm me in a way I can’t explain and a sudden and overwhelming compulsion to walk to the sea comes over me.
Grendel follows, his large paws padding next to me, but I barely notice. I can only focus on the moon, on the water… and the way it pulls me to it.
Making my way carefully down the trail leading to the sea, I find myself standing in front of the water, my bare feet sinking in the cool sand. The night breeze brushes my hair from my face and I breathe it in.
Looking over my shoulder, I stare up over the cliffs at the way the spires of Chessarae loom on the horizon. I can’t help but shudder. I’m not sure I can face it anymore without Luca.
Mesmerized by the movement of the water, I strip off my nightgown and let it fall to the sand. Standing naked in the moonlight, I step into the water, one foot after the other. Behind me, Grendel whines, but I ignore it.
Luca has been here, in this water. It was here that his car washed ashore. If I stay here long enough, perhaps he’ll come back.
I’m not lucid. I know that. The emotional stress and solitude has gotten to me. I’m still cognizant enough to know that. But I don’t care. I don’t care about any of it.
I sink into the tepid water, flipping onto my back and staring at the moon as the water carries me away from the shore. It’s gentle, like fingers lapping at my skin.
What would it be like to float away? To simply let the sea carry me far from here, far from the secrets and pain? Is this what Luca faced? Did he give in to it? Did he simply float away from me?
I close my eyes and let the water splash gently against my face, buoying me up as the waves swell and recede.
Through the mist and waves, I hear something and I hesitate, lifting my face. My name, called from the direction of the cliffs.
“Eva!”
Sitting up, I paddle the water and look toward the shore.
It’s Luca.
Striding to me, his face grave with concern, he calls to me.
My heart leaps and I swim toward shore, splashing through the shallows and pulling myself ont
o the sand, before I stand and run toward him, oblivious of my naked, pregnant form.
Luca stops, his face bathed in astonishment as his gaze drops to my protruding belly.
It’s now that I see something I should’ve seen before and I stop as well, my face falling, my heart sinking.
It’s not Luca.
It’s Damien.
********
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Damien asks as he holds my elbow while we climb the trail back to Chessarae.
I’ve dressed now, in my damp nightgown, and I stare longingly over my shoulder at the sea. I feel as though I’m walking away from Luca.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Damien asks again. I glance at him, my teeth shivering with the damp cold of the night.
“I don’t know,” I murmur. “It’s a piece of Luca and I wanted to keep it only to myself for a while. I can’t let go of Luca, Damien. I can’t.”
I start to cry because I can’t help it and Damien stops in his tracks, his eyes wavering with a soft kindness. He pulls me to him, into his arms and holds me close, my face pressed to his shoulder.
With strong movements, he strokes my back, up and down, and lets me cry as we stand in the moonlight.
When I’m finished, he stares down at me.
“We’ll take care of you, Eva,” he assures me. “If that was what you were worried about, don’t. Your baby is a Minaldi and we’ll take care of you both.”
“I wasn’t worried about that,” I answer honestly. “I hadn’t thought of it. All I can think of is Luca. Every day, every minute.”
Damien nods, sadness flitting over his features. “I know it’s hard. But you have the baby to think of now. You must be strong for it, if not for yourself. Luca used to tell me that you were the strongest woman he’d ever met. You need to be that woman now, bella.”
Bella.
Beautiful.
The endearment twists my heart, for it is one that Luca used to murmur to me in the night.
I put that out of my mind and nod. “I know. I will.”
Damien walks me to my rooms, then pauses at the door. “You’ll be fine now?” he asks, his brow wrinkled in concern. “Luca would want me to care for you. I’ll send a doctor first thing in the morning.”
“I’ve been seeing one in town already,” I tell him quickly. “Dr. De Barro.”
“I’ll send for him first thing in the morning,” Damien says firmly. “Luca would want that. You have to take care of yourself, Eva. You’re too thin. You must eat. You’re carrying the only thing we have left of Luca.”
I nod shakily. I know he’s right.
I bid him goodnight, then close the doors. My secret is out now. By morning, when my OB/GYN arrives here at Chessarae, everyone will know and my little baby will cease to be my own. It will be everyone’s last tie to Luca. Perhaps that’s the real reason I kept it a secret. I wanted it for myself for as long as possible.
I strip off my damp nightgown and change into one of Luca’s shirts, wrapping my arms around myself as I pretend that it is Luca holding me. Burrowing into covers of the bed, I try to sleep, but I’m tormented by dreams.
By Luca’s dark eyes, by his grin, by his face.
How can I let go of him, when he still dwells in my every thought, in my every action?
I don’t think I can.
As I twist and turn, trying to lose myself in the oblivion of sleep, something stirs within me, a flutter. I freeze, remaining still, hoping to feel it again. A few minutes later, I do. A sensation akin to twenty butterfly wings fluttering in my belly.
My baby’s first movements.
Luca’s baby.
Despite everything, it flourishes within me, rising out of the sadness and grief to remind me of the world’s goodness. Of Luca’s love.
It’s almost like a sign from Luca. Pull yourself together for our baby, my love. I can almost hear his voice, carried in from the sea.
I don’t know if I can. But I know I have to try.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Eva
The doctor pokes and prods, then finally nods.
“All seems to be well, Dr. Talbot,” he tells me in approval. “You’re underweight, however. You need to make sure you eat, even when you feel nauseous.”
He begins putting his things away, tucking them into his black bag. “Do you have any questions?”
I shake my head as I button my shirt. “No.”
The doctor gazes at me. “You’ve got bags under your eyes. You’re clearly not sleeping. You’ve got to make sure you rest, as well as eat.”
I sigh, my hands dropping limply into my lap.
“They’re saying Luca is dead. I feel like he isn’t. It’s all I can think about. I lie awake at night and all I can see is his face. What if he’s somewhere and he needs me?”
My voice is small in my large bedroom and Dr. De Barro looks at me, then sits on the bed next to me.
“You can’t think like that,” he says gently, picking up my hand and patting it kindly. “All indications point toward the very sad fact that Mr. Minaldi perished in a car accident. There is no explanation why he wouldn’t return otherwise, is there? I know it’s hard, but for the good of your health, you have to stop torturing yourself. I’ve seen these cases before… it’s very difficult to wrap your mind around a death when there is no body. It makes closure very difficult. Concentrate on whatever thoughts you need to in order to pull through this.”
My voice cracks. “I feel like I’m crazy, Dr. De Barro. I see things that aren’t there.”
My head drops to my chest and the doctor pats my back. “You’re grieving,” he says simply. “It’s normal for your mind to play tricks on you, for you to see things that you simply want to see. It will get better, I promise you. Day by day. Time heals all wounds, Eva.”
Time heals all wounds.
Does it?
I thank the doctor and promise that I will come see him at his office later this week for a sonogram, and he leaves. Once again I am alone, with only Grendel to keep me company.
Time is my enemy now, because every day that passes is one day more since the last time I saw Luca.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“Do you want to know the sex of the baby?” Dr. De Barro asks five days later, his kindly eyes searching mine as he rolls the sonogram wand over my belly.
Do I? I’m not sure. But I nod anyway.
He smiles.
“It’s a girl.”
Relief floods through me, for a reason I don’t understand. We don’t have to worry about a boy carrying the curse anymore. But I can’t deny that the relief is still there. Perhaps because I won’t have a son that will likely grow up to look like his father… because every time I look at him, it would cause me pain.
It’s selfish, but true.
I smile back, then get dressed when he leaves me alone.
On the way home, I stop at Sophia’s to deliver an armful of roses. She’s not home, so I leave them on her step. It’ll be a nice surprise for her.
After dinner, I relax in the atrium, resting my hand on my belly as Damien plays for me.
“The baby enjoys the music,” I tell him. “She stops moving whenever you play. I think she likes it. It puts her to sleep.”
Damien pauses, his hands still on the keys. “She?”
I smile. “It’s a girl. I found out today.”
Joy shines on Damien’s face. “A niece. She’ll be a blessing. Luca would be so happy.”
The mention of Luca’s name brings a pain to my heart, but I promised myself, and him, the other night that I would be strong. That I would move forward for our child.
For our daughter.
Damien begins playing again and I close my eyes.
Aria. A melody, a song.
That will be her name.
I fall asleep and when I wake, I find that Damien had covered me with a blanket. That mere action causes me pain, because it’s something that Luca isn’t here to do.
&nbs
p; ********
My days are empty, and each day seems like a week. Each week brings such changes.
As I examine myself in the mirror, the shape of my body fascinates me. I run my fingers over my belly, which protrudes straight out in front of me. Although the rest of me is still slender, I can’t feel my ribs anymore. Pregnancy has made my hair shiny and lush, and my skin does seem vibrant. My breasts are swollen now.
I sit with a sigh on the edge of my bed, naked, as I think about my life.
Luca isn’t coming back. Everyone is right.
The pain of it is too much to bear, too much to think about, and so I’ve tried to block it from my mind. I’ve tried to pretend that it’s not happening, that it’s a horrible dream.
But it’s not.
I’m here and he’s not and soon, I’ll have our baby without him.
The sea breeze kicks up and flutters the curtains, blowing them hard. I get up to close the doors, and as I do, I glance down and find Damien standing in the windows of the study, staring out at the gardens.
Before I can move, he looks up and sees me. His eyes brush over my nakedness, his face a perfect mask. I can’t read it. I close the doors quickly, blocking him and everything else out.
Perhaps it’s time, but I simply can’t bring myself to face it…the real world.
Not yet.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Luca
How long have I been here?
I don’t know. Hours and days and weeks run together, the blackness folding in and containing me.
Once, I knew I was a child of darkness, and now that I exist in it, it makes all the more sense.
I was born for this. Fair or not, it’s been my lot in life.
Thoughts of Eva fill my mind and I focus on that. How has the pregnancy changed her? Does it make her sick? Can she eat? Has she felt the baby move?
I don’t know any of these things because she hasn’t called. Or if she has, Adrian hasn’t played the messages.
My hope for her is that she’s gone… that she has flown back to America, where she will raise my child in safety.
The thought, while it is something that I want and hope for, is at the same time something that makes me feel so alone.
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