by Cheree Alsop
“Which you did,” Alex pointed out.
Jericho nodded. “I did, but it went against everything.”
Alex knew then what the Alpha was getting at. He ran his fingers across the rough edge of the rock he sat on and said, “Self-preservation doesn’t seem to be one of my strong points.”
“That’s not it,” Jericho replied. “You gave your pack a winning battle plan and you hid, knowing I would come after you; you wanted to survive, or else you would have waited in the open.”
“Jer, it’s paintball,” Alex began, but the Alpha cut him off.
“You know as well as I do that wasn’t a game. Paint might make up for blood, but when it comes down to it, stepping on that leaf was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I knew it would bring you into the open for my pack to kill, but I also knew I would die doing it.”
“Yet, you did it,” Alex replied softly. He didn’t look at the Alpha when he continued, “What makes us so different?”
Jericho picked up a stone and threw it. They both watched the rock plummet into the lake. Rings in the disturbed water grew from where the rock disappeared. They moved in larger and larger circles out to the shore.
“Did you hesitate?” Jericho asked when the rings subsided.
Alex wanted to give a flippant answer, but he could tell how much his response meant to the Alpha. He shook his head and said honestly, “No. I never hesitate.”
“That’s what makes us different.” Jericho gave Alex a straight look. “When I hesitated, the hundreds and thousands of things I have to live for went through my mind. Even though it was a game, I pretended it was real, just for that moment, just to experience how it would really feel if that was going to be the end. And so I hesitated.”
Alex threw another rock without a word.
“That’s the key,” Jericho said, breaking the silence that followed. “I think that’s your key to defeating Drogan.”
Alex stared at him, surprised by the Alpha’s train of thought. “What do you mean?”
“You might not feel like an Alpha at the school, but throw you into battle or in a mission and you’re all in. You don’t show fear, you don’t second-guess yourself, and every thought you have is on protecting those who look to you for safety. I think that’s how it’s going to happen.”
Alex wasn’t sure what Jericho was getting at. “So you’re saying my willingness to get shot is how I’m going to end him?”
Jericho smiled. “I guess you could look at it like that. What I’m saying is that when you have the chance to end it, do what you do. Don’t hesitate, don’t second-guess yourself. He may be your half-brother, but he’s destroyed so many things in this world he doesn’t deserve to be a part of it any longer. Think you can do that?”
“If my Alpha commands it,” Alex replied evasively.
Jericho chuckled and shook his head. “You’ve gone way past needing anyone to tell you what to do. You’ll figure it out.”
“Someone’s got to save the world, right?” Alex said with only a hint of sarcasm.
“That’s right,” Jericho told him. “And somewhere along the line, you volunteered for the job.”
A howl reverberated through the air and Alex’s response died away. The pain and heartache in Jaze’s voice tightened Alex’s throat as the dean said goodbye to his one, his true love. The werewolves of Pack Jericho and Pack Alex appeared in twos and threes around the shore of the lake in wolf form. Different shades of gray stood out in the rapidly fading light.
Jericho gave Alex a sad look. “Our turn,” he said quietly.
Both Alphas climbed low enough to phase in the privacy of the bushes. Alex reached the top of the cliff again first. Howls from the Academy combined with howls from the forest. The cries of heartache reverberated in Alex’s chest until he couldn’t contain it any longer.
Alex lifted his black muzzle to the dark sky. His song of sorrow rose to mix with the others in notes of loss, pain, longing, and anguish. Letting his cry spread through the forest eased some of the burden that tightened his shoulders and gripped his heart. He changed the notes, telling of the woman who had adopted them when he and Cassie were alone and gave them love when they felt like they had lost every bit of it in the world.
Alex closed his eyes and sang of a woman who led with kindness and showed true courage in the face of a world who tried to destroy them. He used the notes of the wild wolf to tell of the example Nikki and Jaze had been to him, and of his inability to ever repay them for their kindness. He ended his howl with the high notes of heartache and let it linger in the lower tones of gratitude for Nikki’s selfless ways and the love she had always been so willing to give.
When Alex’s howl faded away, those around him did as well. The echoes of their song caught within the trees and bounced off the mountain until only the ghost of it remained to whisper in the night breeze.
Alex went to his clothes and phased. He pulled them on and climbed back to the top of the cliff.
“It’s hard to lose the people we care about,” Jericho said quietly when he reached Alex’s side once more.
Alex’s hands clenched into fists. A waved of frustration swept through him. “If I could have fought someone to save her…”
Jericho gave him an understanding look. “You would have. But sometimes life has its own plan. Sometimes we can’t change fate.”
“But it feels so wrong. Nikki should be alive. She should be able to watch William and little Vicki grow up. Jaze needs her at his side. What will he do?” Alex blinked back the tears that made his eyes burn.
“He’ll do what he always does,” Jericho replied quietly. “He’ll take care of his children, he’ll watch over the school, and he’ll live, because that’s what we do.”
Alex nodded. It was the only choice. Wolves didn’t look back with regret, yet his human side longed for things that could never be.
“What are you doing?” Jericho asked.
Alex backed up until his shoes touched the descent of the cliff behind him.
“Living,” Alex replied. He threw himself forward into a run and jumped off the cliff and into the empty air.
After seconds that felt like an eternity, Alex plummeted into the cool depths of the lake. A second impact resounded, telling that Jericho had followed him. For a brief moment, memories of fighting Drogan’s mutants under the water clouded Alex’s mind. He fought back a surge of panic. Something brushed his shoe. Alex bared his teeth and dove lower only to realize that he was face to face with a gnarled tree trunk.
Grinning to himself at his stupidity, Alex put his sneakers against the trunk and pushed off. He broke the surface and took a huge gulp of air.
“I thought you weren’t coming up,” Jericho said. The Alpha paddled in place with the inborn technique of the wolf.
Alex decided not to point out how ridiculous the doggy paddling werewolf looked. “I wanted to see what it felt like to be a fish.”
Jericho sputtered and shook his head. “You are something else, Alex Davies.”
They swam to shore and were met by the rest of Pack Alex and Pack Jericho.
“Ready to head back?” Siale asked quietly.
Alex nodded. He put an arm around her shoulders and held her close to him as they took the journey through the abnormally quiet forest. It felt as though even the trees still lingered, caught in the song of the wolves who had howled their torment to the moon.
Meredith met them at the Academy steps. She gave Cassie and Alex both a hug. “They’re going to bury Nikki tomorrow in the town where she and Jaze met,” she told them, her words soft. “Kaynan and Grace are keeping vigil.”
Worry for the dean filled Alex. “Where’s Jaze?”
Meredith’s expression was sad when she replied, “I sent him to bed. He looked like he was ready to drop.”
Alex held open the door for his pack mates and mother to walk through.
“Are you coming?” Siale asked when he paused on the stairs to their quarters.
&nbs
p; “I’ll be up in a bit,” Alex replied. “I just want to check on Jaze.”
She gave him a soft kiss. “You care so much,” she said. The little furrow that formed between her eyebrows whenever she was worried about him was there.
He brushed her arm with his hand. “I’ll be up soon; I promise.”
He jogged back down the stairs, then walked soundlessly along the hallway to the quarters Jaze and Nikki had shared. Nikki had insisted that the door never be locked in case Alex or Cassie needed them. Finding it still unlocked touched Alex. He pushed the door open and closed it softly behind him.
His sneakers sunk into the carpet when he walked down the hall to Jaze’s room. He knew the photographs on the walls by heart and didn’t need to look at them to feel Nikki’s smile in the one where she crouched next to Cassie to look at the grasshopper the little girl had found, or the picture of Nikki laughing after she had pushed Jaze into the lake, followed by the next one where Jaze pulled Nikki in with him.
Alex lingered by his favorite one. It was a photograph of him shortly after he had arrived at the Academy with Cassie. He remembered the moment well. He had climbed onto the wall to see the trees he could smell on the other side. The seemingly endless expanse of forest called to him, beckoning for him to jump down and just be a wolf, to run wild and free away from the pain of the world, to just be an animal and forget about the sorrow that dogged his every step.
Nikki had been the one to find him. The picture was of her sitting next to him, her arm around his shoulders and her own gaze on the trees beyond.
“It would be nice to just be a wolf, wouldn’t it?” his young self had asked her.
“Yes,” she had agreed with a smile. “It definitely would. But you know what?”
“What?”
“You would miss what makes being a werewolf special,” she had replied.
Alex remembered his doubt when he asked, “What makes being a werewolf special?”
“Well,” Nikki replied. “This, for one thing. Don’t you think you would miss talking?”
Alex had shaken his head. “I could do without talking,” he replied with certainty.
The memory of her fond smile still lingered in his mind. “You remind me so much of your brother. Jet didn’t talk much, either, but when he did speak, he said a whole lot with just a few words.”
Alex liked the thought that he was similar to his brother.
“What else would I miss?”
Nikki thought about it for a moment. “Fingers. You wouldn’t be able to make things or color. You’d have paws your whole life.”
Young Alex had stretched out his hand and studied it. “It is pretty cool to make things,” he had finally admitted. “Chet says he can teach me how to fight.”
Nikki nodded. “Fighting’s pretty cool, especially if you can help those who are weaker.”
“That’s what Jet did,” Alex said with a smile. He gave a determined little nod. “That’s what I’m going to do. I guess I better stay a werewolf, huh?”
“I think that’s wise,” Nikki had replied.
Alex set a hand on the picture. It made his heart ache to think that he wouldn’t hear her voice ever again.
As if to contradict him, Alex heard Nikki’s voice as clear as day say, “This is the happiest moment of my life.”
Alex’s heart slowed and he crossed the hall.
Chapter Seventeen
A light flickered in the living room. Alex paused in the doorway, uncertain about what he would find. The scene in front of him broke his heart.
Jaze slept on the couch with little baby Vicki curled next to him and protect by his arm from rolling off the side. She looked so comfortable and perfect sleeping in her father’s embrace. Her cheeks were rosy and little wisps of curly blond hair showed beneath her tiny pink cap.
Alex’s gaze strayed to the little boy sitting on the floor in front of the couch. Little William had his knees under his chin and his arms around his legs. His gaze was locked on the screen of the television Alex couldn’t see from his vantage point.
Alex stepped into the room. He knew what he would find, and how hard it would be to face. He let out a slow breath and turned to see Nikki on the television in her wedding dress. Her smile was huge as she walked with Jaze down the aisle.
“I miss her.”
Alex’s gaze shifted back to William. The three year old boy kept his gaze on the screen.
“I miss her, too,” Alex said softly.
“When will she come back?”
Alex closed his eyes for a moment. He opened them and crouched in front of the little boy who was like a brother to him.
“What did your dad say?” Alex asked. His gaze flickered to Jaze, but neither the dean nor the little baby gave any sign that his quiet voice disturbed their slumber.
William dropped his gaze to the floor. “He said she had to go away, and we wouldn’t see her again for a long time.” The little boy frowned in concentration as if it was important to him that he got his father’s words right. “He said she left to go see her mommy and daddy who were very far away.”
Tears filled Alex’s eyes. He sat on the ground. At his motion, the little boy climbed on his lap as if he just wanted to be held. Alex cuddled him close against his chest.
“She loves you very much, do you know that?” Alex asked. His voice cracked on the question.
William nodded, his cowlicked blond hair tickling Alex’s chin. “She told me every day.”
Alex smiled despite the tears that began to run down his cheeks. “That’s good,” he told the little boy. “Because it’s true. Never forget that.”
“Daddy said the same thing.”
Alex nodded. A sob of loss filled his chest, but he kept it at bay. “You…you’ve made her very proud,” he said. “Are you going to help your dad with baby Vicki?”
William nodded and he peered around Alex at his sister with a warm smile. “Daddy said Mommy gave her to us as a goodbye gift, and that it’s my job to watch over her.”
Alex smiled and wiped his tears on his sleeve. “He’s right. Sisters are very important.”
“Like Cassie?” William asked in his little voice.
Alex nodded. “Just like Cassie. Can you take care of Vicki the way I do Cass?”
“I will,” William promised. “Because Mommy said if I did, I would always have a best friend.” The little boy paused, then said, “But how long do I have to take care of her before I get a dog?”
Alex gave a soft laugh. “I think she meant that Vicki would be your best friend.”
William looked a little disappointed. “So no dog?”
Alex shook his head. “But sisters are great.”
“I suppose,” William replied with a little sigh. “But she doesn’t want me yet.”
“Don’t worry,” Alex reassured him. “Soon, she’ll be old enough to walk and play, and then you’re going to have a great time together.”
“Promise?” William asked doubtfully.
“I promise.”
William gave a little nod and climbed down from Alex’s lap. He sat on the floor and turned his attention back to the video. “Daddy said I can watch this whenever I want.” He looked at Alex. “It’s when they decided to be my mommy and daddy.”
A wave of emotions filled Alex at the sight of Nikki and Jaze kissing. He felt like he either needed to smile or cry, and crying wouldn’t help little William at all. He settled for saying, “I know they’re very happy they decided to be your mommy and daddy.”
William nodded. “Mommy told me that, too, before she went away.”
Alex attempted a happy smile, but it came out sad. “You know, my parents went away when I was only a bit older than you.”
“Both of them?” William asked in surprise.
Alex nodded. “That’s when I came to live here.”
“With my mommy and daddy.”
Alex smiled. “Your mommy and daddy took good care of me and Cassie.”
�
��Will you be here to take care of me?”
Alex stared at the little boy. William’s eyes were the same beautiful blue his mother’s had been. Alex could almost see Nikki looking at him with a matching hopeful expression.
“Of course,” Alex promised. “I’ll always be here for you.”
A yawn escaped the little boy.
“Are you getting tired?” Alex asked. A glance at the clock on the wall said it was far later than he had expected.
William nodded wordlessly.
“I’ll tuck you in,” Alex told him.
Alex turned the television off and walked with William to his bedroom. The little boy climbed on his bed and waited for Alex to pull up the covers. Alex kissed William on the forehead.
“Goodnight, Will. We’ll hang out a lot more while your mom’s gone, okay?”
“Okay,” William replied with a tired smile. “I like that. It’ll give me something to do while I wait for Vicki to be able to play.”
“Good; it’s a deal, then,” Alex promised. He turned off the light.
The steady sound of William sleeping breaths filled the air. Alex shook his head, amazed at how quickly the little boy had fallen asleep.
“Goodnight, William,” he whispered.
Alex made his way back up the hallway. One more glance showed Jaze and Vicki still asleep on the couch. Alex wondered if he should help Jaze to bed, but thought maybe Jaze was avoiding sleeping without Nikki at his side. After checking to make sure Vicki was alright, Alex walked quietly back down the hall and shut the door.
The sight of Siale sitting on the carpet across the hall waiting for him filled him with an overwhelming need to hold her. She crossed to him silently and rested her head against his chest. He closed his eyes and, for the first time in what felt like way too long, he relished just having her in his arms.
Her sage and lavender scent filled him with each breath. He thought of how much it meant to him to have her scent around him every day. It was strengthening and filling. He thought about the first time he had smelled it in the hospital after they had been rescued from the body pit. He had fallen asleep in his bed and had a horrible nightmare about her dying in the pit. As soon as he awoke, he went to check on her, but her room was empty. Only the scent of sage and lavender remained, teasing him, beckoning to him. He knew at that moment that he would never be the same.
