He watched her expression carefully and could tell she didn't believe him. He tried again, "You're in a panic right now, Kelli, and your mind is remembering the pain at its worst. If you calm down, you'll see that the pain has calmed down, too."
She continued to fight him for all she was worth. "Are you serious? I don't believe you at all. It hurts too much."
He held onto her tightly as he said, "I'm completely serious. If you settle down, you'll see what I mean."
"But it hurts too bad to calm down."
"Kelli, it doesn't hurt as bad as you think. You're panicking. Let me help you relax."
"How?"
"Do you feel my arms around you?" She looked at him, then looked at his arms, like she was surprised to see them there. "Let yourself feel my arms around you, keeping you safe, and my hand rubbing your back. Take a deep breath and concentrate on that." He was glad when she listened, and took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "Does that feel good on your back?"
She hesitated before answering quietly. "Yeah, kinda."
"Good. Trust me, Kelli. Concentrate on my rubbing your back, and whatever else is comforting and soothing to you right now."
"Like your soft voice?"
Derek smiled when she turned red as soon as she realized she'd said that out loud. "I'm glad that's soothing to you. That's why I insisted you sit down here awhile before you run off. After a spanking you need to have someone hold you, reassure you while you calm, and remind you that everything is good again. I hope you come to feel safe and secure in my arms afterward."
She looked at him, obviously confused, and started crying again, softer now. "I do feel safe now, and at peace somehow. But, I don't want to feel safe with you. I hate you." She sobbed and looked up at him, confusion written all over her face. "Don't I?"
He smiled at her, and how adorable she was. He gave her his handkerchief and encouraged her to lay her head on his chest, happy when she didn't resist. "Don't fight your peaceful feelings, Kelli. Just let them happen." He gently smoothed her hair while softly assuring her that she was forgiven, and she was safe in his arms. He promised she'd have time to sort out her feelings later, but encouraged her right now to simply lean against him and enjoy the peaceful feeling. He wanted her to know what that felt like. She surprised him when she snuggled in a little closer to him, while she cried. He pulled her a little tighter against him and assured her, "It's okay, Kelli. I'll hold you and keep you safe. You go ahead and cry. Let it out, honey."
She hid her face in his chest, but he was glad to see her nestle into his arms a little more, holding tightly to his shirt. His heart went out to the cute little lady on his lap, as she cried her pretty little eyes out. He was pretty sure she was not happy with her life, but clueless as to how to change. He kept his arms around her, hoping she felt safe, and let her cry.
When her crying eventually slowed to an occasional sob, he started their conversation. "Kelli, are you ready to talk a little bit?"
She nodded, and he asked her, "Why did you run from me out in the hall? You obviously hadn't done anything wrong, so why run?"
With tears still in her eyes, she said, "I'm not sure. I was scared. I didn't know who you were, and I was afraid you were going to call the cops and somehow—I don't know." She looked so pitiful, he gave her a little hug.
"Let's switch gears a bit. Do you normally use that kind of language?"
She hid her face in his chest again, but didn't answer. "Kelli?" When all she did was shake her head, he said, "Kelli, look at me." She slowly moved enough to look up at him. "Thank you," he praised her. "Now, I want an answer. The spanking's over, I won't start again no matter what you tell me, but I do want an honest answer. It will help me to understand what's going on with you better. Is that the kind of language you normally use?"
He could tell she was thinking, so he gave her time. When she finally answered, he had to listen carefully to hear her. "I'm not sure what's normal anymore."
He looked at her intently for several seconds, studying her eyes. "I think I understand. You didn't used to, but it's becoming more normal lately. Am I close?"
She started crying again as she nodded her head. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head and asked, "Why does that make you cry, Kelli?" She shook her head and he quietly asked, "Is it because you're not really proud of it?"
She looked up at him with the saddest expression he'd seen in a long time, and nodded. She then laid her head back against his chest, and he heard her sniffling again.
He smiled, convinced he was starting to get to know her, and was confident he could help. "Go ahead and cry if you want, Kelli. A good cleansing cry helps a lot. Then we're going to go out and talk with your brother. There's no hurry, so just tell me when you're ready."
Derek kept his arms around her as she calmed, and she finally said, "Okay, I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be to see Phil."
"You don't sound too anxious. I thought you two were pretty close."
"I love Phil, and I'm always glad to see him. I'm just embarrassed right now."
"Why are you embarrassed?"
"I'm sure he heard us," she said, her face turning red. "I'm surprised he didn't come in to see what was going on. He worries a lot about me."
"You're right, he does. That's why he asked for my help."
"You mean by agreeing to be my probation officer?"
"Not just that, Kelli. He asked if I could help you. We talked about you, and what's been going on in your life lately. Your brother is a good friend of mine, and I know how much he cares, and worries about you. He's talked about you a lot. I want to help you, but I think you need more than just a probation officer."
She looked at him skeptically. "What do you mean?"
"Kelli, what you need is a friend. You need a good friend, one who will encourage you and help you make good choices, not choices you'll regret later. I think I can be that friend, if you'll let me."
"You said you talked to Phil already."
"Yes."
"So, does he know you—did he say you could—"
"Did he know I was going to spank you? Yes. Well, he didn't know I was going to today. I hadn't planned on spanking you today, but after what happened, if we're going to work together, you have to know I will follow through with what I say. Always. You can count on me, both for the good and the bad."
"So he knows you spanked me now?"
Derek grinned and said, "As you said earlier, I imagine he heard, so yes, I'd say he knows. We talked about it before, and I told him I thought that's what would help you the most, the quickest."
"And he agreed?"
Derek could tell she was surprised, but he answered honestly. "Yes." Seeing the uncertainty on her face, he explained, "Kelli, Phil loves you. He's worried about you, and he wants to help you however he can. He says your parents tended to spoil you, not giving you many boundaries. Is he right?"
He could tell she was contemplating his words. She sighed, and said, "Yeah, I guess looking back on it, he's probably right. If Dad ever told me no, I could usually get Mom to change his mind. I thought that was a good thing and considered myself pretty lucky. Other kids were jealous of me."
He smiled and said, "I'm sure it seemed like a good thing at the time, but unfortunately, everyone needs limits. You've never had any, and haven't learned to live within them. You'll find when you do learn that, you'll be happier. You'll also have a much better chance of making it through your probation. The big question is, are you ready to learn how to live within some guidelines?"
She sighed again. "Let me guess. You set the guidelines, and I live within them or you wail on me again?"
He chuckled and said, "Sort of, I guess. Except I won't wail on you, I'll spank you. And I won't set the guidelines myself. We'll do it together. Other than as your probation officer, there are certain ones I'll have to insist on. I want you to know, though, Kelli, that I see my role in this as leading you through this, encouraging you to make your own good choices. I w
ould much rather praise you and reward you than spank you."
"Yeah, right."
"No, really. Kelli, I'd much prefer taking you out to Starbucks for coffee and getting to know you better, than to have to bring you back in here and spank you again. I really do want us to be friends."
Kelli was deep in thought when she heard a knock on the door. Phil asked, "Everything okay in there?"
Derek looked down at her. She smiled and answered her brother. "Come on in, Phil."
Phil came in to see his sister sitting on his best friend's lap. His arms were wrapped around her, and she was leaning on his shoulder, her eyes red and puffy. He smiled at the two of them and asked, "So, Kelli, do you have a new probation officer?"
She smiled at her brother, and turning to look at Derek, she said, "Yes, I think I do. I hope so."
Derek smiled. "Have a seat, Phil. There are a few things we have to talk about, all three of us, before I can agree to be her probation officer."
"Okay," Phil said, sitting on the bed. "What do you need to talk to both of us about?"
"Well," Derek began, "I'm going to be straight up with both of you. Phil, you're my best friend and I'd do anything I could to help you. I think you know that." Phil nodded.
Derek looked down at the cute little lady sitting in his lap next. "And Kelli, we may have just met, but I feel like I know you already. I've heard your brother talk about you a great deal, and now having met you, I see why he cares so much about you. You have a lot going for you, Kelli. You're a wonderful person, I can tell, but you've gotten yourself in a mess at the moment."
"I know," she admitted quietly.
"The thing is, there's a terrific person hidden under all those problems, and you need some help shedding the problems and getting back to the real you. I think I can give you that help, but you have to trust me, and work with me, and it won't all be fun."
"No kidding," she mumbled, rubbing her sore bottom.
Derek couldn't help but chuckle, before looking back to Phil. "And she's going to need help from more than just me. It's Kelli's decision, but if she decides to let us help, we have to all three work together to get her through this. Phil, are you in?"
"Absolutely." He looked into her eyes and said, "Kelli, I love you, and you can count on me to do whatever I can to help."
He looked back to Derek and studied his expression. "You're scaring me a little bit here, my friend. You're making it sound like she's in a ton of trouble, and I know you don't normally exaggerate. What haven't you told me?"
Derek glanced from Phil to Kelli, and tightened his hold on her. "To request her probation be transferred to a different area I knew she would have had to fill out a form, and her current probation officer would have had to fill out a section of it. After I talked to you, I got on my Smart phone and used my clearance code to see if her formal request had been filed and if I could access it."
Phil looked at both of them momentarily. "And?"
"Kelli, did you tell your brother what you did that got you put on probation?"
She didn't immediately answer, but Phil offered, "She said she was driving a friend's car and she didn't have a license, and her friend had something that was stolen in the trunk, but she didn't know about it." He looked at Kelli and said, "Is that right, Kelli?"
"Yes, basically. That's what got me on probation."
Phil looked at Derek, who provided, "Basically, that's true. But Kelli, did you mention that in the last six months you'd also written three bad checks, been caught shoplifting, and been riding with a friend in a stolen vehicle? Or that when police searched your apartment they found some marijuana and a stolen stereo system?"
Phil jumped to his feet, outraged. "Kelli, is that true?"
Kelli quickly said, "Technically, yes, but they weren't really my fault."
"What do you mean they weren't really your fault? Spill it, little sister."
Derek was listening intently as she explained, "The three bad checks were because Linda borrowed some money from me. She paid me back by check, which I put in my account and then paid my bills, but her check wasn't any good. That caused my checks to bounce. Next, I didn't really do the shoplifting. Jenny took something and slipped it into my purse, but I didn't know about it. When I went to leave the store the security thing went off and they took me to the office and searched my purse and found it."
"Why did she put it in your purse?" Phil was glaring at her.
"She said afterward that she didn't think anyone saw it, but it would have been noticed if she tried to put it in her own purse. She felt awful about it."
Still frowning, Phil asked, "And the stolen vehicle?"
"John said it was his brother's. I didn't know he didn't have permission to drive it. And before you ask, the marijuana wasn't mine. I was just holding it for Terri because her probation officer was going to visit any day and she didn't want him to find it. I bought the stereo system from Dan. He said his neighbor got a new system and that was his old one. Apparently that wasn't true. It was stolen."
Phil shook his head as he looked at his sister. "Why didn't you tell me any of this?"
"Because they weren't really my fault, and I knew you'd be upset with me."
Phil sighed, and looked back at Derek. "So what does all that mean? Is she somehow in more trouble than just probation?"
"Not as long as she does well on probation," he assured Phil. He then looked directly at Kelli. "Do you want to tell us how that's going?"
She suddenly became very interested in her hands in her lap. "Yeah, I read that, too," Derek said quietly. "Kelli, look at me." She hesitated just a moment, then raised her eyes to his. "Thank you. Now, your probation officer isn't too happy with you. Tell me what's happened."
"I always take the bus to meet with him, and one time the bus was half an hour late, so I was fifteen minutes late for our meeting. Then he got a police report involving me, when Rachel wanted me to go to lunch with her. I told her I couldn't because I didn't have any money, but she said it was her treat, so I went. After we ate I went to the restroom, and when I came back to the table she said she'd paid while I was gone, so we left. The manager came running out and grabbed us, and called the police. She'd never paid. They charged us both, but she admitted she'd told me she'd already paid, so they later dropped the charges on me. My PO still thought I was in on it, though, I think."
Derek nodded, but encouraged her further. "Anything else?"
"He was really pissed when I got fired."
Derek frowned and gave her a warning. "Watch your language, Kelli. Why did you get fired?"
"I worked at a convenient store and my friends used to stop by every now and then, even though I told them my boss didn't like them being there. While a couple of them were there one time they got into a fight with a customer. I got fired for letting them hang around too much."
Phil looked from one to the other. "So, what's the status? I take it she's still on probation, but will they let her transfer, or what's going on?"
"She's still on probation," Derek answered, "but Kelli, according to your PO you're one small slip up away from a probation violation. According to his report, he thinks you need to spend a little time in jail before you'll take probation seriously, and if you're late one more time, or make any other tiny little mistake, he's planning on filing a probation violation on you and they'll revoke your probation."
Kelli started crying, and Derek knew she hadn't been aware of that. She grabbed his arm and asked, "What's going to happen, Derek? Can you help me at all?"
Derek gave her a reassuring hug and said, "I think I can help you, Kelli, with Phil's help, but only if you're willing to work, and you're willing to accept my help."
"I'll do anything you say," she promised.
"Let me tell you what will be involved, before you agree to it. You need to be held accountable. You have to learn how to live within boundaries, which means accepting and strictly following rules. That's something you're not used to, but to st
ay out of jail you have to learn it and learn it fast. I can help teach you, if you'll let me, but you know what the consequences are going to be anytime you break a rule, don't you?"
"I'm going to have a sore butt again, aren't I?"
With a rather grim look on his face, he nodded. "More than likely. Unless, of course, you follow all your rules with no problems. Phil and I will help all we can, but you're going to have to do the hard part. Okay, there you've got it. Now it's up to you. Do you want my help, knowing what to expect?"
Kelli absentmindedly reached down and rubbed her bottom while she thought. Phil and Derek exchanged looks, grinning a little. She finally said, "Yes, I want your help. Please."
Both men smiled. "Good," they said simultaneously, and all three chuckled.
Chapter Three
Derek got serious and said, "Okay, I've got a couple ideas here, so let me share them and see what you two think."
Kelli suddenly looked around and interrupted him. "Sorry, Derek. I just realized I'm still sitting on your lap. Do you want me to move?"
He adored seeing her face turn red, but he didn't want to embarrass her, so he simply said, "You don't have to move on my account. Didn't you say earlier you feel safe here?"
Her face turned a darker shade of red as she answered, "Yeah, I do, for some reason."
He turned her face so she was looking at him and spoke seriously. "Kelli, when someone cares about you, cares what happens to you, you can tell. You can feel it. I'm glad you feel safe, because that will make it a lot easier for you to trust me and we'll be able to work together better. I intend to keep you very safe, if you let me, and do as I say."
"Thank you," she whispered.
He smiled at her and liked seeing her return the smile. "You're welcome. Now, Phil said you were thinking of going back to college, here in town. Have you applied there yet?"
"I got a letter yesterday saying I've been accepted."
On Probation Page 3
