by Ruby Cruz
All of us entered the exam room where Jane lay on a stretcher. I’d never seen her so pale, and when she saw Chloe, tears formed in her eyes. “Hey, baby,” she greeted. Charlie leaned down so Chloe could hug her mother, but Jane wouldn’t let her lie down on the stretcher. “I’m sorry, munchkin. I don’t want you to get dirty.”
“Mommy,” Chloe insisted, not letting go of Jane’s neck.
“I’ll get some extra chucks and towels,” Lydia offered before escaping the room.
A nurse I knew vaguely, Gina, entered the room with a new bag of saline. “We’re still waiting for the blood to come up from the blood bank, but I’ll get it started as soon as I can,” she announced to no one in particular. When she saw Chloe clinging to Jane, she said, “Hey, sweetie, I’m just going to take your mom’s temperature again, okay?”
Chloe only clung more tightly to her mother, and Gina shrugged. “Alrighty, we’ll just work around it. No problem.”
She went over the preop checklist, checked the surgical consent, and was in the process of paging the anesthesiologist to perform the anesthesia consent when the blood arrived. At some point, one of the nurse’s aides brought a coloring book and crayons for Chloe to entertain herself, which she did admirably until the nurse double checked the blood with a second nurse, then primed the IV tubing with the bright red blood and started the transfusion.
“What’s that?” Chloe asked her mother.
“It’s blood,” she answered. “Mommy needs some more.”
“Mommy has a boo boo?” she asked in a confused tone.
“Sort of. Mommy got sick.”
“Why?”
I had no idea how Jane and Charlie were going to explain to Chloe that she was no longer going to be a big sister, but Jane attempted it.
“The baby in Mommy’s belly got sick, so Mommy got sick. That’s why Mommy had to come here to the hospital to get better.”
“Is Mommy okay?”
“Mommy’s fine. Mommy’s going to be just fine.” I could hear the tears in Jane’s voice, and they broke my heart.
I told Chloe, “Maybe you could sing Mommy a song? Mommy’s feeling a little sad.”
“Why?”
“Because the baby in her belly is sick and isn’t going to get better.”
“The medicine won’t make it better?”
“The baby’s too sick.” I didn’t know what else to say to her to explain so I opted for distraction. “What about that song? I think everyone wants to hear it.”
Obligingly, she began to sing, “I Love You, You Love Me…” By the time she finished, I had tears in my own eyes. Charlie picked Chloe up from the stretcher as the anesthesiologist walked into the room. “Hey, honey. Mommy has to talk to the doctor now.”
“Why don’t we go find a snack? I know where we can find some yummy graham crackers,” Lydia said.
“What about Mommy?”
“She can’t eat any right now. She needs to talk to the doctor,” Charlie explained as he handed Chloe to Lydia.
“Because Mommy’s still sick?”
“Yes. But she will be better soon.”
~
Mom arrived just as Jane was being wheeled back to surgery. “Oh, my Jane. I’m so sorry,” she wailed.
I had to physically restrain her so Jane could be transported to the OR with no further delay. “Mom, you’re not helping,” I murmured in her ear. “Let them take her so they can do their jobs.”
She hiccupped and held back her sobs until Jane was out of sight, then threw her arms around me. I comforted her as well as I could while Hal stared at the pair of us stoically.
“Oh, Charlie,” she finally said after her sobs abated slightly. “Will she be able to have more children?”
“She should,” he answered. “They don’t plan on doing a hysterectomy.”
“How could this happen? She seemed so healthy a week ago at dinner.”
Charlie explained about how she’d been bleeding for a week but didn’t want to tell anyone the bad news just yet. “She was still processing it herself,” he added in way of explanation, which I understood, but Mom scoffed at.
“I never understood why she does that.” Her tears dried up as anger replaced her despair. “I’m her mother. I deserve to know these things.”
As Charlie attempted to placate his mother-in-law, Darcy strode into the waiting area. My breath caught in my chest as I registered his appearance: haggard, dark hair untidy, at least a day’s worth of stubble on his face, clothing rumpled.
Darcy briefly shook Charlie’s hand in greeting and my mother embarrassingly threw herself into his arms. “Oh, Dr. Darcy, I’m so glad you’re here in our time of need.”
I pulled her off him. “Please, Mom.”
“Don’t you start with me, Elizabeth Ann Bennett,” she hissed. “My first-born is in surgery. I’m allowed to worry about my own daughter.”
Because I was in no mood for more of her histrionics, I threw up my hands and stepped out of the room. I made it halfway down the hallway before Darcy caught up to me. “Just let it go, Lizzy,” he said in a soft voice.
“I know. I’m sorry. I just…After everything that’s happened, I can’t deal with her right now.”
“Everyone’s tensions are running high. It’s understandable.” His eyes bore into mine, his expression unreadable, his face handsome even through the impassive mask. I hated that he had it on, that he was hiding his emotions from me. I wanted to hold him, to ease away the hints of worry and fear behind the mask.
“I’m going to get a cup of coffee,” I said finally. “I’ll ask everyone else if they want some.”
I brushed by him to walk back into the waiting room, where Hal accepted my offer of coffee, but everyone else declined. “I’ll go with you,” Lydia offered, and Chloe jumped at the chance for a little adventure.
Lydia and I walked to the hospital café with Chloe hand-in-hand between us. “May I have another snack, Aunt Lizzy? I’m still hungry,” she asked.
“Yeah, with everything that’s happened, I don’t think we ever actually ate lunch,” Lydia said.
“We can get some food.”
“So, what’s happening with Darcy?” Lydia asked me after we placed our orders at the counter and Chloe ate a banana.
“Nothing. We haven’t had a chance to talk, not since I confronted him in New York. And I can’t right now, not with everything happening with Jane and Charlie.”
Silence fell between us as we waited for our coffees and sandwiches to be prepared. Suddenly, Lydia blurted, “I have a confession to make.”
“What?”
“Mom offered to help me pay for the exterminator and let me come stay with her, but I didn’t want to listen to her yelling at me anymore about the mistakes I’ve made the past couple of years. I just needed a break from that, and I couldn’t afford to go anywhere else. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get mixed up in the situation between you and Darcy.”
I sighed. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Believe me, I understand how mothers can get under your skin sometimes. It’s why I didn’t suggest moving in with mine.”
“You’re not mad at me?”
“No, of course not. I’m a little annoyed you felt you couldn’t tell me the truth in the first place. I would’ve let you stay with me regardless.”
“You’ve just always been so good and…perfect.”
I scoffed at that. “Hah, I’m far from perfect and I’ve made plenty of my own mistakes, including with the opposite sex. You forget, I was the one who brought George into our lives in the first place. Believe me, I feel every bit as responsible for your predicament as you do.”
“Lizzy, don’t. I know I screwed up and I’m literally paying for it every day. As far as I can tell, the one major mistake you’ve made in all this is not communicating how you feel with Darcy.”
“I’ve told him.”
“No, I don’t think you have. You used to
be so much more outspoken, and since you’ve been with him, it’s like you’re walking on eggshells. Everyone else you speak your mind, but with him, it’s like you’re afraid of pissing him off.”
I considered her words and realized she was right. “I didn’t want to seem like I was picking fights with him all the time.”
“Stating your opinion shouldn’t be picking a fight. It’s just stating how you feel. If he can’t understand that, then you have no business being with him.”
“You know, I always thought Will and I had such a healthy relationship, but the more I think about it, it’s like we’d been insulating ourselves from the world, happy in our own little bubble where everything was perfect between us. But life and people aren’t perfect, are they? It took one major, imperfect thing to happen and, poof, the bubble was gone and all that was wrong between us was amplified. It’s like the only thing we actually know to be true and right is that we love each other. Everything else is a question mark.”
“I used to think that’s how things were between George and me, but I was wrong. I thought I loved him and he loved me, but he was just using me. Took me forever to realize that and, yeah, it still hurts to admit it. But what you have with Darcy is real. I see how you two are together and…it’s like your whole face lights up when he’s there, and he’s the same way with you. Sounds cliché, but you make each other better people. It’s sort of sickening, actually. You two are the real deal, and I’m hella jealous of that, even though you’ve got lots of crap to work out between you.”
Our orders came up, and we walked back silently to join the others.
~
Back in the waiting room, Hal guzzled his coffee like a dying man in the desert. I didn’t blame him much - after his earlier talk with me and then dealing with my hysterical mother, he’d had a long day.
Charlie took his turkey sandwich but didn’t eat it, instead allowing Chloe to dismember and dissect the innards so it resembled less a sandwich and more a bread and lettuce salad.
Mom paced and twisted her hands - she used to smoke nearly as much as Aunt Jo had before her heart attack, but she’d quit years ago when one of her boyfriends had complained about the taste when kissing her. She fidgeted so much, I almost wished she’d had a cigarette just to calm her down.
Finally, Dr. Haddam came out to the waiting room to talk to Charlie. She led him into the post-surgical consult area as we anxiously awaited the news. When they emerged, Dr. Haddam spared us an encouraging glance before exiting the waiting room. Charlie was visibly relieved as he explained, “Everything went well. They gave her one unit of blood, and her blood pressure stabilized. They want to keep her a few more hours for observation, but she should be ready to go home after they recheck her hemoglobin to make sure it hasn’t dropped.”
“And if it has?” I asked.
“Then they’ll keep her overnight for observation, but that scenario should be unlikely.”
“Can we see her now?” Mom asked anxiously.
“She’ll be in the recovery room for monitoring, but once she’s sent to discharge, we’ll be able to see her there.”
“Will she be able to have more children?” Mom persisted.
Charlie appeared weary but he patiently answered, “She’s young and healthy. There’s no reason why she shouldn’t be able to conceive again. She might be at higher risk given her past history, but Dr. Haddam said she would do everything she can to help her safely through any future pregnancies.”
“When can she start trying again?”
“Mom, we’ll have plenty of time to go over that later,” I admonished. “Just be glad she’s okay.”
Despite my words, Mom continued to fret. “I would’ve felt much more comfortable if you were in there during the procedure,” she told Charlie and Darcy.
“Dr. Haddam is an excellent OB-GYN,” Charlie assured her. “She handled Jane’s pregnancy with Chloe, and Jane has had nothing but praise for her bedside manner. And besides, with me being so close to Jane, I doubt I’d be able to preserve my clinical judgement if anything did go wrong during the case.”
“I have to confess I would’ve been even less of a help,” Darcy admitted. “Obstetrics and gynecology were my least favorite rotations in medical school. I’m much less comfortable dealing with babies and woman parts than in matters of the heart.” I couldn’t help but smirk a little, and when Darcy caught my eye, he flushed a bit. “I mean to say…”
“I think what he means, is Jane was in very capable hands,” I finished, saving him from further explanation.
I offered him a smile, which Lydia caught. “You would know all about Darcy’s hands and your woman parts,” she muttered.
Apparently, Lydia’s comment wasn’t made softly enough, because Hal spit out the remainder of his coffee, Charlie coughed, Darcy flushed even more, and Mom’s face looked like a fish as she processed what had been said. I continued to smile as I kicked Lydia in the foot. When she yelped, Chloe reprimanded me. “Aunt Lizzy, that wasn’t nice! You say sorry!”
“Yeah, Aunt Lizzy, that wasn’t nice,” Lydia repeated, though her eyes were sparkling with unexpressed laughter as she rubbed her injured foot.
As I apologized to Lydia to make a good example to Chloe, Darcy’s eyes caught mine again. My breath caught in my throat at the emotions warring within them, the intensity within his gaze causing all types of reactions within my “woman parts.”
Breaking my gaze away, I cleared my throat. “Hey, Chloe, why don’t you color a picture for Mommy to take home?”
Thus distracted and the moment broken, we all set about waiting for Jane to come out of the recovery area.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Eventually Okay
Forty-five minutes passed and we received a call saying Jane was awake and two family members were allowed to visit at a time.
After some argument, Charlie and Mom went back to see her, which was just as well. I didn’t have the patience to see Mom going into more hysterics upon seeing Jane.
Hal grunted in greeting when I sat next to him. “How did things go with Mom earlier? Before we called about Jane.”
“You know your ma. She got mad I’d been keeping all that stuff from her, but we were all right in the end.” He flushed a bit, and I didn’t press any further. The less said on that subject, the better, in my opinion. “It took us so long to get here because you know how she gets. Took me an hour just to get her calmed down enough to get in the car.”
He gestured to Darcy, who was sitting in the opposite corner of the room and checking something on his phone. “What about you and your man? You get everything all sorted out with him?”
I shook my head. “Not yet. But hopefully we will.”
“He’s a decent guy. I hope it works out with you two.”
“I do, too.”
When Charlie and Mom returned, Charlie said to me, “She’s asking for you and Chloe.”
“Are they allowing children back there?”
“It’s not too busy right now, being the weekend, and she really wants to see Chloe.”
We were escorted to the recovery area where only a couple of bays were occupied with patients. The nurse directed us to Jane, who was lying with her eyes closed on the stretcher. The bloodied sheets had been replaced by clean linens, and aside from her pallor, she seemed to be peacefully sleeping.
“Mama,” Chloe called, and I carried her to the stretcher where she clamored to climb besides Jane.
I attempted to hold her back, but Jane opened her eyes. “Okay, honey, but you need to be very, very careful with the wires on Mommy,” she warned.
Eyes wide, Chloe slowed her movements and allowed me to set her next to Jane, where she immediately lay down and snuggled. I arranged the monitor wires and IV tubing around her to prevent any snags from sudden movements before Jane sighed. “Lizzy, you don’t have to do all that. Chloe’s fine. If a lead pops off, we can just put it back on - it’s not like
we don’t know how.”
“I know.” I took a breath before saying, “Jane, I’m so sorry. You and Charlie were so excited for the baby.”
“Yes, we were. But we can try again.”
“Still, I can’t believe you’re not a wreck.”
“Believe me, when it first started happening, I was sort of a mess. But I’ve had a week for the knowledge to settle so…I’ll be okay. We both will.”
“I wish you would’ve told me what was going on.”
“I didn’t want you to worry. You had a lot on your mind.”
“What type of sister would I be if I can’t worry about you?” I surveyed her face, and besides her pallor, she actually looked pretty good. “How’s the pain?”
“Minimal.” When I quirked my brow, she sighed again. “I’m fine. It’s like bad menstrual cramps. I’ll take some ibuprofen when I get home.”
“How much longer do we have to wait for the blood work to be drawn?”
“Another hour, then probably another twenty minutes for the lab to process it.”
“Do you want me to take Chloe home? There’s no reason for her to wait here.”
“We’ll be fine. After everything that’s happened, I don’t want to be too far from her.” She stroked her daughter’s hair. After the relative excitement of the afternoon and no nap, she’d promptly fallen asleep snuggled next to her mother. “Now that you’ve asked me all the questions, I have one for you.”
“What?”
“Are you going to settle things with Will tonight?”
“I hardly think this is the time…”
“When will it be the time? The one thing I’ve learned in all this is there’s never a perfect time to live your life. You can’t keep waiting and hoping things will be perfect because that’s like waiting for a fantasy to come true. Lizzy, you say you’re worried about me, but I’m worried about you. You’ve been so miserable since Will has been gone, you’ve honestly become sort of intolerable.”
Her criticism shocked me - she’d never been so blunt with me before. When I didn’t say anything and just stared at her speechlessly, she continued. “Will still cares about you. He still loves you. The moment he stepped into the room, every person there could see how much you two love each other. Now, I can’t say if you work things out today that you won’t be fighting again tomorrow. But like I said, life isn’t perfect. Life isn’t happy ever after.”
