by Nancy Krulik
GROSSET & DUNLAP
Published by the Penguin Group
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Text copyright © 2013 by Nancy Krulik. Illustrations copyright © 2013
by Aaron Blecha. All rights reserved. Published by Grosset & Dunlap,
a division of Penguin Young Readers Group, 345 Hudson Street,
New York, New York 10014. GROSSET & DUNLAP is a trademark of
Penguin Group (USA).
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.
ISBN: 978-0-698-15967-9
For Gladys and Steve Krulik,
world-champion parents—NK
For Olive, my little burpin’ inspiration #2.
Thanks for completing our family!—AB
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
About the Author
“Eww! This one’s really gooey!” George Brown shouted excitedly as he peeled a huge blob of pink gum from under the seat at the bus stop. “I think it was just chewed.”
“Awesome, dude,” George’s best friend, Alex, said. “The fresh stuff always sticks the best.” He opened a plastic bag, and George dropped the glob in with the rest of the pieces of already been chewed gum the boys had collected that morning.
“Your ABC gum ball must be huge by now,” George said.
“Yep. In fact, the ball’s so massive, I have to keep it in a shed in the backyard.” Alex told him. “Besides, my mom doesn’t want it in the house. She says having a ball made of gum that’s been in other people’s mouths is disgusting.”
George didn’t understand that at all. Alex’s mom was a dentist. She had her hands in other people’s mouths all day long. What was the difference?
“Isn’t a gum ball that size big enough to get you into the Schminess Book of World Records?” George wondered aloud.
“Not really,” Alex said. “But it’s getting there. I measured it yesterday, and I think I only need a few more layers to break the world record.”
“Well, today’s Sunday,” George said, “which means we have all day to go around town and find gum. You’ll have your picture in the Schminess Book of World Records in no time!”
Alex pulled a glob of pink bubble gum from a tree trunk. “Amazing where people will stick their gum,” he said as he popped it into his plastic bag and looked around. “I think we’ve gotten all the gum we’re gonna get here.”
“Yeah,” George agreed. “So where do you think we should go next?”
Alex thought for a second. “How about Ernie’s Ice Cream Emporium?” he suggested. “People have to take the gum out of their mouths to eat ice cream. And when they do, they don’t have any place to put it except under the table. There are always mounds of gum under those tables.”
“Ernie’s?” George’s voice cracked nervously. “I don’t think I want to go there. I mean, that’s where it all started.”
Alex knew what it meant. It was George’s magical super burp—the cause of almost everything that had ever gone wrong in George’s life since he had moved to Beaver Brook.
It all started when George and his family first arrived in town. George’s dad was in the army, so the family moved around a lot. By now, George understood that first days at school could be pretty rotten. But this first day was the most rotten.
In his old school, George had been the class clown. He was always pulling pranks and making jokes. But George had promised himself that things were going to be different at Edith B. Sugarman Elementary School. He was turning over a new leaf. No more pranks. No more whoopee cushions or spitballs shot through straws. No more bunny ears behind people’s heads. No more imitating teachers when their backs were turned.
But George didn’t have to be a math genius like Alex to figure out how many friends you make being the unfunny, wellbehaved new kid in school. The answer was easy: zero. Nada. Zilch.
That night, George’s parents took him out to Ernie’s Ice Cream Emporium. While they were sitting outside and George was finishing his root beer float, a shooting star flashed across the sky. So George made a wish.
I want to make kids laugh—but not get into trouble.
Unfortunately, the star was gone before George could finish the wish. So only half came true—the first half.
A minute later, George had a funny feeling in his belly. It was like there were hundreds of tiny bubbles bouncing around in there. The bubbles hopped up and down and all around. They pingponged their way into his chest and bing-bonged their way up his throat. And then…
George let out a big burp. A huge burp. A SUPER burp!
The super burp was loud, and it was magic.
Suddenly George lost control of his arms and legs. It was like they had minds of their own. His hands grabbed straws and stuck them up his nose like a walrus. His feet jumped up on the table and started dancing the hokey pokey. Everyone at Ernie’s started laughing—except George’s parents, who were covered in the ice cream he’d kicked over while dancing.
The magical super burp had come back many times since then. And every time a burp came, it brought trouble with it. Like the time the super burp followed George to the fourth-grade Field Day. His burps that day were totally out of control. One made George bark like a dog and lick the principal’s hand. Another got George into a fight with a skunk—which the skunk won. P.U.! That had been one bad Field Day.
Then there was the time George and his friends were putting on a backyard circus. The burp made him go crazy on his friend Chris’s trampoline. George jumped so high that his tighty whities got caught on a branch of a tree. He wound up hanging there, in front of everyone, while the tree gave him the world’s worst wedgie. Ouch!
And no one at Edith B. Sugarman Elementary School would ever forget the last art show. The magical super burp had gone really wacko there. George ended up squeezing the jelly out of all the doughnuts on the refreshment table and finger painting on the walls. What kind of fourth-grader still finger paints? One with a rotten super burp, that’s what kind of fourth-grader.
The super burp was always messing things up for George. And since he and the burp had first met at Ernie’s, George really didn’t want to go back there. Not even to help Alex.
Luckily, Alex understood. He was the only person in town who knew about the magical super burp. George hadn’t actually told him about it. He hadn’t told anyone. He knew people would think he was crazy. But Alex was smart enough to figure it out. And he was nice enough not to think George was nuts. In fact, Alex had volunteered to help George find a cure for his burp. Alex was a math and science whiz. If anyone could stop the burps, it was him.
And since his best friend was helping him out, George thought it was only fair that he help Alex out, too.
“I know an even better place to go,” George told his best
bud. “It’s got food, fun, and lots and lots of kids. Which can only mean one thing.”
Alex grinned. “Globs and globs of ABC g-u-m!”
“I love Quazy Quarters!” George exclaimed as the boys walked into Beaver Brook’s most popular arcade. “It’s where I got my lava lamp. It was one hundred fifty tickets. I won almost all of them playing Skee-Ball.”
“I really like your lava lamp,” Alex told him. “When the gooey stuff drips inside the lamp, it reminds me of gum that’s still inside someone’s mouth.”
“Speaking of ABC gum,” George said, “here’s a good-size piece.” He pulled a chunk of gum from behind the door handle.
“Wow!” Alex said as George plopped the gum into a fresh plastic bag. “You’re right. This place is going to be a gold mine.”
“You mean a gum mine,” George corrected him.
Just then, George’s buddy Julianna walked by. At least George thought it was Julianna. It was hard to tell because she was hidden behind a giant stuffed dog.
“Hey, you guys,” Julianna said, putting the dog down to greet them. “Either of you want to play against me on the video car race? Winner takes all the tickets.”
“No thanks,” George replied. “We’re here on official Schminess business.”
“Yeah,” Alex said. “I’m trying to find enough ABC gum to break the record. I’m really, really close.”
Julianna yanked a piece of bright red gum out of her mouth. “Will this help?” she asked.
Alex opened his plastic bag. “Every piece helps. Thanks.”
Suddenly, George heard yelling coming from the prize booth. He turned to see his archenemy—Louie Farley—shouting at the ticket taker behind the counter.
“What do you mean you don’t accept cash?” Louie yelled. “Everybody takes cash.”
“Here he goes again,” George said to Alex and Julianna. Louie wasn’t just George’s enemy. He made enemies all over town. Mostly because he was always fighting with everyone.
“Sorry, kid,” the ticket taker said. “The only way you get a prize is with tickets.”
“Okay, then I’ll buy some tickets,” Louie shot back. “I want enough tickets to get that giant teddy bear.” He turned around and glared at Julianna. “Which is the only thing here that’s bigger than your dog.”
Julianna rolled her eyes.
“You can’t buy tickets, either,” the guy behind the counter said. “You have to win them.”
“This is ridiculous,” Louie grumbled. “Do you know how long it would take me to win enough tickets to get that bear?”
“I know!” Louie’s friend Max piped up excitedly, raising his hand like he was in school. “It would take you a really long time.”
“A really, really long time,” Louie’s other friend, Mike, added.
“Everything has its price,” Louie continued, pulling out a giant wad of cash.
“Yeah,” the ticket taker agreed. “And the price of this stuffed animal is two hundred fifty tickets.”
Louie’s face was turning really red. George thought steam might come out of his ears any second now. Which would actually be kind of cool.
“Did I mention my dad is a big, important lawyer? He’s going to sue this place!” Louie shouted angrily.
“If Louie’s dad sued every place Louie said he was going to, the Farleys would own all of Beaver Brook by now,” George said to Alex.
George had had enough of Louie’s tantrum. He had business to attend to—sticky business. He started to walk toward the pinball machines, but then stopped and looked down at his feet. “There’s something on my shoe,” he said. He lifted his foot to discover a huge glob of freshly chewed purple gum on the sole of his sneaker. He peeled it off and added it to the other pieces in Alex’s plastic bag.
“You guys want to go to the snack bar now?” Julianna asked.
“Okay. I think we’ve collected enough gum,” Alex said. “Besides, I’m hungry.”
“You two go ahead,” George said. “I gotta stop in the bathroom first.”
“While you’re in there, check under the sinks,” Alex suggested. “There’s usually a ton of gum there.”
George was definitely going to check those sinks. But before he could get anywhere near the bathroom, he felt a sinking feeling—right in the bottom of his belly. Something was bouncing around down there. Something that felt like bubbles. Big, gassy bubbles.
Oh no! The super burp was back. And it wanted to play. Already it was bing-bonging past George’s bladder and lunging toward his liver.
Uh-oh. George shut his lips tight—to keep the burp from bursting out in the middle of the arcade.
But the super burp was strong. The bubbles ricocheted off his ribs and trampolined on his tongue. Bing-bong. Ping-pong.
George let out a burp so loud everyone in the arcade could hear it—even over Louie’s shouting.
“Dude, no…,” Alex said. He hurried over to George.
Dude, yes. The magical super burp was out. George opened his mouth to say “Excuse me.” But that’s not what came out. Instead, his mouth shouted, “SKEE-BALL!”
George’s feet leaped on top of one of the slick, shiny Skee-Ball machines. His hands picked up a ball.
“WHOAAA!” George shouted as he slipped and landed with a plop right on his rear end. His butt went sliding down the lane.
“High score!” he shouted as he dropped the ball right into the center hole.
Lights flashed. Strips and strips of tickets flew out of the Skee-Ball machine. George’s hands didn’t grab any of them. Burps don’t want tickets. They just want to have fun.
But Louie wanted those tickets. He was the first one at the Skee-Ball machine, followed close behind by Max and Mike.
“Grab the tickets!” Louie told his friends. “Grab ’em all.”
George’s feet ran across the arcade. Alex raced after George. “Dude, we gotta get out of here,” he shouted to him.
But the super burp wasn’t leaving. It was having too great of a time. So great that it wanted to take a picture—to capture this moment forever. The next thing George knew, he was sitting on the lap of a girl who was getting her picture taken in the photo booth.
“What are you doing? Get out of here!” the girl shouted.
George wanted to get out. He really did. But he couldn’t. George wasn’t in charge anymore. The super burp was. And the burp wanted its picture taken.
Flash!
Smooch. The minute the camera snapped, George’s lips planted themselves on the girl’s cheek.
“Ooh, gross,” the girl said. “You slobbered all over me.”
George agreed. Kissing a girl was gross. And not just because of the slobber. He wanted to say he was sorry. But burps don’t apologize. Ever.
George jumped off the girl’s lap and ran out of the photo booth toward the far end of the arcade.
“He’s heading for the ball pit,” Julianna told Alex. “He must think there’s gum in there or something.”
“No, dude, not the ball pit!” Alex shouted after him.
Yes, the ball pit! George dive-bombed headfirst into a pile of red, yellow, green, and orange plastic balls.
A little kid in the ball pit started to cry.
“Get out of there!” one of the moms yelled at George. “This is for little kids.”
George started slinking through the balls on his belly like a snake. “Hiss. Hiss,” his mouth shouted.
“WAAAAAHHHHH!” another little kid cried out.
Then George scooped up a ball and tried to balance it on his nose like a seal. His hands started clapping together. His mouth made seal noises. “Aar, aar, aar.”
Now all the little kids were screaming.
Whoosh! Suddenly, George felt something go pop in the bottom of his belly—like a pin going into a balloon. All the air rushed out of him. The super burp was gone. But George was still there—right in the middle of a bunch of crying three-year-olds.
Eww. There was something globby
and gooey and covered in toddler spit stuck to George’s cheek. He reached up and yanked off a huge piece of freshly chewed gum. Ouch! Some of the gum had gotten stuck in his hair. When George pulled the gum off, the hair came with it.
“Don’t you think you’re a little old to play in the ball pit?” one of the mothers asked him.
George frowned. Sure, he thought he was too old to be hanging around with a bunch of little kids in the ball pit. But the super burp hadn’t thought so. It thought the ball pit was just right. But how was he supposed to explain that?
George opened his mouth to say, “I’m sorry.” And that’s exactly what came out.
Then he stood up and climbed out the side of the ball pit—where a security guard was waiting for him.
The guard didn’t have to say a word. George knew what he had to do. It was the same thing he always had to do after the burp caused trouble.
Leave.
“Well, at least you found some gum in the ball pit,” Alex told George as they walked into school together the next morning. “That was a good thing.”
“Yeah, I guess,” George said. But he didn’t sound happy. “The super burp’s getting worse and worse. It’s showing up everywhere. At this rate, I’m not going to be allowed in any store, restaurant, or arcade in all of Beaver Brook.”
“The security guard didn’t say you couldn’t come back,” Alex pointed out.
“He didn’t look like he would be too happy to see me if I did,” George said. “Not that I blame him.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll have a cure for you soon,” Alex assured George. “I’ve been checking The Burp No More Blog every day. And my mom just got me a subscription to a science magazine called Gross Stuff Gazette.”
“Gross Stuff Gazette?” George repeated. “I’ve never heard of that one.”
