by Leanne Davis
Luke pulled over to the side of the road and put the truck into park. He regarded his nephew, completely shocked by Tim’s perception and hurt that Tim would say such a thing.
“What went on with your aunt and me is adult stuff. It has nothing to do with you. I love you, and you can’t decide you don’t want family anymore. You’re stuck with me for the rest of your life, and I’ll be your uncle, no matter what.”
“Adult stuff? Then I’m glad I’m not an adult because I wouldn’t hurt someone I love like you do.”
Luke ran a hand through his hair in frustration. It wasn’t enough that Cassie finally refused to talk to him, his own mother had her say about Kelly, and now an eight-year-old kid was ready to crucify him? And for what? Being honest from the start with Kelly? She was the one who didn’t listen to him. But no, everyone was mad at him.
And he couldn’t defend himself because he deserved it. It had been several weeks since that day when he finally lost it. Lost it in a way he’d never done before, even the first few weeks after Shelly’s death. He’d no more than dropped a few tears here and there. Crying had never been his way, and yet suddenly, he wept all over Kelly. Unable to stop, unwilling to even try. She’d been everything he needed. She had been the first person to make it okay for him to lose control with.
“I never meant to hurt your aunt. And she left because she doesn’t live here.”
“She would if it wasn’t for you.”
“That’s not true, and you know it. Kelly has a life far away from here. One that has nothing to do with me.”
“I don’t understand why you’d want her to leave. The only time you ever smile is when she’s around.”
Luke studied Tim’s downturned profile. Is that what Tim saw?
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. You’re always sad about your old life.”
“That’s because what happened was real sad for me.”
“When I’m sad, I do things that cheer me up. Like play soccer or play my video games, or even talk to my mom. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to talk to my aunt, if she makes you feel better.”
Luke stared at Tim, totally flabbergasted at the simplicity of Tim’s argument. Luke couldn’t find a flaw with it either. How could he explain to Tim what he couldn’t really explain to himself? Tim was right—Kelly made him feel better. She made him feel a lot of things. And yet, he let her go. He couldn’t face starting over, living a life with her. She was hope, the future, and fatalistic as it seemed, he couldn’t find the strength in himself to reach for that, for her.
“I think you’re wrong.”
Luke was surprised at Tim’s quiet, serious tone. Tim, who never stopped moving for more than three seconds, seemed to see things Luke had no idea he saw. And his loyalty to Kelly was enough to break his heart. But Luke’s heart was already broken, and how could he explain that to a kid so young? How could he face doing all of this again? The answer was clear, and he’d been clear about it with Kelly.
Luke ruffled Tim’s hair. “I might be. But I can’t seem to change it.”
Tim nodded glumly.
“She got hurt, you know.”
Luke sighed. He closed his eyes. “I know.”
Tim suddenly looked up at Luke, his eyes fierce. “No, you don’t know because no one’s supposed to tell you. Especially me.”
Luke froze as he was about to head back onto the road.
“Tell me what?”
“Aunt Kelly always tells me to be honest and let the adults deal with it even if they don’t like it.”
Luke smiled. That sounded just like Kelly. “So you think you need to be honest with me, even though your mom said not to?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, be honest with me.”
“Mom might get mad.”
“I’ll deal with your mom.”
“Aunt Kelly was in a car accident and got hurt. Only no one wants you to know because of your wife and all.”
Luke’s entire body stilled. “When? And why didn’t your mom want me to know?”
Tim shrugged. “I don’t know when. But it was Aunt Kelly who didn’t want you to know.”
“What happened?”
Luke tried to control the urgency in his voice and not scare Tim, but he was having trouble controlling himself.
He shrugged. “She was rear-ended in her car.”
“Did she go to the hospital?”
“Yes, she went to the hospital.”
****
Luke stormed into Cassie’s kitchen. Anger tightened into a steel band inside his chest, restricting his ability to breathe. To think.
His sister-in-law stood with her back to him, cell phone glued to her ear. “Okay, I’ll be there as soon…” Cassie was saying into the phone. She trailed off, turning to him, her eyes wide. Was that fear? It should be. Right now he could damn well strangle her.
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” The words sounded strained as they pushed out of him.
“I’ll call you back,” Cassie muttered into the phone. She lifted her chin and met Luke’s gaze. “I see Tim told you?”
“Hell yeah, he did, something you should have, not leaving it to an eight-year-old kid who’s eating his heart out over it. How could you not tell me Kelly was hurt?”
“Because she begged me not to. Apparently, she thinks you can’t handle it. Or that you don’t care. I don’t know, which is it? You let her leave town twice now with no apparent side effects from it. So why should you know anything about my sister?”
“You know why, damn it.”
She slammed her fist down on the counter and took a long, deep breath. Her tone was tight with disapproval. “No, I don’t. Why don’t you tell me? Because you don’t say anything. You don’t do anything. So what is it you want to do or say about this? About Kelly?”
“That’s not fair, Cassie,” John interjected as he walked in from the living room.
“Yeah? You know what? It is. Luke’s determined to ruin the rest of his life.”
“He has a good reason. It’s not like he means to be unhappy. Kelly knows that and doesn’t blame him. Neither should anyone else.”
“I’m sorry you lost your family, you know that I am. But I didn’t know Shelly. I know my sister, and my sister’s happiness and well-being trumps your tragic past.”
Cassie paused. “Kelly was walking into heartbreak with you, and still, I kept out of it. I know you never meant to hurt her, really I do, but you know what? You did hurt her. She’s not like other women. She loves with a loyalty that puts others to shame. Look at how she loved our mother. And now she loves you. And she doesn’t want you to be hurt anymore. She’s trying to protect you from anymore heartache. So we don’t tell you she’s been in a car accident. We don’t tell you anything. We protect you, for her, per her orders. We look out for you. And sometimes, all I want to do is look out for my sister.”
“What happened to her?”
“No. She asked me not to tell you. And as far as I’m concerned, no matter how much you claim to not want to hurt her, you have every intention of doing just that. Because you love her and can’t resist her when she’s around, but you don’t want her for more than that. She makes you feel better, but you won’t let her be anymore to you. So no, you don’t get to know about Kelly. Leave her alone. I mean it. She deserves all of you, and if you can’t do that, then leave her alone.”
“Cassie enough,” John said his tone grave. Cassie snapped her jaw shut and glared at Luke.
Luke stared from John to Cassie. His heart squeezed. She was right. Cassie was right to hate him so. All he had done was let his past hurt Kelly. And today was no different. “No. No…it’s okay. She’s right,” Luke said, as he turned and fled the kitchen to his truck. He drove until he came to the cemetery. He didn’t even know he was going there. He opened his door and went to Shelly’s grave. He stared at it long and hard.
He was thinking about Kelly, not Shelly. He was standing at h
is dead wife’s grave, and for once, his past memories, and his pain, didn’t block out everything else. For once, Kelly did.
He was terrified about Kelly. He wanted to be with her. He missed her right then, more than he missed Shelly.
His head was pounding. He rubbed a hand over his face as a war seemed to be waging inside him. He’d fallen in love again.
His whole body seemed to go still, even his heart stopped beating. A peace he hadn’t had in four years entered his soul. He had fallen in love because Kelly let him love her and love Shelly. She understood him on a level no one else ever had. She cried on him, with him, and for him. She showed him how to grieve, that it was okay to let go. And now, he had.
He touched the cold stone of Shelly’s marker. He would love Shelly always. He would never get over what happened to her and Amelia. He was a different man now, and he’d never go back. But he found someone who loved him, despite everything he’d done wrong, and everything that was wrong with him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered to the empty cemetery. For so long, her death had been his life. And now he was finally letting her go. He was sorry she died, sorry for their lost love, their lost dreams, their lost child, and their lost life together. He was sorry even, that he’d found the will to finally move on. But he was going to do just that. Move on.
Lightness filled him that hadn’t touched him since the moment he’d gotten the phone call that Shelly had died. He smiled. Somewhere out there, his life was starting over again, and it was finally okay.
Now he just had to find Kelly and convince her of that. Tell her she was right. He was wrong. He did love Kelly. Kelly was the reason he could start living again, loving again, hoping again.
Chapter Thirty-Two
“Luke?” Sarah’s jaw dropped when she opened the door to him.
“Hi, Sarah.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to see Kelly.”
“Why?”
Luke smiled at the sudden fierce expression on Sarah’s face. Another of Kelly’s loyal protectors.
“To tell her I love her.”
“Oh,” Sarah said as her eyes grew round. “Oh my God. Do you mean it? Really? Oh, it’s so romantic. But she’s doing a photo shoot.”
“I know.”
He left the cemetery and had to go home and be practical. He packed a bag, grabbed his wallet, then he drove straight to Portland. He waited until he could get a flight to L.A., and here he was.
He phoned Cassie from the road.
At first, she was belligerent, and then he explained why he needed to know Kelly’s address.
“Don’t you need to know what happened to her?” Cassie asked, amazed.
“I want her to tell me.”
“Oh. All right then.” Cassie made the simple statement without masking the tone of her voice. She got that something monumental had just occurred. Luke learned a whole lot about Kelly that he didn’t know before. Like she was working on a charity organization that was earning money for a rehab facility for people who normally couldn’t afford it. For someone like her mother. She started a campaign to teach and distribute literature to kids and teens about the dangers of methamphetamines, even one-time use. She taped several commercials as public announcements, even financing the costs. She organized charity events and fundraisers over the past year to raise money for her clinic, and was planning to donate much of what she made off Sarah’s store, to her new charity, simply named, “Heather’s House.”
While driving to her endless meetings, she was in the car when she got hit from behind on the driver’s side. She’d been taken to the hospital and released with bruised ribs from the seatbelt, and a few minor cuts and scrapes.
Sarah was in town to be with her and help her, as the clinic was scheduled to open in a few days.
“So you want to go to her photo shoot?” Sarah asked him.
“Yes, that’s exactly what I want.”
“Come on then, you can watch. Let’s wait until she’s done to let her know you’re here. No use making her nervous. I have to warn you though, it’s really weird to see her like this.”
“Like what?”
“Working. She’s totally different than she is at Seaclusion. I mean, until I saw her here, I didn’t get that she was really something. Sure, I knew she was famous, but once you see her working, it really gets hammered home, intimidating almost.”
“Do you think I should leave?”
“Oh no! I wasn’t telling you that so you’d leave. I just wanted you to know. Plus, she’s got an entourage, and someone always wanting something from her. It drives me nuts. I want to scream at them to leave her alone for a second. But she handles it all like the pro she is. Truthfully, I had no idea she was such a workaholic until I visited her here in L.A.”
“I’m glad you’re here. They would have kicked me out if you hadn’t vouched for me.”
“Who’d have guessed you’d be glad to see me?”
“Who’d have guessed we’d both be here to see Kelly?”
Luke followed Sarah into an ordinary looking building. Inside, it was busy, and chaotic, and everything opposite of glamorous. Luke followed Sarah through all the people. He was dressed in Seaclusion wear, gray slacks, a blue-striped shirt, that looked stylish and nice when he dressed this morning. He liked clothes, and he liked to look nice, until he came here. Now he was out of any kind of element he’d ever been in. Hip, stylish, and good looking, he was not here. He was Seaclusion, and this was L.A. This was Kelly Reeves, model. This was not his Kelly.
Then there she was, a dozen or so paces away from him, but she could have been standing on the moon, looking back at him on earth for how close he felt to her. She was wearing a gold colored, almost second-skin pant suit that was totally hideous, but looked good only because Kelly’s body filled it out. With boots that went up over her thighs, and heels that put anything he’d seen her in the past to shame. How could she even stand in them? Her hair was big, teased and bejeweled. She was doing an ad for some kind of nail polish. What the outfit had to do with the ad Luke couldn’t begin to fathom, but then, he didn’t know anything around here, did he?
She twisted, she pouted, she smiled, she didn’t smile, and the camera clicked while she reacted just as the man, behind the camera said to do. Or not do. It was tedious. Shot after shot, click, click, click. What changed from her arm up to her arm down? Her hip this way, her hip that way? It looked boring and grueling. And monotonous. Hundreds of shots of the same thing. The same damn thing. For one ad? Who knew?
Finally, it was done. Kelly had yet to notice him, and suddenly, Luke wondered why he was there. She was different here, and Luke finally got that when she came to Seaclusion they saw vacation Kelly. She was relaxed and fun. She was real and ordinary acting. She wasn’t this, glamorous, successful, and sought after. He knew little of her real life. He hadn’t even seen her condo before and didn’t even know her address.
How real was what they shared? The self-doubts suddenly rendered him nearly immobile. He was a country idiot here, something he’d never really considered himself until that very moment.
He didn’t fit in. Sarah, who was normally so self-assured, was nervous and unsure of herself, too. Sarah seemed quiet and unassuming in this environment, something she never was. If someone like Sarah didn’t fit into this world, how could he? It was a damn miracle Kelly hadn’t laughed at them each time she met them.
Coming here was a terrible idea. What was he thinking? He’d storm in here and sweep her off her feet like she’d been sitting around pining for him? What kind of ego did he have to think that just because he’d finally gotten his act together, that she’d even care? Why should she care after what he’d done to her? He was like a donkey standing there. Why hadn’t he bothered to call first? How come he assumed she’d be available to him? God, he was a heel. And now there was no going back.
“Luke, she’s done now. Why don’t we go talk to her?”
Luke no
dded, feeling ridiculously glad Sarah was there with him. Who could have guessed? Luke followed Sarah down a hallway that passed by several people scurrying about. No one paid them much attention.
“Kelly? Are you decent?”
“Sure. Come on in, I’m…”
She stopped talking mid-sentence when her gaze met his.
They stared at each other across the room. It was uncomfortable. Awkward. They had nothing to say. Even when they hadn’t gotten along, there had always been some kind of connection between them. A connection that existed back in Seaclusion, and Luke didn’t see how that could extend to here.
She was Kelly Reeves, and he forgot that. He’d gotten used to Kelly as just plain Kelly, and seeing her here was the equivalent of feeling like he’d traveled across a continent, and everyone around him was speaking the native tongue but him.
She wore layers of makeup, thick bands of color over her eyes, her hair elaborate with jewels woven in. The outfit was gone, she wore only a silk robe. She didn’t even resemble the woman he’d last been with, a woman with whom he’d fallen to his knees, crying all over. Yeah, awkward didn’t even begin to describe him standing there in her world.
“Luke?”
“Yeah, hey.” He couldn’t believe that’s what came out of his mouth, but he couldn’t seem to make his tongue say more. Say the truth, say how he felt. But suddenly, he wasn’t sure how he felt.
Sarah stood between them looking from one to the other. The tension was as thick as Kelly’s makeup, and Sarah obviously felt as out of place as they both did.
“What are you doing here?”
Obvious question. Her gaze was searching him for answers, answers that he had to find a way to say without blurting out and sounding like a hick.
“I wanted to see you.”
“Why?”
“You were in an accident.”
“Oh. Yeah. That’s true. Cassie wasn’t going to tell you. Anyway, I’m fine as you can see. I bruised some ribs and am sore, but nothing major. Cassie didn’t explain?”
“I didn’t give her a chance. Anyway, it was Tim who told me. He said you were in the hospital.”
