by Ann, Becca
“Yes.” She falls back on the pillows. “I want him because I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”
Even as she says it, I know she’s lying. Still, it sucks to have her say those things about someone who’s not worthy. I fall back on the pillows next to her. “Well, if that were the reason you want him, you don’t need to prove anything, because you… well, you have me.” I turn my head to look her in the eyes. “I’m not going anywhere.”
She smiles. Her “happiest” smile. And things start sparking through my skin. “You mean, I’m stuck with you?”
I laugh at the ceiling, and reach over to the lamp.
“Yes. And Lex?”
“Yeah?”
“A warning about my sleeping habits…” I give her a seductive grin. “I like to cuddle.”
She narrows her eyes. “Just remember what I said about that morning wood.”
“How can I help it when I’m asleep? And if we’re spooning—”
“Ew!” She whips me with a pillow, and then shoves it between our bodies. I go to grab it but she grasps my hand. “Don’t even think about it.”
“Fine, you win, but only because I don’t want any more bruised body parts.”
I tap the light off and wait for her to let go of my hand, but she twines her fingers through mine, keeping our hands interlocked on the pillow separating our bodies. I fall asleep, running my thumb over the ring on her pinky.
Chapter 9
Lexie
Yellows, blues and reds flash around us, a kaleidoscope of colors all for me. The carnival arrived for my birthday because I’m a special girl.
I’m sitting by the teacups like Daddy tells me to do. “Honey, stay right there and don’t move.” Daddy goes to find a clown to sing me happy birthday and help blow out the eight candles that’ll be on my cake. Seven for my age and one for good luck.
And because I’m a good girl I stay still. I don’t even get up when the balloon man passes by with free balloons. That’s okay he doesn't have purple. Daddy will get me a purple balloon after he gets the clown to sing to me.
It’s getting dark. I don’t like the dark. The dark is almost as scary as spiders. But Daddy will be here. I just have to wait a little longer.
The rides stop moving, the lights turn off. Oh no! I can’t see anything! It’s dark. I don’t like the dark! Where’s Daddy?
I curl up into a ball and rock myself back and forth.
“Daddy?”
The dark is closing in on me. No more balloon man. No more kids my age. No one at all. I’m alone.
“Daddy?”
Just keep rocking. Daddy will come. He wouldn’t leave me. I’m a special girl. His special girl.
I open my eyes, the dark remains, but through the darkness a clown appears, holding a purple balloon. My favorite color. I knew he’d come. Daddy brought him. He holds the balloon to me, and I reach out.
His nails turn into claws, and he grabs my wrist. Jerks me off the bench where Daddy told me not to leave. Yellow teeth sneer down at me, eyes darker than the night sky. I go to scream, but my throat closes up.
The evil clown pulls me close, breath hot on my cheek and finally I find my voice.
“Daddy!” I kick and scream. Punch and cry. “Daddy!”
The clown pushes my shoulder, shaking me back and forth. I throw a punch and miss. The shaking gets harder, and I put all my energy into one last kick when I’m jolted up.
Sweat pours down my temples. Hot, cold fear runs though my veins. I search my surroundings trying to find the light.
“Lex! It’s not real. I’m here. It’s okay.” I swallow the scream and wipe the tears from my cheeks.
I look up into familiar eyes. No dark holes of death or yellow grimy teeth. Just the most perfect brown eyes filled to the rim with concern.
“You’re okay. It was just a nightmare,” Ryan says, pinching the bridge of his nose before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close to his warm, strong chest.
“I’m sorry.” I grab onto his T-shirt and bury my head farther into his warmth.
“What are you apologizing for?”
“I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“If anyone’s sorry it’s me.”
I glance up at the boy who has done everything for me. More than any person should. He has nothing to be sorry for.
“I didn’t know about the nightmares. If I did.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I’d never leave you alone at night.”
“They’re just silly nightmares,” I say, trying to hide the fear. “Stupid really.”
“Stupid or not, I won’t leave you.” Ryan’s arms tighten around me, and I nuzzle his neck.
His warmth makes me feel safe so I close my eyes.
No matter how hard life gets and no matter how many times my mother reminds me that no boy will ever love me, Ryan will be here. Because he’s my best friend, and that’s what best friends do. They remind you that you are loved.
“For now,” I say right before sleep consumes me.
***
Light shines through the parted curtains, casting shadows across my eyelids. I don’t care the slopes are outside my window waiting for me. I’m on vacation damn it! And this is the first time in a very long time I slept through the night without reoccurring nightmares.
After the first one when Ryan wrapped his arms around me, I drifted into sleep. I knew he’d be there when the nightmares came, and knowing that kept them away.
I snuggle into my pillow, but when I try to pull it closer, it doesn’t budge. I tighten my arm and tug.
Ugh stupid pillow made of bricks. I pop an eye open, light blinds me, but when the initial shock wears off, I realize I’m not hugging my pillow.
“Morning, Sunshine.”
I release my grip from Ryan’s stomach and slide back to my side of the bed. He pulled me close last night, taking me in his arms, but that was it. I’m the one who burrowed into him like a chipmunk hiding from a hungry hawk.
“Morning,” I say away from him, not willing to chance a case of morning breath.
“How’d you sleep?” His eyebrows arch.
“Like I was in paradise.”
“I have no problems with you calling my body paradise. Do me a favor and spread the word. Chicks love that shit.”
My fingers flex around my abandoned pillow, and in one swift move I clock Ryan in the face. “Ass.”
He cocks his head to look at me. “If I wasn’t so comfortable, I’d retaliate.”
“Too bad for you.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
The fear of morning breath behind me, I jump up, pillow in hand and straddle Ryan’s stomach, smacking him repeatedly with the pillow.
He tosses and turns, then busts out the tickle fingers. I scream, as he overpowers me and flips me off of him and onto the bed. His chest hovers over me, arms against my wrists. I kick once, twice, but it’s no use. He’s using his weight to hold down every inch of me.
I’m not ready to admit defeat, so I shake the only thing that I still have control over, my head. Ryan’s amused laugh stops me. A knowing smile settles on his face, and I glance up to his eyes ready to accept my defeat when my words are lost.
I never noticed the specks of copper and how they reflect light, making it seem as if his eyes go on forever. Normally I would make fun of his bed head, but I can’t pull my eyes away from his.
He’s inches from my face, breath hot and minty against my cheek. When did he brush his teeth?
“Lex—”
The door flings open and Kaylee bounces in, braided blond pigtails move in sync. Hands are defiantly on her hips.“Did you forget to tell me something?” She motions to us.
With a laugh Ryan releases his grip, rolls over and gets off the bed.
“Morning, Kaylee. Nate.” Ryan nods to our fedora wearing friend waiting in the doorway. I don’t know if Nate’s embarrassed by Kaylee’s ambush or sorry for interrupting. Not that they were interrupting anything. Rya
n and I were joking around like we always do.
“Out!” Kaylee grabs a pair of Ryan’s jeans, a flannel shirt and his jacket, tosses them into his arms and points to the door. “Go shower in our room.”
“You’re kicking me out of my own room?” he asks, and his lip curls, but I can’t figure out if it’s amusement or confusion.
“Yes! Now go.” For a little thing she is one scary girl. Don’t mess with the perky when she thinks information has been withheld from her.
Ryan turns to Nate, but Nate just puts his head down. He would never defy Kaylee. If he did, she would padlock her zipper.
“Unbelievable.” Ryan grabs his boots, and slips them on while he walks. Kaylee now holds the door, finger pointing to the exit.
She kisses Nate, and just as Ryan walks across the threshold, he stops. “Wait the door was locked. How’d—” Kaylee slams the door and storms to the bed. I pull the covers over my head. It is way too early for perky girl talk.
“Don’t you hide from me!” She rips the covers from my hands, made up eyes narrowed.
She’s a morning person too. The worst combination, especially when I don’t want to leave my down comforter paradise. But it’s the only way to avoid the inevitable.
“I’m going to shower.” I climb out from the sheets and head straight to my suitcase. Avoiding eye contact is best, but Kaylee is smart. She follows me, jumps in front of my suitcase, and waits, foot tapping.
I look down at my nail polish, silver- rainbow glitter, ironically named Save Me. If only I could hold them up, and a smoke signal would be sent up for reinforcements.
Bright green eyes glare electric shocks into my skin, jolting my words. “It’s nothing.”
Her eyes shift. She doesn’t believe me. “I don’t believe you.”
Yup. I twirl my hair around my finger, wishing I could teleport out of here, but I could wish all I want, it’s not happening.
“Kaylee, he’s my best friend. Nothing more. I mean come on. It’s Ryan. I’ve heard him fart. Seen him puke.” I’ve seen him cry too, but that’s too personal.
Her eyes search my face, looking for a weakness—a feature that will give away my lie. Too bad for her, I’m not lying.
“Fine. I believe you. But you have to promise me, if the more than friend thing ever enters your mind, you tell me.” She holds out her pinky, and I laugh. Whether we’re ten, seventeen or ninety-three, the pinky swear will always be our go-to.
A binding contract.
My pinky interlocks with hers. I have nothing to hide. So why do I have an unsettling feeling in my stomach?
She kisses her hand. I don’t want her to see hesitation, so I kiss mine. The contract is sealed. No going back.
“Can I shower now?”
“Sure and hurry up before we miss breakfast.” She hops over to the bed and plops on top.
Just hearing the word makes my stomach growl. I hope they have bacon. If they do, I’m totally having Ryan load up his plate for me. As long as it doesn’t touch his food—weird vegetarian philosophy—he’ll do it, and I won’t look like a lardass.
I grab my jeans, the ones that make my butt look great, my warm double insulated socks, and a green thermal.
A hot shower sounds perfect. I go to walk into the bathroom and stop. Ryan’s last words circling my mind.
“Kaylee?”
“Yeah, Bestie?”
“How’d you get in here?”
She bats her eyelashes. “I stole the spare key from the lobby.”
Looks can be deceiving—sweet and innocent my ass. “Nice. Can you knock next time?”
“Why? Afraid I might walk in on something?”
“No!” The words come out faster than an avalanche. If the roles were reversed, I’d assume she was guilty. I’m not, but the look in her eyes makes me think otherwise. “But what if Ryan was naked?” Oh no! I’m digging myself into a hole. “I mean if I wasn’t in here. He came back to shower, and you thought I was here. You know?”
Stop talking, Lexie.
I focus on my Save Me nail polish.
“Or if you were in here with Sean.” Kaylee finally says after what feels like a century.
“Yes! Right! Sean.”
“Okay, I’ll knock next time.”
“Good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to make myself irresistible.”
Sean should be at breakfast and after last night, I’m ahead of the game. I just need to stay there.
Chapter 10
Ryan
“Did everyone find their itineraries?”
Mr. Miller holds up his laminated copy and points to it like we’re a bunch of first graders. A mumbled groan comes from all the seniors.
“Excellent!”
He must be programmed to hear the opposite emotion of students.
“All right, Group A will have the slopes from ten to one, and Group B from two to five. The rec room is available to Group B while Group A is on the hills, and vise versa.” He points to Misty’s parents, who are making kissy faces at each other in the corner, and Josh’s parents, who are standing with pool cues. “Your chaperones will be keeping an eye on you. And there are plenty of employees and ski instructors on the slopes. Please be safe. I don’t want anyone coming back with a broken anything.”
Another mumbled groan as I see Kaylee and Lex walk into the lobby. Kaylee’s not shooting me any gossip eyes, which means Lex told her what they walked in on was nothing. My shoulders slump a bit, and my chest tightens.
“Stay with a buddy and have fun! Meet you all for lunch at one.”
And just like that, the crowd splits. Group B bolts to the rec room to grab the best tables, some grab their boyfriend’s hands and make their way back to the cabins, and Lex, Kaylee, Nate, and I zip up our coats and head for the slopes. Sean right ahead of us.
Great.
The bus takes us up there, since it’s too far on foot. Kaylee and Lex take the seat right behind Sean and Luke. I guess Ski Resort Barbie is in Group B. Or she didn’t want to ski. Either way, I can’t figure out if I’m happy or disappointed she isn’t here. And my chest keeps tightening the farther we get up the mountain.
Nate and I don’t talk on the way up. He starts pulling out handkerchiefs from his sleeve and making them disappear and reappear. I pound on my chest to try to get rid of whatever is making me so edgy.
The bus comes to a stop, and we all wait for our chaperones to say something, but they’re making googly eyes at each other in the back. Misty buries her face, and she’s the first one off the bus and on the ski lift.
“I wanna do King’s Ridge.”
Lex points to the ski lift to the right as she hops out next to me, the one that heads up, up, up, and looks like it’ll never go back down.
“Hell, no.”
“Come on, Ry.” She sticks her bottom lip out. “I heard Sean say that’s where he’ll be.”
“Then you go by yourself. I decided I don’t want to be witness to the pheromone swapping.” I shift in my skis, ready to jump on the lift that goes to Ice Cove. I know that it sounds like it’s for babies, but that’s because it is. I’ve skied twice in my life, and I’m man enough to admit it’s not something I… uh, excel at. “And I’ll probably run into a tree, get knocked out, and stuck in the snow, and you’ll be too busy flirting to save me from hypothermia.”
“But I need someone who’s been skiing at least once to help me.” She tugs my arm. “Puh-lease?”
“You’re gonna hurt yourself. And if you’re looking for someone who’s experienced, it’s not me.” I chuckle and motion toward the tamer slope. “Come on. This one is more our speed.”
Her lip goes out again, and I’m tempted to grab and pinch it between my fingers, but I stop my hand. I can’t touch her as much as I’m used to. I was this close to kissing her this morning. Like, split second away from mashing my lips against hers and freaking her out. And Kaylee and Nate walked in and saved me from my own stupidity.
If I keep touching her, I d
on’t know if I’ll save myself next time. I knew sharing a bed was a bad idea.
Though, if she keeps having those freaky dreams, I’m not leaving her alone. Does she expect me to leave her just like every other douche in her life? Because that’s not going to happen.
And there goes my chest again.
“Hey, Bestie, I’ll go with you to King’s Ridge,” Kaylee says as she adjusts her goggles. “We can watch Nate and Ryan fall on their butts any time.” She grabs her skis and pulls Lex to the death slope.
“Babe, you be careful!” Nate calls after them. He turns to me. “We really going to Ice Cove?”
I shake my head, watching Lex and Kaylee hop on the ski lift. “You really think I’m going to let her go on that hill when she’s never skied?”
He shrugs, but hops on the ski lift with me, right behind the girls. Nate doesn’t have anything to worry about. He’s been skiing as long as he’s been putting on magic shows.
“Okay, I’m going to say it…” Nate scoots as far away from me as he can. “What’s up your ass?”
I raise an eyebrow. “Huh?”
“You’ve been grumpy all morning.”
I shrug. “It’s nothing.”
“Dude, just say it so I don’t have to be around your pissy butt all day.” He shrinks farther to his side, like I’ll punch his nose in if he says the wrong thing. “Did we walk in on something this morning?”
“Nah, you didn’t walk in on anything.” I laugh and shake my head, pointing at the girls in front of us. “I just don’t like her going after that dick.”
His shoulders relax as he lets out a breath. “Ah, this is about Sean. I hear you on that one. I’ll never understand girls.”
“I’m pretty sure no one will understand girls… even girls themselves.”
We laugh, and I’m finally starting to feel the tightening in my chest loosen.
“You know, if you just tell her how you feel about him, she’ll listen.”
Yeah, right. “When has Lex ever listened to me?”
He grins and pulls his goggles down. “Due to your history, and how long you’ve known each other, the probability of her doing what you say, even if it’s only on a subconscious level, is over seventy-eight percent.” The lift bar rises, and he hops out, me stumbling after him. “And the fact that she secretly wants you, man, the percentage goes up to ninety-two.”
