Sal took the photo from Lizzy and inspected it before shaking her head. “I’m guessing that’s your father. But who’s the woman?”
“It’s Mathew’s mother.”
“No way! Get out of here!”
“I’m pretty sure. I found a letter from that woman to my father, signed Hilary. That’s his mother’s name. And it looks like her. I don’t understand, though, if it’s her, why she didn’t say anything to me when I stayed there. She must have known who I was.”
“Maybe she didn’t know.”
“She must have. Father broke off their engagement when he inherited the estate, and that’s when he changed his name, so she must have known. I want to ask Mathew if he knew.”
Sal rolled her eyes.
“You might be opening a bag of worms.”
Lizzy leaned back and grimaced.
“I know.”
Chapter Eleven
Lizzy listened as Sal arranged with Mathew to come for lunch the following day. Sal told him Lizzy was in town and wanted to see him, but didn’t fill him in on all the details. They’d agreed it’d be best to leave that to Lizzy.
All night, images of Daniel and Mathew flitted through Lizzy’s mind, and when the early morning sun peeked through the blinds and woke her, she turned over and went back to sleep. It was close to nine o’clock when she stirred again, and she had a sudden panic attack when she glanced at the clock. Mathew would be here in just over two hours. Her pulse raced at the thought of seeing him again. How would she survive?
She pulled herself up and calmed her breathing before climbing out. It wouldn’t do her or the baby any good to be so on edge. She pulled on a dressing gown and headed to the kitchen to make a pot of tea. The house was very quiet. Neither Sal nor Lauren were around.
Lizzy took her tea and piece of toast outside to get some fresh air. It wouldn’t be long before it’d be too cold to sit outside, so best enjoy it whilst she could. How nice it was to have a garden. Sal definitely wasn’t a gardener, but still, it was much better sitting out in the sun in a slightly overgrown backyard than in an apartment where you could only look out the window. She sighed and wondered where Daniel was. Was he even missing her? She fought back the tears that threatened to fall, and prayed for him. How long could she stay away? God, please give me strength.
She heard a door close and some clanging and banging coming from inside. Sal must be back. Lizzy picked up her mug and plate and headed inside. Sal was unpacking grocery bags, and looked up as Lizzy entered.
“There you are, sleepy head.”
“Sorry Sal. You should have woken me.”
“No, you looked too peaceful, I didn’t want to disturb you.”
Lizzy smiled kindly at her. “Thanks. I had a fairly rough night. Couldn’t get either of them out of my head.”
“Mathew and Daniel, you mean?” Sal glanced up at her.
Lizzy nodded as she washed her mug and plate.
“Yes, they haunted me all night, but they got all mixed up in my dreams. It was really weird.” She shook her head and let out a small laugh.
“Are you okay?”
Lizzy stopped and took a deep breath. “I think so…” She put the mug she was wiping down and turned to look at Sal. “No, I’m not alright, Sal. I’m nervous about seeing Mathew. I don’t want to make a fool of myself.”
“It’s not too late to call it off.”
Lizzy closed her eyes briefly and steadied herself.
“No, I need to see him, but I need to calm myself before I do.”
Sal walked over to Lizzy and wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close.
“I’m sure you’ll be fine. Why don’t you shower and get dressed while I make a start?”
Lizzy wiped her eyes and nodded. Thank goodness for Sal.
Not having brought many clothes with her, Lizzy had limited choice of what to wear. In the end, she decided on a light blue pinafore over her white stretch jeans. Not the most flattering of outfits, but it would have to do.
She couldn’t stop checking the clock as she helped Sal with the finishing touches for lunch.
“Will you stop that! You’re driving me crazy!”
“What am I doing?”
“You’re fidgeting. Sit down and talk to me. Tell me about your holiday.”
Lizzy sat and folded her arms. “No, I can’t think about that right now.”
“Okay, then talk to me about something else. Tell me what you did in London.”
Lizzy began to tell Sal about her day or so in London, but stopped mid-sentence as the doorbell rang. She sat up and placed her hands on the table, her gaze meeting Sal’s. She inhaled deeply.
“I’ll go.” Sal took off her apron and placed it over the back of the chair, and squeezed Lizzy’s shoulders before walking to the front door.
Lizzy straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin. This wasn’t going to be easy. She listened intently as Sal opened the door and let him in. The sound of his quiet gentle voice made her skin tingle. She grabbed the cross around her neck and looked up. ‘God, please give me strength.’ She squeezed her hands to her chest, and then stood.
Her pulse raced and her skin went clammy. Could she really face him again? She closed her eyes for a moment and calmed her breathing.
And then he was there. Standing right in front of her. His eyes met hers as he held out his hands.
“Lizzy. So good to see you.”
Lizzy reached out and took them, and gazed into those eyes. The years apart slipped away and it was like time had stood still. If only he would pull her close and wrap his arms around her, all would be right. But that would never happen, and it was wrong to even think that way.
“Mathew.” She smiled shyly and then tilted her head slightly. “It’s good to see you, too. Thank you for coming over.” She let go his hands, and moved out of the way to let Sal through.
“I was surprised to hear you were down, especially after seeing you and your husband so recently. But I couldn’t refuse Sal’s invitation of a free lunch.” His eyes sparkled as he grinned at Sal before turning back to Lizzy. “She said you wanted to see me.”
Lizzy lowered her eyes and gulped.
“Why don’t I leave you two together?” Sal interrupted them. “Lunch is all ready, you just need to serve yourselves. I’ve got some work to do, so I’ll grab a plate and take it to my room.”
“Sal… you don’t have to leave.” Lizzy grabbed Sal’s arm. Her eyes were startled. “Stay?”
Sal eyes were firm and she held Lizzy’s gaze.
“No, Liz. I really do have work to do, and you two have things to talk about. I’ll just be in my room.”
Lizzy let go of her arm and glanced at Mathew, who still stood just inside the doorway. What would he be thinking? This wasn’t a good start.
Sal took her plate and left the room. Lizzy’s heart beat rapidly. She looked up at him.
“I’m sorry Mathew. I wasn’t prepared for that. Come and sit down.” She took a seat and indicated for him to take the one opposite. Now he was here, she didn’t know what to say.
“Would you like a drink?”
The corners of Mathew’s mouth curved into a smile.
“It’s okay, Lizzy. No hurry. Just relax.”
She returned his smile as she breathed in slowly and leaned back in her seat.
“Thank you.” Outside the sun shone in the sky with only a few wispy clouds in the distance. “Why don’t we sit outside for a while? It’s nicer out there.”
He nodded agreeably and stood, and then helped her out of her chair.
“Are you keeping well, Lizzy?” he asked as they headed outside.
“Yes, thank you.” She hugged her tummy. “Just over three months to go now.”
“You must be getting excited.”
Lizzy grinned as love for unborn baby warmed her heart.
“Yes, I am. A little scared, though.” Her shoulders fell slightly and she let out a small sigh.
“Is e
verything alright, Lizzy?” Mathew turned to face her once they’d taken their seat. He was so close, she could almost feel his heart beating beside her. How wise had this been?
Lizzy looked into his eyes and gulped. Lord, I need you right now. Help me to stay strong.
“Not really.” She proceeded to tell him about Daniel’s drinking problem, and how she’d made the decision to leave him until he got help. Lizzy surprised herself, and despite the heaviness in her heart as she spoke about Daniel, her eyes remained dry.
“I do love him, Mathew, and I pray every day that he’ll find God and that he’ll sort out his problems and we can be together again, but there’s something else that’s bothering me.” Lizzy inhaled deeply and gazed at the garden before turning to look at him.
“What’s that?” Mathew tilted his head and looked at her quizzically.
“What was the real reason for our break up?”
Mathew frowned, drawing his brows together.
“What do you mean, Lizzy? It was just as I said.”
Lizzy’s heart raced and she clenched her hands together to stop them from shaking.
“No, there has to be more. You couldn’t have just woken up one morning and thought, ‘Lizzy’s not the one’, after all we’d been planning. What didn’t you tell me, Mathew?”
Mathew squirmed in his seat and folded his arms.
“It won’t change anything,” Lizzy said, “I realise that, but Mathew, it haunts me, not knowing. Maybe it shouldn’t, especially now I’m married, but don’t you owe it to me to be honest?” Her eyes pleaded with him. “You might not be aware of this, but the reason I left was to get away from you. I couldn’t handle being in the same town as you. Seeing you in the distance every day or so was driving me insane. I didn’t have an option, really. But our breakup changed my life, Mathew, and not knowing why hasn’t helped.”
He lowered his head and sighed. He remained silent for what seemed an age before looking up.
Lizzy hardly dared breathe. Her heart beat so loudly he must have heard it. Her hands were clammy and her throat hurt when she gulped.
“Lizzy, I’m so sorry for hurting you like that. And yes, you’re right. There was more to it.” His eyes had watered and a pained expression sat on his face. “I didn’t want to break up, Lizzy. Believe me. I loved you, and it was the most difficult decision I ever had to make.”
“Well, why did you, then?”
He stared down at his feet and shook his head slowly.
Lizzy held her breath. This was the moment she’d been waiting for for almost three years. What would he tell her? Her heart thumped and her hands began to shake.
He lifted his head and looked into her eyes.
“It was my mother.” He gulped and blinked rapidly.
“Your mother?” Lizzy’s mouth fell open.
“After your visit, she called me every second day to tell me you weren’t the one for me. She was incessant. In the end, I had to decide between you or her.” Tears rolled down his cheeks. “I’m sorry, Lizzy.”
Lizzy’s breathing quickened and she felt faint. Hilary must have known who she was. But what caused her to dislike Lizzy so much she made Mathew break it off? Lizzy’s body shook and she buried her head in her hands. Hilary had never shown any dislike to her the whole time she’d been there. It was too much to bare.
Mathew moved closer and wrapped his arms around her. She sobbed into his shoulder. His heart beat loudly, and she could feel his chest rising and falling. What had they done to deserve this? Torn apart by his mother. But why did Mathew choose her instead of Lizzy? Surely he could have stood up to her?
Lizzy’s tears subsided and were replaced with anger. Her heart beat faster and she pulled away. She looked at him accusingly.
“Why didn’t you stand up for me if you loved me so much?”
Mathew looked crest fallen.
“You don’t know her, Lizzy. She might seem quiet and gentile on the outside, but underneath, she’s a force to contend with. I don’t know why she took a dislike to you, but she said she knew you weren’t the one from the moment she met you, and she wouldn’t let it go. She made it impossible for me to be with you without thinking of her. It would never have worked.”
Lizzy pursed her lips and fought back her tears. This was too much to bare. Why hadn’t he stood up for her? He loved her, after all. He’d said so.
“It makes me really sad you didn’t fight harder, Mathew. You obviously didn’t love me enough.” She folded her arms. He had a hurt look on his face. Maybe he’d been suffering too. “But I also don’t understand how anyone has the right to tell anyone else who they should or shouldn’t be with. It’s wrong.”
She hesitated before pulling the photo out of her pocket and handing it to him.
“Take a look at this.”
Mathew took the photo and held it up. He studied it closely, his eyes widening.
“That’s my mother.” He pointed to the woman. Then he turned his head and stared into Lizzy’s eyes. “That’s not your father, is it?”
Lizzy nodded and took a deep breath. Her suspicions had been confirmed. She looked at him intently.
“Did you know?”
“No, I had no idea.”
“They were engaged. My father broke it off when he inherited.” Lizzy grabbed his arm. “She must have known who I was as soon as she heard my name. I think she turned you against me out of spite.”
Mathew jerked his head up. “She’d never do that.”
“Are you sure? Did she ever give you a good reason?”
Their eyes locked together and time stood still. If it was true, how could Lizzy ever forgive her for putting Mathew in that situation, for ruining their hopes and their dreams? Did Hilary despise her father so much that she would do this?
Mathew shook his head slowly.
“Maybe you need to go and see her.”
He shrugged dejectedly and peered sadly into her eyes. “It’s not going to change anything, Liz. It’s too late for us.”
“But if that’s what she did, shouldn’t we at least know? It’s not right, or honest, if she did. You never know, she might be feeling guilty but hasn’t been able to tell you. You’d think that something like that would eat away at you.”
“Mmm. Maybe I should. I did ask her why, but she always said it was just something about you, but she really believed she was right, and never wavered.” He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. “Now I think of it, she did say once or twice she thought being a minister’s wife would be too much of a come down for you.”
Lizzy’s shoulders slumped. That was all she’d ever wanted. To be Mathew’s wife, supporting him in his ministry. How dare that woman take her dreams away! It wasn’t fair or right. “
“I think you need to talk to her.”
“Yes, I think you’re right, Lizzy. I will. I'll go and see her.” He breathed slowly and deeply and his face softened as he gazed into her eyes. “I'm so sorry, Lizzy. I should have stood up to her.”
The tears that Lizzy had been holding back now flooded down her cheeks. If only he had, everything would have been different. But it was too late.
She grabbed his hand and held it to her face as he wiped her tears away with the back of his other hand. She had to let go, but she clung on for just a moment longer. As she slowly pulled away, their eyes locked together, and in that moment, all the love they’d held for each other passed between them in unspoken words, but they both knew it was over.
Lizzy took his hand. “Come on, Mathew, let's have lunch.”
Chapter Twelve
“We’ll always be friends, Lizzy,” Mathew said as their gaze lingered on each other at the door. Her knees weakened as he bent down and kissed her gently on the cheek, before turning around and walking away.
Sal wrapped her arm around Lizzy’s shoulder as they stood together watching him disappear into the distance.
“Come on, I’ll make you some coffee.”
Lizzy could hardly s
tand. Her heart felt like it had been ripped out of her. There could have been no other outcome, but oh, it was so hard to let him go.
She smiled weakly at Sal. “Thank you.”
Retreating to the living room with their coffee a few minutes later, they curled up on opposite couches. Lizzy remained quiet for some time, lost in her thoughts. Her heart was heavy. Finally, she recounted the conversation she’d had with Mathew. Talking about it made her feel better, stronger, and slowly, indignation replaced her heart ache.
“It just doesn’t seem right, Sal. What makes people, including our parents, think they can control who you marry? Why can’t they just respect your choice? Sure, they should be free to say what they think, but in the end, shouldn’t the decision be ours?” Lizzy shook her head and sighed deeply. “I just don’t understand it. First my father, and now Mathew’s mother, I just don’t get it.”
“I guess they just want the best for their kids, and think they’re doing the right thing, but I agree, they shouldn’t make it such that you’re left with no say.” Sal grimaced, and picked up her coffee.
“But they’ve made their decisions based on prejudices and resentment. Father’s so caught up playing the part of an English gentleman he’d never accept anyone who wasn’t in the same league. He also thinks all Irishman are good for nothing.”
Lizzy sat up and leaned forward. Her body tensed and her pulse quickened. “It’s simply not true. And then there’s Mathew’s mother.” Tears welled in her eyes.
"Lizzy, calm down. It won't do you any good." Sal sat up and moved to the couch beside Lizzy and hugged her.
“I know you’re angry, but you’ve got to be bigger than this.” She gently stroked Lizzy’s hair. “Let it go, Liz. What’s done is done, and the most important thing now is to forgive and move on. You’ve got Daniel and your baby to think of now.” She pulled her tighter as Lizzy sobbed into her chest.
Late afternoon, they went to the cinema, and on their way home, Lizzy told Sal she wanted to go to church in the morning.
The Shadows Trilogy Box Set: A Christian Romance Page 18
