She pursed her lips and said, “I don’t know. I guess it depends on what it was.”
“Well, I had this good friend. We were friends since kindergarten. By fifth grade, we were best friends. I think I already had a crush on him by then, but I was too young to understand that concept. We did everything together. We worked as partners on school projects. We went to movies on the weekend. We hung out after school.”
Sarah smiled and said, “I bet the two of you were cute together.”
I shrugged. “Maybe so, but that makes it hard when you say that because that’s what everybody says about Alex and me.”
Sarah’s eyes opened wide. She asked, “He moved away?”
I nodded. I started to tell more, and I could feel the anger propelling the words forward. I said, “My fifth-grade best friend moved up to Green Bay. That’s only an hour and a half away, Sarah.”
“I know how far it is. I’m a Packers fan.”
“My parents said it was just a short drive away. They said I could see him on weekends, and his parents said the same thing.”
“But that didn’t happen?” asked Sarah.
“I saw him one more time, and I got one fucking letter! I sent three back, but I didn’t get a reply.”
“Can I tell you how different fifth grade is from now, Liam?”
I pulled away from her and growled, “NO! You can’t-do that. I already told you how stupid and illogical it is, but you can’t steal my bad feelings from me. It sucked, and I don’t want to go through it again.”
“How about a story then?” asked Sarah.
I lowered my elbows to my knees and rested my chin on my hands before I asked, “Do I have a choice?”
She laughed and said, “Not really. Do you remember my cousin Jane?”
“I think I remember a cousin John, but no, not a Jane.”
“Oh, that must be because Jane was the daughter of great aunt Sheila who was the black sheep of a big family.”
“That must be why I never heard of Jane.” It didn’t matter how bad I felt. Sarah’s stories always cheered me up, and I couldn’t stop the corner of my mouth beginning to curl up into a smile.
“Well, Jane, you know, she fell deeply in love with her elementary school sweetheart, Fred. I mean these two were inseparable from age eight forward. The boys and girls separated into camps on the playground, but not Jane and Fred. They bridged the gap. Jane thought they would get married as soon as they both graduated from college if not before.”
I said, “Well, that would make perfect sense.”
“But then the big Alaska Fish Rush took place.”
I stared at Sarah with a doubting gaze. “Fish rush?”
“Indeed,” said Sarah as she tossed her long black hair over her shoulder. “Jobs were plentiful in the canning and freezing fish industry in Alaska, and Fred needed money.
“So did Jane go to Alaska with Fred?”
“No, she went to an Ivy League college, and Fred went to Ketchikan.”
I asked, “And that was the end?”
“No, their love blossomed. They sent letters so hot that the fish wouldn’t freeze if Fred got them too close to his conveyor belt.”
I laughed out loud. I imagined salmon cakes sizzling in the fish canning factory. I asked, “So the distance didn’t matter?”
“Well, eventually, Fred couldn’t handle it, and one day he appeared in the neat and tidy Connecticut town.”
“I bet it took awhile to get there.”
Sarah nodded in agreement. “He went by car, plane, and train until there he was on the corner of the square staring up at a statue of Benjamin Franklin.”
“Where was Jane?”
“She was leaving the coffee shop when she thought she saw a familiar face. Fred looked at Jane. Jane looked at Fred. He gasped, She yelped, and they ran across the square until they fell into each other’s arms.”
“I suppose it all ended happily ever after.”
Sarah smiled. She said, “Why, of course, it did. Well, it did except for one little thing.”
“One little thing? What could be wrong?”
Jane told me, “I could never get that fish smell out of my prettiest dress. To this very day, it smells like I’ve been leaning over the stove frying salmon cakes.”
18
Alex
Jeremy called me again the next day. I was sitting in an overstuffed chair in Liam’s living room after bringing Chester home from the park. Jeremy was brimming with excitement. “They were impressed with your resume, Alex. I think you’ve got this one in the bag. You’re going to be a teacher, just like you planned.”
“Yes, that should work out well. You said the teacher goes on leave in a month?”
“Yep, that’s what I heard. It should give the school enough time to do the interviewing with you, give you time to meet with the teacher and see where she is in the school year, and then get settled back in St. Paul. I can start looking for apartment options for a head start.”
In a flat tone, I said, “You don’t need to start doing that quite yet.”
Jeremy asked, “Is it just me, Alex, or don’t you sound very excited about all of this? It sounds like a perfect opportunity. If what you want for the long term is teaching in a public school, then you can easily move to that after this. It’s a great way to get yourself established in the area.”
“I guess I’m a little attached to Milwaukee now. That’s all.”
“Are you kidding me? I mean it’s probably a good city and all, but the Twin Cities have 3.5 million people compared to less than two there. We’ve got all the cultural stuff to match. You’ve even always liked the snow. I don’t get it, Alex.”
“I like Lake Michigan?” I didn’t mean to say it in a questioning tone. It was supposed to be a direct statement, but I was blatantly reaching for an explanation.
“Lake Michigan is nice, but I don’t buy that as your reason. There’s something else going on, Alex. Spill it. You know that you can tell me anything.”
I drummed my fingers on the side table trying to decide what to say. After a moment of silence, I said, “I like Liam.”
“Liam? The guy you’re staying with? I thought you said you were just hanging out and helping take care of his dog.”
“That’s the way it started, but he’s a great guy, Jer. He’s so incredibly different from Eric. I don’t know. There’s just some sort of spark there.”
Jeremy drew out a long, “Hmm,” and then he said, “I guess I don’t see the big problem. St. Paul isn’t that far away. You can drive back and forth on weekends for awhile and see if it’s something to pursue. After a month or two you should know for sure if he’s the right one.”
“I’ve tried telling him that. He won’t budge on the idea of a long-distance relationship.”
The tone of Jeremy’s voice hardened. He said, “I guess he doesn’t want you that badly, does he?”
“What do you mean?”
“If he wants you, then he would support you in your job search. He would support you in starting your career. You said the last time that we talked he works in a museum. We’ve got museums here.”
“No, wait. You don’t know everything. I haven’t even looked for a job here. I’ve only looked in St. Paul. Now I wonder if that was fair, but I only figured out a little while ago how I felt. I don’t know. Maybe I should just get out of his way. He’s got a great job. He has great friends. This whole thing was only supposed to last three weeks, and it’s already twice that.”
Jeremy said, “You know what, Alex?”
“What?”
“I don’t think that’s what you want to do. I don’t think you want to come back to St. Paul either.”
I reached up and wiped at my right eye before answering. I said, “I think you’re right. I want to stay right here in Milwaukee with Liam.”
“Then why don’t you do that?” asked Jeremy
“Because I don’t know if that’s what he wants. I don’t know if I can
face rejection again so soon after Eric.” I paused and added, “I’m just a fucking basket case right now, Jer.”
“I think you’re falling in love. It makes basket cases out of the best of us.”
I wiped at my eye again. The tears were starting to roll down my cheek. I said, “I didn’t feel this way with Eric. I was calm until I found out. Then I lost it, but I was calm until then.”
“Do I need to repeat myself?” asked Jeremy. “This time you’re falling in love, my friend.”
My breath caught in my throat, and I repeated Jeremy’s words in my head. That time around they calmed me. My breathing slowed, and I could see a goal in the future no matter how punishing the path might be to reach it. I said, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome buddy, and in just those two words you sound better. Did something happen?”
“I think I’ve got a goal.”
I could almost hear the smile in Jeremy’s voice. He said, “I’m gonna miss you like hell up here in the cold, buddy, but I can’t stand in the way of somebody’s heart. I wish you all the best in the world.”
“Jeremy, I have something to tell you.”
He asked, “What’s that?”
“You’re the best of friends. I won’t forget this. I’ll never forget it.”
19
Liam
By the time I arrived home, the entire day had shifted in tone. I was excited. I had a plan. I was throwing caution to the wind, and I resolved to go after what I wanted. I would continue doing great work for the museum at the same time. I finally decided that Alex and I might have a future together if all the cards fell in our direction.
I was surprised to see Alex waiting in the kitchen for me when I returned home from work. He pushed a steaming mug of coffee into my hands and said, “It’s getting chilly out. I thought you might appreciate this.”
A big smile spread across my face as I took the mug from him. “Come over here, and let’s sit at the table. I have something I want to show you.”
Alex grabbed his mug off the counter and followed me to the kitchen table. Something clicked in the back of my mind reminding me of Alex sitting across the table from me at Yesterday’s on the night we met. I took a sip of the coffee and then pulled my cell phone from my pocket. He smirked and said, “I’ve seen your phone before.”
“No, it’s not the phone itself. It’s a photo on the phone. Let me pull it up. It’s in my email. This opportunity is an awesome one, Alex. We’re going on a trip.”
“A trip?” His brow furrowed.
I said, “Oh, hang on. I’m getting a little ahead of myself. I’m just really excited. Let me show you this photo first.” I took my fingers and spread them wide, so the photo expanded to fill up the entire screen of the phone.
“Weathervanes?” asked Alex.
I nodded and said, “That’s what some of them are. Look at all of those. The man who created them is a wood carver. He makes weather vanes and other carvings, too. Some are designed to top buoys marking nets in the water. Some are just for decoration, and some are to hold messages on the front porch. Foremost, all of his work is just exquisite. You can’t fully appreciate it by looking at a photo.”
“Who’s work?
“His name is Dean Fetterson. He was a fisherman by trade, but he retired long ago like most of the other Lake Michigan fishermen. He lives up in Door County.”
Alex leaned back and said, “Oh, I get it now. Mr. Fetterson is one of the artists that you will visit on the trip sponsored by the museum.”
I laughed. “Yes, Mr. Fetterson is. I thought you knew that. Damn, I was so excited that I didn’t say that. Yes, he is going to move to town and a small apartment in retirement. He wants to offer more pieces to the museum.”
“I get it now. Those are pretty cool.”
“And we’re going to Door County to meet him.”
“Where is Door County?” asked Alex.
“You aren’t a Wisconsinite.” I held out my hand with my fingers curled downward, and my thumb was jutting out to the side to approximate a map of the state of Wisconsin. I pointed at the thumb and said, “If my hand is Wisconsin, then my thumb is Door County.”
“Oh, I remember seeing that on the map. It sticks way out into Lake Michigan. Why are we going? I thought you said this was about your work. Why me?”
I sipped my coffee and swallowed. “Remember when we had dinner with the Lintons? They said they wanted you to be involved in picking out how to spend their money for at least one new piece in the museum’s collection. Mr. Fetterson will be donating several pieces to the museum, but I also want to find something to purchase outright. So you need to be there.”
He asked, “Are we taking Chester?”
I shook my head. “No, Sarah volunteered to watch him for two nights. There is some question whether he is larger than the size of dog allowed in her apartment, but she’s convinced that no one will be concerned about just two nights.”
“Leave her the number of a good boarding kennel just in case.”
I smiled and said, “Good point. So you’re okay with joining me on the trip?”
Alex blinked. “There’s no way that I would miss it.”
“I think you’re going to love it. I talked to Mr. Fetterson on the phone. He’s this old, grizzled character. He was raised to be a fisherman, but the commercial fishing has died out on Lake Michigan. He told me that we could stay in his little boathouse down by the edge of the shore.”
“Right on Lake Michigan?”
I beamed. “Yeah, exactly. Mr. Fetterson said it could be a little scary in bad weather, but the forecast is a positive one. He said we’d just hear those old waves lapping up against the rocks.” I tried to imitate his voice, but I didn’t do it well. “He said there’s a nice queen-sized bed, a fold-out couch, a fireplace, and small kitchenette. We’re going to stay there two nights.”
“I’m excited. Wow.”
“Then get your suitcase packed up. Tonight is Thursday night, and we drive up there Saturday morning. We’ll come back Monday morning, and I have a meeting at the museum Monday afternoon.”
Alex asked, “Why so soon? Not that I mind.”
“Mr. Fetterson said the weather would be getting rough soon. He’s on the side of the Door County peninsula that faces out into the lake. He said that the weather gets cold and blustery before the first snow flies. The water is much calmer on the opposite Green Bay side of the peninsula.”
“It feels like we’re going to be old-fashioned adventurers,” said Alex.
I said, “In a way we are. We’ve got so much to explore.”
20
Alex
The trip with Liam to Door County came out of the blue, but I was getting used to being unable to predict much of anything. I wasn’t ready to bring it up yet before we left, but I knew the trip would be a perfect opportunity to talk to Liam about the possibility of staying in Milwaukee. I wasn’t going to push continuing to live in his house, but I could shift my job search to local opportunities and then find an apartment that could negate his long-distance relationship concerns.
I packed up everything that I needed for the trip in one of my suitcases. When I sorted through the clothes to take along, it was hard to believe how many shirts that once belonged to Liam made their way into my closet. After we had our marathon session of me trying on outfits, he sorted through his old clothes and asked what I wanted to keep for myself. Knowing they were worn originally by Liam, it was hard to turn anything down.
I was the first out of bed on Saturday morning. I was so excited about the trip that I could barely sleep. As the sun peeked up over the trees in the backyard, I watched Chester make his usual rounds sniffing at the fading plants around the perimeter and watering the trees. I squatted down and called him over to me. Chester licked my face. I asked, “Would you like me to stick around? Would like me to stay here in Milwaukee and try dating Liam?”
Chester licked my face again. I smiled, and then heard Liam’s
voice ask, “Are you packed up yet? We might as well get on the road if you’re ready. Sarah should be up.”
I shivered. I didn’t know if Liam heard the questions I asked Chester. If he did, he wasn’t showing his hand. He treated me like nothing was up. “So we’re eating breakfast on the road?” I asked.
“I know a perfect little diner on the way. I like getting on the road early and that way we don’t have to rush on the trip north. I was thinking about stopping at the beaches along the way. Make sure you’ve got a warm jacket along.”
After a quick cup of coffee, we threw two suitcases into the trunk of Liam’s car and bundled Chester into the back seat with his water and food dishes, a bag of food, and toys. I said, “It’s like packing up supplies for a baby.”
“It is a lot like doing that,” said Liam.
Sarah was awake. She tried to get out of bed at 6:30 a.m. every morning during the week and on the weekend. She insisted it was the healthy way to exist. Sarah met us in the lobby of her building and said, “Almost everyone is still asleep around here. I can smuggle Chester upstairs without having to field questions along the way.”
“When we come back, should we stop in at midnight to smuggle him back out again?” asked Liam.
Sarah smirked, “It will be too late then. If anyone complains, I’ll just say that I’m sorry, but he’s leaving, and no harm was done.”
As he pulled the car onto the highway north, Liam asked, “Did your family travel on road trips when you were a kid?”
“We went up to the Northwoods in Minnesota every summer. My grandparents had a cabin, and we always spent two weeks there in late July.”
Liam asked, “What did you do out in the middle of nowhere? Was the cabin part of a big resort?”
I said, “I think there were maybe five cabins on the lake. A family with a couple of kids lived on the opposite shore, but I hung out with my brother exploring, reading a lot of books, and sometimes going fishing.”
The Pretend Husband: Romance In the City, Book 1 Page 10
