I was done with games, suddenly.
I pushed Jeff backward to the bed, followed him as he crawled back to lie on his back. He curled his hands around my hips, traced my curves, hefted the weight of my breasts, looking up at me with a frightening tenderness in his eyes along with the desire. His hands continued their upward journey, his rough palm sliding along my cheek, cupping there as he lifted up to kiss me, then slowly and carefully sliding my hair out of the elastic band of my ponytail. My blonde waves fell down around our faces, and now his other hand slipped down my belly and between my thighs as I knelt above him.
I moaned into his mouth as we kissed, his fingers working magic, spreading fire up from inside my core out to the rest of my body, a climax rising before he'd even entered me. I reached between us with one hand to grasp him, our foreheads touching as I ran my fingers up and down his length. I rubbed his tip in circles with my thumb, slid down to the root and massaged his balls before caressing his length once more.
Jeff continued to circle my clit with a gentle finger, pushing me up and over into orgasm. I whimpered, collapsed on top of him.
"Take me now, Jeff, please."
I guided him into me, a vocal moan filling the room as he penetrated deep into me, filling me.
"Sweet Jesus, you feel so good," Jeff said, thrusting slowly. "You feel like heaven."
My lips were crushed against his breastbone as I lifted my hips and slid back down his hard length, my arms against his sides, my hands on his shoulders, only our hips moving. His hands rested on my ass, curled around the taut-flexed globes.
"I'm gonna come again," I moaned.
"Yes, come for me, Anna." Jeff pulled on my ass, lifting me up and letting me fall, his body thrusting against mine.
I sat up straight, balancing on top of him with my hands on my thighs, riding him hard, rolling my passion-slick slit onto his erection with a frenzy of sighs and shrieks. I came, holding myself upright with my palms planted on Jeff's chest.
Jeff's arms wrapped around me, pulled me down to him, and then we moved in a dizzy roll and he was above me, in me, all around me. I locked my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, clung tight to him, pressed my quivering lips to his and rocked into him, felt his turgid manhood pushing deep into me, huge and hard and wonderful.
Another orgasm washed through me, this one coming in waves, a crest of ecstasy thrilling through me with each thrust. He was close now, his rhythm growing frantic, his thrusts harder and deeper. I drove my hips against him to match his rhythm, to match the frenetic fury of his rising climax.
"Come with me, Jeff," I said. "Come hard."
Jeff's eyes flew open and met mine, his gaze blazing with intensity. He plunged hard into me, paused with our hips flush, then pulled out again. As he drove himself into me once more, he came, flooding me, his gasp of pleasure a low-voiced growl.
He arched his back and thrust again, wet heat shooting into me once more, and now his forehead bumped mine and his ragged breathing echoed loud in the silver-lit room.
"I love you, Anna." He whispered it into the silence between breaths, into the stillness between thrusts, into the space between heartbeats.
His eyes were on mine as he said it, our bodies merged, our essences mingling, united in the flush of climax.
Tears started in my eyes, burned as they trickled down my cheeks to drip past my jaw beneath my ear.
"I lo—" I choked back a sob. "I love you. God, I love you." Saying it felt like a release.
I did love him. I couldn't imagine ever leaving him, ever being without him. I felt like I'd spent all my life waiting for him, and just never knew it, couldn't see it, or understand that he was what I needed. He'd been there, too close to see.
We were still moving together, roiling in the silence of soughing breaths, my tamped-down sobs of weltering emotions punctuating the rhythm of our lovemaking.
This wasn't sex, wasn't fucking, wasn't even just shared pleasure. This was, finally, a true expression of joined emotions, and I knew I couldn't ever match this experience, not with anyone else, not for as long as I lived.
Jeff didn't wipe away my tears, didn't shush me, or tell me it was okay, or ask why I was crying. He just kissed me tenderly, whispered my name.
We lay side by side, facing each other, our eyes speaking a thousand words that didn't pass our lips.
We fell asleep, woke up in the early dawn spooning, his erection hard against my ass. I guided him in and we rocked like that, back to front, his hand on my hip, his breath on my shoulder, slow and unhurried and uncomplicatedly sensual. We came at the exact same moment, and when we did, our fingers tangled across my breast, over my pounding heart.
We slept again, woke up past noon, and showered together, making love yet again, standing up in his shower, just like the first time.
* * *
A few more days passed, just like that. We didn't leave each other's side for more than a few minutes. We made love constantly, and the words "I love you" came more easily.
One of the few times we were apart Jeff wouldn't tell me where he was going. He left around two in the afternoon and didn't come back until almost five, and wouldn't answer one question, just insisted that I wait and find out. His eyes shone with amusement, telling me I would probably enjoy the surprise, so I left off questioning him and went along with it.
He came home, his home—which I was starting to consider home as well—and told me to get changed, to put on a dress or skirt of some sort. He stood in the doorway of the bedroom, watching me change. I slipped off the stretchy yoga pants and cotton panties I'd been wearing, as well as the T-shirt and sports bra. I took my time picking my outfit, naked, waiting for Jeff to sidle up behind me and start something, but he didn't, just watched with a smile on his face.
I picked a knee-length skirt and a button-down shirt, and a matching set of red lace lingerie. I started to put on the panties, but Jeff spoke up from the doorway.
"Leave 'em off. Go commando. We're gonna be somewhere private, so no one'll know but me," he said.
I stared at him for a moment, considering. I never went anywhere without panties on. It was just...not something I did. I didn't know any girls who did go out without panties on. It seemed skanky, somehow. I'm sure there were girls out there who would go to the bar with a little skirt on and no panties, but that wasn't me. Jeff had promised we'd be in private, though, so I went along with it, slipping the skirt up over my hips and zipping it. It felt strange, like being naked.
When I was fully dressed and had done a little makeup, against Jeff's protestations that I didn't need it, we left, Jeff driving. We drove for almost an hour, going far out into the country. We eventually came to a wide, rolling grassy field, a huge spreading oak tree in the middle, casting long shadows in the golden light of early evening. Jeff pulled the truck to a stop on the side of the narrow, empty dirt road and parked. From his trunk he retrieved wicker picnic basket and a folded quilt.
"We're going on a picnic?" I asked.
"Yep. Never been on an actual, factual picnic like this before, so I thought it might be a fun change from dinner at a restaurant. 'Sides, it's a beautiful evening."
I stuck my hand through his arm as we walked together across the field toward the tree. "I've never been on a picnic like this, either," I said. "Whose property is this?"
"An Army buddy of mine. He owns several hundred acres, I think. Most of it is farmland, but this here is just an empty field he doesn't use for much of anything."
"Does he know we're here?"
"Nah, but he won't care. He never comes out this way. His crops are all closer to his house, 'bout a mile that way," Jeff said, pointing off to the east.
We reached the tree, spread the blanket under the canopy of its branches. Jeff had put together an impressive spread of food, sandwiches, potato salad, pasta salad, fruit salad, key lime pie, sparkling mineral water, and a bottle of expensive champagne. We ate leisurely, drinking the water. I wondered about the
champagne, but didn't say anything.
When we were both full, Jeff packed the basket once more. Jeff lay on his back and pulled me into his embrace, holding me close, his hand stroking my back. He was wearing a white button-down, and I popped each button open until his torso was bare. I spent awhile tracing the contours of his chest before I moved on to his belt, unbuckling it, unclasping his pants, unzipping them. He was semi-erect, growing larger as I watched.
There was an oddly shaped bulge in the pocket of his pants. I dismissed it, though, eager to feel his flesh firming in my hands. I pushed his pants and boxers off, set them aside.
I climbed astride him, thankful now that he'd had me leave my panties off. I was already bare to him, completely clothed even as he speared into me, gasping and his eyes crossing, fluttering, closing.
My skirt billowed around our hips, covering his belly and the joining of our bodies. I wanted to feel the air and the sun on my skin, though. I led Jeff's hands to my buttons, and he undid them, brushed the fabric from my shoulders and stripped off my bra, rocking into me all the while. His hands brushed over my ribcage and caressed my breasts, squeezed them, and rolled my nipples in his fingers. He lifted up to take a taut peak into his mouth, nipped lightly, sending jolts of electricity through me. He was pounding up into me, our bodies gyrating in sync, fire blossoming between us, in the merged heat and sweat of our flesh. I rocked above him, rode him to climax, palms flat on his chest.
When I came, I screamed at the top of my lungs, shrieked his name. I'd always been fairly vocal during sex, and found it hard not to be. This was the first time I'd let myself go wild, totally uninhibited, and god...screaming that loud made me come even harder, turned Jeff into a primal beast beneath me, his fingers locked around my hips and driving me down onto him, harder and harder, plunging up and lifting me clear off the ground, his roar of climax every bit as loud as mine. Hearing him bellow as he came inside me drove me to a new orgasm, and now our voices were raised together in the golden evening light.
I rode him, coming, until he softened within me, and then I collapsed on top of him, still shuddering with aftershocks.
"God, that was amazing," Jeff gasped, clinging to me.
"Incredible," I agreed. "I don't think I've ever come so hard or so long in my life."
"Me, neither," Jeff said.
Silence between us then, for many long minutes, only the susurrus of the wind and the clatter of branches and the distant twitter of sparrows.
"Anna?" Jeff was rummaging in his pants pocket for the odd bulge I'd noticed.
"Hmmm?"
He lifted up on elbow, his shirt open and draping across one of my bare breasts. His hand was closed around the whatever-it-was. My heart was hammering in my chest, thudding with a sudden rush of nerves brought on by the serious expression on Jeff's face.
"I love you, Anna," Jeff started.
"I love you, too—"
"Hold on, now, sweetheart. Let me finish."
Sweetheart, he'd called me. It made my heart melt and tangle more thoroughly around his.
"I love you, Anna," he started again, as if reciting something he'd memorized. "I know this is maybe a little crazy and a little sudden, but I just know it's right, it's meant to be. I love you too much to ever let you get away again."
I had a sudden flood of panic as I realized what he was leading up to. My eyes stung and burned. My breath caught, and I felt as if time had stopped. The breeze, which had blowing all the time, had gone still, and the even birds were silent.
Jeff opened his hand, showing me, yes, a black box. He opened it with one hand, revealing a slim platinum band topped by a princess-cut diamond, glittering in the sun.
"Will you marry me?"
Shit. Shit shit shit.
I didn't know what to say, what to do, what I was even thinking or feeling. Tears fell unheeded, tears of joy and confusion. I loved him, so much. I wanted to be with him. But...this? Now?
"Anna?"
"Jeff, I—I love you, so much. I do. My heart is saying yes, but—"
"But?" Jeff was puzzled, confused, hurting.
"I'm not saying no, Jeff, I'm not."
"But you're not saying yes."
"I'm saying, can I have some time to think? I mean, this is so sudden, so unexpected. I only want to be with you, and I...I want to say yes, but...I just need a day or two to really think about it."
Jeff nodded slowly. "I guess I get that. But you're...you're not saying no?"
I shook my head and put my hands on his clean-shaven face, kissed him hard and deep. "No, Jeff. I'm not saying no. I just need to process it before I say yes. I don't know if that makes any sense or not, but I just—"
"No, it does. I did sorta spring this on you kind of suddenly. I love you, sweetheart. If you need some time to think, then that's fine by me. Take whatever time you need."
Not long after that, we packed up, the champagne unopened, and left. Jeff seemed quiet, or rather, more subdued than usual. I felt bad, knowing he'd hoped it'd be a joyous occasion, an exuberant yes. I just couldn't give him that, not yet. I hadn't even considered him proposing, not for a long time yet.
We went home, and for the first time in days, we went to sleep without making love.
* * *
We had a DJ shift the next day, at, of all places, The Dive. The place where I'd first met Chase. As we unloaded and set up, my gaze went to the alley where I'd first touched and tasted Chase. A pang went through me.
I didn't precisely miss him, per se. He'd been vital to me feeling my own worth. Before him, I'd never thought of myself as beautiful, really. I'd accepted myself, and even liked who I was, but didn't think of myself as an object of male desire. Chase had changed that. He'd shown me men could think I was beautiful. He'd wanted me, he'd shown me in glorious detail what sex could and should be.
Without him, I wouldn't have ever had the courage to approach Jeff.
My thoughts were a whirlwind as we set up and started the first set.
Jeff had proposed. Proposed. He wanted to marry me.
But what if I'd been wrong about Chase? What if he'd had real feelings for me, too? If I was being honest with myself, I'd felt things stirring for him, which was part of the reason I'd bolted at the first opportunity. Sex with Chase was great, and he'd given a priceless gift in helping me see my own power as a sexual woman.
What if I'd been wrong? The thought wouldn't go away.
Jeff wants to marry me. Why was I hesitating? I loved him. I knew it, felt it as true deep inside me, in my bones and my blood, in my heart and my mind, in the core of myself as a woman, I knew I loved him. What was more, I trusted Jeff, completely.
We had a dead spot, no one signing up for songs, so I sang, to prompt some requests. I did "Alone" by Heart. It was a song I'd loved pretty much my entire life, and it was something I could perform in my sleep and nail it every time. I knew each note the way I knew my own face in the mirror. It was comforting and familiar when all the rest of me was tumultuous, chaotic, confused.
I stepped outside after my song ended, caught my breath and tried to calm my jangling nerves. When I went back in, Jeff was cueing up a song, a strange, tight expression on his face.
A male figure was standing just off to the side of the stage area. I didn't recognize him at first, since he'd shaved his head and was wearing plain tight blue jeans instead of leather pants, and a tight white T-shirt instead of something flashy and rock star. He turned, mic in hand.
Chase. What the hell is he doing here?
My heart shot into my throat, my fists clenched, my stomach dropped away. If I was confused before, there simply wasn't a word for my emotions when Chase's eyes locked onto me.
He looked good with a shaved head. It set off his eyes, the sharp contours of his gorgeous face. He'd gauged his ears and had new ink crawling up his forearm.
He didn't smile when he saw me, didn't walk toward me, just stared at me, hard, intense, poised.
The music started, the o
pening bars of a song I knew all too well: "With or Without You" by U2. Oh, hell. God, he sounded good. He sang the entire song standing sideways on the stage, pinning me in the doorway with his fiery gaze.
I can't live...with or without you...
It was clearly a message, each word spoken directly to me. He was pouring his heart out to me, telling me what was inside him. By the time the song ended, I knew one thing for absolutely certain: I wasn't over Chase Delany.
Oh, god.
Tears were sluicing down my face, chest heaving. The song ended, the music faded, Chase spotlighted on the tiny stage. No one spoke, no one moved, no one even breathed. Everyone was waiting. For what?
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jeff standing behind the mixer, a glass of Coke in his hand.
Chase reached into his pocket, pulled out something small and round and glinting in the dim barlight. He held it up, slowly lowered himself to one knee.
No, no no no. Please no. Oh, god, no. Please don't—
Chase spoke into the microphone, his eyes drilling into mine: "Anna, I know this is crazy. We haven't known each other all that long, and I know we had a big misunderstanding. But the thing is, I'm in love with you. I fell in love with you from the very first moment I laid eyes on you. I can't live without you. I want you to come on tour with me. I want us to see the world together.
"Anna, will you marry me?"
The glass in Jeff's hand shattered.
A single sob tore from my throat. I shook my head, turned, and slammed against the crash bar and out into the night.
Big Girls Do It Boxed Set Page 18
