by Kiki Leach
“You’re forever acting like this was yesterday and not five years ago.”
“Because I’m still ANGRY, Nikki! I’m still angry! He never gave me a reason, he just went off with her as if it was always supposed to be that way. As if he had planned this entire life with her from the very beginning and I was just someone he decided to do until the timing was right for THEM. He made a fool of me and a mockery of our entire relationship and what WE were supposed to mean to each other. He made me believe in him complete with ‘forever hold your peace’ and then he shattered it, leaving ME to pick up what was left behind of my own heart. And he never even said ‘I’m sorry’, not for a single thing he did, for what he made me believe, nothing. He just kept moving along through life while I remained dumbfounded still wondering what the hell had just happened to mine. I’ve got no closure – I’ve NEVER had closure from this. After all these years of listening to me, it astounds me that you never realized that.” She paused. “I just did what I always do, I moved on and acted as if my life was too great to continue giving a shit. People bought it and so I kept up the charade, chucking deuces everywhere I went when I was constantly asked about them and THEIR life together, practically donning a No Fucks To Give t-shirt on the daily when I was running basic errands to the grocery store or SoHo. So yeah, I’m still pissed and I’ll remain pissed until he can at least get off her pussy long enough to pick up a phone, dial my number and fucking apologize for screwing me out of a life that should’ve been mine.”
Nikki’s heart sank for her friend. She puckered her brows and looked to the floor. “Do you still want that life with him, V? Even after everything he’s done?”
She exhaled deeply and placed a hand on her chest in an effort to gather her thoughts. “It would’ve been nice to have had the option then. But now… now, he broke whatever trust I ever had in him. I miss what could’ve been and that’s what I’m most angry about. Sometimes I blame myself, most times I blame him.”
Nikki gulped. “I guess I didn’t know it still affected you as deeply as this. I mean, I knew, but… I didn’t.”
“Yeah, well…” Vanessa tucked her hair behind her ears and shook her head as a variation of memories from over the years came flooding back to her all at once. “My therapist says I hide it well, even though it’s unhealthy.”
“It’s healthier to let it out.” Nikki nervously looked around the room. “But, probably not like this.”
Vanessa looked throughout her office as her employees and even passersby were staring in both shock and fear.
Her assistant got up from her desk and peeked her head inside. “Do you want me to tell them that you suffered an aneurysm and you need a minute?”
“There’s a bottle of vodka in my mother’s office. Why don’t you get it and just set this place on fire with me in it.”
Samantha looked over at Nikki, who gradually shook her head no. She backed out of the room and tried to move those pointing and staring away from Vanessa’s direction and door.
Vanessa spun around and nibbled her lip. She leaned back and frowned. “I don’t recall making the ‘no day drinking’ thing official.”
“It became official right after Page Six smeared your name all over their cover, remember? We went out to celebrate you getting the job and you got so plastered, you passed out in the middle of the Biltmore hotel. I’d never seen your mom so pissed, I thought she was going to kill me.”
“And yet look at you! Still alive to tell the tale. Nikki, my mom is in Paris. My ex-boyfriend is getting married. My ex-best friend is trying to rub my face in it, and my current best friend is giving me a look that only works if you’re a dog in need of a home. I don’t care about Page Six. I care about clouding my mind so that I don’t have to keep thinking about what could’ve been.”
Nikki stood up and walked over to her. “I just don’t think this is a very good idea, V. You’ve hardly eaten lunch and your breakfast was a cinnamon roll.”
“My breakfast was that invitation. And now I need lunch to properly digest it. Preferably with vodka and Worcestershire sauce.” She went behind her desk and grabbed her coat and purse, slipping the strap on her shoulder. “Besides, these people need at least a day to forget the words, ‘dick’ and ‘pussy’, came out of my mouth before 2pm.”
Part Two
After helplessly watching her friend down what seemed to be an unending amount of Bloody Mary’s at the Auden Bistro & Bar located within The Ritz-Carlton, Nikki wrapped one arm around Vanessa’s and escorted her out onto the sidewalk. She wanted to flee the scene as soon as possible in case someone had decided to call the paparazzi seeking to earn a quick buck.
As they strolled past various citizens on skateboards and rollerblades, Vanessa suddenly began laughing almost uncontrollably for what appeared to be no reason at all. Those same people began staring with wide eyes and confused looks, as did Nikki. They hadn’t said a single word to one another since leaving the bar.
“V--” she started, her face reddening from extreme embarrassment.
She grabbed her stomach and doubled over, which forced Nikki into a slight panic. “They are going to be so damn miserable together,” she hollered, laughing until tears spewed from her eyes. She wiped them away with the back of her hand and sniffed. “They’d be better off continuing to live in sin rather than try and make it legal. Once it’s legal, anyone who knows anything knows it all goes to shit.” She stood up straight, still laughing. “Ooh, ooh! Maybe they SHOULD get married, so that when it DOES go to shit, I can point and laugh. Or send them an invitation to my ‘I Don’t Give A Shit’ party!”
“Throwing a party in honor of not giving a shit defeats the purpose of not actually giving a shit.” She tried holding Vanessa close to her so that she wouldn’t fall over. More people began staring. Nikki became paranoid that nearly everyone who looked in their direction was a paparazzi of some kind.
“You are squeezing the circulation out of my arm!”
“Sorry. Hey, V, maybe we should get you some coffee before going back to the office.”
“Oh screw that place, to hell with it.” Vanessa snatched her arm from Nikki’s and straightened her dress, while doing her best impression of someone slightly intoxicated attempting to appear straight and sober. She cleared her throat and started walking on her own, slightly wobbling. “I’m not going back up there and facing those people after I made a complete ass of myself. I’m sure someone’s called Page Six by now to tell them that the daughter of Alexis Brown just lost it in front of her employees and then skipped out to go to the bar. God knows I said it loud enough.” She stopped walking and dropped her face in her hands, rattling her head. “I can’t believe I said all of that up there. I didn’t mean any of it. Well, that’s not true, I meant all of it. Especially the day drinking and the part about him not saying ‘I’m sorry’. God forbid he apologize for screwing me over by screwing my best friend. And I loved her like a sister. A fucking sister, Nikki.”
“I know,” she responded. “I know, I was there, remember?”
“The whole time she was screwing him. The whole time. Why didn’t the gossip rags ever run that?” She pat her chest and shut her eyes to keep from crying. “My mother warned me against her, she said that girl was no good for me. She said she was a fame whore, money hungry…”
“She also said I had no ambition,” Nikki mumbled.
“That was high school, not now. And she was wrong about that, anyway. You’re finding yourself, that’s all, and there’s nothing wrong with it. You’re not out there screwing my boyfriend or anyone else’s.”
Nikki became pensive and waited a moment. “What if I were?”
Vanessa turned, staring at her in confusion, and glowered. “What the fuck are you talking about, Nicole?”
“I’m not saying I did. I wouldn’t do that to you, ever. But I’m saying if I had been that girl--”
“If you had been Sheila from Slutsville, USA.”
She bobbed her head and look
ed to the corner of her eyes. “Sure. If I had been her, would you toss me aside too?”
“What does it matter? You’re not a tramp like she was. That girl went out of her way to screw me over, ever since we were kids. She rigged every homecoming election we ever entered together so she would win and I would lose. She always stole my Barbie’s and even my car when I first learned to drive. Do you remember her claiming to ‘borrow’ it and then accusing me of being too drunk to remember that I told her it was fine, which is something everyone knew I never would’ve done?! That Mercedes was practically totaled after she rammed it into a tree after SHE decided to get high on coke; and I was the one left suffering and listening to my mother scream at me for three hours, from everything to the dangers of drugs to the color of the walls in my bedroom. I couldn’t drive for a year after that and all she could say was, ‘my bad’. Bitch.”
They started walking again as Vanessa began to sober up.
“You are nothing like her, Nikki,” she went on. “You never will be. Count your blessings for it and I’ll count mine. And for the record, I didn’t toss her aside. That piece of trash willingly left the moment she thought screwing Nathan was more important than our sad-sack excuse of a so-called friendship.”
“Ten years down the drain over him,” said Nikki.
“He was the straw and she was the camel.” She tilted her head. “Or something like that.”
They continued on for a few blocks as Vanessa became more lucid in the cool winds engulfing the city. It remained gloomy but fitting for her mood. When they came upon Nikki’s workplace sometime later, she stopped and peeked inside, noticing the crowd was thinning out for the afternoon. She turned to Vanessa, who was staring out into the loud Manhattan streets, thinking.
“Do you mind if we go inside for just a second?”
Vanessa turned to look up at the sign and groaned. “I know you like working here, but I really don’t like their coffee, Nik.”
“Ok, well, I need to pick up my check.”
“It’s Tuesday. You get paid barely two days into the work week now?”
“No. I missed last week’s check so I want to pick it up now.”
“If you didn’t have your check from last week, what did you buy my food with today? Monopoly money? In fact, you always complain about not having money, and yet manage to pop up with some every week at the last minute, almost like magic.”
“Why are you asking me so many questions, V?”
“Me asking you so many questions? Why are you not making any damn sense, Nik? First the Sheila thing and now you can’t even answer me about a simple paycheck? If you’re borrowing from your parents, it’s perfectly okay, no one out here will judge you.”
“It’s not from my parents.”
“Then it IS coming from someone.”
“No, just…” She stopped. “I only need to step inside for a second, is that okay with you?”
“Perfectly fine. But if you want to go into work today and flirt with your boss, just say so and I’ll go home alone.”
“I don’t need to go in today, V,” she said in a harsh tone. “And I don’t flirt with Oscar.”
“Yeah, and I’m Lebanese.”
“Just wait out here and I’ll be back in a sec.”
“I’m not waiting out here by myself while you go in there doing God knows what and coming out only God knows when. You’re a chatterbox, and it’s cold outside.”
She walked around Nikki and entered the shop, choosing to sit in a corner near the door.
Serving at the main counter was a handsome six-foot-two, brown hair, blue-eyed former GAP model turned human coffee machine. His name was Oscar Malone, and The Bean was his latest in a slew of chained shops located within and around the tri-state area. Nikki became his first employee at this particular shop just three days after officially opening on the Lower East Side nearly a year ago. Sitting pretty between two hair salons and a popular gym didn’t seem to be too shabby of an area at the time.
As Oscar waved at Vanessa, she politely smiled and began scrolling through her phone.
“It won’t take me long,” said Nikki.
Vanessa had hardly paid her any attention. She was too busy searching for messages from anyone else she knew who may have been invited to the wedding-from-hell.
Once the last customer in line had collected her order, Nikki strolled up to Oscar and gleamed. His eyes lit up the moment he saw her face and his smile only got wider when she nodded her head, indicating they head to the back of his shop, to his office. He agreed with a quick nod and wink, then turned away from her.
“Hey, Max!” Oscar called out.
A short, balding man wearing a loose green employee shirt and matching apron came walking around the corner. His hands were wet and soapy from having washed dishes.
“Can you take care of the front while Nikki and I have a quick discussion in the back? It won’t take long, just, give the customers whatever they ask for. This is kind of important, so…”
“Whatever you say, boss,” replied Max. He gave Nikki a slight look of disgust as he wiped his hands down on his apron and headed to the register.
Upon entering his office, Nikki went over to the chair before his desk and rested her hands. Oscar shut the door behind them and lay back, staring at her shapely physique. The yoga pants hugged her curves perfectly. And the tank only accentuated the size of her ample breasts.
He tilted his head and ran his tongue over his lips. “I missed you today,” he said in a low voice.
Those words and the tone of them sent a visible shiver up and down her spine. She loved going to work because it gave her the chance to see him and work in close quarters every day. But she also loved the thrill of not seeing him from time to time and how enamored he would be with her when she would come back.
“Did you have class today?” he asked her.
She nodded. “It was a good one. We performed improvisations in front of everyone.” She spun around and looked directly into his eyes. “I was the slutty barista having an affair with her boss.”
“How did you manage to pull that one off?”
“I’m not sure. One of the girls said I didn’t seem to know what I was doing, though.”
“She doesn’t know you like I do.”
He walked forward and placed a hand on her stomach. She ran her fingers across his freshly tanned skin.
“No one knows me like you do.”
He slowly nodded and smiled. “Why’d you come in here today?”
“I wanted to see you,” she answered. “We were walking past, and--”
“What did you tell Vanessa?”
“That I was picking up my check.
He chuckled. “On a Tuesday?”
“She didn’t believe it. She thought I was coming in here to flirt with you.” She stood up straight and moved away from him, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her jacket as she let out a shaky breath. “She sees it. She sees how attracted I am to you and it scares me that she knows that something could be going on.”
“When the divorce is final, we won’t have to hide anymore.”
Nikki nodded and rested her hands behind her. “Desagradable,” she mumbled. “And when will that be? My friends don’t know you’re married. V’s not in here enough to notice the wedding ring on your left hand. Maurice wouldn’t care, but it matters to me. Hell, I’m starting to get the feeling that even Max knows something. Did you notice the way he looked at me when we walked in here? Like I was the Whore of Babylon ready to claim my next victim.”
“I didn’t notice anyone but you. I never notice anyone but you.” He shrugged. “If you want, I can always get rid of Max. He sucks at taking orders and never wants to help out at front unless he has no other choice."
“I don’t want that. He may think I’m a whore, but he needs the money just like I do.”
Oscar came up and wrapped his arms around her waist, embracing her. “You shouldn’t talk about yourself like that.”
He leaned down and kissed her shoulder.
She lay her head back against him, feeling safe. “When is your wife flying in from Los Angeles?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t care.”
“You should care. Doesn’t she bring your kids with her?”
“They’re in the Hamptons this summer with my parents. I thought I told you that?”
She squint and looked aside. “No. You didn’t.”
“Guess it slipped my mind.”
“So when she comes, she’ll be alone?” she asked.
“I guess so.”
He kissed the side of her throat. She blushed.
“How long is she staying this time?”
“I don’t know, Nikki.”
“I know you hate me asking about her, but the last time she was here, I didn’t get to see you at all. Only at work and you seemed kind of distant most days.”
“I had to be. She could’ve walked in on us at any minute. But that won’t be a problem soon.”
He kissed her again. It didn’t affect her in the same way this time.
“Some friends of mine are getting married soon,” she said. “Former friends. We all got the invitations in the mail today.”
“Congrats to them. Hopefully they’ll be a lot better off and much happier than I was.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Why?”
“Because they don’t deserve it. The two people getting married…” She paused. “They screwed V out of her happiness by, in her words, ‘screwing each other’.”
“You’re going to have to explain this to me a little more for me to understand.”
“Nathan, that’s the guy, and V were in a relationship. They were together since freshman year, even though we had all known each other since we were kids. Our parents were all from the same circle of notoriety and prestige and therefore, so were we… Nathan and Sheila slept together in our final year and it just kinda ruined everything for everyone. The dynamic of our circle was broken and we could never get it back. Vanessa didn’t want to, and I couldn’t blame her. She thought they were going to get married and then she receives an invite that says he’s marrying someone else, and not just some regular ‘Plain Jane’ but her former best friend. They say you can’t turn a whore into a housewife, but I guess those two are just demented enough to prove society wrong.” She paused, thinking of herself and her own situation. Was she demented too? “Sheila was like a sister to her,” she continued. “They were closer than we ever were, Sheila and I. I never thought V would get over it. After today, I know for sure that she never will.”
