by T. S. Joyce
The rattling growl was back in his throat as he rolled his hips, almost as if he were still on the verge of release even without her touching him. “Roll over.”
Okay, fuck yes, this was happening. She didn’t like to be told what to do as a general rule, but when Drew, who was clearly as much animal as man right now, ordered her to do something in that sexy, growly voice of his? Well, she was just fine with minding him like this.
She flipped over faster than a pancake. He shoved a pillow under her hips and another under her breasts, and then told her, “Look up in that mirror right there, Riley. Watch me take you.”
Her inner goddess was bouncing and clapping.
She drew her attention to the reflective glass over the dresser and stifled her natural urge to belittle herself. No make-up, damp hair drying in short waves, breasts swollen and pushed forward over the pillow, and still, Drew was looking at her reflection like she was the sexiest thing he’d ever laid eyes on. How could she feel anything less than beautiful with him looking at her like this? With him touching her like this?
He slid into her, inch by inch, until she was filled with him. His eyes closed, and a soft breath huffed from him as he grabbed her waist in a steely grip. She loved him like this. At the edge of his control. She’d done that—driven him wild.
He eased out, and then pushed into her again.
The pillow bumped her clit, sparking her sensitive nerve endings and pulling a soft gasp from her lips.
Drew spread her legs wider with his knee and slid into her again, harder this time.
His powerful hips pumped with every stroke. Riley couldn’t pull her gaze away from their reflection if she tried. It was erotic to watch him take her from behind, but more than that, it was beautiful. Graceful. Powerful. He was taking her higher and higher, deeper into this overwhelming euphoria than she’d ever been before.
Drew growled, but it wasn’t a threatening sound. It was a satisfied one that lifted gooseflesh on her back. He leaned forward, pressing his taut abs against her as he pumped into her. She met him stroke for stroke now, slamming back against him as the snarling grew louder. His teeth grazed her shoulder and she arched her back, crying out for more.
Release pounded through her as Drew froze behind her, every muscle tensed. He grabbed her breast and gritted his teeth as his cock swelled inside of her, pumping warmth. Throbbing jets filled her, and she closed her eyes at how blindingly good he felt connected to her like this.
Drew’s eyes, almost snow-colored in the dim light from the bathroom, held her trapped in the mirror. “I understand the cub is not,” he said in an odd, growly voice, “but you, Riley…you’re mine.”
Chapter Nine
“Well, that escalated quickly.” Riley sipped the glass of orange juice Drew had handed her and stifled a groan. Pulp free and everything, just how she liked it. Drew was racking up the points with her tonight.
He chuckled from beside her on the bed. Riley was sitting against the creaking headboard, while Drew was lying down with his feet dangling off the end, gloriously naked and propped up on his elbow near her stomach. He hadn’t taken his eyes off Harper’s rolling movement for the last five minutes, and his hand drifted gently over Riley’s tummy to wherever the movement was.
“In my defense, I tried to slow us down,” he murmured.
True.
Her body felt like a noodle after what they’d done, but not in a bad way. She was practically glowing from the inside out as warmth and happiness radiated from her. It wasn’t even possible to remember the last time she felt this safe.
Stroking his hair gently, she sighed and wished this moment could stretch for eternity.
“Will it be hard after you deliver Harper?” he asked.
“You mean will it hurt?”
“No. Will it be hard for you to give her up?”
She sucked in air at the pain his question caused. She hadn’t talked about this, hadn’t admitted it out loud, and for good reason. But talking to Drew made things better. Not in the way talking through this process with her counselor had done either. Telling him about her fears would be sharing them with Drew, not dumping them on him and leaving. Someone else, someone stronger, could help her carry the weight.
With a deep, steadying exhalation, she looked down at the part of her stomach where Harper had decided to kick repeatedly. “Yes, it’ll be hard. I try not to think about it. Every time I do, my mind skitters away from the thought of how it will be handing her to Diem and watching another woman bond with the baby I love so much. My counselor said that maybe it would be best for me not to see Harper at all, and I think she’s right. I don’t want to fall in love with her even more. Diem and Bruiser wanted those 3D sonograms taken of her, just so they could feel like part of the process, and I sent them in the mail without taking a single peek. I haven’t looked at any of the ultrasounds either.”
“You don’t want to see her at all? Even after she’s born?”
Riley shook her head sadly. “She’s not mine to keep, so I don’t want to bond with her any more than I already have.”
Drew dragged his attention away from Riley’s undulating stomach and looked up at her, a knit of worry in his brows. “If it’s so hard, why are you doing this?”
Diem’s explanation whispered through Riley’s mind. Redemption.
“I told you if you knew me, you wouldn’t like me,” she whispered, throat tightening around the words. “I killed someone. Giving Diem and Bruiser a child feels like the only way I can make up for what I’ve done.”
Drew sat straight up and pulled her against his chest hard. “Tell me.”
“My ex, Seamus, was a bad man. I didn’t know it when we were dating. I knew he had a dark, brooding side and that his friends were crazy, but he did a really good job of hiding who he really was from me. But the darker parts of him began eking out about a year after we’d started dating. He’d get a call and leave late at night. I thought he was cheating, but one night I found a bloody rag in our bathroom trashcan. And while he was sleeping, I searched him all over for the cut that had caused it. Maybe it was a bloody nose, but I just had this feeling it wasn’t his blood. I found a gun hidden at the bottom of a laundry basket once, and police came by asking where he was on two separate occasions. Seamus wasn’t at my apartment either time, so I didn’t have to lie when I told them I didn’t know where he was. I should’ve left him then. Should’ve bowed out and accepted I was in over my head, but he’d done such a good job of keeping whatever he was doing separate from me and the life we were building together.”
Riley swallowed hard as she was bombarded with memories of that night. “We were supposed to go out dancing at this new club downtown, and I’d dressed up for him. He was late, and I was so mad he was standing me up again, but he finally showed up around midnight. He wasn’t alone, though. He was with one of his friends, and they were pulling in this man with tape over his mouth. He was wearing a business suit, and his hair was all mussed. His cheek was split and bleeding, and when he made noises behind the tape, he sounded scared. Really scared. I went ballistic. Why had they brought him into my apartment? Seamus and his friend were caked in sweat, and Seamus’s eyes looked crazy. He kept repeating, ‘He saw it. He saw too much.’ Seamus made a phone call in the other room while his friend tied the man to a chair in my kitchen. I should’ve called the police then, but I didn’t. I don’t know why. I was so pissed and not thinking straight, and I wanted them to let the man go and get out of my apartment. Seamus’s friend left, and I overheard my ex tell him he’d ‘take care of it.’ I was hysterical, crying, asking questions. Something was wrong, and what was happening didn’t feel like my life. I’d never even gotten a speeding ticket, and now the scene in my kitchen was straight out of some terrifying cop show. Seamus told me to get out. I screamed at him, and he slapped me. Just once, right across the cheek. I was stunned and stood there, frozen. He told me to get out and stay with my friend April for the night. And I did. I just left. That man was watching
me leave, his last chance, with scared eyes, and I just ran out of there like I had no courage at all. I took a bus all the way to April’s house, sobbing like a lunatic the whole way before I snapped out of it. I called the police from her front lawn, but when they got to my apartment, it was already too late.”
“Seamus killed him?”
Riley blinked rapidly, trying to contain the tears that were blurring her vision as she nodded. “I testified against him. Gave the courts everything I could ever remember about Seamus and answered every question about that night. I didn’t keep anything to myself, but it didn’t bring that man back. Turns out, he wasn’t involved in crime like Seamus and his friends. He was just some guy who witnessed too much on his walk from work to his house where his wife and two young daughters lived. His family was in the courtroom. I apologized to them after the trial. I should’ve done more, faster. Should’ve thrown a massive fit and cut him loose, not gone spineless the second Seamus had slapped me.”
“You didn’t kill that man, Riley. Seamus did. You brought his family justice by calling the cops and testifying against him.”
April had said the same thing. Over and over, she’d tried to convince her it wasn’t her fault, but it hadn’t ever sunk in. Riley couldn’t help but blame herself for those two little girls growing up without a father. For the wife who probably had cried herself to sleep at nights, missing the man she loved.
“They let him out, you know. He was convicted, and now he’s out on parole. It doesn’t make any sense. Someone pulled some big strings to release him. I was a wreck after he got locked up, and the only thing that calmed me after the nightmares was the idea of doing something really good for someone to make up for what I’d done to that family. When I researched surrogacy, I knew I was a terrible candidate, but I was healthy and determined, and I found Diem and Bruiser. And the second the doctor told me I had a viable pregnancy for them, I knew I’d made the right choice. I felt…not like my old self…but like I could bear myself again. Like someday, I might be okay.”
“You will be, Riley,” Drew murmured against her hair. “I promise. You’ve taken a great deal of guilt onto your shoulders that you didn’t need to.” His lips pressed against her temple, lingered there. “You’re a very brave woman, you know that? I could sense it in you from the moment I met you, but hearing what you’ve gone through makes me realize it even more. To testify against someone you’re scared of?” He shook his head respectfully. “I’m so proud of you.”
Riley exhaled a long, shaky breath, releasing some of her fear and tension along with it. God, it felt so good to hear those words. To hear he didn’t hate her for what had happened. The trial had been public, and reactions from the city she lived in all over the board. But she’d exposed her grief and the awful details of that night, and Drew hadn’t flinched away from her. He’d called her brave instead.
“Your turn,” she whispered. “Who did you lose to make your bear go mad?”
Drew went rigid against her and didn’t answer. Minutes ticked by, and she thought he wouldn’t respond at all, but at last he said, “My mom.”
“Momma’s boy?”
“Always.”
“How did she die?”
His breath hitched in his chest. “In an assisted care facility. Alone. Riley, I can’t…”
“You should. Keeping it inside will only poison you. I would know.”
With a snarl, Drew rocketed off the bed and strode from the room. Riley sat there wide-eyed and stunned as the front door slammed. Moments later, it creaked open again and Drew appeared at the bedroom door, anger slashing across his lightening eyes.
“Fuck,” he muttered, ripping his gaze away from her. He stared at the floor as he said, “My dad was a grade-A, pure-as-they-come, raging asshole. He was also a giant grizzly shifter.”
“Is that why your grizzly is so much bigger than Bruiser’s?”
“Yeah. Except he didn’t use his size to scuffle with other males in his crew. He used it on my mom.”
“Shit,” she breathed in horror. She’d been slapped by Seamus once, and it had haunted her, feeling so helpless, being treated like dirt. She couldn’t imagine a woman having to go through that on a regular basis.
“You didn’t kill anyone, Riley. You think you did, but you didn’t. I have.”
“Your father?”
“Yep. He went after my mom really bad one night right after my eighteenth birthday, and I lost it. She was just lying there…fuck. Riley?” he said, lifting his eyebrows in a warning glare.
“Say it and be done with it, Drew. It’s just me. I’ll hold your secrets.”
“I killed him, and we went to trial. Someone hired an expensive lawyer. One of those who never loses, no matter what the defendant has done. Later I found out it was Damon Daye who’d paid all the lawyer fees. After what my dad had done to my mom, it was called self-defense, and I was released. My mom was a human, and my dad hurt her so bad, it damaged her mind. Her brain. Swelling…shit. She lived the rest of her life in assisted living while I worked here to pay for the nurses and doctors and medicines and care for her. I visited every two days, and sometimes she would remember me and sometimes she wouldn’t. Her life was ruined by my dad, but I tried to make her last years as happy as I could. Birthday parties in her room, Christmas, mother-son dances. I checked her out of that place any time the doctors told me she was stable enough, and me and one of her nurses would take her to the park because she loved…” Drew’s face crumpled, and he scrubbed his hand down his jaw as the first tear slipped down his face. “She loved the ducks. She loved feeding them. It was one of the few times I could get a smile from her, and I lived for that.” Drew inhaled deeply and sauntered over to the bed, sat beside Riley and put his hand over her stomach where Harper had gone still. “Her main doctor said I had to stop seeing her so much because she had seizures when I would leave. I was getting her too excited with my visits, and he wanted her to even out and stabilize before I went back to my normal visitation. She passed away two months ago when I wasn’t there. They buried her in the cemetery in Saratoga, but I haven’t been able to visit yet.”
“Why?”
“I don’t have a headstone on her grave yet. They’re expensive, and I’m buckling under her leftover medical bills. It’ll be easier when logging season starts and I’m earning a steady paycheck again, but I want to pay off everything and get her a really pretty headstone, and I want to tell her that everything is taken care of and she can rest easy and not worry about me.”
“Oh, Drew,” Riley said, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and hugging him up tight. “I’m so sorry.”
He huffed an emotional laugh. “You know, she would’ve loved you.”
“I wish I could’ve met her.”
Drew turned and smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I swear I see her sometimes out in the woods. Just a flash of her, smiling like she used to before my dad…and then she’s gone. Just poof.” He snapped. “Like that. There, now you can see how crazy I really am.”
“You’re not crazy. You just miss her.”
He leaned forward and kissed her, his lips going soft against hers. “You hungry?” he asked when he eased away.
“Nice subject change.”
“Thank you. Is that a yes?”
“I’m always hungry.”
“Good, because I’m not going to be able to sleep for a while after all of that, and I like to cook when I’m up like this. You want to see my trailer?” He waggled his eyebrows, and she could imagine how he’d dealt with the heaviness of his life before his mother had passed away. With jokes and laughter to detract from the pain he was hiding inside.
“I want meat,” she said through a slow grin.
“Thata girl. Put your clothes on and let me feed you.”
Just like that, Drew had admitted his darkest secrets and thoughts, and in the next instant, had offered to care for her.
That’s what Drew was, a caregiver. Focusing on his own pain
obviously didn’t ease his ache. Taking care of someone else did—her sweet, protective bear.
And Riley’s heart tethered to him a little more.
Chapter Ten
“A flea market?” Riley yelled, clasping her hands in front of her chest.
Drew hunched down, drawing his shoulders to his ears as he turned into the field that served as a parking lot. “Damn, woman, with the yelling. My ears are more sensitive than yours.”
“Oh, right. Bear ears. Sorry.” She lowered her voice to a whisper-scream. “A flea market?”
He chuckled, practically beaming at her response to their morning date. “There’s a lady who runs one of these booths who specializes in old worn-out furniture. I want to buy you a piece if you find something you like.”
Riley peeled herself from the window and said, “You’re trying to make me fall in love with you, aren’t you?”
“Hell yeah.”
The brakes squeaked as he pulled up next to a white minivan with a plethora of kids filing out of it.
“Wait, what about breakfast. I’m hungry.”
“The steak and eggs at two this morning weren’t enough to tide you over?” The grin on his face said he was teasing, but she swatted him anyway.
“I’m eating for two. I’m hungry all the time. Plus, my morning sickness lasted forever, and I’m just now able to enjoy food again.”
“Open your door and take a sniff.”
She did, and the scent of cinnamon and sugar immediately brought a growl to her stomach. “Cinnamon rolls?”
“Yep. Our first stop.”
She let off a tiny squeal, more careful of his oversensitive hearing this time, then leaned over and pecked him on the lips. “Today is the best.”
His answering smile nearly stopped her heart.
After locking up his old truck, Drew led her toward the farthest booth where a crowd was already gathered. Riley slipped her hand into his. Butterflies flapped around her stomach when he looked down at her.
