by Ann, Becca
Then she slams the door.
I think I like this protective stuff.
Chapter 13
Lexie
Even closed, his eyes are the sexiest I’ve ever seen. He just looks so peaceful and…and…hot. Seriously, drool worthy hot. Chiseled features that could give any male model a run for their money and gorgeous hair, that when I run my fingers through I can’t help but think, he’s been using my conditioner.
All these years he’s always just been Ryan, my best friend, and now he’s Ryan my gorgeous best friend. His chest rises and falls, and I rest my head just above his heart. I take comfort in the sound because as long as his heart beats I’ll never be alone.
Wait! What am I talking about? Ryan gorgeous? Am I crazy? He’s my best friend! I can’t look at him that way. No. No. Absolutely not. Screw the heart beat crap. If I cross that line, it will only be a matter of time before he leaves.
They always leave.
I can’t lose him. I won’t. And right now cuddling against his chest like he's a big fluffy dog is the worst possible thing to do. I mean what in the world was I thinking? I almost kissed him!
My lips were inches from his. Inches! I could’ve ruined everything. Ten years of friendship thrown down the drain just because of those damn lips. But God, they are nice…
NO!
I need to get out of here. I need to get away from him. Being here, being like this is messing with my head. Maybe it’s the altitude. We are high up in the mountains. All this fresh air and snow is poison to my mind.
I remove my head from Ryan’s chest and slide across the bed, making sure not to make any sudden moves. I let my foot fall over the edge and brace my leg on the side of the bed then pull the rest of my body closer.
Almost there. Just a little farther. Ryan blows out a gusty sigh like whatever he’s dreaming about just lifted a huge weight off of his shoulders. It’s so tempting to curl back up into his chest. The past few days have been the best sleep I’ve had since before Dad left.
No boy will ever love you.
She’s not even here but her words still haunt me.
As I look at Ryan, I can’t help but think of my father. He loved me. Despite what Mom says, I know he did. But not even that was enough to keep him around.
Maybe I’m defective. Good for only so long and then just become an inconvenience who takes up space.
I’d rather not find out. Ryan turns, and I let the other foot fall to the ground. I sit up and look back at him one more time. I’ll never forget these last few days, but those memories need to be put away. Pushed to the back of my mind right next to the memory of his scar, and stamped confidential.
Sandy’s right. I’m trash, and Ryan deserves better than that. He might not think I am, but in time he’ll realize. You can’t hide from who you are. Like my mother’s words, it haunts me, slipping in and out of my thoughts.
If we were home, I’d probably wake up in Ryan’s grandparent’s guestroom, sneak out before anyone noticed I was awake. Go home, climb back through my window, check on Mom and then shower.
But we’re not home. I have nowhere to run. I’m stuck.
Stuck with Mr. Sexy Eyes and his beating heart. Couldn’t wait to get to paradise now could I? Who knew it was there all along, hiding behind jeans and a button-down.
I’ll shower, throw clothes on, and run over to Kaylee and Nate’s room. Kaylee would kick Nate out buck naked if I gave her the I-need-girl-talk look. But then she’ll want girl talk. I don’t want to talk. Talking will make me think, and thinking’s bad. Evil!
I step away from the bed, my body goes forward, but my foot stays in place. My other leg falls out from under me, and I hit the floor with a thud. Holy ouchiness! Pain pricks at my knee as it skids on the beige carpet.
The pain is the least of my worries. I lie still, hoping and praying my thud didn’t jolt Ryan awake. After what feels like the longest few minutes of my life, I hear another sigh, and I’m in the clear.
Sheesh I pick up skiing on my first try, don’t fall once, but I can’t manage to get out of bed without a tumble. If Ryan was awake he’d be loving every second of this. Lucky for the both of us he’s not.
I tiptoe to the bathroom and ease the door shut. When the door clicks into place, I breathe again.
If there was a world record for fastest shower taker, I’d totally take the honor.
Cinnamony fresh? Check.
Hair towel dried and secured with a band? Check.
Lip gloss? Check.
Clothes…Uh?—Oh God no.
My clothes are in my suitcase. On Ryan’s side of the bed. Why wouldn’t they be?
I’m beginning to realize all those people talking about complimentary robes in hotels are full of it. All that’s in this bathroom is a towel just long enough to cover all the girly parts. I walked out of this same bathroom the other morning with Ryan right there on the bed, awake.
But then he was just Ryan. Not gorgeous Ryan. Well it’s either go out there, or be stranded in the bathroom for the next few hours. It’s tempting.
I wrap the towel tightly and secure it in place. I dance around, wiggle a little then jump up and down a few times to make sure it’s not going anywhere. I’m good.
Just as smoothly as the other day, I open the door. This time instead of tiptoeing, I bolt across the room, skidding across the carpet in front of my bag. Ouch! I forgot about my earlier tumble. I’m so going to have ugly rug burn on my knee.
Ryan turns again. His head hangs right at the edge of the bed, lips pushed up by the mattress as if they’re just waiting for me to…I need to get out of here.
The zipper is finicky, of course, and after a few pulls finally gives way, but not without a loud rip. Every muscle in my body tenses, my arm frozen in place.
Please, please don’t wake up. Please.
“Hmm.”
My heart races as he brings his arm up to his face, rubs his nose before it falls back down on the side of the bed.
Oh thank God! I turn back to the bag. I just need to get the zipper passed the stupid Velcro on the handles. Of course it’s secured so tight I can barely get my hands under them to pull the zipper straight across.
Screw it. If he didn’t wake up from that loud rip, he won’t wake up if I very slowly and quietly pull the Velcro apart.
My hands shake as I reach for it. I stop take a breath. Ryan sighs and a smile forms on his face. Must be a good dream.
I gently tug at the handle. Or at least I thought it was gentle. A crackling rip echoes through the room.
Oh no.
His feet swing off the bed, and he sits up, legs dangling right next to my frozen frame. Hands fling to his ears and his nose crinkles in that cute way it does. Stupid Velcro. The one noise Ryan hates most in the world. Ugh! Why didn’t I drag the bag into the bathroom?
“Sorry,” I mutter. It’s too late. He’s up.
“Lex?” he scratches his head—oh man, not the sexy bed head—and pops open one sleepy, sexy eye. “What are you doing?”
A hard, dry lump in my throat makes it impossible to talk. Or it could very well be his bed head. I glance up into his dark eye. He rubs them then the other pops open. He reaches up and runs his fingers through his hair.
Yup it’s the bed head.
“Lex?” he asks again, and I try so hard to push words out, but now my brain isn’t cooperating. “Are you okay?” Sleepy eyes turn to concerned eyes, and he jumps off the bed, arm reaching out to me.
“I’m fine!” I yell and back up, losing my balance and falling into the wall. Ow. I straighten, adjusting my towel so I don’t pop a boob.
“Holy shit, Lex. What are you doing?” He reaches his arm out to me and my body flings itself back again, smacking my head into the wall. Double ow.
“I’m good. Great actually. I was just getting clothes. Early day today. Kaylee and I are going to see if we can sneak into the spa and get a massage. It should be fun. Maybe I can get a manicure too. My nails could use it
. You know? Of course you do. I mean not that you notice those things about me because why would you? It’s not like you should. You wouldn’t. I…I gotta go.”
I jump away from the wall and away from Mr. Bed Head and bolt for the door. If Kaylee wants girl talk, I will give her girl talk. Even if I have to do it in a room that is harboring a blood sucking vampire spider!
The door slams, and I stand wrapped in a towel, surrounded by snow.
Oops!
“Kaylee!” I yell as quietly as I can as I pound on her and Nate’s door. The last thing I need is someone looking out their window to see trashy Lexie standing in all her toweled glory at the ass crack of dawn. If that doesn’t say walk of shame, I don’t know what does.
The door creaks open, Kaylee’s green eyes bigger than usual greet me. Strands of blond poke out of her pigtails, and the front pieces have completely pulled away from the rest, teetering on top of her head. With not a single word uttered, she grabs my arm and yanks me in.
Nate is sprawled out in the bed. I hope he’s wearing clothes under that comforter. Kaylee grabs a pair of jeans and a shirt, stomps over to her boyfriend, grabs his arm and pulls him until he’s sitting up.
“Huh?” He looks around eyes still partially closed as she shoves clothes into his arms and kisses his cheek.
“Out. Girl talk.
“Seriously?” Nate rubs his eyes, and when he stands, I let out a sigh of relief to see he’s wearing pajama pants.
“You girls are nuts,” he mumbles as he slips into his Converses and walks out.
“Spill!”
“Can I have some clothes?” I look down at my towel and my bright red feet. Kaylee’s eyes follow mine. She jumps up, pulls the comforter off the bed wraps it around me and then pushes me onto it.
As soon as my butt hits the mattress, I spring back up. “Oh hell no. I know what you two have been doing in here.”
“Well considering you’re wrapped in our comforter, I’d say you’d already lost that argument. Now sit, spill and I’ll get you something to put on.”
Where do I even begin? I’m falling for my best friend. I can’t say it out loud. Once I do it’s real. It can’t be real. If it’s real, I’ll risk losing him just like I lost my dad.
My eyes scan the room and settle on Nate’s fedora. “Do you think I’ll ever find the rabbit to my hat?”
Kaylee walks over, grey sweater and black leggings in hand. The mattress sinks down as she sits next to me and takes my hand in hers.
“What makes you think you haven’t already?”
Does she know? Can she see it on my face? Only Ryan can read my thoughts.
“Like who?”
“Sean, of course.”
Oh yeah him.
“Turns out him and Sandy weren’t even dating, more like friends with benefits. Of course the greedy B wanted more, but Sean didn’t. Because”—Kaylee bounces up and down—“word around the cabins is he’s totally going to ask you out.”
Three days ago this would have made me jump for the ceiling, fist thrown up in the pump position. Now I just want to run back across the snow until I’m snuggled up against Ryan. I can’t, and maybe the more time I stay away from Ryan and the more time I spend with Sean, I’ll be able to go back to the way things were.
“Do you have something sexier than leggings?” I ask and Kaylee’s face lights up like the tree at Rockefeller Center. Her eyebrow raises, and she gives me her oh-yeah nod. Here goes nothing.
Skinny jeans and heeled boots aren’t exactly the ideal outfit to wear around a ski resort, but the heels not only give me a few more inches, but they give my butt a nice perky boost, and the jeans only accentuate that.
Sean might not be the perfect match to my hat, but rabbits come in all shapes, sizes and colors, and after all, a rabbit is a rabbit.
Kaylee and I step into the dining room. The breakfast buffet is setup along the back wall. Amongst the wooden tables and benches Sean sits, arms rested on the table, surrounded by all his friends. No Sandy in sight.
He throws his hand up when his blue eyes spot me. “Hey, Lexie I saved you a seat,” he calls and gives Kevin Little a shove to the shoulder.
“Go do your thang, Bestie.” Kaylee winks at me, smacks my butt and shoves me toward Sean’s table. I catch myself before I have a repeat from this morning. This morning when I fell out of mine and Ryan’s king-sized bed.
I smile at Sean and give a little wave, but my eyes follow Kaylee. She walks over to Nate jumps up, wraps her legs around his waist and nuzzles her head into the crook of his neck.
And there in his classic button up is my rabbit. Ryan’s eyes are clear of sleepiness, his lips no longer pushed out at me and the bed head is tamed.
It wasn’t the bed head.
It was him.
Everything about him.
What if being with him doesn’t mean losing him? I don’t have to run away to find my happy ending because I found it when I was ten. The minute we confided in each other was the minute he became the only person I ever trusted. The only person who knew every single thing about me.
I take a deep breath and reach for my ring to give me strength.
My ring!
It’s gone.
Chapter 14
Ryan
“Ugh.”
“Hey, if it bugs you, don’t look.” Kaylee hops off Nate, but keeps a hand tight in his back pocket. Usually it is their PDA that makes me groan, but right now, it’s Sean waving Lex over to sit next to him.
“I don’t think I want to deal with this right now.”
Nate nods, ‘cause he gets it, but Kaylee’s eyebrows crinkle. I shake my head, rubbing a hand across the back of my neck, grab a muffin and my coat, and get the hell out of there.
I’m messed up. There’s no other way to describe it. I’m a moron who’s in love with his best friend and can’t tell her about it. For some reason I thought things were going into “more than” territory. Everything she was saying last night, the way she was saying it, the way she touched me. Even this morning when she was so nervous and was babbling a storm about her damn nails, I thought it was about me.
How cocky is that?
It was all about Sean. Because Operation Dickhead worked. And it worked so fast, I didn’t have the chance to tell her how I feel about it. How I really feel about it.
I jam my hands into my coat pockets, forgetting I was holding a muffin, and it smashes between my fingers. Yeah, I don’t care.
The snow crunches underneath my feet, echoing across the empty resort. It’ll always be the same between us. That’s what I needed to happen though, right? I didn’t want to screw up our friendship which is why I’ve kept my mouth shut. Now we can go back to normal.
Even though I don’t want normal.
I want different.
More.
I stop dead in the snow. This is why I’m such an idiot. I should just tell her. Everything. How for the past year I’ve wanted to take this a step forward. To tell her I love her. And she’s worth loving. She should know that.
The snow is still crunching in my ears, even though I haven’t moved a muscle. Things are panging in my chest, and I’m starting to sweat even though it’s freezing. How do you tell your best friend you love them?
The crunching gets louder. And faster. I crank my head over my shoulder to look behind me.
Lex.
She followed me out in the cold this time. I give her a half smile for a split second, then I see it. Her face is so torn apart, worry lines going across her forehead and when we lock eyes, she picks up her speed walk to a full out run, slamming into me.
What did that pansy do now?
“What happened?”
She ran out without a coat again. Crazy girl. I push her off for a second to unzip mine, then let her tuck inside.
I’d say it now. Right here in the snow sharing the same coat together, but I don’t know what happened yet. What I’m feeling doesn’t matter anyway. Not when she’s feeling th
is way.
“Come on, Lex.” I kiss the top of her forehead as her breathing warms up my chest. “Do I need to beat the pulp out of someone?”
She shakes her head and squeezes me tight. “It’s… it’s gone.”
Huh?
“What’s gone?”
She pulls back, her eyes starting to water. It’s amazing how much she’s cried on this trip, but on the opposite side of things, I haven’t seen her as happy as she’s been either. Maybe she is having a hormonal week.
“My ring. I-I can’t find it.”
My eyes shoot to her hand. She twists her fingers around an empty pinky.
“When did you last remember having it on?” I should know, since I notice every time she twists the thing, but I don’t remember her doing it once since she told me about her nightmares.
“Monday night.” She shrugs. “I-I guess I didn’t need to look at it between then and… now.”
Her eyes flick to mine and stay there. She stops twisting the imaginary ring, dropping her hands to her sides. Instead of crying, like I expect her to, her eyes light up. Her mouth twitches in the corners, and I hear a loud gulp from her throat. It’s an expression I’ve only seen a few times with her. Usually it’s so easy with us. The words just come out. But sometimes, like now, she struggles to say what’s on her mind.
Because I’m a bit of a fool, I wipe a fake snowflake from her cheek. I just need to touch her, maybe make her feel more, too.
“Ry, I—”
“There you are.” Of course, the douchebag has to interrupt. “You forgot your coat.” Sean holds out Lex’s jacket, which is actually Kaylee’s, and if he took a second to know Lexie for real instead of just checking out her ass, he’d know it wasn’t hers.
“Thanks.” She takes it, going pink in the cheeks and not looking at me anymore.
He gives me a look that says, “Dude, get out of here,” but I stay put. This isn’t some bend over and take it situation anymore. Lex came after me because she needs me. So he can leave.
She stands awkwardly between us, still keeping her eyes from mine.
“So, Lexie,” he says, rubbing a finger over her hand. Heat jabs through my neck, and my hands turn to fists. “Our group has the rec room in a couple hours. Feel like playing air hockey? You said that was your favorite, right?”
