by Aileen Erin
I crossed my arms. He had done something to me before, but I’d been too grateful for it to ask about what it was. “Are you doing it now?”
“Not exactly, but your wolf is content with mine.”
His gaze was too intense to hold. I stared at the caves. “God. I’ve been acting like a crazy person.” I sighed. “My temper’s gone totally nutso.”
“You’ll be okay. Everyone goes through a phase where they feel like that.”
I guessed that was true, especially after Imogene’s display in the cafeteria. That girl was out of control for sure. Or maybe she was just psycho in general. Which brought the question up again. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why me? Am I really what you wanted? From what I hear, you had your pick of the girls. Why would you risk it? With me.”
He ran a finger along my bottom lip. “You want to know what was going through my mind when I bit you?”
God. I wished he wouldn’t do that. It took everything in me not to lick his finger. “Yeah. It might help.”
“It’s hard to…” He sighed. “Okay. So I guess I should start at the beginning. My whole life I’ve felt as if part of myself was missing. It was a nagging feeling, and it made me anxious. Irritable.”
“You mean it made you a dick.”
He chuckled. “You could say that. I wasn’t mean to anyone, but closed off. And then a few days before you came…there was this sense one day when I was in Michael’s cabin. I felt this presence and it was like something clicked. But just as it did, it was gone. I knew I was missing my other half, but had no idea how to find you. I kind of went a little crazy.”
“It’s not like I planned to do that—”
“So it was you?”
I nodded. “Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. I left that vision and punched this jerk from my class in his face. Broke his nose. In the middle of my dad’s going-away party. It was kind of a disaster.” And one I wasn’t proud of.
His grin made me laugh. “When I first saw you at your house, for a second the wolf took over. He was drawn to you. Had to have you. I’d let you get away once already and he wasn’t going to allow it to happen again.” He started pacing. “I didn’t get control back for days. I was restless, so I went to the mall. But after I talked to you—it only got worse. I convinced some of the guys to go hiking, hoping to burn off steam. And then I found you.”
But why me? He wasn’t giving me the answer that I wanted—needed—and a heaviness settled in my chest.
“What I did—it’s unforgivable. And yet, I want you to do the impossible.”
His amber gaze was so intense, I couldn’t look away. My heart sped. “What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to forgive me. I want you to be mine.”
I was short of breath. “You’re not answering my question. Why me? You don’t even know me. I don’t know you.”
“Don’t lie.”
He was frustrating the crap out of me. “I’m not lying! You’re the one that’s avoiding the question.”
“Okay. So I don’t have a perfect answer. When you meet your match you just know. The more we get to know each other, the more we’ll know how right we are.”
That warmed me. “Good answer.”
His gaze turned from amber to gold. “I want to announce it to the pack at the next full moon.”
That sounded serious. “Wouldn’t Imogene oppose that?”
He grinned. “Jealous?”
“Hey! I’m not the one going around beating my chest. From what I’ve heard, she was the one you were supposed to be with, and isn’t she your girlfriend?”
“She’s not my girlfriend. She’s my friend that’s a girl. We grew up together. Our families went on vacation together. I think both she and her father wanted us to end up mated. And to be honest, I did give it a shot. But it didn’t feel right and I ended it before summer.”
I hugged my knees into my chest. The need for him filled me up, threatening to take any will power I had left. Whatever happened, I couldn’t let him take over my life. I wouldn’t let myself be that girl.
He knelt in front of me. “Give me a chance.”
Crap. He was going to get his way. “This is way insane. I’m a normal, ordinary girl. Okay maybe not normal exactly, but normal-ish.”
“You don’t honestly believe that, do you?”
I narrowed my gaze at him. “If you wanted me so badly, then why’d you ignore me?”
“I was trying to let you adjust. To give you space. Like Mr. Dawson asked. Not to mention your family. It wasn’t easy to stay away from you.”
I opened my mouth with a retort, but he held up a hand.
“No. Not as hard as adjusting has been for you. But seeing the guys following you around…” His eyes flashed even brighter. He paced all the way to the other side of the creek and when he came back they were amber again. “I did something awful to you. Everyone thought it would be best if I stayed away, gave you time to get used to everything before I staked my claim as your mate.”
It killed me to say it, but I had to ask. “And if I didn’t want to be with you?”
“I’d let you go. Or try to.” He ran his fingers through his hair, making it stand on end. “No. I don’t know that I could do that. I’d wait. I’d do my best to win you over.”
“Okay.” I swallowed my nerves. “The whole mate word freaks me out. So let’s just leave that out for now.”
The smile that spread across his face made me melt.
Yep. He was dangerous.
“Deal.” He held out a hand and pulled me off the bedrock.
His hand brushed against my arm and a tingle ran up it. “What’s that?”
“Best guess?”
Something was better than nothing. “I’ll take it.”
“It’s our mate bond settling in.”
My heart kicked into over-drive. “Hey! Ix-nay on the ate-may word.”
“Don’t freak out on me. A deal is a deal. Our wolves are on a different level than us right now. But we’ll catch up. We’ve got time.”
“Time.” My gut was screaming at me that I didn’t need any time to know he was the one, but my brain knew better. “But don’t I have to choose before my birthday?”
“I don’t think they’ll hold you to those rules.” He brushed his fingertips along my face, and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Just try to relax.”
Heat spread through my body at his touch. “Right. Relax.” The guy was turning me into a mumbling moron with the touch of his fingertips. This was bad news. Or maybe good news, depending on how I looked at it. I shook my head, trying to clear it. “Can I ask you a question?”
“You can ask me anything.”
“How come I don’t see anything from you?”
He raised his eyebrows, proving that I’d managed to catch him by surprise. “I’m not just an alpha. I’m Alpha. You’ll only see what I want you to see. Or what you ask to see.”
“How come I get stuff from Chris? Isn’t he an alpha?”
He ran his hand over his stubble. “I guess you really do need to read the book.”
I pushed him away from me, but he didn’t budge. “Jerk. That’s what I was supposed to be doing.”
“What I meant was that there is alpha and then there is Alpha. The level of power a person has is unique to that person. I have more than Chris—much more than him—and since I found out about your abilities, I’ve been trying to guard my thoughts.”
That made sense. Mom did that too. She wasn’t as good as Dastien was, but she was decent at letting me only see some things. “One more. Why do you call Mr. Dawson, Michael?”
“That’s his name.”
I gave him a soft punch in the shoulder.
He grabbed my fist and opened it to link our fingers together. “My parents died when I was eight. Michael was their best friend, as were the Hoels. But Michael was the one who took me in, raised me.”
I felt terrible
for asking. “I’m sorry. That must’ve been awful.”
“Thanks.”
I stared at his larger hand enveloping mine. “Why did you leave? At the party after…” He’d run away that night. It bugged me that he’d done that.
“I didn’t leave you at the party, but my wolf had control. I shifted and couldn’t let myself get close to any of the other people there.”
I remembered the wolf outside my window that night. “You waited outside my window?”
“Until your light went out.” He pressed his lips together for a second. “And I was outside your room in the infirmary as you transitioned back and forth for days on end. You didn’t stop changing forms until I finally broke into the room—”
I so didn’t want to hear about that. I slapped my hand over his mouth. He bit it softly, and I felt it all the way to my core. I rubbed my hand off on my jeans.
“I can’t undo what I did, but I can help you gain some control.”
“You can?”
They’d told me that werewolves were stronger, but I couldn’t stifle a gasp when Dastien picked me up as if I weighed nothing. He jumped onto a giant boulder.
He put me on my feet and sat. “Close your eyes.”
I plopped in front of him and closed them.
“Take three deep inhales and exhales. Feel your body move. Feel the air come in, flowing down deep into your lungs, filling up your chest. Then follow it as it flows back out.”
I recognized this from the yoga class.
“Focus on your hands…your feet…your arms…your legs…your chest. Feel the wolf deep inside of you. In the center of you, of who you are.”
I opened my eyes after a few minutes. He was sitting there with his eyes closed. I felt bad about disturbing him, but then he opened one eye.
“Close them.”
“Nothing’s happening.”
“That’s because you’re not relaxing.”
I grumbled about having a hard time relaxing on a hard rock, but he ignored me. I don’t know how long I sat there, before something clicked. I felt the rippling underneath the surface of my skin and gasped. “What is that?”
“You’ve nearly found her.”
“Her?”
“The wolf.”
“Shut up.” I slapped his leg. “That sounds completely mental.”
His golden gaze met mine. “She’s a part of you. Once you start acknowledging her, she’ll settle down and your moods won’t be so erratic. She needs to trust you as much as you need to trust her.” He laughed. I must’ve looked as confused as I felt. “Close your eyes again. Go back. See her. Feel her. She’s there to protect you. To make you stronger.”
I had thought of her as separate from me, but maybe she wasn’t. The only thing I knew for sure was that it was complicated. I didn’t really know what I felt, but when I opened my eyes again, I was steadier.
“Better?” Dastien said.
“Yeah. I think so?” I really hoped so. “Thank you.”
“Anytime.” He pointed up to the cave. “Still want to go take a look or head back?”
My stomach answered for me. I threw my hand over it. “Sorry. I think I might be hungry. I’ve got to get food fast or…” God. I just had a breakthrough and now I was going to ruin it. But I didn’t want to shift.
“Don’t worry. You won’t change. Unless you want to?”
I waved my hands wildly in the air. “Definitely not. I mean what if I get stuck as a wolf?”
He touched his forehead to mine as he laughed. “You won’t get stuck,” he said when he caught his breath.
I shoved him. “I’m never telling you anything ever again.”
He rubbed his thumb along my bottom lip. “That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. I won’t tell you anything when you do stuff like laugh at me.”
His lips met mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself into his lap. When I felt his tongue, I opened my mouth and let him in.
When my stomach growled again, he pulled away. “Let’s get you some food.” He gave me one last soft kiss. “I’d do anything for you, Tessa. I know you don’t realize that now, but you will.”
That thought made me grin, even if I wasn’t sure that it was true. He led us to a shorter part of the creek wall and started to climb. I’d never gone hiking without a clear-cut path before. It was fun, but hard. When we reached the top, rivers of sweat ran down the sides of my face. I lifted my shirt to wipe them away.
“Have a nice hike?” Mr. Dawson was standing there waiting for us.
I cleared my throat. I was supposed to be reading in his cabin. “Yeah. But I didn’t read—”
“It’s okay,” Mr. Dawson cut me off. “Seems like it did you some good.”
“I think so,” I said.
Dastien stepped between Mr. Dawson and me. “I’d like to ask permission to leave campus tomorrow with Tessa. I’ll vouch for her.”
Mr. Dawson crossed his arms. “Where? When? For how long?”
“To the bookstore. In the morning. Just a couple of hours.”
Mr. Dawson nodded. “Sounds like a good idea for both of you. Permission granted.”
Shock filled me. “Really? Dastien can take me alone, but Chris and Adrian couldn’t take me to the movies?”
Mr. Dawson smiled. I’d forgotten that he was handsome. “Yes. Dastien’s already proven that he can keep you under control.”
Shit. He probably knew about what happened in the gym. I don’t think my face ever burned so much.
When Mr. Dawson left, I jumped up and down, tugging on Dastien’s shirt. He laughed and put his arm around my shoulder.
“How did you know that I’d want to go to a bookstore?” I said.
“Who do you think set up your room?” He kissed my nose. My heart sped, wanting more. “Your mother gave me quite the lecture about keeping them in order.”
I laughed at the image of her lecturing Dastien. She could be a bad ass when she wanted to be.
As we started back to school, one dark cloud hung over my otherwise sunny day. What was I going to do about Shannon? Not to mention Chris and all the other guys. At least maybe they would leave me alone now.
And then there was the problem of Imogene and her dad and the vampires.
I said a little prayer that everyone was still out having fun when I got back. But my luck had never been that good.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Gabriel and a few of the guys strode up to me as we walked down one of the paths to the courtyard. Dastien’s hand came to rest on the small of my back and the guys stopped. I didn’t need to look up at him to know he was giving them a serious stare down.
One by one, the boys looked at the ground and stepped back to let us pass. Being with Dastien definitely had its perks. Maybe the rest of the guys would quit telling me what and how much to eat.
A few heads popped up to stare at us as we entered the cafeteria. But after we’d gotten our food, he led us to a table alone.
“Chris said you’re one of the best fighters.”
He shrugged one shoulder. “I had the best teaching me. My father and Michael. The two of them sparring was one of my favorite things to watch.” He leaned forward. “Do the rumors about you and our relationship bother you?”
“I’m used to being pointed at.” I ran my fingers through the ends of my hair. “I try not to let them get to me.”
“But they do?”
I squirmed under his stare. He saw too much of me already. “I’m only human.” He stayed quiet. “Whatever. You know what I mean.”
“So you really like all the groups you wear shirts for?” he asked.
“Seeing as how I made most of those shirts—yes. I really do.”
“Favorite show you’ve seen live?”
I chewed on my lip as I thought. “There was this Above & Beyond show that I went to a few months ago. It was epic. They played for two and half hours and the tracks were sick. They kept turning down the volume to let us s
ing along with vocals. You know what it’s like when the whole crowd was in sync—dancing. It was just perfection.”
“When was the show?”
I was never fantastic with remembering dates. “Mid-April-ish. At Avaland in LA.”
He grinned. “I was there.”
“Shut up.” There was no way he was there. I would’ve noticed him.
“It was epic. The track they ended on—”
“Amazing, right? Gave me chills.” I shook my head. This was crazy. “What’s your favorite show ever?”
“I saw Apparat play in Munich. It was amazing.”
“You’ve been to Munich?” It seemed weird picturing him anywhere but St. Ailbe’s.
“I’ve traveled quite a bit. My father was from France, so I spent summers growing up there. As I got older, I roamed around Europe a bit.” He shrugged. “I try to go to a new place every year. It’s a thing.”
“Sounds fun.” I always wanted to travel more. “So who is Apparat?”
“You don’t know Apparat?”
No way. He just out weird-music-ed me. “Should I?”
“Yes. For sure. I’ll send you the tracks.”
As we talked, he became more like a real person than an obsession—which should have eased my attraction to him, but it didn’t. Every time he said something, I wanted to know more. He was sweet and laughed easily. Yet I knew from watching him fight vampires that he was dangerous.
When we finished eating, Dastien and I sat among the trees and did more control exercises. I got lost in the sounds of inhales and exhales, the wind softly breezing through the leaves, the chirps of the birds. I could’ve sat with him forever. My hands rested on my knees. It took me a while to realize they were getting hot. Then fingers slowly linked with mine. A lazy smile spread across my face.
“I have to go patrol, ma chérie. And you have to go inside before the sun sets.”
I tightened my fingers around his. “No,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut.
His lips pressed against my forehead.
I flopped onto the grass, tugging him down too.
He hovered over me, his weight on his forearms as he lightly brushed his lips against mine. I growled. That was not the kiss I was going for.
