by Nina Park
I wanted to know if Guts was right about her. Had she put herself in a bad situation to end up at the auction? I didn’t know how to ask that without sounding like I was blaming her though.
“What about you?” she asked. “Were you rebellious?”
“Not particularly.”
She raised one eyebrow.
“What?” I asked. “Why are you making that face?”
She laughed. “Because I find it hard to believe that you went from being a straight-laced teenager to a member of the Stone Devils without any rebellious phase in between.”
“It’s hard to be rebellious when your dad is a dealer, and your mostly absent mom is a user,” I said with a harsh laugh that came out more like a bark.
Falyn’s smile faded, and I realized how my remark must have sounded. I didn’t talk about my past much because I didn’t need anyone’s pity. I’d made it through just fine, and I’d found a family in the Stone Devils. I had brothers who cared about me and Guts had always been someone for me to look up to.
“I’m not some injured little puppy,” I hurried to say, waving away her sad eyes. “I’m fine. That sounded more pathetic than it really needed to.”
“I don’t think you’re an injured puppy. People can have heartbreak in their past without being weak.”
“See, that’s just it.” I stood up and slipped my jeans back on, buttoning them in a hurry. “There was no heartbreak. My heart is totally fine. Fully mended.”
“Don’t go. You can confide in me.”
“There’s nothing to confide,” I snapped.
Falyn leaned back, mouth open in shock. Then, she closed it and looked down at her hands folded in her lap. I felt bad for having hurt her. We’d been growing closer to one another, and for some reason, I was pulling away. I could see myself doing it, but I couldn’t stop myself. I pulled my white T-shirt over my head and then knelt down in front of her, my hands grabbing hers.
“I’m fine. Everything is fine,” I whispered. “I have another meeting with Marco in two days. I’ll see you then.”
She nodded but wouldn’t look at me. I brought her hands to my lips and kissed her fingers. Still, she avoided my gaze.
“I just need to focus on this deal,” I said as an excuse, though it sounded false even to my ears. “I need this deal to go well not just for you, but for me. I’ve hinged my reputation within the Stone Devils on this arms deal. I need Marco to agree to terms so I can free you and secure a good position in the new legal venture.”
She nodded again, her eyes distant and unfocused. I sighed and stood up to leave. But just as I opened the door, she called for me.
“Cade?”
I closed it and turned back to her. The room was lit with nothing more than a single incandescent bulb, and harsh shadows made her eye sockets look sunken in and her cheeks look hollow. She looked like a skeleton.
“Yeah?”
“When will you have a deal?” she asked, her voice cracking. “When will I be out of here?”
I felt my heart squeeze at the sight of her on the lumpy mattress, at the thought of what her life looked like between my visits. She didn’t like to talk about it, but I could imagine.
“As soon as possible,” I replied. “I promise.”
Chapter Fourteen
Falyn
The days between Cade’s visits were dark and lonely. Marco offered his “girls” to most of his business associates, but thankfully, few of them took him up on his offer. Because I was new, Marco said he was saving me for only his most important clients, which apparently included Cade.
Angie and Bianca weren’t as lucky.
“That old fat lard nearly crushed me,” Angie said, laying on her top bunk and stretching out her hips. “He gets fatter with each passing week.”
The same old mafioso from another family came to visit Angie on a weekly basis. He was married and had grown children he talked about while they had sex.
“Does his wife know he comes to see you?” I asked.
Angie shrugged. “If she does, I’m sure she doesn’t mind. No one would want to have sex with him. She probably appreciates that he gets his jollies somewhere else.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“You have no idea.”
It was true. I didn’t. The only person I’d been with since arriving was Cade, and he was far and away the best-looking man to come into Marco’s clubhouse. In fact, he was the best-looking man I’d ever seen. I actually felt guilty sometimes that I got to be with him.
Bianca had it worst of all though. She was practically mute. She hadn’t uttered a single word in my presence since I’d arrived, and Marco handed her out several times a day to the common drug dealers. They were jumped up young jerk-offs who had no business finesse and even less sexual finesse. With each encounter, Bianca came back slightly more broken and beaten down.
“I told you he has a daddy-daughter fetish, right?”
I screwed up my face. “What does that even mean?”
“It means I have to call him ‘Daddy’,” she said, sticking a finger down her throat and fake gagging. “The man has daughters, so it is especially disgusting.”
I shivered. “What a creep.”
Our days were hard to distinguish from one another. A few of Marco’s men woke us up each morning with watered down coffee and stale bagels or cereal or toast. We were allowed out of the dormitory room to “exercise” in a fenced-in concrete lot behind the building for an hour every morning and every afternoon.
Lunch was just the leftovers from whatever Marco and his men had for lunch, and dinner was never to be counted on. Sometimes everyone went home early, and we weren’t given anything at all. It was like living in a poorly regulated prison. In a lot of respects, prison would have been far preferable.
We didn’t see Marco as often as I would have expected. Since everyone referred to it as “Marco’s Clubhouse”, I assumed he would have been there a lot, but according to Angie, he had family obligations that kept him out of the clubhouse regularly. Which was fine with me. He had a cruel streak, and the less time I spent with him before being freed, the better.
The only bright spot in my life was Cade. Even though we were still very much just getting to know one another, I felt a special connection to him that I’d never felt to anyone before. Perhaps, it was because he was helping me through one of the most difficult times in my entire life. But I suspected it was more than that.
Even before the nightmare of being sold at an auction and purchased by Marco, Cade and I had found one another on the dance floor at the nightclub. We had undeniable sexual chemistry then, and even from inside the clubhouse that sexual chemistry continued.
I never once felt like I was forced into sex with Cade. We were taking things slowly – we hadn’t technically even had sex yet – and I was savoring every minute of it. Each encounter made me more excited for my return to life outside of Marco’s clubhouse. Cade knew exactly how to tease me, exactly how to manipulate my body into the most intense kind of pleasure.
I only wished he could trust me the way he wanted me to trust him. I was supposed to count on him to rescue me, yet he didn’t want to be vulnerable with me. I knew it would probably come with time, but it still felt like he was withholding part of himself with me, and it made our relationship feel unbalanced.
I had told him everything. He had seen me at my lowest, most vulnerable point, yet he didn’t want me to see his weakness. I understood that he had to appear tough within his world. He couldn’t run around with his heart on his sleeve, but he could be that way with me. I wouldn’t judge him. I wouldn’t shame him. Didn’t he know that yet?
“Do you think Cade will buy you?” Angie asked one day while we laid on the thin mattresses, fanning ourselves with the folded pages ripped from an ancient magazine Marco had left in the stuffy dorm room.
I hadn’t told Angie or Bianca about Cade’s plan to barter for my freedom. I trusted each of them wholly. They had no reason to be
tray me. However, I had been in the clubhouse the least amount of time out of anyone, and it felt wrong that I would be the first to leave, as well. Bianca, especially, didn’t need to know. She had already lost all hope of escape, so if she learned I would be leaving after barely a week in the clubhouse, it could break her entirely.
“I’m not sure,” I replied, hiding my face so as not to betray my lie.
Angie sighed. “Wouldn’t that be great? He’s easily the most attractive man who comes around the clubhouse. You could be free.”
I was about to respond when the bunk bed suddenly shook. I thought perhaps it was an earthquake, but then I saw legs pop down from the top bunk and then Bianca hurled herself onto the floor.
That was shocking enough. Bianca hadn’t spoken once since I’d arrived and if she wasn’t using the restroom or working, she was lying in bed. Angie and I had even talked about whether we should force her to roll over to prevent bed sores. But then, Bianca whirled around, looking both Angie and me in the face, and my jaw hit the floor.
“Are you two insane?” she asked, on the verge of screaming. Her cheeks were red and flushed. She looked healthier than I’d ever seen her.
I glanced across the room at Angie, and she seemed as gobsmacked as I was. Neither of us seemed capable of speech, which didn’t bother Bianca at all. She paced back and forth across our small room, her hands alternating between running through her hair and settling on her hips.
“Are you seriously sitting in this tiny ass room, fawning over a man who comes here regularly to fuck you even though he knows you are imprisoned? Are you crushing on a man who is using you as a blow-up doll?” she screamed.
“We haven’t even had sex yet,” I said, my voice little more than a whisper.
Angie turned on me. “Wait, what? You haven’t?”
I shook my head. “We’re taking things slow.”
Angie let out a small “aww”, and Bianca looked at us both with thinly veiled disgust.
“It’s because he knows you’ll always be here!” Bianca said. “Because he knows you are trapped here like an animal, and he can take his time with you. He isn’t doing you a favor; he’s enjoying the hunt. You are the prey, he is the predator. Don’t lose sight of that.”
I knew Bianca was speaking from a place of experience, but I also knew she wasn’t inside that room with Cade and me. She didn’t know about our history, about me begging him for help. He would have never come to Marco’s Clubhouse if it hadn’t been for me. He never would have come here to use women in this horrible way. Right?
Doubts crept into the back of my mind, and I tried hard to fight them off. I didn’t want Bianca’s misunderstanding of our situation to undo all of the progress I’d made with Cade. I didn’t want her bad experiences to muddy mine. But I also couldn’t help but wonder whether she wasn’t right.
Was Cade fooling me for his own sick enjoyment? Did he have any intention of trying to rescue me? If he really did want to rescue me, why wouldn’t he just call the police and report Marco and his operation? I knew that could maybe make things difficult with the Stone Devils, but wouldn’t that have been the right thing to do?
“I get what you’re saying, Bianca,” I said, realizing this was the first time I’d actually spoken to Bianca, and it was after she’d yelled at me. “But things are different with Cade.”
She huffed and shook her head. “Lucy was bought by someone before you got here.” Bianca turned to Angie. “Do you think Lucy is out with her buyer in a fancy restaurant? Do you think she was bought by a sugar daddy who keeps her in jewels and fur coats? No! She’s probably dead in a ditch somewhere.”
Angie flinched, and I saw tears welling up in her eyes.
“You two have seen the worst in men. We’ve all seen the horrors they are capable of. So, please, for the love of God, stop expecting the best of them.”
Bianca began crawling back up to the top bunk, leaving Angie and me open-mouthed and speechless. I felt the bed shake as she settled back into her usual position, curled up towards the wall.
Angie stood up, her hands shaking next to her sides. “You don’t know what happened to Lucy, Bianca. You don’t know how things turned out for her.”
Bianca sighed. “I don’t, and neither do you. So ask yourself: What’s worse, the devil you know or the devil you don’t?”
At that, the tears gathering in Angie’s eyes finally spilled onto her cheeks. She seemed embarrassed by them, and quickly crawled up onto her mattress, facing the wall in a mirror image of Bianca’s pose. The room fell into a heavy silence, except for Bianca’s even sleepy breaths and Angie’s quiet hiccups.
I didn’t want Bianca’s words to change my opinion of Cade, but it was hard not to. I didn’t know him outside of this situation. I had no idea what his life looked like, how he treated his ex-girlfriends, or if his friends liked him. I didn’t get to see him laugh easily or enjoy a day in the city.
I saw him in poorly lit rooms. We touched each other on a mattress that had been used by countless other men who were taking advantage of countless other women. What made me think I was different?
Sure, Cade told me I was different. He told me over and over again that he would save me, that he would get me out of here. He told me I didn’t belong here but did that mean he thought anyone belonged here? Did he think anyone could be deserving of this kind of treatment? And if he did, what would happen when I made him mad one day? What would happen to me if I upset him? Would he lock me up, opening the door to my cell only to pleasure himself?
Bianca’s words rang in my head as I curled up on my mattress. What’s worse, the devil you know or the devil you don’t?
I squeezed my eyes tight and prayed Cade wasn’t a devil at all.
Chapter Fifteen
Cade
Even for a weekend, the Stone Devils’ clubhouse was packed. The bar had been running non-stop all night, and as more and more drinks were handed out, the crowd grew louder. By midnight, the noise was at a dull roar. People had to shout just to speak to someone standing next to them. So, when one of the club girls walked up behind me and tried to start a conversation, I nearly jumped out of my skin.
“How’s it going, Cade?”
I sloshed my drink when I jolted, some of the alcohol running down my pant leg. The girl giggled, and I turned to find Gina standing behind me. She and I had “dated” for a few months. As much as you can date any club girl, anyway. We hooked up every time she came around, and when she came around and I was busy, she hooked up with someone else. I didn’t care enough to ask who with.
“Hey, Gina.” I shook my leg, a few remaining drops of liquid falling to the floor.
“Haven’t seen you around much.” She walked around the table and took the stool opposite me.
Her brown hair was streaked with blonde stripes, and her skin was an unnatural shade of orange.
She was right. I’d been spending a lot less time around the clubhouse since Falyn had come into my life. It felt wrong to spend the night partying and drinking when I knew she was locked away in some corner of Marco’s premises, bored out of her mind and miserable.
Every fleeting moment of happiness I experienced was sobered by the reminder that Falyn was in a place devoid of happiness. In fact, every moment I spent feeling miserable made me think how much more miserable she must be. Basically, I was spending too much time thinking about Falyn to do anything else. I didn’t tell Gina any of this though.
“I’ve been busy,” I said, taking a sip from my now mostly empty glass.
Gina crossed her arms and leaned forward on her elbows. The move was strategic but effective. Her arms pushed her breasts together, and the lean forward gave me a solid view of her ample cleavage. Club girl or not, Gina was sexy. Rumor had it she’d been a professional model – mostly print – before drugs and an illicit affair with a well-known photographer had her blacklisted all over town.
She found solace in the warm embrace of the Stone Devils, and she’d been there
ever since. I would guess she’d slept with most members of the club, some twice.
“Sounds like you need a break, then,” she said, pushing her lips out into a pout.
On any other night, I would have grabbed Gina’s arm, walked her to the back of the club, and fucked her against the bathroom wall without a second thought. She was a good lay and, despite her circumstances, a good girl. And nothing could take my mind off my problems like having a woman on my dick. But now, the idea of it left me feeling empty. I didn’t feel anything for Gina. She didn’t mean anything to me.
“What do you call this?” I asked, lifting my glass.
Gina practically crawled across the table. Her lips were only a few inches from mine. She smelled like strawberries.
