by Cheree Alsop
“Sometimes when tragedy happens, we lose ourselves deep inside,” Nikki told him. A small, sad smile touched her lips as if she knew exactly how he felt. “We feel numb, like we’re just going through the motions of being alive.” She brushed her hand along the cool stone of the steps he sat on. “Just feeling seems impossible because then we’d have to admit that we are still here while those we care about are gone.”
Alex nodded. The brief admittance of how he felt made his eyes burn with tears.
“I know you don’t want to be here,” Nikki said. She set the bowl of ice cream down and knelt on the step below him. “I know you want to be with your mom and dad and Jet. I know you and Cassie just want to go home and pick up life where you left off.”
The tears broke free. Alex ducked his head.
“I just want mom to hold me,” he admitted in a voice that cracked with emotion.
“Oh, Alex,” Nikki replied in a voice so gentle and understanding that he could hear his mother’s words in the way she spoke. “Can I hold you for her?”
Alex nodded and the sobs encompassed him. She pulled him onto her lap and held him while he cried heartbroken tears, lost in a world that had taken everything from him, but that failed to take him, too. He felt so alone, so broken and betrayed. He didn’t know how to face a world in which he and Cassie had survived and everyone else they knew had been killed. It didn’t feel fair, any of it.
“What about Cassie?” Nikki asked quietly when Alex’s sobs slowed.
“What about her?” he made himself ask. He wiped his tears on his sleeve.
“If you don’t eat, you’ll waste away, and then Cassie will have no one,” Nikki said, her voice gentle.
Alex hadn’t thought of that. Though his sister followed him like a shadow, she wasn’t haunted by the nightmares that trailed through his dreams. At that moment, he knew Cassie was playing in the Great Hall with her new friend Terith. The girls had been close since she and her brother showed up.
But Alex couldn’t let go and make friends with the other boys. He didn’t want to accept anyone else into his life, because he could only imagine that doing so would push the memories of his parents and Jet further away. He didn’t want to let them go.
“Cassie needs you,” Nikki said gently. “We all need you. You’re so strong, like your brother.”
“But he wasn’t strong enough.”
At his lost words, Nikki brushed his hair back from his forehead the way his mother used to. “That’s not the truth,” she said softly.
“But he died,” Alex replied. “He told me to never stop fighting, but he stopped.” His throat ached at saying the words that had haunted his thoughts. He felt like he betrayed Jet by saying them, but he had to know.
“He never stopped fighting,” Nikki told him. Her words were firm but still gentle when she explained, “Jet was so strong that he saved many, many families by fighting for what’s right.” She blinked and he realized that tears showed in her eyes as well. “Jet sacrificed himself to save Jaze and the rest of us. He fought so hard that they couldn’t kill the werewolves the Extremists had captured. Did you know that?”
Alex shook his head.
“It’s true,” Nikki continued. “Your brother fought to his very last breath.” Her tears trailed down her cheeks and she sniffed before she said, “He is the greatest hero I’ve ever known, and I know he’s proud of you. Jet would want you to protect your sister because if he was here, he would do the same thing. Do you think you can do that for him?”
A little nod followed. The chance to make Jet proud filled him with the first glimmer of hope he had known since arriving at the Academy.
“You’re going to have to be strong to protect Cassie, you know that?” Nikki asked.
Alex nodded again. His stomach growled when he looked at the bowl. It was mostly melted, but the rocky road ice cream looked like the best thing in the world at that moment.
“If you could eat this ice cream, it would be a good start,” Nikki urged. “Do you think you could do that?”
Alex nodded again. She handed him the bowl and he took a bite. His stomach twisted in hunger, so he took another one.
“Hello.”
Alex and Nikki turned at the quiet voice. The small boy who had arrived with Terith the previous day looked down at them from the top step.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
Nikki smiled at him. “Eating ice cream. Would you like some? I know where Cook Jerald hides her secret stash.”
Trent nodded. He looked at Alex. “I don’t have anyone to eat with. C-can I come sit with you?”
Alex would be strong enough to protect Cassie; of that, he was sure. Looking at the little werewolf on the top step who had come to the Academy also as an orphan, Alex saw another person in need of protection. He made up his mind then and there to make sure the little werewolf always had someone to watch over him.
“You can come eat with me,” Alex said. “The ice cream is good.”
Nikki walked up the steps. Alex glanced behind him and met her smile.
“Jet would be very proud of you,” she said.
He smiled back, the first true smile he had given since they had arrived.
“Who’s Jet?” Trent asked.
Alex motioned to the wolf statue in the middle of the Academy’s courtyard and said, “My big brother.”
“Whoa, that’s your brother?” the little boy said in awe. At Alex’s nod, he said, “Man, that is so cool. I’m glad we’re friends.”
Alex smiled; perhaps Nikki was right. If he protected those around him, he could be like Jet. If Trent and Cassie needed him, he wondered how many others he could save to be like his brother.
Chapter Fourteen
Alex watched the sunrise from the steps where he and Nikki had first spoken so many years earlier. The door opened at the top of the steps and soft footfalls crossed the cement stairs.
“You did the right thing.”
Alex looked back at the sound of Jaze’s voice.
“How’s Nikki?” he asked immediately.
Jaze motioned for him not to rise. “I need to sit for a bit.”
The dean settled next to Alex with an exhausted sigh. The fact that Jaze didn’t answer his question spoke multitudes.
“You saved Vance and got the humans out of there. You did the right thing,” Jaze repeated. “We’ve sent out a nationwide notice about Drogan’s Demons; the GPA is working on tracking them. They’ll let us know as soon as they hear anything.”
Alex recognized the dean’s need to talk about things other than his wife who was drifting away despite everyone’s attempts to save her.
Alex forced his weary mind to focus. “I let Drogan escape.”
Jaze nodded. “But you saved both teams. That was the decision of a leader.”
“It was the heat of the moment,” Alex admitted. “I didn’t know what else to do. Maybe I shouldn’t have opened the trapdoor.”
“I would have.”
Alex was surprised by the dean’s admission. “Even with the risk?”
Jaze nodded. “In order to allow werewolves to overcome the fear society holds over us, we need to get rid of the nation’s most wanted criminal. If we can bring Drogan down, it’ll take major steps toward resolving the prejudice against werewolves.”
“So you would have risked the team?”
Jaze replied with a question. “Why was the team there?”
“To stop Drogan,” Alex replied. “But I had a feeling when I saw the bomb…”
Jaze nodded. “Sometimes instinct can be the hardest battle we face. Instinct can save us, but it also makes us cautious.” He waved a hand to indicate the Academy. “It was against my instincts to create a place like this with bricks and walls. Trust me, calling together all the werewolf youth to one school wasn’t exactly the best act of preserving our race, if you know what I mean.”
“It’s almost been the end of us a few times,” Alex replied. “But it saved us, too.”
“It did?” Jaze asked. He watched Alex as if curious what his answer would be.
Alex nodded. “If werewolves stayed in hiding, with our packs destroyed and living out our lives like desperate criminals, the race would be as good as gone anyway. What kind of a life is that? You and Nikki built something special here.” His voice trailed away at the mention of her name.
Jaze closed his eyes. He squeezed them. “And now I’m losing her. Her body refuses to heal…” His voice cracked and he stopped talking.
Alex put an arm around the dean. He thought of how many times Jaze had comforted him the same way. When he lost his parents and Jet, and then losing Kalia, and almost Siale, he had always known Jaze was there if he needed someone to sit in silence with.
“I’m not me without her,” Jaze said in a voice just above a whisper. He bowed his head, his elbows on his knees and his face hidden in his hands. “She’s the reason my heart beats. I don’t even know where I end and she begins anymore.”
Alex didn’t know what to say to fight against Jaze’s agony. He swallowed and went with, “How is your little girl.”
Jaze was quiet for a moment. He took a shuddering breath. “She’s perfect. Your mother says she’s eating like a champion.”
“What will you name her?”
Jaze let out another breath. “Nikki chose the name Vicki Megan Carso, after our mothers. I wanted to change it around, but she said…” He paused as if the words were too painful to continue. After a moment, he said, “This school had always been a dream of my mother’s, a place where werewolf children could be safe, fed, and educated. She said she wanted to thank my mom for bringing all of us together.”
Alex gave a small smile. “I like the name Vicki.”
“Me, too,” Jaze replied with tears in his eyes.
Alex leaned against the dean. “No matter what happens, we’re family, Jaze. Don’t forget that, and don’t stop fighting.”
Jaze looked at him. “That’s what I’m supposed to say to you.”
Alex nodded. “That’s why I’m here to say it to you. Jet wouldn’t want you to give in. Nikki’s still here. We can hope, at least.”
Jaze’s gaze wandered to the statue lit by the golden morning sunshine. “Yes, we can,” he agreed quietly.
About an hour later, the door opened behind them.
“You are a horrible assistant,” Mr. O’Hare berated from the top step.
Before Alex could apologize for not checking in, Jaze stood so fast the human backed up and nearly tripped on the top step.
“Do I understand correctly that you brought one of my students knowingly into a dangerous situation with your colleagues?” he demanded.
Alex stared at the dean. He didn’t know who had told Jaze what happened, but the anger that sparked in the dean’s eyes made him glad it was directed at someone else.
“I, uh, perhaps,” Mr. O’Hare stumbled over his words. “There was a situation, but I couldn’t possibly have foreseen—”
“You endangered a student,” Jaze replied with such vehemence even the stalwart Mr. O’Hare dropped his gaze. “Isn’t that entirely against what you stand for? You’re here to see that our level of education meets the standards set by the Board of Education, and yet you knowingly and willingly placed one of our children in danger. How dare you question what I do here if your intention is to look the other way when prejudice threatens the security of the very students you swear to champion?”
Alex knew Jaze’s pent-up worry and frustration about Nikki’s situation was fueling his attack on the Board representative. As much as he enjoyed seeing Mr. O’Hare get what he deserved, Alex didn’t know how far Jaze would go.
The dean continued, “I don’t know why I agreed to allow your sniveling, backstabbing ways into our school. Perhaps I hoped it would help our cause to allow these students the chance at a real life, but you’ve destroyed that, haven’t you? The fact that your colleagues would readily attack one of our own who is still just a child shows how very far we are from that, doesn’t it?”
The dean’s hands clenched into fists and he took a step forward. Mr. O’Hare cowered against the door with his hands raised.
Alex set a hand on Jaze’s arm. “Jaze, it’s alright.”
The dean spun to face him. “It’s not alright, Alex! How are werewolves able to hope for a normal life when even the government officials who are supposed to be neutral are fighting against us?”
“They’ll learn,” Alex replied. “They’ll have to.” His gaze met Mr. O’Hare’s. “I could have killed those men, but I didn’t. They were the ones who lost even though they didn’t have a bruise on them.”
“But they don’t learn,” Jaze said. His body shook with the exhaustion of waiting every minute by Nikki’s side in fear that she would breathe her last breath. The dean and his wife had accomplished so much, now he was on the verge of losing her. “Nobody learns because prejudice is blinding.”
“We’re fighting it,” Alex replied. “Mr. O’Hare being here is a step toward overcoming prejudice.” He looked at the Board member. “If we can just get humans to see that we all want the same goals, perhaps we can overcome this.”
“But he set you up,” Jaze said.
“It was unintentional, for the most part,” Alex replied.
Jaze’s eyes narrowed. “You believe that?”
Alex nodded. “I do, and I’m glad I was there. If I hadn’t been, they may have gone after Mr. O’Hare. I’d rather it be me.”
That took some of the fight from the dean’s gaze. “You’re reckless.”
Alex shrugged. “But you’re the one who assigned me to him.”
Jaze gave a reluctant chuckle. “That’s because I’m reckless, too.”
“You need some sleep,” Alex told the dean.
“I told Nikki I’d watch the sunrise for her,” Jaze replied. “It’s important to her.” He sat back down, his tired gaze on the horizon.
Alex tipped his head at Mr. O’Hare to indicate that he should go back inside. The human opened the door and slipped into the school.
Alex sat down next to Jaze. Silence filled the space between them. Alex could feel the wall of sorrow that surrounded the dean.
“She asked me to remember her as she was,” Jaze admitted quietly. “She asked me to watch the sunrise for her, and she hoped I would see her in it and remember the way we were.” His voice broke when he said, “She said goodbye.”
Alex stared at Jaze. “She did?” His eyes filled with tears. Jaze had known, and yet he let Alex have hope.
The door opened behind them. When Alex heard Meredith’s steps, he knew.
“Jaze?”
Jaze nodded without looking back. His tears reflected the gold and rose hues of the sun spilling beyond the walls.
“I’m so sorry,” Meredith said.
Jaze leaned his head on Alex’s shoulder. Alex knew that the pain he had felt when he lost Kalia was multiplied a hundred times in the dean’s heart. He ached for Jaze and sat beside him until the sun was high in the sky. Alex knew the professors kept the students from going outside so the dean could have some peace.
Near noon, the door slid open again.
“Somebody wants her daddy,” Siale said. “Cassie has little William.”
Alex looked back to see his fiancé carrying Vicky wrapped in a pink and white blanket. The baby’s face was red and eyes closed tight as she cried. Siale wordlessly settled the baby in her father’s arms. Jaze stared down at the little face. The baby stared up at him and stopped crying.
“See,” Siale said with a smile of satisfaction. “She’s refused to calm down for anyone. She needs you.” She blinked back tears and stepped around to Alex.
Without a word, Siale gave him a tight hug. Alex held her and felt a touch of relief from the sorrow of losing Nikki. He felt as though he could breathe again, and realized how much he had missed just being with Siale. Sharing their pain helped to ease it.
“How’s your leg?” she asked q
uietly.
“Healing,” Alex replied. “Jericho is a surprisingly efficient nurse.”
She gave a small smile. “I’ll tell him that.”
“I miss you,” he leaned close and whispered so Jaze wouldn’t hear.
“I miss you, too,” she told him. “But I’m glad you’re here with Jaze.”
Alex nodded. “Let me know when I can help.”
She knew he meant with Nikki. The tears showed in her eyes when she gave him a smile of gratitude. “I will.”
“She’s strong.”
They both looked down at Jaze. The baby was staring up at him and she held his pinky with her tiny hand.
“Just like her daddy,” Siale said.
Jaze closed his eyes and put his forehead gently against the little girl’s. “I’ll take care of you,” he whispered. “Your mom won’t have any reason to worry. I’ll make sure you’re safe.” A shuddering breath escaped him and a tear rolled down his cheek to land on the baby’s. He wiped it away softly with his finger. “Your mom will watch over us, I promise.”
Siale slipped her hand into Alex’s. She looked like she wanted to cry, but she held it back. Alex squeezed her fingers, using her strength to keep him strong as well.
Vicki gave a little cry.
“Is she hungry?” Jaze asked, looking up at Siale.
She nodded. “Probably. Meredith said she ate about an hour ago, but she’s got quite the appetite.”
“That’s my girl,” Jaze replied. He pushed up to his feet.
Alex held open the door.
Jaze hesitated on the landing. He looked back at the courtyard, then up at the Academy as if entering took more strength than he chose to let show. Jaze’s shoulders rose with the breath he took; he carried his infant daughter in his arms into the school.
Chapter Fifteen
“Where are you going?” Alex leaned against the door to Mr. O’Hare’s office and watched the man pack his notebooks away in a box.
“I’m done here,” the man replied without looking up.
Alex’s chest tightened. “If you’re leaving because of Jaze, you’ve got to know that he never really would’ve hurt you. He was just lost because—”
