by Melissa Blue
Victor stood there another moment and then stalked out onto the deck. Grady went ahead and paused his game. The likely ringleader to this impromptu invasion had yet to enter.
Wade strode in carrying two cases of beer. “Did Victor tell you that you look like shit? If he didn’t, he’s slacking.”
Grady started up his game, but of course Porter took that moment to pop his head out of the kitchen. “I could use your help.”
No mystery to the your part of the sentence. Five days since he’d talked to any of them. They came over to bug him. Okay, make sure he was all right. The bugging the shit out him was icing on the cake.
His friend disappeared before Grady could tell him to fuck off. Wade waited, not moving from inside the hallway. Grady sighed, stood and every bone he had seemed to both ache and creak as he stood.
Porter had already laid out the ribs and chicken in their designated pans and was seasoning the meat.
He’d paused his game for this? “What do you want?”
“Boil eggs and peel the potatoes.”
Finally a smile managed to crack through his tight jawline. “You’re going to trust me to help you with your potato salad?”
“Today I am.”
Wade had followed behind, pushed past him to put up one case in the fridge. With the other, he handed out bottles to them like Santa on Christmas. He gave Grady two before settling in at the kitchen table.
“So…” his brother started with, his brows up and the beer at his mouth. “How’s Eva?”
He tensed at the sound of her name. Thankfully, Porter had laid out everything Grady could need. “Do you really want to get started with me when I’m going to wield a sharp instrument for the next ten minutes?”
“Yup,” his brother replied, his gaze narrowed.
Since the threat wasn’t real, Grady shrugged. “We’re done.”
“I know,” Wade said in a slow and deliberate way, “but you didn’t tell me.”
He shrugged again and dropped the eggs into the pot to boil.
Wade didn’t let that dissuade him. “Victor, Oliver and Porter told me you haven’t been answering your phone. Then I tried you yesterday. Either it was Eva, or you were dead.”
Grady ignored his brother and started on the potatoes. A strainer sat near his elbow and he got through at least five before his brother said, “You had me worried.”
Wade could have uttered anything else and Grady would have gone on ignoring him, but no one worried about him. Mostly because he never gave them reason to. They came to him for support even if that meant sitting in a room without saying a word, loaning them money or a place to stay. So, yeah. He got it. Appreciated the hell out of the gesture.
Grady cursed. “Well, you can see I’m alive.”
Porter scoffed and Wade said, “When’s the last time you shaved?”
Six days ago, before Eva punched a hole through his chest and whispered, “Finish him.” She’d chosen fear instead of them. Stood there in her kitchen telling him they should consider her sister’s threats.
You don’t know what my sister is like. His parents were exactly like Lauren. They were encouraging when the praise reflected well on them. He wasn’t angry about Eva calling her sister. Every now and again either he or Wade picked up the phone to hear the sound of their parents’ voice, hoping this time would be different. But they’d long since stopped playing the mind games their parents wanted to play. And still Grady would have called if it meant keeping his job, protecting Eva and making sure her life was easy.
Long story short, she hadn’t chosen him. She’d chosen what ifs. Being with him didn’t matter as much as what people might do or say.
Grady pushed out a breath to move past that hopeless, angry emotion trying to tighten his throat. Took another minute for him to swallow the bitterness down. He finished off the rest of the potatoes, rinsed them and then placed the vegetables where Porter could easily find them.
Wade rose from his chair when Grady tried to go back into the living room. His gaze was hard and unyielding. “We’re not done.”
“No?” He shifted his stance just in case they were going to come to blows.
His brother’s eyes lit as though he knew violence could be a possibility. They’d worked out some of their troubles with fists before. But then Wade stepped back, putting his beer to his lips a moment to take a sip. “I don’t think Eva is good for you.”
Grady balled his fists. “You’ve said that. You were right. What’s your point?”
Wade frowned at him. “Porter’s cooking. Porter.”
From behind him he could hear his friend cursing. “It’s not cooking,” Porter argued, mostly on principle. “BBQing is not cooking.”
His brother ignored the protest. “Victor’s playing with fire for you.”
“Yeah,” Grady said, shifting uncomfortably knowing what that meant. When his friend had walked away from the military, he’d left behind everything he did for them. “I know, but he likes it.”
Wade shook his head. “He doesn’t.”
“I don’t,” Victor said, rounding into the kitchen. His eyes were still bright, looking both exhilarated and disturbed.
Grady cursed and knew how the dye would be cast—against him. “What is your point, Wade?”
“Oliver’s working right now, but by the time he gets here, you’ll be drunk as hell. He’ll give you advice, probably squeeze some man tears out of you because that’s what he does best.”
Despite himself, Grady laughed. “And you?”
Wade shook his head. “What happened?”
Victor leaned back into a kitchen chair. Beside him, Grady could feel Porter’s stillness. They wouldn’t break their silent code of avoiding touchy-feely moments if this wasn’t important to them. He was important to them.
Grady looked up at his ceiling so he couldn’t see the concern in their eyes. “Her sister made some threats that scared her.”
“Victor, get on that.” His brother’s voice was hard.
“Don’t,” Grady said. “Just drop it.”
Wade lifted his brows as if to say everything would be fine. Exactly what Grady had told Eva. Trust in me and that I would take care of us. “Huh,” he muttered.
It wasn’t that easy to give up control and believe. Everything would be okay. Someone else could fix what felt to be impossible. His brother and his friends didn’t know all the details so how could they be so sure?
“Just leave it,” Grady said again, so damn tired. “You didn’t have to do this duct-taped intervention. I’m not going to say no to food and company, but whatever you guys have in mind outside of that is not going to fix anything.”
Wade’s voice turned cold. “So if I hit a low point, I can use the same excuse and you’ll leave me alone?”
Grady stilled. What argument did he have to that? No. We’re different. It’s biology. He was going to argue science with an astrophysicist? A history instructor debating fact? Too much of his field depended on supposition and assumption of humanity. Wade could pull out the elemental properties of meteors and compare them to human beings and find the same key ingredients in both.
Grady tugged a hand through his hair. “I’m just saying don’t bother with Eva. We’re done. Feed me. Keep me company. Do your depression watch if you need to. Just Eva…” He ignored the way his stomach twisted. “That’s done. Apparently it was nothing.”
Victor scoffed. “I spend five months of my life—”
“Three weeks,” Grady corrected him.
Porter grabbed the strainer from the counter, shaking his head. “We were here. It’s been five months of the same woman who’s made you stupid.”
Grady had enough of them digging into his head and his feelings. “Screw this. I’m playing another round of Warfare. We can hug it out or play. Up to you.” But then he stopped, catching on something simple but very important. “Victor’s playing with fire. Porter’s cooking. Oliver’s giving me advice later. Wade, what are you doing in
all this?”
His brother smiled but his eyes were sharp, calculating. “I brought the beer.”
And because Grady knew his brother, his blood turned into ice. “Don’t. Whatever you’re thinking.”
“I brought the beer,” Wade emphasized. In their circle that meant a lot. “I, also, brought the friends who would hug it out. I am not required to do anything else.”
Grady just held his brother’s stare. “I don’t believe you.”
His brother finished off his beer and then shrugged. “Add paranoid to depressed. I might let you borrow some of my meds.”
He was being played. How? Grady didn’t know. Wade throwing out a glib reply about his condition was the red flag. “Why can’t you just leave it alone?”
Porter laughed. “Would you drop it if this was any of us?”
No. He wouldn’t. He’d be patient but prod, again and again, until he had an answer or a solution. Or just knew it was time to let shit go. Grady couldn’t say this was comfortable at all. He definitely wouldn’t ask for the help. Hopeless situations were hopeless.
Eva and him? Impossible to fix. She’d dropped them the moment things got tough. She wouldn’t come to his rescue or just be there. Maybe she’d never known he needed her to be there for him. She wouldn’t turn to family. Maybe she didn’t have family to turn to. She’d give. Maybe she never had anyone to lean on to stand strong.
They were done. Fuck. An invisible ice pick dug into his chest at the thought, again. No matter how many times he repeated those words in his head that sharp twinge would start up in his chest. Grady picked up his beer, downed it and then downed the second one his brother had given him.
When he was done, he said to no one in particular, “Tomorrow’s a holiday. I don’t have to work. Try to come beat me if you can.”
And he knew they would all at some point do their best to beat him at the game. They wouldn’t leave until they knew he was on steadier ground. Grady had that. He couldn’t help but think, “What did Eva have?”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Eva opened her door and then jolted back in shock. “What are you doing here?” The question spilled out like an accusation.
Not her intent, but how else should she have responded when she found her ex-boyfriend’s brother on her doorstep? Wade didn’t look like any scientist she knew, but then again, he and Grady shared the same features. Wade’s nose, lips and neck were thicker. No glasses either, at least not today. They probably worked out together, and she wouldn’t be surprised if his brother skipped vegetables and went straight for protein. But the biggest difference was that Wade’s blue eyes seemed sadder.
“Don’t talk,” he said. “If you talk, I might remember why I hate you.”
Her eyes widened at his rudeness. “Excuse me? You’re at my door.”
“Stop.” He held up his hand.
Would it be wrong for her to slam the door on the appendage? Maybe. “You—”
“I’m doing this for Grady,” he said, clearly irritated. “If it was anyone but you, he’d take care of you right now. He’d be able to see straight. So I’m picking up the slack. I’ll stop if you keep talking.”
She gaped, sputtered then finally settled on, “You’re a dick.”
“Maybe.” He squinted, seeming to think on it. “Most likely. Come with me.”
He didn’t wait for her to agree, just started down her apartment stairs. She leaned out her door, frowning at his back. Grady was the last person she’d expected to find on her doorstep. Wade…he’d never crossed her mind as possibility. How did he know where she lived, for one? What the hell was he talking about when he said he was only here in his brother’s place?
Why did he have to look so much like Grady? She’d barely managed to stop crying when alone, and now she’d have to look at a physical reminder of what she’d messed up, what she could never have. She’d start crying again, but maybe that wouldn’t be a horrible thing. Wade wouldn’t notice. He didn’t even want her to speak.
And what in the hell did he mean this was for Grady? What would Grady do if she hadn’t screwed up? She wouldn’t know unless she followed him. Glancing down at herself, she winced. She was kind of dressed. Her clothes matched. Turning, she found her sandals and slipped into them.
Wade sat behind his Tahoe’s steering wheel waiting for her. His gaze straight ahead. She opened her mouth and he just shook his head before putting the car into drive. He appeared as annoyed as she felt.
But curiosity had gotten the best of her. Loneliness ate at her. Maybe he’d take her to Grady. They wouldn’t be forced to see each other in a classroom and then act like it didn’t hurt when their gazes clashed.
The only problem with that was their situation still wouldn’t have an easy or clean solution. Touching, kissing, letting his warm breath tickle her earlobe wouldn’t, couldn’t, change the fact that she’d been his student when they started their affair. Holding out for the last week of class to pass by wouldn’t, couldn’t change that.
Her breath went choppy, her heart skippy, she balled her hands and pushed them against her knees to give herself something to concentrate on. Forcing herself to think about anything other than the fear of spiraling, she glanced out the car’s window.
Recognition steadied her. This road led up to the observatory. Well, at least, Eva now knew he didn’t plan on snuffing her out for hurting his brother. From what she could guess, he parked in the same spot. Still he didn’t speak and neither did she.
Eva followed him out the car as he dug into the trunk. He pulled out a blanket. Her face heated. She remembered that cover very well. Same one Grady and she used when he…Well. It was best if she didn’t let her mind go down that road.
She followed him almost to the same exact spot as before on the hill. He snapped the blanket straight and let it float down into the grass. Finally, he laid out on the cover. Unsure of what she was supposed to do, Eva followed his lead.
Wade offered no words as he glanced up at the stars. Maybe that was the point. What had Grady told her? He and his brother came out here all the time. This was a sacred spot for them.
She started to ask Wade why he’d brought her, of all people, but they weren’t speaking. So, Eva clasped her hands together then put them behind her head and looked up.
Some part of her had always wanted to see the sky like Van Gogh. Blue swirls and golds mixed together. But that was okay, because all her life whenever she bothered to look up, Eva could find the Big Dipper.
She couldn’t help but see the sky differently while sitting next to an astrophysicist. What did Wade’s mind latch onto when he glanced up? The basic elements of a star? The fact that seeing stars was very much like time travel? From science class way back when, she could vaguely remember that it took X amount of time for light to travel. The light from the star she could now see had happened in the past.
But did any of those details matter? She wasn’t thinking about how her sister could mess up Grady’s life. The silence didn’t even bother her. It was just the stars. The pitch black making up the universe around those bright, burning balls of gas. Someone sat beside her who had thought enough about her to think, “Maybe she shouldn’t be alone.”
Wade was doing this for Grady. Doing what his brother would do if Eva was anyone else. Grady would have made sure she never felt alone, never felt like her problems, her life could gobble her up or crush her from the weight. They would look at the stars and she’d see the evidence of just how small her problems were in comparison. Her sister blackmailing them…Was that universe big? Milky-Way sized? Or insignificant? And Wade was standing in for his brother when Grady couldn’t do it for himself.
Would Lauren ever do this for Grady? For even Eva?
Grady.
Grady.
Grady.
The man she loved so much it hurt to think his name and breathe at the same time. She let fear take him. She sucked in air but when she exhaled, the noise came out as a sob.
�
�Can’t even say that’s talking,” Wade said, his voice softer than before. “Shit. Don’t cry. My brother would do something like a pansy to comfort you. I can’t do that.”
Her laugh got swallowed in the next sob. “You suck at this.”
“Stand in,” he emphasized. “Not the real deal.”
He wasn’t. And it dawned on her that not many people would even do that much. What kind of man inspired this level of loyalty? Wade wanted nothing to do with her and here he was, standing in for his brother.
“Is Grady okay?” she asked.
“Depends on how you define it. But you’re talking.”
“I have to know he’s okay.”
Wade sighed. “How would you feel?”
We’re done, still echoed in her head. Eva wanted to make excuses, shift under the discomfort, but she’d chosen to kowtow. She’d run instead of facing the problem. When would she learn that never ended well? She’d lose more than she gained every single time.
She swiped the tears at her eyes and tried to bring the sky back into view. “Probably how I’m feeling.”
“Good,” Wade said. “It’s working. Now stop talking.”
Amused and grateful for his bullheaded tactics, Eva turned her head in Wade’s directions. “When can I?”
“When my brother is okay again.”
She looked away. Had to. But how to fix things? How to believe that being with Grady was enough? No. Why couldn’t she embrace the fact Grady loved her? Not because she was his student. Or that he loved Firefly as much as she did. But that Grady could look at her and not see her broken pieces. She was whole to him, even if she had jagged bits. Why should those sharp edges mean she should be loved less?
There was no answer easily offered up so Eva sat there with Wade, quiet and just let the sight of the vast universe eat up her problems.
She didn’t know if it would spit back a solution. All that Eva knew was that when she stared at the stars, the faraway galaxies, the only thing, the only person that mattered was Grady.
Wade didn’t say anything when she started to cry again.
*****
