by Terry Morgan
GOD'S FACTORY
Terry Morgan
Copyright 2014 Terry Morgan
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First published in the United Kingdom in 2014 by TJM Books
www.tjmbooks.com
ISBN: 9781310567872
The right of Terry Morgan to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
'God's Factory'
A light-hearted diversion from Terry Morgan’s normal serious fiction!
Arthur Godley, proprietor of Godley's Garden Gnomes and Godley Investments meets his maker in unusual circumstances and, in the process, learns a few costly lessons. A short, twenty first century version of Charles Dickens's "A Christmas Carol".
GOD’s FACTORY
"I'm Arthur Godley - Godley by name and Godly by nature. Take a pew, mate. I won't be long."
From behind his expansive white desk, Arthur Godley briefly glanced up at his visitor over the top of his tinted spectacles. Noticing that something wasn't quite right, he then pushed them to the top of his head. "Not there, mate. The sofa is reserved for special occasions. This chair here is the one I use for ordinary visitors........Yes, that's the one."
Arthur Godley, proprietor of Godley's Garden Gnomes of Krupton continued to tap away at the keyboard on his desk and then stared at the result on the computer screen.
"That's strange. I tapped in five million and only half a million came up." He tried again. "That's better - must have spilt some coffee on the nought."
He then took a large calculator, tapped some more keys and peered at the result. "Bloody hell. Bless my socks. I've made more than I thought."
He straightened the big knot of his bright red tie, flicked at something invisible on his white shirt with its long, pointed collar and pulled on the gold cuff links. Satisfied that they now pointed in the direction of his guest, he leaned forward and looked at him.
"I understand," he said, "that you've come to find out why the local rag, the Krupton Weekly News and Journal, has started calling me a local business guru, God's gift to Krupton business and the town's economic saviour."
His visitor nodded.
"They are right of course," Godley went on. "But I'm not sure how long you've got and my success might take a while to explain. I can show you my PowerPoint presentation if you like. I show it to all those who want to know why I've succeeded where so many others have failed. However, I usually start my explanation by suggesting a quick peek out of my window."
Godley put his glasses on the desk, pushed his white leather executive swivel chair back, stood up and waded across the thick pile carpet to the biggest of the two windows. He pulled on a cord. "I'll open the Venetian blinds so that you can see the view. Stand up. Come here."
His visitor stood up and walked silently to the window.
"There. Impressive, isn't it.? There's not much that's impressive over the high brick wall, but the landscaping on my side makes the most of the total dereliction that once surrounded us, don't you think? You will notice the contours in the lawn. I had those done while we had use of the JCB bulldozer - they'd left a full tank of diesel and the key was in the ignition. But what do you think of the trees, the shrubs and the flower borders? I always liked sunflowers. They have such big heads and stand above everything else. What do you think of the lawn? Can you smell the freshly cut grass even from behind my double glazing? I always say that springtime is like a new product being launched on the market.
"But that's not all, you know. Oh no. Come to this other window. You see the row of fir trees? Behind them is my lake. The local frogs and toads visit the lake in autumn for their annual nuptials, the lucky sods. There are seventeen goldfish in there and I have a member of staff whose job it is to feed them. I even put it in his job description. 'To ensure all goldfish are kept alive' it says. That way if one dies.......well you understand.
"Oh yes, these landscaped premises are one reason they now call me God. It's a patch of heaven amongst widespread mediocrity." Godley laughed at his joke. "And you know what, mate? I often see the locals peering over the wall or looking through the bars of the gate when they're out walking their dogs. They point up here to my office window and I can see the envy on their faces.
"That's because they're impressed. They see Godley's Garden Gnomes as a success story and assume I'm making big money - which, of course, is very true. This new office of mine is the only decent bit of commercial real estate for miles. If you know how to do it, mate, there are many ways of making it - and then stashing it."
Arthur Godley leaned on the window sill and looked towards the high iron gate in the brick wall that shielded him from the rest of the Krupton Trading Estate. He nodded.
"Yes, I often see them pointing. It's jealousy. There's no shortage of envy around these parts. As I joked to someone in the Red Lion on Sunday lunchtime, it's very green around here - green as in envy, green as in 'around the ears' and green as in naivety.
"The envy is not surprising though, " he went on, "After all, I've now seen all the competition off. It's only me left around here. Most of the other businesses are long gone, boarded up or just falling down. There are 'For Sale' and 'To Let' posters everywhere, but this corner is like an oasis in the desert. Survival of the fittest I call it but I saw it coming years ago, and, unlike the others, planned accordingly. You've got to be born with a nose for business, you've either got it or you haven't.
"I've had it since before I left school. At fourteen I won the prize for enterprise and entrepreneurship, but I had a good head start. I was running the betting circle and they all owed me a fortune, so I told them I'd write their debts off if they let me win."
Arthur Godley smiled at the fond memory. Then he rubbed his hands together.
"So, nice bit of landscaping, isn't it? What do you think, mate? But I'll probably sell up soon and go and live permanently in Spain. I'm getting fed up here with all the youth unemployment and tax. Spain is so much better. I'll miss this view, but not too much. I've already got a villa and a couple of acres near Malaga that I bought from the local mayor for a snip - paperwork signed by him and everything. And it won't be difficult selling this business, oh no."
Godley walked back to his desk and sat down leaving his visitor standing by the window. He shook his head as if about to tell a story with another fond memory.
"Did you know, mate, I bought this place as a rundown old Victorian factory that was losing money making plastic gnomes for front gardens. They had no idea how to make money, you see, but I soon turned things around. There was a lot of sacking to do to start with but it's all the fault of the Chinese. They run things on bloody shoestrings over there. So, if you can't beat them, you join them - that's my philosophy.
"The Chinese aren't exactly known for putting plastic garden gnomes in their front gardens but they certainly know how to make them. And so, flexible! You know, mate, I can get them in any colour, any size, any sort of hat or any colour of hair and eyes. They'll do Chinese gnomes with different eyes and a pigtail if you like and I've got one model that looks like an Irish leprechaun. It went down a treat at Cheltenham Gold Cup week. Another one looks like Prince Philip, the ethnic diversity gnome looks like Barack Obama and I've got a set of four with haircuts that look like the old Beatles. Ringo has a hole in each hand for his drumsticks and Paul has his mouth
open like he's singing. I'm thinking of fixing a wire for a recording of 'She Loves You' blaring out. What do you think?
"But the most popular are what I call the Fishing Gnomes that people put around garden ponds. I've got a dozen or more Fishing Gnomes around my lake with spotlights to show customers how Gnomes add a touch of sophistication to a garden. The Fishing Gnomes come with a hole where we fit the fishing rod made out of a stick and a piece of string, so it's not all made in China. We do the finishing off here and all the quality assurance as we take quality very seriously. We don't want any faulty Gnomes out there, oh dear me no.
"You've heard of the Gnomes of Zurich? Well, I'm the Gnome of Krupton. Funny that. don't you think? But anything I want my Chinese supplier to do - he's called Ho, by the way - Ho can do it. All I do is fax Ho a quick sketch and inside a month they're back here as samples for approval."
Godley looked up to see that his visitor was sitting in the chair again.
"That's it, mate," he said, "Make yourself comfortable. What was I saying? Oh yes, talking about Ho. Yes, Ho even made me two gnomes that you can join together, one on top the other, one behind another, lying down or any other combination depending on your taste. I call these my 'Copulating Gnomes'.
