"Watch your language," scolded the commander.
Quasar turned to Hank. "What did I say?"
The cargo bay door slid open with a rush of air, and in strode a woman just as muscular and massive as the rest of them, but without a pressure suit. She held what looked like a cold pack to the back of her head and winced as she approached.
"Return to your quarters, Asteria," said the commander. "These manimals are not your concern."
Emerald eyes flashing in streaks of light from the ceiling grate above, Asteria stepped in between her commander and Captain Quasar. With her long, raven-black locks, she was a ferocious beauty to behold, despite the thick unibrow. "They escaped under my watch. I lay claim to them."
"You are not suited up. We have a pressure leak in here—"
"I will return them to their cell." Asteria faced her commander squarely. "They are weak, unarmed. What harm could they possibly do?"
The other women looked disappointed. "We were hoping to watch them explode," admitted one, gesturing toward the compromised bulkhead.
The commander nodded at Asteria, holding her gaze. An unspoken understanding seemed to pass between them. She singled out two crewmembers behind her. "Go with them. Ensure that these interlopers cause us no more trouble."
Asteria cast a meaningful glance at Quasar as she removed the cold pack from her head and tossed it to one of their escorts. Turning on her heel, she exited the cargo bay.
"Move." An Incinerator's muzzle dug into Quasar's back.
He followed Asteria into the corridor beyond the cargo bay, avoiding eye contact with the glaring commander.
As soon as he and Hank crossed the threshold, Asteria shoved their two escorts backward and slapped her palm flat against the wall-mounted control panel. The door instantly slid shut. She set the lock with a verbal command code, trapping the commander and four other women inside.
Asteria grabbed Captain Quasar by the throat and devoured his lips in a forceful kiss. In that moment, as real as it was, as delicious as her lips were, he realized something that should have been clear to him from the start.
This was no dream. This was happening.
Somehow, he was here. And this, strangely enough, was now.
Continue reading episodes 6 - 80:
CAPTAIN BARTHOLOMEW QUASAR
and the
SPACE-TIME
DISPLACEMENT
CONUNDRUM
A Novel
Captain Quasar is out of time.
Pursued by vengeful Goobalob toll collectors, savage Arachnoid bounty hunters, and formidable Amazonians, Captain Bartholomew Quasar must do whatever he can to keep the crew of the Effervescent Magnitude out of harm's way. All in a day's work—except time is not on his side.
Torn from the present to relive his past, he vows to keep mistakes from occurring the second time around. But is he doomed to repeat history? Or can he erase his regrets?
Villains will be vanquished. Lives will be lost. Bonds will be betrayed. Heroes will be heroic.
Join the crew of the Effervescent Magnitude for a hilarious time-traveling space adventure the likes of which you've never seen!
Available wherever books are sold:
Captain Bartholomew Quasar
Author's Notes
Meet Captain Quasar
For me, writing fiction is all about the characters. And when I create protagonists I enjoy, I can't help but write more stories about them.
Back in the spring of 2010 when I first came up with the character Captain Bartholomew Quasar, I was going for a mash-up between William Shatner's James T. Kirk and Dudley Do-Right from The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show (but in Quasar's case, things seldom ever go right). I wanted him to be one of those classic pulp heroes with a heart of gold whose narcissistic tendencies often land him in hot water. I hoped readers could laugh at Bartholomew Quasar and root for him at the same time. He's ridiculous, but there's something about his fallible nature that most of us can relate to on some level. And he truly wants to see justice served.
In my first Quasar tale, "The 'If Only' Elixir of Opsanus Tau Prime," he ended up dying, but by the time it was published, I'd gotten to like the character so much I knew I'd be bringing him back as soon as possible. The captain hasn't changed a whole lot in the handful of other tales I've written, but his relationship with Hank, Commander Wan, and the other characters is deepening with every story as Quasar realizes he truly needs them in order to continue being as awesome as (he thinks) he is.
I don't write hard science fiction with a whole lot of actual science in it. I focus on the characters, and everything else I just make up. Or I rely on osmosis to filter enough jargon into my brain from all the SF I read. I do my best to aim for universal themes and relatable characters, and I try to shoot for a high entertainment value that transcends any barriers to enjoying these space opera tales.
Thanks for reading,
Milo
Space Opera – Are You a Fan?
The original Star Wars trilogy, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Buck Rogers, even comedies like Galaxy Quest and Guardians of the Galaxy are all examples of space opera, which according to Merriam Webster is "a futuristic melodramatic fantasy involving space travelers and extraterrestrial beings."
Notice how it's not referred to as science fiction? Probably because there isn't a whole lot of actual science in this fiction. According to the Urban Dictionary: "Generally speaking, [space opera] refers to an epic adventure in space that focuses less on the technical details and more on good vs. evil and action."
That's fine by me. Sure, I enjoy cerebral sci-fi too, but there's just something about the swashbuckling bravado of space opera that makes me feel like a kid again. (Cue Star Wars theme.) Which is probably why I've written so many tales featuring Captain Bartholomew Quasar and company. I can't get enough of this stuff, so I have to write it myself!
But not all space opera is science-free. One has only to look as far as Alastair Reynolds' Revelation Space series to see hard science coupled with the intergalactic trappings of classic starfaring adventure stories. I find it just as enjoyable—maybe even more so. And while reading Reynolds' work, I can't help but feel like I'm being educated (or re-educated) in the process.
Space opera in all its forms looks at what's ahead for humanity. It's optimistic, for the most part. Sure, we'll still have our struggles getting along with each other out in the deep black, but there will always be heroes to lead the way: kick-ass men and women like Malcolm Reynolds and Zoe Washburne from Firefly. And between you and me, those are the sort of folks I wouldn't mind hanging out with.
Because I'm a big fan of space opera—as long as we're not talking about anything operatic—and I'm proud to say it's here to stay.
Thanks for reading,
Milo
About the Author:
Milo James Fowler is a teacher by day and a speculative fictioneer by night. When he's not grading papers, he's imagining what the world might be like in a dozen alternate realities. Over the past 5 years, his short fiction has appeared in more than 100 publications, including AE Science Fiction, Cosmos, Daily Science Fiction, Nature, Shimmer, and the Wastelands 2 anthology.
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Captain Bartholomew Quasar: Starfaring Adventures © 2015 Milo James Fowler.
All rights reserved.
"Captain Bartholomew Quasar and the Carpethrian Call of the Wild" © 2015 Milo James Fowler; originally published in the B is for Broken anthology
"Captain Quasar and the Fastest Thumbs on Zeta Colony Four" © 2012 Milo James Fowler; originally published by Ray Gun Revival Magazine
"Captain Quasar and the Popularity Contest on Goobalox Five" © 2012 Milo James Fowler; originally published by Every Day Fiction
"Captain Quasar and the Coliseum of Queen Kronikthalia" © 2014 Milo James Fowler; originally published by Every Day Fiction
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p; "Captain Quasar and the Pestiferous Pirates of Narvana 6" © 2013 Milo James Fowler; originally published by Every Day Fiction
"Captain Bartholomew Quasar and the Momentous First Date" © 2014 Milo James Fowler; originally published by Every Day Fiction
"Captain Bartholomew Quasar and the Bandits on Consortium Moon Prime" © 2014 Milo James Fowler; originally published by Every Day Fiction
"Captain Bartholomew Quasar and the Deep Space Identity Crisis" © 2014 Milo James Fowler; originally published by Saturday Night Reader
"Captain Bartholomew Quasar and the Most Insidious of Computer Viruses" © 2014 Milo James Fowler; originally published by Saturday Night Reader
"Flashback" © 2012 Milo James Fowler; originally published by 101 Fiction
"Reformat" © 2012 Milo James Fowler; originally published by 101 Fiction
"Options" © 2012 Milo James Fowler; originally published by 101 Fiction
"Principles" © 2013 Milo James Fowler; originally published by 101 Fiction
"Naptime" © 2013 Milo James Fowler; originally published in the 100 Worlds anthology
"Captain Bartholomew Quasar and the Runaway Train on Zeta Moon 3" © 2015 Milo James Fowler; originally published in Beyond Science Fiction
"Captain Quasar and the Kolarii Kidnappers" © 2015 Milo James Fowler; originally published by Perihelion Science Fiction; reprinted in BEYOND: SPACE OPERA
Episodes 1 – 5 of Captain Bartholomew Quasar and the Space-Time Displacement Conundrum © 2015 Milo James Fowler; originally published by Every Day Novels; reprinted by Effervescent Press
This eBook or any portion of it may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author—except for brief quotations in glowing, 4.5-star reviews. (Your reward will await you in Heaven.) The stories contained within this eBook are works of fiction. All material is either the product of the author's overactive imagination or is used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons (living or dead) or to actual events is entirely coincidental—and worthy of further investigation.
Captain Bartholomew Quasar: Starfaring Adventures Page 10
