Room to Grow
Page 13
Kevin arrived earlier than planned, so Sophie met him at the door. She was fast on her feet and avoided his reaching arms when he entered.
On her way to the kitchen, she said, “Have a seat. Chloe will be out in a minute.”
He followed her to the kitchen, instead. “I hear you’re staying home with the fam tonight.”
“I’m staying home with my daughter.”
“You mean our daughter.”
“Yeah, her.”
Sophie tried to step around him on the way to the sink, but he stood in her way.
“I miss you.” He reached for her.
“Don’t, Kevin.” She removed his hand from her arm.
“Just hear me out.”
“You have nothing to say that I want to hear.”
“I messed up. I know that.” He took her hand. “I let go of the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Sophie pulled her hand from his. “You sure did,” she said and walked away.
Chloe joined them in the living room for the movie, nearly giddy it seemed by her dad’s presence. Her eyes glimmered when she hugged him, a fact that made Sophie’s heart sink.
“I thought we could order pizza,” Sophie said more to Chloe than Kevin.
“Pizza? We can do better than that.” He reached for his wallet. “How about you run get some shrimp and a cheese platter. I’ll spring for dinner after the movie.”
Out of habit Sophie almost reached for the cash, but then she stopped. “You’re welcome to run get shrimp and whatever else you want. I’m ordering pizza.”
Chloe looked between the two until Kevin finally shrugged. “Pizza it is.”
While watching the movie, Josh texted her several times. He was miserable and had a fever. She was tempted to go take him some soup, but then Chloe’s face would keep her planted in her seat. Like a little kid again, Chloe once moved over and snuggled against Kevin’s shoulder. When she did, he looked up at Sophie with misty eyes. To her surprise, his reaction to that moved her.
The movie ended and Chloe went with Kevin to get ice cream. It was all Sophie could do to refuse going with them. Chloe just wouldn’t let up. Finally, Sophie shut down the night by saying she was going to bed early.
Not so long later, when she heard Chloe come in, it was just a few minutes until Chloe tapped on her bedroom door.
“Why wouldn’t you go?”
“I didn’t want ice cream.”
“You didn’t want to be with Daddy.”
Sophie set her book on the bed beside her. “No, I didn’t want to be with your dad.”
“He’s really trying.”
“Trying what? We’re divorced. That ship has sailed.”
“Is this about Josh?”
“What do you mean is this about Josh? Your dad left, remember? I’m glad you two are working on things, but leave me out of it.”
Chloe came in and sat on the edge of her bed. “But doesn’t it feel good to be a family again?”
“You and I are family. You and your dad are family.” Sophie made a circular motion with her hand. “But collectively, we are not a family.”
“It hasn’t been the same here.”
“What’s not the same?”
“When I come home, it’s not the same as before. It’s broken.”
“It was broken because your dad found someone else. It’s not broken now because I fixed it.” She paused. “God fixed it.”
Chloe’s face fell.
“I know how much your dad means to you, and I’m glad he does. But I’m not going back to that – not ever.”
The dilemma Sophie faced was real. She had allowed Kevin’s visits to go on so long without telling Josh that it now felt like deception. Though she had never lied about it, she had skirted around the truth a dozen times.
Now, sitting at lunch with Justine, she had to ask another opinion. “I need advice.”
“Girl, I’m full of advice. Just ask Rodney.”
“My ex, Chloe’s dad, has been coming over a lot – too much. He says he’s there to see Chloe, but I know there’s a hidden agenda.”
“And you haven’t told Josh?”
“No. You know Josh's temper. He’ll hit the roof.”
“I’m sure he will.”
Justine moved her sandwich away. “You already know what I’ll advise.”
“I should tell him?”
“If it was an old girlfriend coming around to see Josh – no matter the reason – what would you think if he didn’t tell you?”
“That he was hiding something.”
“Are you hiding something?”
“No. I just don’t want him to get angry.”
“There’s no way to avoid that. You’ll just have to trust that God will honor you doing the right thing.”
Sophie crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. “And Josh is jealous.”
“Sounds like he has reason to be.”
“That’s ridiculous. There’s nothing going on between us.”
“Maybe not, but the ex wants there to be, right?”
She nodded and looked away. “Yeah.”
“You’re in a committed relationship with Josh.” Justine arched her eyebrows and bobbed her head. “At least he thinks you are.”
Sophie’s head snapped around. “We are.”
“Then for you to keep this a secret is wrong.”
“I’ll tell him today.”
Justine reached for her sweet tea, took a long swallow, then said, “Just make sure I’m not around when you do.”
Josh was in his office, head bent over his desk while working on an estimate. His cold was gone but the cough still lingered, a sound Sophie had listened to from across the hall much of the afternoon. He had kept his distance the past few days in order to keep her from getting sick.
“Hey.” She tapped on the doorframe. “Got a minute?”
“I’ve got all afternoon if you need it.”
A coughing fit began, prompting him to get up for a drink of water. When he returned, he sat in the seat next to her.
“Are you scared of my cooties?”
“No. I haven’t been this whole time.”
“I know, and I’m sure you’d be a great nurse, but I can’t have my office manager getting sick. There’s no backup.”
She nodded, barely able to absorb his words.
His smile faded. “Something’s wrong?”
“Not wrong.”
“Something’s not right, then,” he said.
“I should have told you this already, but I was afraid you would overreact.”
“This doesn’t sound like a good beginning to a conversation.”
“Kevin has been coming to the house to see Chloe.”
Josh sat back in his chair, propped his elbow on the arm, and stroked the stubble on his chin. He held her gaze as he said, “How long has this been going on?”
“Since her birthday.”
“So three weeks? Your ex has been hanging out at your house, and this is the first I’m hearing about it?”
“Yes. Most of the time I’ve been gone with you. Just since you were sick –”
Josh stood and left the room.
An hour passed before Sophie ventured down to the hub to find him. The sight of him there among overturned tables and mower parts scattered on the floor confirmed what she had suspected. He was sitting on the floor against a workbench, with his elbows resting on his knees.
“Did this help, Josh, trashing the place?”
He scrambled to his feet. “Yeah, a little.” His voice grew louder and his face redder. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
With a glance around the room, she laughed. “This! This is why, Josh.” She took a step closer. “You’re volatile. I didn’t want to set you off.”
“I’m not volatile.” He threw his arms over his head. “I’m ticked off!” His voice boomed loud and made her jump.
He reached for her arms. “Hey, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Josh didn’t come back in after that, so at four o’clock Sophie gathered her things and went home.
It was bedtime before Sophie heard from Josh.
His text: Can I come by and talk?
Sophie: That’s not a good idea – not tonight.
There was a long pause before he replied: I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I was just spouting off. I would never – ever hurt you.
Sophie: I know that.
Josh: Do u
Sophie: I do.
Josh: You’re my whole world
All she could do was look at those four words. In a romantic sense, she felt the same. Josh was it for her. But in reality, her world included Chloe. Actually, for the past twenty years, Chloe had been her world. That didn’t change because of her feelings for Josh.
Sophie: Chloe is having a hard time. She’s needed to be with her dad.
Josh: Why can’t she go to his place
She grimaced at his question. Her response: This is Chloe’s home. I would never ask her to leave.
Josh: Of course u wouldn’t. I didn’t mean it that way
Sophie: Can we talk tomorrow?
Josh: ok
That was it. No “I love you” as they had been saying since Chloe’s birthday.
***
Josh threw his phone, sending it crashing through the glass pane of the door leading to his office. He didn’t care. For most of his life he had known how to read a situation. The signs were all there. Sophie’s admission that day was likely the beginning of the end for them, even though she didn’t know it. Kevin was weaseling his way back into her life. Josh knew if he didn’t do something drastic, he would lose her.
If he continued to react the way he had after she told him, he would certainly lose her. When he had yelled and she jumped, it reminded him of his mom, of how she often feared the man she loved. Though his father had never raised a hand to his mother, her fear of him was justified. His dad was a large and imposing man compared to his mom’s small frame. Like them, Josh’s behavior had given Sophie reason to fear him, even if she said she believed he would never harm her.
For him, that was the final straw, that look on her face. He needed freedom from himself.
When Sophie arrived at work the next morning, Josh was sitting in her office waiting for her. He stood. “Whatever you need to do for Chloe, I understand. I do.”
“This isn’t like her,” Sophie said. “I know this thing with Austin has her in knots. For whatever reason she’s grasping for what’s comfortable. It doesn’t matter how old she is; we are still her parents.”
“Am I a jerk if I ask if Kevin is hitting on you?”
“That won’t make you a jerk.”
For a few seconds, they were both quiet until he said, “Well?”
“Yes, he’s hitting on me.”
Josh spun around and ran his fingers through his hair. No matter what, he would respond rather than react. He took a deep breath and turned back to her. “And?”
“And I’m not falling for it, Josh.” She went to him and rested her hand on his chest. “Look at me.”
He did.
“I love you. I love my kid. I’ll find a way to strike a better balance.” She shook her head. “Kevin doesn’t want me back. He’s just looking back and remembering. He’s forgotten how much he didn’t want me.”
Josh stood looking at her. “I don’t believe that. I know what I saw in his eyes. He still loves you.”
“I don’t love him, and I’m not tempted.”
She sat staring at him but said no more, he said, “What?”
“You are going to have to get a handle on your temper. There will be times, plenty of times, when Kevin will be around. He’s Chloe’s dad. That fact will never go away.”
Josh dropped onto a chair. “I’ll deal with it. I’ll do better.” He paused. “I’ve done so much better with my temper these past few years. I mean, I have flare-ups on occasion, but nothing like yesterday.”
“Was your dad like that?”
“Yeah, and I hated it.” Josh slid to the edge of his seat and sat with his elbows on his knees. “With you, I feel so out of control.” He looked up at her. “I don’t mean that I want to control you. I never want that. I just see that I can’t control the outcome. I’m helpless to hold onto you if you decide to walk away. I’m too invested in this now. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”
Sophie sat in the chair across from him and moved in close. “I need you to believe me. I’m not going back. That’s the last place on earth I want to be.”
He pulled her over into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. “I want to believe you.” With his lips near her ear, he whispered, “Everything I am is caught up in you now.”
“I’m yours. Nothing will change that.”
He held her a moment and then said, “I promise to work on this. I know we will have to be around Kevin for Chloe’s sake.”
Sophie moved back into her seat. “She adores her dad. What he did last year crushed her. I think in her mind, he abandoned her too. Now that they are spending time together again, I see that she’s healing over it. She needs this time with him. They need to repair their relationship.”
“I really do understand. I’m sorry for what I said last night, about her going to his place. I read it again and saw how you must have taken it. I, in no way, meant to imply that you should send her to stay with him. I just meant couldn’t she meet him at his place to go out.” He hesitated. “But I know better than that. That’s Chloe’s home, so for him to spend time with her there is understandable, and I’m sure it helps her feel more secure.”
Josh reached for her hand. “I am asking, though, that you not be there. Come here or we can meet out.”
Sophie nodded. “I’ll do that.”
Something about the look on her face disturbed him. She said it, but he wasn’t convinced she meant it.
Chapter Fourteen
Her next few days were certainly a balancing act. Just as Sophie had told Josh, she was trying to make room for both him and Chloe until it was time for Chloe to go back to Knoxville. Kevin had come once, and when he arrived, Sophie had left. Since that day she hadn’t seen or heard from him.
Sophie hoped the evening ahead, her dinner at home with Josh and Chloe, would create some unity between the two of them. Until Kevin had rejoined the picture, they had gotten along great. Chloe genuinely liked Josh in the beginning. Now, Sophie hoped to remind Chloe of that with a night hanging out together.
All afternoon she had been cooking and getting ready. When she had told Chloe that Josh was coming, Chloe said she had plans with a friend. Sophie knew better and insisted that she stay. Since then Chloe had been in a foul mood.
Josh arrived early with flowers in hand. Sophie went to put them in water with him on her heels. Once they were in the kitchen, she said, “This may have been a mistake.”
He rested against the counter. “Nah, it’ll be fine.”
“She’s in a terrible mood.”
“I’ll win her over.”
Josh had far from won Chloe over. From the time Chloe entered the kitchen, she was sullen and would hardly talk. A few times Josh looked at Sophie, and all she could do was shrug. She had never seen Chloe act like this. Every question Josh asked, before she would answer, Chloe would just stare at him like he was stupid for asking. Sophie was embarrassed by her behavior and often gave Josh an apologetic look. He seemed good-natured about it, though.
By the end of dinner, when her poor behavior toward Josh didn’t seem to affect him, Chloe changed tactics. Her last few comments toward Sophie were flat-out rude. The first couple of times, Josh just looked away and said nothing, but by the fourth time, he turned to Sophie and drew in a sharp breath. She only shook her head at him, hoping he would remain quiet.
“So is this forced
dinner over now?” Chloe said.
Sophie looked at her in resignation. “Sure.”
“I guess you can go do cougar things with your boy-toy now.”
Not expecting such a low blow, Sophie gasped and tried to blink away tears.
“That’s enough!” Josh said and pounded the table. “It’s one thing to talk to me like you have tonight, but I’m not going to sit here and listen to you talk to your mom that way.”
At first Chloe’s eyes widened as if surprised but then narrowed again. She glared at him. “I wasn’t talking to you – Josh!”
His voice grew louder. “I’m talking to you – Chloe!”
Chloe stood. “I’m packing up and leaving tonight.”
“Why?” Josh stood, too. “Because you’re not getting your way? Because all your pouting and spoiled-rotten behavior isn’t getting your mom to do what you want?”
Tears sprang to Sophie’s eyes. “That’s enough.”
Josh turned to Sophie. “I guess we need to tip-toe around the little princess, huh? Heaven forbid anyone speak the truth around here.”
Sophie stood and pointed toward the door. “You should go, Josh.”
Chloe stormed out of the room.
For a few seconds Josh just stood there staring at her. When Chloe was out of hearing distance, he said, “Do you see what she’s trying to do?”
“I saw that you were both out of line.”
“I was defending you because you won’t defend yourself.”
“I’m not going to allow you to talk that way to my daughter.”
“But it’s okay if she disrespects you?”
Sophie said nothing.
“Usually, I end up saying how sorry I am for my mouth, but not this time. She was acting like a brat, and you indulge it by allowing it.”
“She’s my daughter. I’ll do this however I see fit.”
“Got ya.” He reached for his plate and carried it to the sink. “I would stay and help clean up, but I think it’s best that I get out of here.”
“I think you’re right.”
If only the night had ended there.
Not long after Josh left, Kevin was pounding at the front door. When Sophie opened the door, he came charging in.