Room to Grow

by Lisa Heaton

  “I’m awake, if you’re wondering.” He turned to face her.

  “What are you still doing awake?” She moved in and kissed him.

  “I’ve been lying here thinking about something.”

  “What?”

  “God wants me to expand my world.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “I’ve been so selfish and wanted you all to myself.” He raised up and switched on the light.

  Sophie took Josh’s hand. “I love that about you, and you’re anything but selfish.”

  “Seriously, I need to know you didn’t do that Sophie-thing?” he said.

  “What Sophie-thing?”

  “When I asked if you wanted a baby and you eventually said no. Did you only say that because of all I had said, about a kid hijacking our lives?”

  “That was a consideration, yes, but it was too soon for me to try when I did. I should have allowed us time to settle in first. I should have talked to you first.”

  “I would never keep you from something so important if it’s what you want. You are the greatest mom.”

  “She told me what you said tonight, about how she should watch me and model my faith.”

  “It’s true.”

  Sophie sat up. “Look what a mess I made of our first months. What kind of faith walk was that? I was obsessed with getting pregnant. I get off balance too.”

  “But all that you did was because you love me and don’t want me to miss out on being a dad. That’s not a misstep in your faith. That’s doing the Sophie-thing of putting others before yourself.”

  He stopped and looked at her, then broke into a broad grin. “Babe, I got my first real glimpse of expanding my world tonight.”

  “How’s that?”

  “I totally crushed the step-dad thing.”

  “Yeah, I heard.”

  “I love her, Soph. I didn’t even know until tonight just how much. I think I can see myself being a dad someday. I can see my world getting bigger.”

  “Really?”

  “Maybe someday.” He slipped back down to rest on his pillow and propped his arm under his head.

  “There’s something about that room,” she said.

  “What room?”

  “The one across the hall. Every time I look in there at the boxes of junk we’ve never unpacked, I feel something unusual, like something, or maybe someone, is missing from there.”

  Josh was quiet.

  She waved her hand. “I may be making that up. Maybe I just got so caught up in hoping to get pregnant that the room came to symbolize that.”

  “No, I don’t think you’re making that up.” He held his hands up as if to say slow down. “Not today – for sure not right away.” He smiled at her. “And maybe it won’t be ours biologically. I don’t care about that. But there may be a kid somewhere who belongs in that room. We’ll know when the time comes.”

  Sophie slid down too, and Josh pulled her near. She said, “Are you sure you don’t care if it’s ours together?”

  “No, not at all. Being a dad isn’t about whose blood you share; it’s about who you are to that person.”

  That settled the question that Sophie had never answered even for herself. Did she actually want a baby? To see Josh be a dad, absolutely.

  Chapter Thirty

  Sophie stood at the kitchen counter breaking up chocolate bars for s’mores. It was Halloween, and everyone was coming to their house for a bonfire. Karen and Louis would be there, Rodney and Justine were coming, and Chloe and Drake would come later after they closed the sandwich shop. Others from work would likely drop by, Avery and her new boyfriend included.

  Since they had moved home, Karen and Louis had become their best couple friends. Neither Karen nor Sophie expected the unlikely friendship between their so opposite husbands. Apparently, a grill and lawn care was all they needed to bond. Josh had been helping Louis tackle a few projects around their new house. The last Sophie heard they were going to get tattoos together, though Sophie thought maybe Louis was kidding, just trying to get a reaction out of Karen.

  Drake was at their house most nights after work and stayed until after Sophie and Josh went to bed. It was odd and comforting to watch Chloe in her relationship with Drake. Sophie couldn’t imagine a better man for her daughter than Drake. His kindness was obvious, and his strength to stand up to Chloe when needed was reassuring. Chloe seemed to be the best version of herself when she was with Drake.

  “Um, Soph.” Josh walked up behind her. “Kevin is here to talk to you.”

  Sophie stopped and looked up at him. “Kevin?”

  “Yeah, he’s on the porch. I invited him in, but he said he would wait out there.”

  “You’re welcome to come see what he wants,” she said. There’s nothing he needs to say to me that you can’t hear.”

  Josh grinned. “Nah, I’m not worried about him. I know whose you are.” He kissed her cheek, allowing his lips to linger near her ear. “You reminded me of that out on the porch this morning.”

  Her cheeks burned at the memory, and her pulse quickened at the feel of his warm breath near her ear.

  Josh stepped back. “I’ll be out back when you’re done.”

  Sophie opened the front door and stepped outside. “Hey.”

  “We need to talk,” Kevin said, his face red and veins bulging in his neck.

  She held the door open for him. “What’s going on?”

  “This thing with Chloe,” he said as he stepped inside. “I’m not okay with it.”

  “What thing with Chloe?” Sophie sat and motioned for him to do the same.

  “Everything with her. She’s got her marketing degree but working as a waitress. Now she tells me she’s dating a guy who works with her.”

  That was news to Sophie. Last she heard, Chloe still hadn’t told her dad.

  “She’s happy, both at work and with Drake.”

  “Don’t you think she deserves better than that?”

  “Better than what?”

  “Being a waitress, dating a guy who makes sandwiches.”

  “For one, we have her doing some marketing for our new place, so she’s putting her degree to good use. As for Drake, she’s crazy about him. I couldn’t ask for anyone to love our daughter more.”

  Kevin stood and began to pace. “Love only gets you so far. I mean, what goals does he have in life? Will he ever be more than a sandwich guy?”

  Sophie watched him move back and forth. She wasn’t glad to see him upset, but she was glad to see him engaged in Chloe’s life. Since the Christmas explosion at his mother’s, Chloe had kept him at arm’s length.

  “Drake majored in business and now owns his own restaurant. That’s already successful. He’ll probably branch out with another café someday. Whether he does or not, Chloe loves him as he is. Doesn’t that matter to you?”

  Kevin didn’t respond to that.

  “I suspect this is more about what other people will think of him, like you mother.”

  “You know how she is.”

  “Yeah, I do. And I know Chloe has stopped caring about that. She’s not the same girl she was this time last year.”

  “So you’re okay with this guy?”

  “I’m more than okay with him. He’s caring and kind.”

  “How much do you know about him?”

  Sophie hesitated. Obviously, Chloe hadn’t told Kevin much about Drake.

  “He is Josh’s best friend. They lead a Bible study together, and we all go to church together.”

  Kevin shook his head. “That’s just great.” He sat back down. “So what is he, Josh’s age?”

  “A year younger, but surely you’re not going to bring up age?”

  “She just turned twenty-one.”

  “I know. No matter her age, she has her mind set.” She wanted to reassure him. “Look, Drake is here most nights with her. If you could only see how in love they are, how good they are together, you would feel differently.”

  “I’
m not so sure about that.” He sat and looked at her. “Josh’s best friend, huh? You don’t think that’s weird?”

  Sophie chuckled. “Absolutely weird.”

  Kevin propped his arm on his knee and rested his chin in his hand. “I worry.”

  “Don’t. She’s in good hands.”

  Five s’mores and a roasted hot dog later, Sophie sat and watched all the people she cared about most as they laughed and talked. The night was unseasonably warm, so Josh maintained a small fire rather than a typical fall one. Louis, Rodney, and Drake all stood with Josh as they finished off the last of the marshmallows. Justine and Karen were engaged in a deep conversation on the back porch.

  Sophie had a wonderful evening, but had stayed distracted by her encounter with Kevin. Now, watching Chloe sit and stare into the fire, she could see her daughter was just as distracted.

  “Hey Chlo, want to come sit and talk?”

  She hadn’t told Chloe that her dad had dropped by.

  “It was a good night, huh?” Chloe said when she moved to the seat next to Sophie.

  “It was.” Sophie put her arm around Chloe’s shoulder. Josh looked over and gave a little shrug.

  “Want to talk?” Sophie said.

  “I told Dad about Drake.”

  “And?”

  “It didn’t go well.”

  “You know how he is,” Sophie said.

  Chloe looked over at Drake. “Yeah, but Drake doesn’t. He’ll take it personally.” She paused a few seconds. “He wants to talk to Dad and ask him about marrying me.”

  “Really? That’s exciting!”

  “No, not when I see what’s coming.”

  “Your dad will come around in time.”

  “Yeah, maybe, but if he doesn’t give Drake his blessing, Drake won’t ask me.”

  “He said that?”

  “Pretty much.” Tears glistened in Chloe’s eyes. “I swear, if he ruins this for me…”

  “Don’t assume the worst. Give your dad the benefit of the doubt.”

  “You didn’t hear him. He’s mad about me not finding a corporate job. He’s mad that Drake is nearly thirty.” She stopped and shook her head. “Can you believe the nerve of him?”

  “I guess a dad sees things a little differently.” Sophie stopped talking since Drake was with Josh and they were walking toward them.

  The rest of the night, Sophie carried her daughter’s burden, along with the knowledge of how right she was. Kevin wasn’t likely to give his approval to Drake anytime soon.

  Work was hectic the following day. Josh had gone with a crew that morning, and Sophie worked at the office. Avery had been with her, watching how she handled client files. Since the airport location had opened, Avery had been manning the office there while going to school part-time.

  Josh brought lunch back for them, and they sat in the kitchen together and ate. All morning, Sophie had been considering the Chloe-dilemma and how she might help.

  “I need to head downtown after we eat.”

  “Downtown, what for?” Josh said as he reached for the last of her sandwich.

  “I’m going to stop by Kevin’s office and talk to him.”

  He sat back in his seat and chewed his food. Finally, he said, “Are you sure you need to get involved?”

  “If I don’t, Chloe will be hurt.”

  Josh nodded. “She’s not wrong about Drake.”

  “You don’t think he will marry her without Kevin’s approval?”

  “I don’t know about eventually, but I don’t see it anytime soon.”

  Sophie stepped off the elevator and approached the door to the firm where Kevin had recently made partner. Once inside, the girl at reception wasn’t a familiar face, so Sophie said, “I’m here to see Kevin Banks.”

  “Do you have an appointment?”

  “No. This is personal.”

  The girl gave a knowing look. “Just a moment.”

  Kevin met her in reception. “Hey, Sophie, come on back.”

  He led her to a new office, one she was sure would impress his mother. That likely filled his insecurity cup.

  “Nice office,” she said.

  “Thanks, it’s been a long climb to get here.”

  When they sat on the sofa, he said, “I admit I’m surprised to see you here. Glad but surprised.”

  “I’ve been thinking about our conversation yesterday,” she said.

  “Yeah, me too.” Kevin sat back and crossed his legs. “I’m no less worried.”

  “I’m here to do whatever I need to do to reassure you.”

  He didn’t say anything but just sat looking at her with an expression she couldn’t define.

  “What?” she said.

  “Know what I realized last night?” He looked away. “I’ve lost everything.”

  She saw a rare and raw moment of vulnerability in him and wondered if he might actually cry. “Kevin.”

  “I really have. You,” he paused and wiped his eyes. “Now I’ve lost my little girl.”

  “You haven’t lost her.”

  “I have. It’s like I don’t even know her anymore. She’s distant and won’t tell me what’s going on in her life.”

  “She’s afraid you won’t approve of Drake.”

  “I don’t approve.”

  “Then you’ll lose her for sure.”

  He sat without speaking.

  “He wants to ask your permission to marry her.”

  Kevin jumped to his feet. “What? How long have they been dating?”

  “Since April.”

  “That’s not long enough to be thinking about getting married.”

  “They know what they want.”

  “Well they won’t have my blessing.”

  Sophie was quiet for a few seconds.

  “I guess you’re fine with it?” he said. “With him being Josh’s friend.”

  “It’s not about who he is to Josh. It’s about who he is to Chloe.” Sophie moved up in her seat. “He’s a good guy, Kev.”

  Kevin’s eyes grew wide and he smiled. “Kev? You haven’t called me that in more than a decade.”

  “I don’t guess we’ve been friends in that long.”

  “And we are now?”

  “Yeah,” she said. “We are now. We need to be for Chloe’s sake.” Sophie reached for his hand. “I’m warning you as your friend, if you dig your heels in on this, you’ll lose her.”

  His face became pale.

  “Without your blessing, Drake doesn’t want to marry her. That’s the kind of man he is.” Sophie shrugged. “You know your daughter. She’ll wear him down, but you’ll lose her in the process.”

  “Do you think so?” he said.

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “He means that much to her?”

  “He does.” Sophie hesitated. “I’ll tell you something that’s really not your business.” She smiled. “But I think it’ll put your mind at ease.”

  “I need that for sure.”

  “They aren’t even sleeping together. He’s waiting to marry her.”

  “So that’s their hurry.”

  “Yeah, in part. But this is real. I’ve seen it.”

  Kevin rubbed his hand over his chin. “I don’t know.”

  “Here’s what I would do if I were you,” Sophie said. “When he contacts you, tell him you’re open to it, but it’s no for now. Tell him you want to get to know him. As her dad, you have a right to that.”

  “Maybe that’s what bothers me most. I’m hardly a part of her life and don’t even know the guy.”

  “And maybe part is that he’s Josh’s friend?”

  He grinned. “Maybe.”

  “If there’s one thing I know, Kevin, it’s that you love that kid of yours. You’ll get this right. Just don’t shut them down completely.”

  Sophie was in the kitchen at the table when Chloe came in from work. It was a rare night when Drake wasn’t with her. Josh was upstairs preparing the lesson for his men’s group the next night, and Sop
hie was eating the last of a cake from the party the night before.

  Chloe reached in the drawer for a fork. “You’ll never believe who came to get a sandwich this afternoon.”

  “Who?” Sophie suspected.

  “Dad.” Chloe plunged her fork into her mother’s piece of cake. “He said he wanted to get to know Drake since we seem pretty serious.”

  “That’s good to hear.”

  “Drake was so glad to meet him. I think they even kinda hit it off.” She shrugged. “But who wouldn’t with Drake, right?”

  “Right,” Sophie said, her insides glowing at the sight of such excitement in her daughter’s eyes.

  “Know what Dad said?”

  “What?”

  “He told Drake if he could last through Christmas at Grandmother Banks’ house, then he was man enough to date his daughter.”

  Sophie burst out laughing. “He said that?”

  “Yeah. Drake said he was up for the challenge.”

  “Poor Drake.”

  Chloe laughed. “Hey, it’ll take the heat off of me.” Her smile faded. “He loves me that much, to be the target. He said so.”

  “That’s love, Chloe.”

  Tears welled up in her eyes. “I know, Mom.”

  ***

  Josh sat on the floor of the junk room holding his Sophie Said journal. He was done reading through his lesson for his group and since Drake would be taking the lead that next night, Josh didn’t have as much to prepare.

  Ever since his conversation with Chloe that night on the stairs, he had revisited the same page in his old journal. He remembered writing the entry as if it were yesterday.

  All, all, all, that’s what Sophie said about how we’re supposed to love God. All my heart, all my mind, and all my soul. That’s how I love her, not God.

  Josh looked at the entry, acknowledging how much those same feelings applied still. This journey he was on to keep God in first place wasn’t an easy one, and he didn’t feel as if he could share with anyone, especially Sophie. How could he tell his wife he was actively trying to love her less?

  So far, he wasn’t succeeding. If anything, he loved her more every day.

  The conversation he had with her the night after talking to Chloe came to mind often. Since then he had considered what it would be like to have a child, and all he could see was that he would lose part of Sophie if they did.