“Waiting for you to wake up. I can’t carry you up the stairs.”
“Let’s go then.” His voice still held a slur but had lost a little of its sting. He opened his door, but before he got out, Daniel turned and looked at her with dark eyes. “Stay away from Liam, Elizabeth.”
When Lizzy woke the following morning, her heart was still heavy. As she’d expected, Daniel apologized and went to bed early, but she had trouble sleeping. She couldn’t shake off the utter shock of it all. How could she ever forget? Or forgive?
She sat on the edge of the bed with her head in her hands.
Daniel stirred, and she held her body rigid. She relaxed a little when he seemed to be back to his normal self.
Instead of getting up, Lizzy lay back on the bed and curled up in a ball.
“I don’t feel too well, Daniel. I think I’ll stay home today.” She pulled the bed covers around her and closed her eyes.
“I’ll make you a cup of tea, Liz. Stay there. Stay in bed all day if you need.”
Tears squeezed their way through her closed eyes and landed on her pillow. How could a person be so different one minute to the next?
When he left for work, she reached for the phone and made a call.
“Nessa, can we go for coffee today?”
Chapter Ten
An hour later, Lizzy sat opposite Nessa. Once she’d made up her mind to make the call, her body had responded and she felt better immediately. The hope that she might gain some insight into his past spurred her on.
“I’m glad you could make it, Nessa. And at short notice. I hope Fiona didn’t mind you going out without her?”
“No, she had some things to do today, so no problem.” Nessa looked at her intently. “I assume this is about Daniel?”
Lizzy nodded and lowered her eyes.
“I had hoped he’d sorted himself out. But seems not.”
“I need to know about him, Nessa.” Lizzy looked up and leaned forward. “I need to know what makes him tick. He won’t tell me much about his past. Just snippets here and there.” She took in a deep breath and sipped her coffee. “I’m not coping too well with his changing moods. Sometimes he can be so loving and kind, and other times he can be so horrible. Usually when he’s been drinking.” Like yesterday on the way home. She glanced outside and saw people scurrying in the rain. The sun had definitely gone.
When Nessa squeezed her hand, Lizzy struggled to hold back her tears.
“You poor girl. He should be treating you like a precious princess. I know he loves you, but yes, he does have a past, Lizzy.” Nessa’s eyes bore into hers. “Do you really want to know?”
Lizzy nodded, her eyes unmoving.
“Daniel’s one of eight children. The second eldest. I assume you know that already?”
Lizzy nodded again.
“His father drank heavily, and treated his mother badly. It wasn’t uncommon in our area of Belfast. His father disappeared when he was ten, leaving his mother to bring up the children on her own. She always made sure they were well dressed and went to church. She did the best she could.” Nessa stopped and took another sip of her coffee.
“His mother, my aunt, got sick a few years later. She died of cancer not long after, and the kids were all split up. Daniel came to live with us.” Come on Nessa, I know all of this. Move on.
“Everything was fine for the first few years, but you could tell he was angry about losing his mother. He wouldn’t go to church with us. He said he blamed God for letting her die. He was a bit younger than me, and I kept a look out for him. He was always loud, funny and charming. Just like he is now most of the time. He hasn’t lost that. But when he was sixteen, he started drinking. It was the done thing. Most of the lads did it. We all knew, but couldn’t do anything to stop it. One night he got so drunk he ended up in hospital. My parents told him if he didn’t stop, he’d have to leave. They didn’t want him setting a bad example for my brothers.” She paused before continuing and glanced out the window. “He agreed to stop, but they also said he needed to go to church with them if he wanted to stay. He reluctantly agreed, and that’s where he met Ciara.”
Lizzy leaned forward and rested on her elbows. “This is the bit I don’t know. He never talks about her to me.”
“I’m not surprised,” Nessa said. “The whole thing messed him up pretty badly.” She leaned forward, their heads almost touching. “Ciara was lovely. They were inseparable, but he got her pregnant. He was seventeen, and she was sixteen. Her parents were shocked. They were good Christian people, and they thought she was too. My parents were more angry than shocked. They made him marry her, even though they were so young. They lived in the back room of our house. They didn’t have any money. Daniel tried to find work, but could only get the odd job here and there. Not enough to support a family.”
Nessa leaned back and crossed her arms.
“I feel bad making you remember all of this, Nessa.” Lizzy reached out and squeezed her hand. “Are you okay?”
She met Lizzy’s gaze. “Yes, I’m fine. It’s just a sad story, that’s all.” She took a deep breath. “The baby was born. It was a little girl. They called her Rachel, and she was perfect. Daniel was a changed person. He doted on her, and being a father made him grow up. He got a job, and they moved into their own place. Everything was perfect until the night Rachel died in her sleep. There was no real explanation. Just ‘cot death’.
“Daniel began drinking again. He lost his job, and often he wouldn’t come home for days on end.” Nessa leaned forward and sighed. “One night when he did come home, Liam was there. He had his arms around Ciara, and she was crying on his shoulder. Daniel grabbed him and punched him. He punched him until Liam could hardly move. He probably would have killed him if Ciara hadn’t hit him with a saucepan.”
Lizzy’s eyes widened and her body slumped a little.
“She didn’t want to call the police, but Liam was hurt so badly he needed to go to hospital. Daniel was charged with assault, and he was sent to jail for twelve months.”
“Oh goodness, Nessa. I had no idea.” Lizzy’s mind reeled with this information. She rubbed her temple with her fingers and then looked up. “What happened to Liam?”
“He had some broken ribs, and was covered in bruises. He recovered.”
“So was he with Ciara, or did Daniel get it wrong?”
“Liam said he’d just gone round there to see Daniel, and found Ciara crying. No-one really knows apart from him. He maintains they weren’t together.”
“What happened to her?”
Nessa sighed sadly. “She went back home to live with her parents. She was never the same though.” Nessa brushed tears away from her eyes and gulped. “She took her life a few years later. Her family was devastated. They blamed Daniel. They still do.”
Lizzy grabbed Nessa’s hand. “That’s a terrible story, Nessa. No wonder he doesn’t want to talk about it. But now I understand why he acted like he did yesterday.”
Nessa pulled out a tissue and blew her nose. “Yes, well. He shouldn’t have been drinking, that’s for sure.” She inhaled deeply and checked her watch. “There’s more. Have you got time?”
“I have if you have. Do you want another coffee?”
“Yes please.”
Lizzy called the waiter over and ordered two more coffees. “Okay, tell me the rest.”
“When Daniel got out of jail, he was a mess. He went straight back onto the bottle and almost drank himself to death. We were all worried about him, but there wasn’t much anyone could do. One night he got picked up by the Salvos. They took him to a home and cared for him. He must have been really bad, because they convinced him to get help. He started going to AA. It worked for a while. We couldn’t believe it was the same person when we saw him a few months later. It was like having the old Daniel back, but better. He patched it up with Liam, and apologised for beating him up. That was five years ago.
“By that time I’d married Riley. We moved over here not lo
ng after, so I didn’t see much of him after that, but I heard he was doing well most of the time. He got himself a job at the hospital, but then all of a sudden he just packed up and disappeared. The next thing I know, he’s knocking on our door several years later. He said he needed to get out of the place. Too many memories, and so he went travelling, as you know. He went lots of places, and got jobs where he could. I think he might have been drunk a lot of the time, because he can’t remember much about the places he went to.”
The waiter arrived with their coffees and Lizzy thanked him.
“When he arrived on our doorstep, it seemed he was ready to settle down. We took him in, on the condition he didn’t drink. He was older, obviously, but he also seemed more mature. He wouldn’t come to church with us, though. Seemed like he still blamed God for both his mother’s and Rachel’s deaths. And Ciara’s too, for that matter. But apart from that, he seemed to have sorted himself out. He got the job at the hospital, and he wasn’t drinking. And then, that’s when he met you.”
Lizzy sat back in her seat and took a few moments to digest all of this information. She glanced out the window. It was still raining. She turned and looked at Nessa. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before, Ness?”
Nessa held her eyes for a moment, but then looked away. She took a deep breath before answering. “I guess because you seemed so happy together. We didn’t really expect it to get so serious so quickly, but by the time it did, it was too late. We just hoped and prayed he was a changed man, and that he’d look after you properly. We assumed he’d tell you in his own time. But obviously, he didn’t.”
“Why did you ask us over yesterday when you knew Liam would be there?”
“They’ve seen each other a few times since that day, Liz. Daniel apologised, as I said before, and they haven’t had any problems that I know of since. We had no reason to think it would cause a problem.” She stopped and tilted her head, her eyes narrowing. “Did something happen last night?”
Lizzy looked her in the eye. Do I tell her, or do I just let it pass?
“Not really. He was just a little agitated for a while.”
“I’m glad. I didn’t realize he’d drunk so much until after you’d left. Too busy with cooking I suppose. I’m sure he’ll be fine, Lizzy. Especially with the baby coming. He really does love you.”
“I think I need some time alone, Ness.”
Nessa’s head shot up, her eyes wide open.
“Oh, I don’t mean, go away, if that’s what you’re thinking. I meant now. I think I need to go for a walk, even though it’s raining.” Lizzy glanced outside again. The rain had stopped, but the sky was still grey. “I need to gather my thoughts. Knowing this puts a whole different slant on everything.”
“I understand, Lizzy. It’s a lot to take in. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.” Nessa reached out and squeezed Lizzy’s hand. “I really am.” She looked into Lizzy’s eyes. “Would it have made a difference if I had?”
Lizzy leaned back and folded her arms and thought for a moment before answering.
“I don’t know. But it’s irrelevant now. I married him.”
She looked up when the waiter came over and asked if they’d like another drink.
“No, but thanks for asking. We’re just about to leave.”
Lizzy stood and straightened her skirt. “Thanks for coming, Nessa. And for sharing. Now I’ve got to process it.”
Nessa hugged her. “God bless you, Lizzy.”
They walked out together. Lizzy shivered.
“Here, take my jacket if you’re going to walk.”
Lizzy smiled at her. “Thanks Ness.”
Lizzy turned left and crossed the road. It wasn’t raining as such, but a fine mist had settled in the air. Although it was refreshing, she slipped Nessa’s jacket on anyway. She didn’t want to get sick on top of everything else. She walked along the river, unaware of the activity carrying on either side of her, both on the water and on the road. Lizzy’s mind was in turmoil. She’d never dreamt that Daniel could have been hiding so much of himself from her. Why hadn’t he told her? Weren’t husbands and wives supposed to share everything with each other and not keep secrets? How could she have been so naive when she married him? She’d jumped blindly into marriage with a man she hardly knew anything about. Was I really that desperate?
She kept walking, but couldn’t get the picture of Daniel being in jail out of her mind. Jail? What would her parents say if they ever found out? And poor Ciara. She must have been so brokenhearted and depressed to have taken her own life. Lizzy stopped and sat on a bench seat and bowed her head.
Oh God. This is too much to bear. No wonder Daniel’s in turmoil most of the time. He needs you, Lord. Really needs you. Only you can take his hurt and anger away. He needs to forgive himself, Lord. He’s been through so much. Please touch him in a special way today. And show me how to love him. Really love him.
An image of a dove settling on her shoulder flitted through her mind and peace flooded through her being. She also knew what she must do.
Chapter Eleven
Lizzy stepped back to inspect her handiwork and smiled. The table looked perfect. And the smell of roast chicken made her feel hungry. How good it was not to feel queasy anymore. She was just unsure about how to broach the subject with Daniel. Should she just come straight out and tell him she knew everything? That she’d plied the information from Nessa, or should she press him to tell her, and not let on she already knew? Either way was fraught with danger.
Lord God, you need to be with me in this. It could go really well, or it could end really badly. Please give me wisdom.
She glanced out the window. The car wasn’t there yet. What if he doesn’t come home? Lizzy rubbed the back of her neck and breathed deeply. Checking the table once more, she adjusted the small bunch of daisies she’d picked on the way home, and then looked at her watch. Where is he?
She’d just about given up hope when she heard the key in the door. Her body tensed. He was an hour late. Did that mean he’d been drinking? His treatment of her in the car the previous afternoon was still fresh in her mind. She looked up as he entered, and sent up a silent prayer of thanks when he appeared to be sober.
Lizzy stood slowly, and walked over to him. Lifting her arms, she wrapped them around him and caressed his back, then pulled away slightly so she could look at him.
“Daniel O’Connor, I love you.” Then she kissed him.
“Jaysus woman! What are you trying to do to me?”
“Shh! And don’t swear…”
She led him to the bedroom and made love to him.
“I don’t know what got into you, Liz, but if this is what a day at home does to you, maybe you should stay at home more often.” Daniel rolled over and looked deeply into Lizzy’s eyes. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Elizabeth O’Connor, but I’m very glad you’re my wife.” He kissed her gently, and then pulled her close. “I’m sorry for yesterday, Lizzy. Forgive me?”
She nodded, her face expanding into a beaming grin before she planted another kiss on his lips.
“Come on then, dinner will be ruined if we don’t get up and eat,” Lizzy said as she sat up and pulled on her loose fitting shift.
“It smells great, Liz. I could eat a horse after that frolic!”
She led him to the table, and dished out the roast chicken and vegetables she’d prepared earlier. She lit the candles, and then sat and took his hand.
“Daniel, will you give thanks tonight?”
He squeezed her hand and then he prayed. She wiped tears away with her other hand as she listened to his words that for once sounded genuine.
“This is grand, Lizzy. Thank you,” he said as he picked up his knife and fork and began to eat.
Now the time had come, she hesitated. What if he thought she’d just done all of this to trick him, to lure him into talking about his past? No, she couldn’t think like that. She’d been genuine in her loving. Surely he would know tha
t. She played with her food a little, and then took a deep breath.
“Daniel, I had coffee with Nessa today. I asked her to tell me about what happened with Ciara and Liam.”
His hand stopped midway to his mouth. He turned his head and stared at her.
Her heart thumped. Oh God, here we go…
He put his fork down and leaned back in his seat.
Lizzy reached over and touched his hand. “Please Daniel. Don’t be upset. It was time I knew, don’t you think?”
“Is that what this is about?” He indicated to the plates on the table and narrowed his eyes.
She sighed in frustration and shook her head. “Daniel. We’re married, for better or worse. I don’t want it to get worse, but it might if we’re not honest with each other. I know you’d rather try to ignore what happened, but seeing you with Liam yesterday, it was obvious you’ve still got issues. The way you reacted yesterday when you saw him…. I wanted to understand, but you kept on refusing to talk to me about it. I needed to know, especially after what you did to me. I’m sorry Daniel, but I had to know.”
He folded his arms, his lips pressed into a thin white line. “What did she tell you?”
“Everything.”
Their eyes locked. Lizzy’s heart pounded. What would he do? It had definitely been a risk talking to Nessa without him knowing, and she wouldn’t blame him if he got angry. She just hoped he wouldn’t become violent.
“Everything?” His eyes narrowed and his breathing was heavy.
Lizzy nodded, her eyes round as marbles.
He thumped the table and Lizzy jumped, her hands flying to her chest.
“She had no right. And you… you, Lizzy. How dare you go behind my back.”
“I’m sorry Daniel. But someone had to tell me. Don’t you agree it’s better to have everything out in the open?” She grabbed his arm again and pleaded with her eyes.
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