“I feel the same way,” I say as the drizzle turns to rain. I yank my hoodie up, rubbing a hand on Rose’s shoulder. “How long have you been here?”
“Six months,” she says, shifting the bag of groceries to zip her jacket.
“Six months? How have you put up with Boston for six months?” I chuckle.
Rose’s whole face lights up. Spontaneous laughter bursts from her lips. “By dreaming of punching her in the nose.”
At this, we both laugh like only girlfriends can and the rest of the way back to the hostel is lighthearted and easy. It reminds me of what it feels like to be a seventeen-year-old again. When we reach the top of the long driveway, I spot Jonathan’s Mini Cooper parked in front of the carriage house. I stop dead, wishing I didn’t have to go in, wishing I didn’t have this giant decision hanging over my head.
Lindy’s future still rides on me. Only now, my whole family is at risk—
I have to consider my choices carefully. If I leave my family with SEEK, they’re safe, for now. If I go rogue and spring them out on my own, it will be me taking on the whole government alone. But that’s not even my biggest dilemma. If I join the Fifth Column, I’m part of a team. That didn’t work out so great last time. What if I join the Fifth Column and someone else gets hurt? Someone like Rose, or Jonathan?
“What’s wrong?” Rose asks, glancing from the house to me.
“How’d we get here, Rose? When did we grow up and become adults? Sometimes don’t you just wish we could escape and go be kids again?” I force a smile, though I’m only half kidding.
“Sometimes, but then I remember all the things that are bigger, more important, than me. I think of Zana and remember why I’m here.”
Irkalla’s face pops into my head, sweet and smiling with her slanted all-knowing eyes. “You’re right. Of course you’re right. I just meant, if things were different.”
“If things were different, if the world were different, I’d be worrying about how to buy my first car and working at some crappy hamburger joint in Washington. Things aren’t though. The whole world really is this messed up. But at least now, I have a friend to go crazy with,” Rose says enthusiastically, hooking her free arm through mine and dragging me forward.
Like a cog clicking into place, the intricate workings of my emotional rollercoaster begin to level out.
And then we enter the lobby.
Once again the room is absolutely packed with more bodies than should be possible and all eyes are on me.
“There she is!” Jonathan jumps up from the middle of the crowd, looking both exhausted and relieved as he hops over people to reach me.
“Hi.” I answer, wide-eyed.
Every girl in the room, besides Rose, glowers at me as Jonathan wraps his arms around my shoulders. He pulls me in close, laying a lingering kiss on my cheek, and whispers. “Save me please.”
Two girls huff and flounce out of the room. I try pretending the spot where his lips just were doesn’t burn. I’m unsuccessful. Color flushes my cheeks.
“I told them we’re together, so if anyone asks you’re my girlfriend, okay?”
I blink up at him, lost in his eyes, and nod robotically.
“Thanks. I owe you one.” Jonathan spins me, keeping an arm on my shoulders.
Paul roars a hearty greeting from the dining room. “Hello, Keira. Come have a real look at what we do around here.”
“You ditched me,” I say out the side of my mouth.
Jonathan leans into my ear. “Sorry, I had to. I thought it might help you get to know people if I wasn’t around. Did it work? Are you convinced yet?” He ushers me through the human maze.
I hesitate at the cusp of the hallway, torn between two futures. I could leave this place. Leave Jonathan. Continue on my path to save my family alone. Or maybe—just maybe—I could stay. Accept the Fifth Column’s help. I chew my bottom lip. A quick glance from Jonathan to Rose gets me closer to a decision. There’s something I really like about her. She feels familiar. She reminds me of Lindy.
“You coming, Rose?” I call.
Rose leaps up, a triumphant grin spreading over face as she tosses the bag of groceries. “Crisps and a movie!”
Tuck catches it with a crunch. Like a steak thrown to a pack of hungry wolves the kids tackle him. “Pipe down!” Tuck roars.
“Congratulations, you’ve just been promoted.” Paul says to Rose, elbowing her playfully.
As we creak down the stairs, Rose grabs my hand and squeezes. “Thank you.”
Candidate
Thankfully, the next many days go by in a blur of weapons, tactical maneuvers, and survival training lessons. It’s not easy to teach someone who’s never so much as climbed a ladder or held a squirt gun, but it hasn’t been impossible. Rose has a particular knack for duck and cover.
“Incoming!” I shout, letting a water balloon fly from my slingshot.
Rose dives behind a tall green trash bin, curls up against it and covers her head. The balloon splashes where she’d been.
“Scatter!” I holler, grabbing the paintball gun out of my holster and charging into the simulated urban terrain.
The yard is now an obstacle course for Rose’s training and I’ve become her fulltime assailant. It’s my job to make sure Rose can survive a hand-to-hand or weapons attack. I know there are no guarantees. But I’ll give her the best chance possible.
I promised Paul I’d teach her everything I know.
The best part about crouching behind bales of straw, holding a paintball gun like a rifle, and rolling for cover is that I don’t have time to think. I get up in the morning, shower when it’s my turn, eat breakfast when it’s served and then I’m out here.
Dang it! I’m slow pulling in my legs. A bright blue paintball pings me painfully in the ankle. It’s up to Rose to remember which leg she hit. I can’t run now, though. I have to scramble around, raising my gun in all directions. A sitting duck waiting for her next attack.
I listen.
The nice thing about England is the rain and humidity. Wet ground is familiar to me. The telltale squish on my left is a welcome warning. I launch. I jab to her arm to take out her weapon, and then sweep her legs. She goes down with a thud. I grab her throat and pin her to the ground, knee on her chest.
Only it’s not Rose.
I blink down at a purple-faced Jonathan squirming beneath me. Cheers of whooping laughter erupt from the backdoor. Jonathan swipes at my arm. Our eyes meet. Both of us stunned to see the other.
I pull my hand away. “Oh, shit! I’m sorry. I thought you were Rose!” I explain, whipping my head to the crowd. Rose stands busting at the seams with everyone else.
That’s a first.
“Keira,” Jonathan whispers hoarsely, hunched over on his side and rubbing his neck.
“I’m sorry. What can I do to help you? Ice, you need ice.” I grab his arm—still shaky from adrenaline—and help him toward the house.
“Okay, show’s over. Don’t you all have chores or something?” Rose says sternly, trying to keep a straight face.
Twenty grumbling bodies sulk back into the house. I hear one of them say, “It’s not fair Rose get’s to have all the fun while we’re stuck in here.” That gives me an idea, but it’ll have to wait.
The yard empties just in time. Jonathan trips, coughs, and latches round my neck.
“What were you doing out there? You know I’m training Rose.”
“Paul.” Jonathan visibly swallows and tries again. “Paul.”
“Don’t talk yet.” I get him inside and sit him at the table.
Rose’s head pops around the door from the hallway. “Is he okay? Can I do anything?”
“Frozen peas!” I gesture to the freezer.
Rose scrambles and plops the cold bag in my hand. I don’t even get the peas to Jonathan’s throat before he jerks around snatching it out of my hand.
I hold my breath, waiting for the anger that’s sure to follow. If it were me, I know I’d be pisse
d.
“I’ll live. Jesus, you let her do this to you on a daily basis?” Jonathan grunts, slumping forward and clutching the peas to his throat.
Rose and I share a smile. We have an understanding that we not go easy on each other. I don’t want to get soft sitting around here for weeks and Rose wants to toughen up. When I took Jonathan down it was the real deal.
“Nah, I try not to let her catch me.” Rose snickers, trying to lighten his mood.
I let out a breath. At least she didn’t tell him she’s had three times that today alone. I secretly wink at Rose with a knowing grin. “We’re fine here I think. Thanks. I’ll call if we need anything.”
Rose struts off. I’m pretty sure to go gossip about Jonathan’s unfortunate takedown. I don’t blame her. Those kids are brutal toward her. But right now, she’s a star.
Poor Jonathan, though. That bunch will probably come up with a name like “I’ll drop you like a Jonathan” or something.
“You’re never going to live this down,” I warn him, wiping yellow paint off my knuckles with a soapy paper towel.
“I know.”
Seconds tick by on the ugly pink cat clock hanging over the doorway. Jonathan lets out a groan, getting unsteadily to his feet. He pats the sides of his neck.
“Better?” I cringe, watching the bruises bloom in the shape of five fingers.
Jonathan swallows with difficulty. “Yeah.”
I close the gap between us, reaching for his neck. Jonathan’s hand snaps up, clamping down on my wrist. Emotion flashing in his eyes, he pulls me to him. I lean in, tipping my face up.
“I was wondering where you’d gotten off to. I heard what happened. It’s all anyone is talking about.” Paul ducks into the room, a hallway full of whispering onlookers in tow.
“Great.” Jonathan clears his throat, stepping back.
I smooth my shirt and then my hair, looking for something to distract myself. But it’s no use. The absence of Jonathan is everywhere.
“Have some water.” I grab a cup and hold it under the faucet, hands trembling.
Jonathan. My mind says over and over. Would you have kissed me? Would I have liked it? I wonder.
“Of course you’ll like it. It’s Jonathan,” the voice from nowhere answers.
I hand Jonathan the glass. He covers my hand and squeezes. Our gaze meets. My heart bangs loudly against my ribs. This time I’ll have to agree with the disembodied voice. I would definitely like being kissed by Jonathan.
Paul shoves back against the crowd. “Get back to work!” he shouts, closing the kitchen door.
Giggles and scurrying feet scatter away, leaving the three of us uncomfortably in the silence.
“Any way we can continue with our meeting, or do you need to go lie down?” Paul asks, sounding annoyed.
“I’m good.” Jonathan nods abruptly.
“Meeting?” I ask.
“Well, we were supposed to be in a meeting. I sent Jonathan to find you because I’ve done it. I’ve found our Candidate and I’m hoping you’ll stick around and help us win.” Paul leans an elbow on the counter, silently pleading with me.
I glance at Jonathan, and the deep purple circles on his neck. “I shouldn’t even be here. It’s probably best for everyone if I leave. The longer—”
“No!” Jonathan leaps to his feet, crossing the space between us in two hurried steps. “This isn’t your fault. You’ve done nothing wrong. My fault. Stay,” he pleads, his voice thick with worry.
“It’s just that—what about Lindy? I need to…” My excuse is wearing thin. Jonathan knows it. We’ve already discussed possible outcomes of my escaping with my family into the Himalayas.
“You need to be here. Where we can give you updates on her progress. Because Lindy’s surgery is scheduled for Monday,” Jonathan says softly.
The words reach me like a shot of pure oxygen. “Monday? She’s having it for real?” I gape at Jonathan.
“It’s true, and we’ll be here to monitor her recovery via BackWatch,” Paul says, nodding at Jonathan.
Jonathan steps toward me. “Stop running, Keira, at least from us. We’re your friends.”
But when I look into his eyes, what I hear is, “Stop running from me. I want you to stay.” Jonathan’s unspoken words trickle into my veins, winding their way around my heart. “I don’t know what to do. I like the Fifth Column. I really do, but…” But what I really mean is. “I like you too, and I’m scared.”
“But you’re still not convinced,” Paul finishes for me.
“I just don’t know if I’m the right person.” I look down at Jonathan’s hands still holding mine and pull away.
“Okay. I have an idea.” Paul grabs a heavy mug, filling it with coffee from the stained pot. “My candidate, Ethan Reynolds, has voted against every Khayal initiative since he’s been in the Senate for twelve years. I had a private meeting with him this morning and I’m positive this is the guy for us. His poll numbers are low, so we’ll have our work cut out for us, but he’s the one we need to win if we’re going to shut down Episteme and Kistall. We won’t give up until all Khayal are safe.”
I listen, nodding along, for the part that has to do with me. But Paul just sips his coffee thoughtfully. I raise a brow to Jonathan. Thinking I’ve missed something.
“Paul,” Jonathan says.
“Hmmm?” Paul grins, his mustache curling up in the corners. “Oh, right. This is where you two come in. Jonathan, from you I need your money and your Episteme expertise. Keira, I desperately need you. You are the only one on our side with the inside scoop on SEEK. Kistall is going to be hard to beat, but I know with your help we could do it.”
“You already know my answer,” Jonathan says proudly. “How much?”
“Fifty million should give Reynolds’ a leg up,” Paul answers, setting his cup on the counter and reaching across the island to shake Jonathan’s hand.
Jonathan looks as though Paul’s asked to borrow a pen.
“Fifty million?” I choke. “As in dollars? Fifty million dollars? You’re giving him fifty million dollars?”
Paul and Jonathan turn and look at me like I’m the crazy one.
“Of course. Didn’t you hear?”
“I heard blah, blah, blah, he’s going to save the world. But I don’t believe it. I mean, it’s a nice thought and all, but it’s never going to work. We’re just a bunch of kids and one not-so-popular presidential candidate. I don’t see how any of this will ever matter.” I throw my hands in the air, spinning on a heel. But I don’t make it two steps before Jonathan catches my arm.
“It will matter with your help. Don’t you think I know it’s a long shot? It is a gamble, but I’m willing to take the chance. I don’t care about the money. I’d give it all away if it would free Mayet. I care about you… and Paul. And about all of these kids here who are willing to their risk lives to make a difference.”
I think of Lindy and Rose, two very different people pulling at my heart. I haven’t felt this torn since the day I signed up for SEEK. Leaving Lindy almost destroyed me. And back then I was motivated to make a difference. To do the right thing. And Rose, so eager to be part of something bigger than she is, just like I was.
Right now Lindy’s awaiting the surgery that will give her back her legs, the surgery that I fought to get her. But it’s a dangerous surgery. And one that wouldn’t even be necessary if SEEK hadn’t lied to me. I was too gullible and naïve. I shouldn’t have believed them.
I look at Jonathan’s hopeful face and shake my head. I have no answer to give him. “I’m sorry.” I pull my arm away and start for the door again.
“Hey. Hey, don’t go. At least give us more time before you decide it’s a no. Jonathan’s going to run into Shrewsbury for a few days to transfer the money to Reynolds. Why don’t you go with him and give us your final decision when you come back?” Paul says.
A hopeful look passes from Paul to Jonathan, as if each is trying to convince the other that I’ll have a change
of heart. I wish I had their optimism.
“Paul?” Rose’s face peeks back through the door.
“Heh?” Paul scowls at his cousin.
“It’s almost six. We’re going to have a mutiny on our hands if I don’t make dinner.” Rose giggles.
It’s a genuinely happy sound, changing the vibe of the room. This is a completely different Rose than the girl who answered the door two weeks ago.
“You did that. You gave Rose Marie hope. You gave her a reason to fight,” the voice says.
“Yes. Good. Right. You feed the pack and we’ll take this to control,” Paul says, jerking his head to Jonathan.
“You’re officially my hero,” Rose whispers as I pass.
I hesitate, shooting her a sideways glance before catching up to Jonathan and Paul. I reach the lobby where I’m greeted by deafening cheers. Tuck, with his Mohawk waving like a flag, nods his head approvingly. Even Boston claps and looks impressed despite herself.
“Will you teach us too? Like you’re teaching Rose Marie?” a boy whose name I don’t even know asks from the couch.
“Keira,” Paul calls from the hallway.
“Err. Maybe.” I scuttle away, trying to see anything other than their faces. Faces of children. They shouldn’t even be here, caught up in this bitter war. It’s not their fight. But they stay. And they look happy about it.
Mixed emotions swirl inside of me. I can’t see the right path to take.
“This is where you belong. Embrace it,” the voice says as I step into the elevator Jonathan had installed.
Chasing Shadows
The idea of acting like a tourist while being Jonathan’s backup as he transfers millions to the Reynolds campaign isn’t half bad. I like being out of that house with room to think.
Jonathan’s steady breathing fills the miles, a marking of the silent companionship we’ve fallen into. I watch the farms pass by my window, theorizing how people live without neighbors or a grocery store within walking distance. Occasionally, a sheep with a little black face and big round eyes, looks up from its clover as we pass.
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